


Sunrise to Eternity (Breaking Dawn Edward's point of view)

by Payton79



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance, Supernatural - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-06
Updated: 2013-11-06
Packaged: 2017-12-31 16:25:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 99,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1033815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Payton79/pseuds/Payton79
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is Edward's side of the 'Breaking Dawn' - Story. Dialogue taken from The Twilight Saga is quoted directly. I used the stories 'Midnight Sun Continued' and 'Edward's Eclipse' by ForksVampireGirl as basis for what happened to Edward prior to Breaking Dawn. But it's not necessary to have read them before reading this. Hope you enjoy this. I'm waiting for your reviews.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1 - Engaged

**Chapter 1 - Engaged**

 

“I'll see you tomorrow night.“ I said as I softly planted a kiss on Bella's forehead.

“I can't wait to be able to go with you on your hunting trips. Then you won't get rid of me ever again.“ She stretched to touch her lips to mine before she made a face at the big, solid, new car she then stepped into.

“Neither can I.“ I answered smiling a brilliant smile at her as I closed the door. The corners of my mouth twitched further upwards as I watched Bella drive very slowly away from our house and up the driveway to the main road. The engine roared just a little louder then really necessary.

When she, about two months ago, finally agreed to marry me, she agreed to quite a lot of my wishes in the heat of the moment before thinking about it twice. Some of these agreements were taking a credit card to one of my bank accounts, letting me pay the tuition for Dartmouth and allowing me to replace her ancient Chevy Truck once it would breathe out its last breath and make room for a vehicle a little more up to date.

Of course, Bella was aware that her concept of an appropriate car and mine weren't really identical. Then, one morning, soon after we made our compromise, the day had finally come. Her truck wouldn't start. Needless to say there was a little helping along on my part involved. Naturally Bella suspected as much but never said a word about it.

When I introduced her to the replacement, her whole body froze and her lips tightened. I had taken her to our garage that accommodated outrageous automobiles such as Rosalie's BMW M3, Emmett's offroad version of a Jeep Wrangler, Alice's Porsche Carrera 911 Turbo and my Aston Martin Vanquish as well as slightly more inconspicuous cars like Carlisle's Mercedes S55 and my Volvo.

Even in the company of these, the glossy black Mercedes Guardian seemed out of place. It was hard enough to get my hands on it since the model wasn't available in America. Carlisle had to pull a few strings with some acquaintances of his to even be able to get it as a loan for the weeks until the wedding.

After we would be married and I would have fulfilled my end of our bargain by changing her into what I still considered a soulless monster, I would return the Guardian and I would get to unveil the now covered high-end sports car that was waiting in the farthest corner of the garage to make its big appearance. Not that I really expected Bella to turn into a car enthusiast by becoming immortal. But, at least, she would almost certainly prefer a fast car like the rest of us did.

Until then, anyway, she needed as much protection as possible. Since my dream had come true and Bella had accepted my proposal, I had done a lot of thinking and planning on how I could ensure, nothing could happen to her before she would finally become my wife and after her change virtually indestructible.

Bella, as prone to any kind of accident as she was, would somehow manage to have herself at least injured bad enough to delay the wedding. Or even worse, something could still take her away from me so shortly before I would get all I ever dreamed of. I would not be able go on if that happened. So I decided that the least I could do, was providing her with an armored car. With Bella's luck, you couldn't really rule out the possibility of her being run over by a tank.

After Bella had taken a deep breath and her eyes had done a short examination of the car, she finally found her voice again.

“Well, it's not that a hadn't known you would embarrass me to the bone. So, it could have been worse than just a Mercedes sedan.“

She clenched her teeth and really tried to come to terms with her new means of transportation.

“So, you can relax, now that you know it is just that.“ I had to smile inwardly at her evaluation of the missile-proof vehicle in front of her. Of course, I hadn't expected Bella to know what kind of car this really was.

And all the more, I was glad she didn't know what clientele usually drove those. I was sure, Bella didn't see herself in line with diplomats in conflict areas, smugglers of arms or drug-lords who would normally need an armoured car for their protection.

“The upside is, that I won't have to drive it for a long time though.“

I smiled a little smugly. „Are you sure, this is the worst I can do?“ leaving room for her imagination to run a little wild. And again, her face fought hard to conceal the shock.

“Anyway, noone I know will see me in the 'after-car'. I really have to drive this one around in town.“

Since the demise of her truck, Bella tried to avoid driving around too much. She tried to limit her trips to the absolutely necessary. I hadn't really intended to take away her freedom like that but, on the other hand, her safety was too important to me to take any risks, even more now, that our wedding was only days away.

_I hope, she will not throw a fit again. Is it too much to ask that she try on the dress without looking like I was slowly torturing her to death? I wish she could see that in the end she'll thank me for all this._

Alice's thoughts interrupted my daydreaming. She appeared in the door with two garment bags over her right arm. A black one that supposedly contained Charlie's tux and a white one that could only be holding the wedding dress.

Alice was very careful around me with everything concerning Bella's gown. She neither thought about it nor had anyone besides her or Bella ever seen it. In her visions and plans of the big day she always changed the dress from one picture to the next.

So I wasn't surprised to see that Alice had decided to take the dress to Charlie's house for the final fitting instead of having Bella try it on here where someone could intrude at any time.

“When are you guys leaving for your trip?“ Alice asked when she saw me standing there still looking up the driveway minutes after Bella had driven out of sight.

“In about an hour. Emmett isn't home from his errand with Esme yet.“ I pretended not to know what they were doing. That they were preparing a very special wedding present for Bella and me which they planned to give to us after we'd return from our honeymoon.

“So, I guess you'll be gone when I come back and you won't get in my for the rest of the weekend. There's so much to be done and so little time left.“

I was still anxious to leave Bella even for the shortest amount of time but hunting was a necessity we had to perform. But today there was something else that was keeping me high-strung. I was about to ask my brothers about the act of physical love.

_Don't be too nervous. They'll tease you about it, of course, but they'll be able to help, too._

Alice's thoughts didn't really help much. They only embarrassed me further. I wasn't used to talking about matters that private with anyone besides Bella. But I had to overcome my inhibitions since I had promised Bella that once we were married, we would finally be together in _every_ way.

Bella was worried that the way she was attracted to me would change once she would be a vampire.

So there was the one thing she insisted on experiencing while she was still human. In a moment of weakness, and to be honest, because I really wanted it too, I promised her, we would try.

I still wasn't sure if it would be possible at all. Although the monster in me was all but tamed, there was still the distant lure of her blood. Nowadays I was sure I would forever and under any circumstances be able to resist acting on that instinct. But there was still the matter of my superhuman strength. In only one moment of being unfocused I could hurt her unintentionally or even crush her to death.

So I needed to get as much information about the whole matter as was possible. I had to know what to expect when we would eventually be with each other as husband and wife.

Alice winked at me once, sang a short goodbye and then danced around the house to reappear only moments later in her yellow Porsche. She was out of sight faster than I could walk up the steps to the door.

 

As I sat on a rock watching Emmett wrestle with a grizzly I remembered the evening we told Charlie about our engagement …

 

I had told Bella that I didn't care about the way we would get married. The only thing that mattered to me was that she really belonged to only me and I to her. I had actually been quite sure that she would want us to elope to Las Vegas for the ceremony and tell no one that anything had happened at all.

All the more she had surprised me when she announced that she had decided to have a traditional wedding planned and executed by Alice and that it was time to let her parents know about it all.

We were sitting in her father's living room waiting for him to come home from the police station. Bella was sitting next to me on the loveseat, fumbling with the ring on the third finger of her left hand. My silent heart jumped a little at the sight of my mother's ring on Bella's finger. How long had I been dreaming about placing it there before, that afternoon, I finally got to slip it on her finger to leave it there permanently.

“Stop fidgeting, Bella. Please, try to remember that you're not confessing to a murder here.“

“Easy for you to say.“

I heard Charlie's cruiser drive up the street and park in front of the house. When Bella heard him, too, I had noticed her heartbeat speed up even more.

“Calm down, Bella.”

Charlie banged the door against the wall and Bella winced as if she had been electrocuted.

“Hey, Charlie,” I greeted him from the living room.

_Great! Just the welcome I dreamed of._

“No!” Bella tried to stop me.

“What?” I whispered back not understanding what she was getting at.

“Wait till he hangs his gun up!”

Her anxiety about Charlie attacking me made me chuckle.

Charlie came into the living room, his expression strained when he spotted us sitting together. _Seems like they're up to something. Give him a break. You promised. How bad can it be after all?_

“Hey, kids. What's up?”

To give Bella a little more time, clearly, she didn't know how to start, I began the conversation calmly. “We'd like to talk to you. We have some good news.”

 _It's gonna be really, really bad_.

Chalie's face turned suspicious. “”Good news?”, he snarled and turned his eyes straight on Bella.

“Have a seat, Dad.” I can't imagine, anything ever followed these words that was considered good news by the recipient. Charlie's thoughts let me assume that he was in line with me on this. His stare went from Bella to me while he took a very uncomfortable seat across from us.

“Don't get worked up, Dad,” Bella continued. “Everything's okay.”

 _Okay_ wasn't really the word I would have used but I was aware that Bella was under a lot of stress right now and I was glad that she finally seemed to start telling her father.

Charlie wasn't calm anymore, it was dawning on him that he quite certainly wouldn't like whatever would come next.

“Sure it is, Bella sure it is. If everything is so great, then why are you sweating bullets?”

“I'm not sweating,” she answered him a little too hasty to ease his concern.

Bella flinched toward me while she cleared her forehead of wetness in response to Charlie's accusation.

In that second I could hear the penny drop in his mind.

“You're pregnant! You're pregnant, aren't you?” He stared at me while the words burst out.

_Shoot him! Now!_

“No! Of course I'm not!” I could hear an unsaid _I told you so_ in Bella's silent mind as clear as if I had been able to really read it. I felt a little twitch of regret that I tried to disregard at once.

Since she was probably the worst liar in the world, Charlie immediately knew that she was telling the truth. His expression relaxed a little. “Oh. Sorry.”

“Apology accepted.” Bella said a little stiffly.

Silence followed. Bella looked up at me her face terrified. Feeling that her courage hat left her, I smiled at her warmly and prepared myself for the announcement.

“Charlie, I realize that I've gone about this out of order. Traditionally, I should have asked you first. I mean no disrespect, but since Bella has already said yes and I don't want to diminish her choice in the matter, instead of asking you for her hand, I'm asking you for your blessing. We're getting married, Charlie. I love her more than anything in the world, more than my own life, and – by some miracle – she loves me that way, too. Will you give us your blessing?”

For me getting married was the logical consequence of being in love, so I was totally confident during my little speech.

Charlie's face turned dark red while his eyes were fixed on my mother's ring on Bella's finger. She stood up worried about her father's state of health. Holding her hand I whispered “Give him a minute.” A long pause followed while I listened to Charlie's mind working to come to terms with what he had just heard.

_They're too young. She's too young. Why would they be in such a hurry when there's no baby on the way? Now I get all the talking about her mother and me the other day. Anyway, at least it's better than being pregnant. I guess there's nothing I can do to stop this._

“Guess I'm not that surprised. Knew I'd have to deal with something like this soon enough.” Although Charlie's words sounded like a grouch I heard Bella exhale next to me.

“You sure about this?” he interrogated her.

“I'm one hundred percent sure about Edward,” she answered with all the conviction she was capable of and since she didn't have to use the words 'marriage', 'wedding' or anything along that line, she really meant it. Charlie immediately detected that and continued the questioning.

“Getting married, though? What's the rush?”

The truth was that Bella was terrified of turning nineteen in September while I physically stayed seventeen for all eternity. To make sure I would put a hold to her aging by turning her into a vampire, she had had to accept my condition of getting married first. But of course this reason was nothing we could explain to Charlie. So I decided to tell him a slightly more comprehensible reason.

“We're going away to Dartmouth together in the fall, Charlie. I'd like to do that, well, the right way. It's how I was raised.”

And really, somewhere in there was my real reason for all this. I loved Bella and where I came from that meant you vow to cherish and care for the other one in front of all the people who matter to you. That's what I wanted as soon as possible. I wouldn't mind Bella staying human for a few more years.

Charlie pulled one corner of his mouth up.

_What now? I can't argue with this. “Live together for some time first” is nothing a dad can say._

With a frown he mumbled “Knew this was coming.”

Then a thought crossed his mind, no more than one word and his face changed expressions. All worries left and he almost smiled. _Renée_

Bella was alarmed by Charlie's change. “Dad?” she asked afraid. My face must have shown my surprise when I understood the meaning behind Charlie's idea.

“Ha!” he burst out like a child who found the solution to a difficult math problem making Bella cringe. “Ha, ha, ha!”

Charlie started laughing almost like a mad man. I had to keep myself from joining in his laughter since he was sure he would get _his_ way without having to say one more word about it.

Bella looked slightly lost when she realized that I knew what was going on.

“Okay, fine,” Charlie managed to get out in between chuckles. “Get married. But...”

Bella became impatient. “But what?”

“But _you_ have to tell your mom! I'm not saying one word to Renée! That's all yours!”

_She'll set your head straight._

He couldn't stop laughing for quite some time.

 

Bella was scared to death by the prospect of having to tell her mom. Since I'd had gotten a good look into Renée's mind in April, I anticipated that Charlie might be wrong in his assumption that Renée would 'set Bella's head straight' and that Bella's news would not come as a surprise to her.

Unfortunately I couldn't help Bella with telling her mom because she had to do it over the phone and it would have been rude if I would have taken the phone out of her hand to talk to Renée myself.

So I stood behind Bella, arms around her waist, for moral support. Again, she was almost too afraid to get the words out. When she finally did, she couldn't have been more surprised by her mother's reaction. Renée was not surprised by the content of Bella's announcement but by its timing. Apparently she had been waiting for us to make it official since April.

Bella was too surprised to relax. Even when her mom assured her that she considered our decision to be right, Bella seemed thunderstruck. For as long as she could remember Renée hat always warned her about getting married too early or getting married at all. So, when she actually congratulated us now, Bella wasn't sure if her hearing was working right.

Renée called Esme the day after to be a part of the planning committee.

Charlie could not believe Renée's reaction either. He felt cheated, having relied on her to be the one to talk us out of our plans or to scare Bella enough to make her go back on her word. But all that worked to Bella's advantage because Charlie was not angry with her but with Renée.

 

_Brooding again? Thought everything was finally kittens and puppies._

Emmett had found me deep in thought when he was finished draining his bear.

I let go of my memories and concentrated on the conversation that had to follow now. I had not figured out how to start, yet. The topic wasn't one either Emmett or Jasper had ever heard me talk about.

Jasper walked out of the woods and towards us right in that moment. So, I figured, I might as well talk to both of them at once and get it over with.

“This isn't easy for me but I need your help.” Emmett raised one eyebrow at me in expectation of what was coming. Jasper sat down beside me, waiting. His calm let me think that Alice maybe hinted at what I had to discuss.

“What's hard for you? Everything comes to you naturally any other time.” Emmett laughed.

“Emmett, really. Please, just listen and _try_ to take it seriously.” I paused for a short moment organizing my thoughts. Sensing my agitation, Jasper sent a wave of calmness my way.

“When Bella accepted my proposal, she had one condition. Something she wants to do while she's still human. After she had heard all the talk about the newborn year and the crazy blood lust and all that brings along with it, she was, well, afraid about losing a part of herself in the process that might not come back to her, or, if it does, it might take years for her to feel like herself again. Of course, _I_ know that it's not really like that but she won't let it go...”

“Edward, stop beating about the bush and spit it out. What does she want?” Emmett's impatience broke through. Jasper just waited.

I took a deep breath, if I could have blushed, my face would have been dark purple now, and choked out the word “Sex.”

Emmett's expression became amused.

_Don't get how you could go on without either that or exploding spontaneously, anyway. Virgins._

Emmett's thoughts were, of course, mocking.

Jasper looked like a suspicion of his had just been confirmed.

_You know this is next to impossible? But, well, you defied impossible many times before._

“Have you thought that through?” Feeling the insecurity and anxiety I felt, Jasper's thoughts and words were more serious than Emmett's.

“Yes and no. I promised her I would try, since we both know it won't be easy. And I'm not worried that I might kill her for her blood. I'm worried that I might lose focus when I get distracted and hurt her in the process. So I need to know what to expect, what it is like to be with a woman in that way.”

Emmett's thoughts were bantering and compassionate at the same time. Jasper was working on what to say exactly and how to phrase it.

After a pause, Emmett was the first to speak. “Wow, man, what a question. Well, I would say you have to experience it to know it, but I think, that's the whole point here.”

“It's like nothing else. The only thing that might come close is drinking human blood,” Jasper chimed in.

I remembered how it had felt to taste Bella's blood after James had bitten her last year. There could be no other blood any more potent. I remembered the euphoria, the intoxication it gave me. Surely, nothing could come close to that.

“It's the closest you can ever get to another person. It's totally overwhelming,” Emmett offered.

“You stop thinking logically and just act on instinct. At some point you lose yourself and become one with her,” Jasper was thinking about Alice now. But the pictures I got to see were far from being distasteful, I saw love and adoration.

“It's the best thing!”

What I could see in Emmett's head should have been censored. I never wanted to see Rosalie like that. So I did my best to shut his thoughts out.

“So, anything helpful?” Emmett asked. I thought about it for a while. What their descriptions had made me realize, was, that I wanted it badly, and, that it was almost impossible.

“Do any of you have any advise on how I can make this work?”

Silence followed. This time Jasper spoke first.

“Be as gentle as you can. Try not to give in to the urge to increase the intensity. Try to remember at any moment that Bella is fragile and that you love her. And if it becomes too much, don't hesitate to stop. That's all the advise I have to offer.”

“I couldn't do it,” was all Emmett said. After a moment he added “but I'm sure, you can.”

I wasn't sure if his faith in me was justified.

The mood lightened a bit when Emmett smiled a mischievous smile.

“So, shall we now teach you how to be any good at it? I mean, Rose never complains.”

I playfully attacked Emmett to put the discussion to an end when we all at once caught the scent of two mountain lions.

“Let's do what we came here for.” I said and took of chasing after my prey.


	2. Chapter 2 - Long Night

**Chapter 2 – Long night**

 

“I miss you already.”

“I don't need to leave, I can stay...”

Our breaths came irregularly, Bella's heart was racing the way only I could trigger it to. We interrupted our kiss only for the shortest of times for that exchange. When Bella didn't answer, I looked into her beautiful brown eyes, inhaled her wonderful scent that still, after all this time, set my throat on fire. But I had learned to cherish the pain rather than to regret it. It meant that Bella was alive and close to me. She was the most magnificent, unbelievable person I ever met. I could not understand how someone so special could have chosen someone like me. I knew that she thought I had that backwards but I didn't care.

Bella started to kiss me again.

“Definitely staying,” I breathed against her face.

“No, no. It's your bachelor party. You have to go.” Although her words were clear, her body said something else, she didn't let go of my hair and kept pulling me close to her.

My hands caressed her face.

“Bachelor parties are designed for those who are sad to see the passing of their single days. I couldn't be more eager to have mine behind me. So there's really no point.”

“True,” Bella whispered against my throat. We were lying on her bed, as close to each other as possible while Bella was wound up in a blanket to be protected from my icy skin. I regretted that this was necessary but here we had no other way to make sure she wouldn't freeze. My shirt had found its way to the floor in the progress of our fooling around.

To avoid the necessity of a blanket around Bella on our honeymoon, I had chosen a place with high temperatures and a very humid climate where the coolness of my skin might even come in handy. But I kept our destination a secret from Bella.

She stroked one hand down my naked chest, her warm skin sending chills of pleasure through my whole body. I closed my eyes and kissed her lips again. Very cautiously her tongue traced my lower lip and I couldn't hold back a sigh. The fire in my throat burned hotter which was my cue to slow things down. Although my desire tried to push me to go further. It was always a battle between my desire to keep Bella safe and my hunger for her body.

I pulled away but as usual, Bella tried to pull me close again.

“Wait,” she bared one leg and swung it around my hip. “Practice makes perfect.”

“Well, we should be fairly close to perfection by this point, then, shouldn't we? Have you slept at all in the last month?” I laughed silently.

I had pushed the boundaries of our physical contact I had carefully set up a long time ago. Just a little, so that I had the chance to get used to being closer to Bella gradually rather than all in one night when the time came for me to make good on my promise. Desensitizing I had once called it. She had enjoyed that very much. But to her dismay we would wait for the real thing until after the wedding.

“But this is the dress rehearsal,” she tried to argue, “and we've only practiced certain scenes. It's no time for playing safe.”

Her choice of words reminded me of the burden I had been carrying around, trying to push it to the back of my mind all the time. My body went rigid in response to the stress the sudden reminder brought on.

“Bella,” I breathed, trying to discuss it all for the thousandth time.

“Don't start this again,” she stopped me indignantly. “A deal's a deal.”

“I don't know. It's too hard to concentrate when you're with me like this. I – I can't think straight. I won't be able to control myself. You'll get hurt.” I tried to make her see reason. But she was totally set on the only thing she had demanded when she had agreed to marry me.

“I'll be fine.”

“Bella...” I tried once more.

“Shh!” She silenced the anxiety that was building up inside me by touching her lips to mine. She wouldn't let me out of our agreement.

I kissed her back but more cautiously than before. My mind was revolving around the almost impossible task I had promised to take on.

“How are your feet?” I asked her to put an end to the discussion we had before.

“Toasty warm,” she assured me.

“Really? No second thoughts? It's not too late to change your mind.”

“Are you trying to ditch me?” she teased me.

I snickered. “Just making sure. I don't want you to do anything you're not sure about.”

“I'm sure about you. The rest I can live through.” She said it very convincingly but I knew that whatever would happen tomorrow had not really been her idea and that she would endure it to make sure, everyone else would be happy. I hoped that Alice was right when she said, that Bella would appreciate it one day soon.

“Can you?” I went on in a low tone. “I don't mean the wedding – which I am positive you will survive despite your qualms – but afterward … what about Renée, what about Charlie?”

The wedding was her goodbye to her family and friends, to let them know she was happy even if no one would ever see her again afterwards.

She sighed. ”I'll miss them.”

“Angela and Ben and Jessica and Mike?”

“I'll miss my friends, too. Especially Mike. Oh, Mike! How will I go on?”

Although I knew she was making fun of me, she was still hitting a nerve. Mike Newton was the first boy I ever felt jealous of, because, in the beginning, I thought Bella might be interested in him. I snarled.

She laughed a short laugh then turned serious again. “Edward, we've been through this and through this. I know it will be hard, but this is what I want. I want you, and I want you forever. One lifetime is simply not enough for me.”

She sounded confident and I knew she was. Still I wanted her to know that it was not too late to change her mind about everything.

“Frozen forever at eighteen,” I breathed into the darkness.

“Every woman's dream come true,” she said lightly.

“Never changing … never moving forward.”

“What does that mean?” Bella sounded a little confused.

I was reminded of the pang of regret I had felt when we had announced our engagement to her father.

“Do you remember when we told Charlie we were getting married? And he thought you were … pregnant?”

“And he thought about shooting you,” she tried to keep it light. “Admit it – for one second, he honestly considered it.”

I kept quiet, not sure how to make her understand what I meant.

“What, Edward?”

“I just wish … well, I wish that he'd been right.”

“Gah,” Bella wheezed.

“More that there was some way he _could_ have been. That we had that kind of potential. I _hate_ taking that away from you, too.” Not that Bella had ever talked about wanting children and she didn't seem particularly drawn to children when she met them. But still, I would want her to have the opportunity to decide. Even if she stayed human, as long as she was with me, she would _never_ have a baby.

She deliberated for a minute. “I know what I'm doing.”

“How could you know that, Bella? Look at my mother, look at my sister. It's not as easy a sacrifice as you imagine.” Every now and then, when Rosalie's thoughts didn't revolve around her looks, I could feel a deep regret and some kind of emptiness inside her. Rosalie had always wanted a baby, more than anything else. Maybe even more than she wanted Emmett.

“Esme and Rosalie get by just fine. If it's a problem later, we can do what Esme did – we'll adopt.”

I sighed, she made it sound too easy. My voice was very intense when I tried to make her see what she was giving up. “It's not right! I don't want you to have to make sacrifices for me. I want to give you things, not take them away from you. I don't want to steal your future. If I were human -”

She sealed my lips with her hand. “ _You_ are my future. Now stop. No moping, or I'm calling your brothers to come and get you. Maybe you _need_ a bachelor party.”

“I'm sorry. I am moping, aren't I? Must be the nerves.”

“Are _your_ feet cold?”

“Not in that sense. I've been waiting a century to marry you, Miss Swan. The wedding ceremony is the one thing I can't wait -” I stopped there, hearing Emmett's thoughts from outside the house.

_Get dressed and come out immediately or we'll help you out of the bed and into your clothes and it's not going to be pretty._

“Oh, for the love of all that's holy!” I choked out.

“What's wrong?”

I clenched my teeth. “You don't have to call my brothers. Apparently, Emmett and Jasper are not going to let me bow out tonight.”

Bella hugged me to her once more, then let me go. “Have fun.”

There came a noise from the window, Emmett scratching his fingernails across the glass, making Bella shiver.

“If you don't send Edward out, we're coming in after him!” Emmett's threatening voice seemed to come out of nowhere.

Bella laughed at his menace. “Go! _Before_ they break my house!”

A little annoyed I sat up, put my shirt on and kissed Bella goodbye. At least this was the last time I would ever have to leave her behind.

“Go to sleep. You've got a big day tomorrow.” I whispered.

“Thanks! That's sure to help me wind down,” Bella complained.

“I'll meet you at the alter.”

“I'll be the one in white.” She wanted it to sound indifferent but didn't quite manage.

“Very convincing.” I launched myself out of the window and landed between Emmett, who swore because I took him off guard, and Jasper.

“You'd better not make him late,” we heard Bella mumble from her bed.

In a fraction of a second, Jasper had jumped up to look inside the window.

“Don't worry, Bella.” I knew he was sending her some calmness inside. “We'll get him home in plenty of time.”

“Jasper? What do vampires do for bachelor parties? You're not taking him to a strip club, are you?”

I had to chuckle when I heard Bella trying not to sound concerned. Well, I wouldn't put it past at least Emmett to do exactly that. But then, I knew they wouldn't embarrass me. Or, at least not in public.

“Relax, we Cullens have our own version. Just a few mountain lions, a couple of grizzly bears. Pretty much the ordinary night out.” Jasper assured her.

I couldn't help but imagine going on a hunting trip with Bella once I would have changed her. Not the easiest thing to see, the woman you love fighting with wild animals. How did the others do it? But the difference might be, they never knew their wives to be as vulnerable as Bella was now, human.

“Thanks, Jasper.”

Jasper dropped down and I knew, that was our cue to leave. I realized that moment that this was probably the last time I would ever have to climb through a window to be with Bella. Bella Cullen. I never heard anything that sounded so wonderful.

Emmett woke me from my reverie. “Can we leave then? Or do you want to spend the night watching her window?”

“It's really tempting, but no. I'd like to take my mind off things a little.” There was still a lot of time until tomorrow night.

Jasper and Emmett laughed as we took off at maximum speed.

 

They took me to a resort just south of Portland where there was an overpopulation of mountain lions and grizzlies. After each of us had brought down two animals, we sat on the ground in a little circle. The forest around us was dark and quiet.

“So, tomorrow. Big day!” Emmett began the conversation.

“You should know. How often did you put that ring on Rose's finger?” Sometimes I thought they just married again every decade so that Rosalie could wear a wedding dress again. She just loved being the center of attention. The total opposite of Bella.

“And it pays off every time. There's nothing like a wedding night.” He winked at me meaningfully.

Well, there it was, the unavoidable part of the night where I would be mocked, embarrassed and condescended to.

“Don't you think so, Jasper?” Emmett asked when I refused to answer.

“You know, Alice and I don't need occasions to make our nights special.” Jasper wasn't as frank as Emmett.

“Don't get worked up about it, little brother. In just a few days time you'll know what we're talking about.” Emmett cackled.

“Our baby brother will finally become a man.” Jasper took the same line as Emmett.

 _And you'll get the most precious gift of all. You and Bella will be together forever_.

“Hey, my offer still stands. If you want to know how to please a woman, you just have to ask. I'd like to see my new little sister happy.” Emmett's innuendos became more distasteful by the minute.

“You mean the way we can all hear Rosalie's happy _every_ night?” Jasper asked with a grin.

“That's why we had to kick them out when they were newly wed.” I couldn't hold that one back.

“Well, Rose isn't one to enjoy in silence, you know what I mean.” We all did. “But you two kids can learn how to have fun together. As long as you know where everything goes. Or maybe we _should_ have taken you to a strip-club, after all. At least you would know what a woman looks like. I'm sure you're too much of a _gentleman_ to have taken a look at your bride before the wedding.” Emmett bent over laughing.

“He's been reading so much over the last 90 years. I'm sure he's come across some pictures. By the way, you'll see, there's better things to do at night than studying. But well, old habits die hard. So you could start studying female anatomy and the Kama Sutra.” Jasper winked, being spurred on by Emmett, becoming more raffish himself.

I'd had enough right about then. I tried to bring the conversation around to a safer topic.

“When will the Denalis arrive?” Tanya and her family were kind of like cousins to us.

Bella was a little nervous about them attending our wedding, since she found out that Tanya, a long time ago, made a move on me. I tried to assure her over and over that I was never the least bit interested in Tanya or anyone else, for that matter, before I met her.

“You want to practice a little with Tanya, first? Well, _there_ must be a lot of experience to benefit from.” Emmett wouldn't let the topic go.

He was right, though. Tanya and her sisters Kate and Irina had probably the most insight into my particular problem. The three of them had indulged in sexual relations with human men for centuries, so they should be authorities on the subject of how to accomplish a safe wedding night with Bella. But Tanya was the last person I would discuss such a delicate topic with.

“No, of course not. I'm just wondering if everything will go smoothly with them and the Quileutes in one room.”

This spring the Quileute-werewolves took out Laurent when he tried to kill Bella. Irina considered Laurent her mate. The fact that our family was on neutral if not friendly grounds with the wolves had not made our association easy recently.

“Irina is staying away. Tanya, Kate, Eleazar and Carmen are quite embarrassed about the way they let us down when we had the newborn problem.” Jasper was more willing than Emmett to be done with the teasing part.

“Anyway, there will only be one werewolf. And he's just a kid.” To Emmett everything was always easy. But his words reminded me of another werewolf that should be in attendance tomorrow but had gone missing about two months ago.

After Bella had ultimately decided to marry me and to have a big, traditional wedding, she hadn't had the courage to invite her best friend, Jacob Black. Jacob had been the one to help her stay sane when I had left her, the biggest mistake of my very long life. The two of them had gotten very close. Jacob was irrevocably in love with Bella and some part of her loved him, too. But since she had learned the hard way that she could not live without me, as I had experienced that I couldn't live without her, either, she had said goodbye to him.

When I thought about it all, I knew that, if Bella had chosen him over me, I would have wanted to see that she was really happy with her decision. So I had sent Jacob an invitation to the wedding. I wanted him to have the choice, to either come and witness Bella's happiness, or to stay away. Unfortunately his reaction to my message had been running off to live as a wolf full time. That way it was easier for him to handle the pain he felt over loosing Bella. I knew that it hurt her to know in how much pain Jacob was, and that she regularly checked in with Seth Clearwater to find out if there were any news.

Miraculously Seth and I had, against all odds, become friends when we had fought Victoria and her puppet Riley in June. Seth was the one werewolf who was happy to be invited and would attend the wedding as some kind of substitute for Bella's missing best man.

“Are you mulling over tomorrow, I mean, today, again or are you thinking about accepting my offer from before?” Emmett brought me back.

_Honestly, I would be happy to let you in on a few little secrets..._

That was enough. I elbowed Emmett in the ribs.

“The sun is rising. If we want to hunt a little more, now is the time. You promised Bella to bring me back in time.” I put a stop to the discussion, here and went off after a cougar's scent I caught in the distance.


	3. Chapter 3 - Big Day

**Chapter 3 – Big day**

 

As we came closer to our home, I felt simultaneously heavy with nervousness and light with anticipation. Today was _the_ day. When this day would be over, nothing could ever come between Bella and me again. We would have forever stretching out before us. Tomorrow we would be on our honeymoon. For the first time in our relationship the two of us would really be alone. No Charlie in the other room, no house full of vampires who could hear our every breath. Just Bella and I … and a promise I had to keep.

I tried not to think about my end of the deal which I still had to hold up. Not that I didn't want to give Bella whatever she wanted, all the more if this was the only thing she really asked for. And I definitely wanted our honeymoon to be perfect in every way. But at the same time I was absolutely scared of the outcome. Would everything go well? Would I hurt Bella? Or would I even … no, I could not think about that possibility.

Everyone seemed to be so certain that I would be able to control myself. Alice even reassured me that she would have seen if anything would go wrong.

When we reached the back door of the house, Emmett hit me on the shoulder. “Now it's getting serious. Last chance to back out. Any doubts?”

“No, none.”

I could somehow feel Bella's presence in the house. I still had to wait a few more hours to see her again. Although I wanted nothing more than to hold her in my arms right now, I knew waiting for her to walk towards me later would be worth it.

Emmett and I parted ways as he went to his room to get ready for the ceremony and I went to mine to prepare. Since I had nothing more to do than stand at the alter in time, I took a shower, not really necessary for a vampire but very soothing. After that, I turned my stereo on, so I could not overhear any conversations that were not meant for my ears. I lay down on the big, comfortable bed I had once bought for Bella. I smiled as I remembered the time we spent here, our compromise, my proposal. Everything that brought us here, today. My thoughts went free as I recalled every moment I ever spent with my future wife.

I was surprised to find that it was almost time to go downstairs when I woke from my reverie. I put on the black tailcoat with the corresponding pants, white shirt, vest and bow tie. Just when I was putting on my shiny shoes, I could hear Carlisle's thoughts outside the door.

_Edward? Are you ready?_

“Come in, please.”

“You look dashing. Are you nervous? Is there anything you want to talk about?”

No, there really wasn't anything left to discuss. And my patience had left me halfway through getting dressed. I wanted the ceremony to start, now.

“No, not nervous at all. The sooner we can get started, the sooner Bella will be my wife. So, let's go downstairs and have Alice start the show.”

 _I still can't believe how much you've changed since you met her_.

“It's like you had been only a fragment of a whole until she came along and completed you. I will be eternally grateful to her for that.”

I had to smile at my father and thought about how right he was.

“Yes, she's saved me from eternal loneliness. With her, everything makes sense, without her, there's no point to anything.”

“So, let's hurry to make her your wife.”

As we walked down the stairs, Rosalie began to play the piano. Alice had planned an absolutely traditional wedding. So, of course, the sounds of Pachelbel's Canon met us at the entrance to the living room that had been miraculously transformed into a scene from a fairy tail, or, it rather reminded me of Shakespeare's 'A Midsummer Night's Dream'. A million garlands of white flowers floated down from the ceiling together with long white gossamer ribbons. At the end of the aisle there was an arch decorated with even more flowers and more gossamer.

With Carlisle at my side I walked down the aisle. I looked into the faces of the people close to us, who had come to witness our union. Everyone smiled at me. Renée's face was already showing traces of tears she had shed not long ago.

I took my place under the arch, Carlisle at my left in the traditional place of the best man. When we turned to face the guests again, Rosalie's playing shifted from the Canon to Wagner's classic Wedding March.

A few moments later, Alice floated down the stairs and walked towards us.

_Wait until you see her. You won't believe it. I almost didn't believe it myself._

Her eyes showed pride and, when she read my grateful expression, they beamed with satisfaction. She took her place, right across from us, on the other side of Reverend Weber, as maid of honor.

Then everybody stood up from their seats as Bella descended the staircase on her father's arm. Charlie looked very proud of his daughter as well as afraid to let her go.

When I laid eyes on Bella, my breathing stopped and my heart, that had been silent for ninety years, wanted to jump right out of my chest.

She was a vision in her long white dress, fitting narrowly to the waist, expanding width to the train. Her beautiful dark hair was done up in natural looking braids on the sides and a loose bun on the back of her head. Stray hair that fell in curls out of the careful hairdo brought the whole look to perfection. I couldn't believe that the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen would be my wife in just a few minutes.

Bella's eyes were fixed on the ground, afraid to trip in front of all our guests. Hearing the sound of the audience rustling while they turned to look at my bride, her blood flooded her cheeks the way I loved it. If it was even possible, the blush still enhanced her utter beauty.

When she reached the safe ground, she lifted her gaze from the hemline of her dress to superficially take in the wonderful scenery Alice had created. Her chocolate brown eyes nervously scanned the room until they finally met mine.

Then they turned to front the room full of people and I could fully appreciate my stunning bride. What I felt when I saw her there was beyond words. When my face set into a rejoicing smile, Bella's face relaxed from the former stress and anxiety and became impatient. She looked like she couldn't wait to get the last few steps down the aisle behind her to finally be able to stand beside me.

I was unaware of the murmured thoughts all around me, some overwhelmed by the sight of the perfect woman walking on her father's arm, some touched by the romantic atmosphere, some grudging or even jealous. For me, there was only Bella.

When they finally reached the end of the aisle, I held out my hand and Charlie placed Bella's hand in mine. As I felt the warmth of her skin, I felt like everything was exactly the way it was supposed to be.

The minister started to speak and when he asked “Who gives this woman in marriage to this man?” Charlie and Renée stood up, hand in hand, and Charlie answered in a shaky but severe tone, “Her mother and I.” I was sure Bella didn't see or hear any of it all. Her marveling, joyous, wide eyes locked with mine.

After a short speech the minister asked ceremoniously “Do you, Bella, take Edward to be your husband – to live together after God’s ordinance – in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy, to cherish and continually bestow upon him your heart’s deepest devotion, forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto him as long as you both shall live?” 

Bella gravely breathed her “I do.”

When it was my turn to speak, I answered him in a loud and clear voice, “I do.” I wanted the whole world to hear that Bella was mine.

After Mr. Weber pronounced us husband and wife, I took her face into both of my hands. I saw that her eyes were almost overflowing with tears, joyful tears. My eyes were twitching and if they had been capable of tearing up, I would have cried, too. In that moment I realized that, despite everything that had happened before, defying all obstacles that had been thrown our way and against all odds, Bella and I were finally joined in matrimony and all eternity stretched out before us. 

I bent down and touched my lips to hers while Bella threw her arms around my neck and kissed me back. I reveled in the thought that she was mine and I was hers forever. 

We were so lost in each other that impatient noises from our audience had to remind me that we were not alone. Bella pulled herself to me, unwilling to let me go, so I softly pushed her away to look into her eyes once more. And I knew, in that moment, she was as blissful as I was.

Our guests started a round of applause as I turned us to face the audience. Bella's gaze was still fixed on my face.

Renée came towards us and through tear-filled eyes she embraced first her daughter and then her new son-in-law. Bella had to take her eyes off me to endure the uncountable congratulations of both, her human friends and family and her new vampire relatives. All the while our hands stayed locked together.

When it was Seth Clearwater's turn to wish us all the best, I knew that Bella was reminded of her best friend who's absence, despite all the happiness she felt today, left a piece of her heart empty and aching.


	4. Chapter 4 - Gesture

**Chapter 4 – Gesture**

 

Alice had planned the whole celebration with exactly the right timing. When Bella and I stepped through the back door to the location where the reception would be held, the sun had just sunk behind the trees. It was twilight, so it was safe for me and my family to be outside on this unusually sunny day.

The scene Alice had created here matched the decorations within the house exactly. Outside there were another million of white flowers forming a fragrant ceiling above the dance floor. The thousands of twinkle lights that were spread throughout the trees added to the utterly romantic atmosphere.

After the formality of the wedding ceremony, the mood was lighter once that we were outside. Now that the official part was over, congratulations had been conveyed, it was time for casual conversations and laughter.

“Congrats, guys,” Seth Clearwater said, framed by his mother Sue on one side and Billy Black on the other. Sue seemed uncomfortable in this place and company. Her thoughts gave away that she just came to stand by her son. To her the whole friendship between Seth and me was as incomprehensible as it was to most of my as well as his family.

Billy, on the other hand, seemed atypically comfortable in the presence of so many vampires. He was the grandson of the last real chief his people had had. So, although his generation had been spared from the fate of turning into werewolves during their adolescence, he was still a vital part of the supernatural that was occuring in his tribe. He had been acting as chief until Sam Uley became alpha of the present day pack and, therewith, chief of the tribe.. And as such, and as Charlie's best friend, he was naturally opposed to anything that had to do with me and my family. Of course, he was aware of the significance of our wedding and what it implied for Bella's future.

Before the alliance between us and the werewolves in June, his attendance to an event like this would have been unthinkable. But since Carlisle had treated his son, Jacob, after he had been badly injured in the battle against the newborns, he had begun to open up towards us. But neither he nor any of us knew what would happen to our new found understanding when we would break the treaty by fulfilling Bella's desire to become a vampire. And, since she was dead set on it, the break would inevitably come.

Today, Billy seemed not just relaxed but joyous for some reason. In his thoughts there was nothing that gave away the reason for his joy. I wouldn't have been surprised if he knew about my ability to read his mind and therefore tried to hide something from me. But today I couldn't care less about what people thought.

Seth flashed a wide smile and hugged me.

“It's good to see things work out for you, man.”

Seth's mother winced when she saw us touch so casually.

“Thank you, Seth.” I answered, pulling away from him. “That means a lot to me.” I turned to Sue and Billy. “Thank you, as well. For letting Seth come. For supporting Bella.” That really meant a lot to me. Everyone who was important to her should be here, today.

“You're welcome.” Billy answered. And again, his voice held nothing but acceptance. Maybe the alliance with the Quileutes would survive the breach since it was Bella's wish.

After them, it was our classmates' turn to have a word with us. Jessica and Mike seemed to have rekindled their former relationship. That didn't keep Mike from thinking about Bella in a way that wasn't appropriate. I did my best to tune him out.

Then my relatives from Alaska came up to us. I knew, Bella was very insecure about them, Tanya in particular. So I tried to make it as easy for her as possible.

Tanya was the first to give me a very elaborate hug. From the corner of my eye I saw Bella holding her breath.

“Ah, Edward. I've missed you,” Tanya said.

_What a perfect couple the two of us would have made._

Tanya's thoughts were only half teasing. I chuckled, to keep it light, and wiggled my way out of her embrace.

“It's been too long, Tanya. You look well.”

“So do you.”

“Let me introduce you to my wife,” I said, to make clear, once more, that the way her thoughts were going, was blocked now, forever. I realized that it was the first time I rightfully called Bella my wife. A wave of excitement washed over me. All four of them laughed lightly at my contentment. “Tanya, this is my Bella.”

Tanya appraised Bella for a moment, trying in vain to see what Bella had that she did not, and then took her hand.

“Welcome to the family, Bella.” Her expression was friendly and a little remorseful. “We consider ourselves Carlisle's extended family, and I _am_ sorry about the, er, recent incident when we did not behave as such. We should have met you sooner. Can you forgive us?”

“Of course. It's nice to meet you.” Bella's voice betrayed her nervousness.

“The Cullens are all evened up in numbers now. Perhaps it will be our turn next, eh, Kate?” Tanya asked her sister.

“Keep the dream alive.” Kate replied with a sarcastic expression. Then she took Bella's hand and gave it a squeeze. “Welcome, Bella.”

Carmen laid her hand on top of Kate's and Bella's. “I'm Carmen, this is Eleazar. We're all so very pleased to finally meet you.”

Bella's answering “M-me, too.” came as a stutter.

Tanya turned around to look at the line behind her and she closed our conversation.

“We'll get to know each other later. We'll have _eons_ of time for that!”

She giggled when she turned and walked away from us.

Everything was as traditional as it could be, well, apart from the bride and groom. We cut the cake together, an extraordinary five-layer cake with white frosting decorated with lots and lots of candy flowers. Of course, Alice had overdone it there. That kind of cake would have sufficed for four times the number of guests that were here to celebrate with us. But it was stunning, as she had intended.

After I had fed Bella a fork full of cake, her eyes widened in surprise as I indicated that she should feed me at least one bite of it, too. Naturally, it tasted like wet dirt, but we had to keep up appearances and today nothing could interfere with my jubilant state of mind.

Bella threw her bouquet and I think she had intended it to fall into Angela's disbelieving hands.

When it was time to remove her garter, I ducked under Bella's skirt, hands on my back, to find that she had already managed to wiggle it all the way down to her ankle so that there was no danger of my teeth hurting her skin stripping the band down. I pulled it over her foot and threw it right at Mike Newton thinking smugly, _there, that's all you'll ever have of her._

Then the music started and for our first dance as husband and wife Bella was finally all mine again. I held her close and totally out of character, she seemed to enjoy dancing with me, disregarding the dozens of eyes watching us. I led her around the dance floor and she followed my lead effortlessly. We were happy to hold each other close again without interruption from the outside.

“Enjoying the party, Mrs. Cullen?” I breathed into her ear. It felt unbelievably good to call her by _my_ name. She belonged to me.

“That will take a while to get used to.” She laughed, seeming as satisfied by the sound of it as I was.

“We have a while.” I assured her. As I kissed her lips to promise her eternity again, I felt lots of cameras flash at us. But this was our day, no one mattered but the two of us.

When the song melted into the next, Charlie came from behind me to claim his daughter for his dance with her. I was reluctant to let her go, but conventions granted Charlie this much. My eyes wandered around until I found Esme to ask her for the dance.

“Do you enjoy the day?” she asked me while we were circling Bella and Charlie.

“You can not imagine how much. Thank you. I never thought this day would come for me.”

_It just makes it all the more special. And you deserve it, the two of you._

“Now she's finally a real Cullen.” Esme was truly proud of that fact.

I had to think about it for a short second. Yes, Bella was a Cullen, now. But I knew that in her own eyes it still took a little more to make it real. I looked at that prospect with mixed feelings. I wanted her to be mine forever, but I didn't want her to go through the excruciating pain of transformation and I still feared that some day she would regret her decision.

But Bella was so sure of her path that I pushed my doubts away to look into the happily glowing eyes of my mother again.

While we spun around my wife and my father-in-law, I caught parts of their conversation. They were trying to tell each other how much the other one meant to them in the awkward way their emotional talks usually went. In Charlie's non-verbal thoughts I heard deep sadness about the loss of his only child and at the same time there was satisfaction with Bella's obvious joy.

When the music changed again, Alice claimed her dance with me. I looked at her earnestly and said with deep gratitude “Thank you, Alice, for _everything_. This day, your persistence from the very beginning, assuring me time and again that it would come to this. And for creating a wedding scenery that Bella really enjoys.”

Alice smiled but her eyes looked like they were going to tear up.

“You're very welcome, Edward. You deserve this, both of you. Bella didn't know what she wanted before she got it. That's why I insisted on all this. She's really happy.”

_And, don't forget that I'm getting something out of this, too. I get to keep my best friend forever._

She winked at me smugly.

I danced with Renée, very careful not to touch her bare skin with my cold hands. She was too moved by the atmosphere and the graveness of the event to really have a conversation with me. Her eyes were still brimming over with tears. While her mind repeated phrases like … _so happy … beautiful ... grown up now … let go … so happy …_ her mouth formed short sentences like “Alice is an artist.” “Bella can be happy to have you.” and “Such a beautiful wedding.”

When I had danced with my cousins, working very hard not to hear Tanya's thoughts, I saw Bella dancing with Mike. Although it really shouldn't matter today and with Bella's “I do” there was absolutely nothing that could happen here and now, my old jealousy broke its way to the surface. As I heard Mike's phantasy of stripping Bella from her wedding gown, I couldn't take it anymore. I went over to them to claim my wife again after they had just been dancing together for about a minute. Mike was really irritated with me but, since I would probably never see him again after this party was over, I didn't care.

“Still not that fond of Mike, eh?” As usually Bella was dead-on.

“Not when I have to listen to his thoughts. He's lucky I didn't kick him out. Or worse.” I shuddered lightly when I saw the picture again.

“Yeah, right.” She was, as always, doubtful about her appeal to everything male.

“Have you had a chance to look at yourself?”

“Um. No, I guess not. Why?” That explained it then. I really couldn't believe Alice hadn't seen to it that Bella's self-esteem would be as high up as possible, today.

“Then I suppose you don't realize how utterly, heart-breakingly beautiful you are tonight. I'm not surprised Mike's having difficulty with improper thoughts about a married woman. I am disappointed that Alice didn't make sure you were forced to look in a mirror.”

“You are very biased, you know.” Bella contradicted me.

I made an impatient noise and turned us towards the house. The window front made the house look like a giant mirror. I gestured towards our reflection.

“Biased, am I?”

Bella's jaw dropped while she took the picture in. I appraised Alice's masterpiece again. It was impressive how she had not painted Bella's face over with make up or clad her in an elaborate dress that would have looked like a costume when she wore it. She had very carefully brought out Bella's natural beauty and dressed her in a gown that was so exactly Bella that it was a miracle. She was radiant.

_Edward, I decided to come after all._

My body went rigid for a split second when I heard a mental voice I hadn't heard in about two months.

“Oh!” I thought about the implications of Jacob's unexpected appearance but relaxed when I heard his thoughts go on.

_I don't want to spoil the party. Can you bring her out to me, please? I just want to wish her luck and have a proper goodbye._

I had to smile at that. All day I had sensed a certain sadness around Bella although she tried her best not to let it show, since she was really happy in all other respects. I knew, Jacob's visit would make this day perfect. So this was the reason for Billy Black's strange happiness.

“What is it?” She asked. Of course she had noticed the change in me.

“A surprise wedding gift.”

“Huh?”

I took her in my arms again and began dancing towards the edge of the forest where the lights from the dance floor left wide shadows. I turned to face the dark woods.

“Thank you,” I greeted the blackness. “This is very … kind of you.”

“Kind is my middle name,” Jacob answered in his husky voice. “Can I cut in?”

Bella's hand cupped her throat and I could feel her knees starting to buckle.

“Jacob!” It was a scream that came out as a whisper. “Jacob!”

“Hey there, Bells!”

Bella staggered in Jacob's direction. I supported her until I could feel that he had caught her. He embraced her with fierceness and tenderness at the same time. Bella hid her face in his chest. He touched his cheek to her hair. It was a very intimate moment that I didn't want to ruin for her. I decided to give them a little privacy. I could afford to leave her to him for just a while. After all, this was probably their moment to say their ultimate farewell.

“Rosalie won't forgive me if she doesn't get her official turn on the dance floor,” I said quietly retreating to bestow a very special gift upon my bride.

I went back towards the house where our guests were celebrating cheerfully. I did not go to Rosalie and ask her to dance.

I wanted Bella and Jacob to have this moment to themselves. Although I knew Sam and at least one other werewolf were close by to keep an eye on Jacob, I wanted to stay close enough to know if something went wrong. After all he was very volatile and a situation could shift within seconds.

Since I didn't want to intrude on their privacy I stayed away far enough that the music from the party would drown out their quiet conversation, but close enough to the forest that our guests would not see me. So they would assume Bella and I had taken a moment to be alone.

To tune out Jacob's thoughts, I reminisced about the day so far, reliving Bella descending the stairs and the change in her expression when she finally spotted me waiting for her at the altar. Until then I was still anxious that she didn't completely approve of the whole marriage thing. But the moment our eyes met, I knew for sure that Bella was really happy and, right then, couldn't wait to be my wife.

In merely a few hours we would be on a plane, only the two of us. We would leave all the turmoil and the nervous anticipation of this day behind us and just be with each other. I didn't want to think about the awkward goodbyes that were yet to come Bella's way. After all, this was the setting she had selected on purpose to part from everybody that was connected to her human life. I knew it would hurt her to bid farewell to her parents and friends. But it was the path she chosen for herself.

“Ow, Jake! Let go!” Bella's shocked voice reached me over the music.

“Bella! Have you lost your mind? You can't be that stupid! Tell me you're joking!” Jacob was furious. His thoughts revealed what he had just learned, what upset him like that.

_Is he insane? He can't be so horny that he can't wait another week. I thought he loved her._

“Jake – stop!”

In that instant I was right behind Bella. Jacob was shaking badly, holding her arms in a tight grip, hurting her.

_All that talk about protecting her. Now you're going to crush her yourself? Filthy bloodsucker!_

“Take your hands off her!” I threatened in a low, acidic voice. Behind them two giant wolves emerged from the trees, growling. I felt Jasper's and Emmett's presence behind me, ready to fight for their sister-in-law.

“Jake, bro, back away.” Seth Clearwater reached my side in that instant. “You're losing it.”

_You'll kill her. I always knew you're a monster. If she dies, I'll kill you._

Jacob's body was still as stone, staring at Bella, thinking daggers at me.

This was not the time and place to admit to myself that I secretly feared he was right with his accusations, no matter how loudly my own conscience screamed at me. He was hurting my wife and I would do whatever it would take to make him let go.

“You'll hurt her,” Seth tried to calm him down in a quiet voice. “Let her go.”

“Now!” I growled.

His hands dropped down and the second his grip on Bella loosened I caught her and moved her some yards away from the danger. I built myself up to my full height in front her and stiffened. Sam and Quil positioned themselves between Jacob and me trying to avoid a physical confrontation.

Seth had his arms around Jacob who was quivering, threatening to phase too close to his pack brother. The younger one trying to pull the older away.

“C'mon, Jake. Let's go.”

“I'll kill you.” Jacob repeated his last thought out loud, nearly hissing with desperate fury. His eyes burning into mine. “I'll kill you myself! I'll do it now!”

Sam growled louder and started to back up Seth shoving Jacob towards the forest. The three of them disappeared into the woods.

Quil looked after his brothers, unsure what to do.

“I'm sorry,” Bella desperately breathed towards him.

“It's alright now,” I tried to soothe her.

 _I hope you know what you're doing. You heard him. You know what's gonna happen if you hurt her_. _Sam won't overlook_ that _either._

Quil stared at me as I nodded my head.

_So, it's your call then._

He turned around and followed the others into the darkness.

“All right,” I said, mostly to myself, trying to calm down. Now that the immediate danger was over, my own doubts worked their way to the surface. But it was impossible either to mouth them or to even ponder on them now. I looked at Bella then.

“Let's get back.”

“But Jake - “ Bella started.

“Sam has him in hand. He's gone.” In that moment I wasn't sure whether she was worried about him or afraid of him.

“Edward, I'm so sorry. I was stupid - “ As usual she blamed everything on herself.

“You did nothing wrong - “

“I have such a big mouth! Why would I … I shouldn't have let him get to me like that. What was I thinking?”

“Don't worry.” Caressing her face with my hand I tried to calm her agitation down. We had to uphold the facade. That was what being a Cullen was all about. “We need to get back to the reception before someone notices our absence.”

Bella shook her head. I couldn't make out what the gesture meant.

“Give me two seconds,” she was still shaken. Her face indicated grief, internal uproar and skepticism. Then she straightened up and looked at me.

“My dress?”

I inspected her for a split second.

“You look fine. Not a hair out of place.”

She took a very deep breath and then she looked composed again.

“Okay. Let's go.”

I took her in my arms and led her back to the edge of the dance floor. There we fell into a slow waltz and danced our way back to blend in with the other couples. No one had been missing us. No human mind showed any signs of doubt as to where we had been the last five minutes. Of course, my family had noticed the dispute near the forest.

Emmett and Jasper still held their places close to where our argument with the wolves had taken place.

_That was close. One more word and you would have been at each others throats._

Jasper's thoughts were a sigh of relief.

_I would have liked to show that mutt his proper place. He would have learned not to mess with our family._

Emmett was, as always, eager for any fight.

I was grateful that they had kept their distance. If they had come to reinforce me, I suspected that might have tipped the scale towards a fight. A physical confrontation would have been impossible to keep from our guests.

“Are you -” I paused, deliberating how to phrase what I wanted to ask her. I wanted to know if she was alright, how it had happened that they had even talked about the matter that had pushed Jacob over the edge. I didn't want her to hurt over their tragic farewell.

“I'm fine,” she cut me off sincerely before I had worded my question. “I can't believe I did that. What's wrong with me?”

“Nothing is wrong with _you_.” Of course, nothing was wrong with her. She wanted to love me in every possible way and she wanted to do it while she was still herself, as she had phrased it. She had pleaded with me not to deny her that wish. The only wish she had. The way she had desperately tried to get me to agree had been heartbreaking. So I finally gave in. Somehow Jacob had provoked her to reveal that fact. There was nothing wrong with that.

What was wrong was me agreeing to such a tremendously dangerous endeavor. I was torn between the promise I had made Bella, to try to make love to her, my own desire to be as close to her as possible and the enormous risk for her life that was associated with the attempt to consummate our love.

“It's over. Let's not think of it again tonight.” Bella made an attempt to close the issue. When I didn't agree she looked up at me, worried.

“Edward?”

I closed my eyes, touched my forehead to hers and took a deep breath before I conveyed my doubts and self loathing to her.

“Jacob is right,” my voice was just a whisper, speaking more to myself than to her. “What _am_ I thinking?”

She answered me very quickly, to stop that train of thought before it got too far. “He is not.” Her expression was as composed as if we were discussing the weather rather than actions that could end her life. At the moment she was better at keeping up appearances than I was. “He's way too prejudiced to see anything clearly.”

“I should have let him kill me for even thinking about that.” I voiced under my breath. I was not in the mood to have Bella calm me down.

“Stop it,” she snapped. She took my face in both of her hands and waited for me to look at her. When I eventually opened my eyes she went on. “You and me. That's the only thing that matters. The only thing you're allowed to think about now. Do you hear me?”

“Yes,” I sighed.

“Forget Jacob came.” Could she do that? “For me. Promise that you'll let this go.”

I deliberated for a long second. I didn't want to ruin the evening for Bella. So I had to master the challenge. I locked my eyes with hers and finally answered “I promise.”

“Thank you. Edward, I'm not afraid.” Her confidence in me made things even worse.

“I am,” I admitted in a whisper.

“Don't be.” She inhaled deeply and smiled at me. “By the way, I love you.”

“That's why we're here,” I reciprocated with a slightly forced smile.

“You're monopolizing the bride.” I had heard Emmett approaching from behind me. “Let me dance with my little sister. This could be my last chance to make her blush.” He guffawed. Nothing could spoil Emmett's mood, no matter how potentially dangerous it was.

I surrendered my wife to my brother. Emmett's burly physique always gave the impression of roughness and carelessness. But almost from the beginning he had been very fond of Bella and he always handled her with great cautiousness. At least physically he was very gentle with her. Verbally he loved to embarrass her until her cheeks turned the deepest shades of red.

“I hope you got a good night's sleep last night. You might not get that much sleep from now on,” I heard him say with a wink at Bella.

I finally went to ask Rosalie for a dance. Somehow the general mood must have gotten to her. She was much more relaxed than usually. In fact, she seemed almost pleased.

“You look very handsome tonight,” she complemented me.

“Thank you. You're looking very lovely yourself.”

_You look happy._

“I am. In fact, happy doesn't begin to cover it.”

“Edward, I want to apologize for making your life difficult. I never objected to Bella personally. I don't even really know her.”

_You are the only one who knows what my problem with her was. And I feel petty and ashamed about that. I got over it._

“I know that. And I know that your lingering differences with her are concerning matters that are really important to you. I'm grateful for your attempt to show Bella what she will give up. She has to consider all consequences.”

“She seems to have done that. She loves you more than I ever thought possible. Maybe she'll really never have any regrets. After all, she's the only one of us who had a choice. That might make a difference.”

“I hope it does.”

Still, after almost eighty years Rosalie hadn't come to terms with what she was. In her human life, all she ever really wanted was a baby. That was the one thing she couldn't have in this existence. She tried to show Bella her pain about not being able to have children. Bella appreciated Rosalie's effort but her priorities were different from Rosalie's.

After a few more dances I couldn't stand being apart from my wife any longer. I apologized for taking her away from her last dance partner, took her in my arms and began to softly rock both of us with the rhythm of the song playing. Bella rested her head against my chest and I could feel that our earlier feeling of joy had resurfaced. This was our night. The night we had rightfully become one.

“I could get used to this,” Bella sighed dreamily.

“Don't tell me you've gotten over your dancing issues?” I raised one eyebrow suspiciously.

“Dancing isn't so bad – with you. But I was thinking more of this,” she tried to hug herself a little closer to me. “Of never having to let go.”

I had to smile at that. “Never,” I vowed to her and bent down to touch my mouth to hers.

The way our lips moved was soft first but momentarily getting more urgent – how easy it would be to just let this lead to wherever it was headed – when Alice interrupted us.

“Bella! It's time.”

Bella twitched slightly but didn't stop kissing me. I acted as if Alice didn't even exist.

_You'll have plenty of time for this and more when you're in Brazil. Seriously, there are underage people watching._

Bella's hands were tangled in the hair on my neck.

“Do you want to miss your plane?” Alice pushed further. “I'm sure you'll have a lovely honeymoon camped out in the airport waiting for another flight.”

_And the waiting area is not the most romantic setting for a wedding night._

I moved my head just a little to mutter, “Go away, Alice.” I kissed Bella again. This moment was too perfect to end it.

“Bella, do you want to wear that dress on the airplane?”

It should not have come as a surprise to her that her new sister-in-law didn't care as much about fashion choices as she did.

Alice let out a low snarl. “I'll tell her where you're taking her, Edward. So help me, I will.”

She really knew how to get my attention. I glowered at her.

“You're awfully small to be so hugely irritating,” I complained.

“I didn't pick out the perfect going-away dress to have it wasted,” she retorted taking Bella's hand. “Come with me, Bella.”

_When you see the dress on her you'll thank me._

Bella got on her toes trying to keep her lips locked with mine. Alice's insistence finally had us part and accompanied by the amused looks of our guests the two of them vanished into the house.

When they were out of sight I stayed back for a moment taking another look around. I let my gaze wander around the beautiful setting Alice had created and committed everything to memory.

The day would come when Bella's human memories would fade and she would need me to keep them alive.

Alice had made this the most perfect wedding Bella and I could have had. Despite all of Bella's preconceptions about marriage she had enjoyed the day and discovered that being husband and wife was really a lot more than just words on a piece of paper.

When I went into the house to change myself I could hear Bella thanking Alice for the same things I had just reveled in. I heard Esme and Renée waiting for Bella to help her out of the wonderful white gown and into a dress slightly more suited for traveling.

I put my turn-of-the-century style tux on a hanger, put on a more casual beige suit with a light blue shirt underneath and went downstairs to wait for my wife.

I caught her voice upstairs when she started saying goodbye to her mother. Renée invited us to come to Florida to visit her and Phil soon. Bella tried to avoid a straight answer, knowing that, if everything went according to her plan, her mother could never be allowed to see her again.

When they appeared at the top of the stairs Bella and Renée were tied in an embrace whose significance wasn't lost on anyone. Even Renée who couldn't know what would be going on after our honeymoon felt that there was a sense of finality in the air.

 _All grown up … her own life … let her go_ were her incoherent thoughts.

Bella conveyed her love for her mother one last time and then turned around to see me waiting for her. Her tension eased infinitesimally when our eyes met.

Alice had dressed Bella in a beautiful deep blue knee-length dress with a matching jacket. The color was exactly the same I loved so much on her. It perfectly set off her cream white skin. The way it clung to her body made me wish we had already reached our destination and I could help her out of it. I caught my wild running thoughts when Bella reached for my hand. Immediately she started searching the crowd for Charlie.

“Dad?” she asked.

“Over there,” I said softly putting my arm around her waist and leading her through the waiting guests who parted in front of us.

Charlie was standing alone a few feet behind the other guests, trying to be invisible.

He looked up when Bella approached him. His eyes were conspicuously reddened.

“Oh, Dad!” Bella started towards him, putting her arms around his waist. In that instant her face was streaked with tears, too. Charlie awkwardly tried to comfort her by rubbing her back.

“There, now. You don't want to miss your plane.”

It was painful to watch the two of them wanting to say so much but not finding the right words. They loved each other more than they were able to put into words and were so much alike that it was even harder for both of them to speak their minds.

Then it seemed to hit Bella that this was probably the last time she would speak to her father in person and she finally brought herself to talk.

“I love you forever, Dad,” she said through a lump in her throat. “Don't forget that.”

“You, too, Bells. Always have, always will.” Charlie's voice sounded strained.

Bella kissed her father's cheek and he returned the gesture.

“Call me,” he begged her.

“Soon,” she promised. This was really hard on her.

“Go on, then,” Charlie told her, more harshly than he had intended it to come out. “Don't want to be late.”

_Take good care of my little girl. She's all I have and she deserves to be happy._

For a second he stared deeply into my eyes. I nodded gravely and he seemed slightly relieved, not the least bit surprised that I seemed to have _guessed_ his thoughts.

I secured Bella at my side and we were headed for the door.

“Are you ready?” I asked, the question implying more than just being ready to go on vacation.

Bella, catching the hidden meaning, answered confidently “I am.”

When we crossed the threshold we turned around for a last kiss for the sake of our audience. Everyone applauded while we retreated to the car chased by thousands of rice grains raining down on us.

The car was the last missing piece to fit into the flowery theme of the celebration, streaming with garlands of white flowers and gossamer ribbons. Dozens of shoes were tied to the bumper of my Volvo.

I tried to defend my wife against the storm of rice coming down while she entered the car. When I steered up the driveway past our guests Bella looked at each of them for one final time calling “I love you,” back at them.

From the corner of my eye I saw Bella's parents holding hands, comforting each other, while Phil had wrapped his arms around Renée. I knew that picture would be a solace to Bella.

I took her hand and held it firmly.

“I love you,” I said with as all the conviction I felt.

She rested her head against my arm and quoted my words from earlier this evening. “That's why we're here.”

I planted a kiss on top of her head as I turned the car onto the empty highway speeding up.

In the distance I heard a pain filled howl produced by a wolf we both knew too well. I wasn't entirely sure if Bella had heard it, too. I thought she had but she didn't show any sign of discomfort. Now was our time to be happy.


	5. Chapter 5 - Isle Esme

**Chapter 5 – Isle Esme**

 

We talked little on the way to the airport, just enjoying the quiet after the excitement and noise of the party. Bella's head was rested against my shoulder, my arm around her.

When we reached Seattle Sea Tac Airport I took her straight to the counter for domestic flights. I checked our luggage in and we headed for the gate.

“Houston?” Bella inquired dubiously. Apparently – and with justification – she had expected something more fancy.

“Just a stop along the way,” I answered smiling at her. I liked the way she was blissfully ignorant about our ultimate destination.

Bella had slept the whole flight. She must have been totally exhausted from the stress of our wedding day and the many less restful or even sleepless nights prior to the event. I had been contend just watching her finally resting in my arms.

She didn't fully wake when we had to change flights in Houston. I had to support her while she was stumbling through the terminals.

“Rio de Janeiro?” Her voice sounded a lot more impressed by the prospect of South America as our destination than it had been thinking we were spending our honeymoon in Texas.

“Another stop.” I enjoyed her anticipation of the unknown.

I had booked first-class seats for the long flight to Brazil. Bella slept comfortably almost the whole time. I had my arms around her never taking my eyes off my wonderful wife.

She was nestled against me, smiling now and then in her sleep. She didn't talk much. Every once in a while she whispered my name alternating with “I do” or “love you”.

I was pleased with the way the wedding had gone. I couldn't have wished for anything more. Alice had thought of everything. And I had been given the greatest gift imaginable. Not only was Bella my wife but she had actually enjoyed the ceremony and everything that came along with it. I was sure, the very moment she had found me there, under the canopy of flowers at the end of the aisle, she had realized that all the issues she'd had with marriage had been insignificant and foolish, because it was the obvious and natural path for the two of us to take.

And I was relieved that when Bella had said “I do” it had meant more to her than just holding up her end of our bargain. She really believed in what she had vowed.

But looking at it matter-of-factly, regardless that her perception of marriage had changed last night, she _had_ fulfilled her part of the compromise we had agreed to. And when we would be on Isle Esme I would have to fulfill mine.

My whole family had tried to help as much as they could. When I had gone to Carlisle for advice about the seemingly unmanageable task I had taken on he had started to think about what could be done to make it easier for both of us.

Everyone had instantly thought that we would have to go some place warm, so that our considerable difference in body temperature would not be a problem. But places that were warm enough to have my coldness be considered comfortable were usually sunny. Factoring in my inability to go out in the sunlight where people were watching, the place would not only have to be warm but quite remote.

So Esme had come up with the idea of offering the island Carlisle had given her as a wedding present as the perfect destination. It was located off the shore of Brazil, about half an hour east of Rio and the only house there was hers.

There we would have the time and privacy to enjoy each other's company and explore the uncharted waters we were about to enter.

And there was the insecurity resurfacing again that had been gnawing at me since the night of my proposal in every moment my mind had not been otherwise occupied. I had been pushing away the fear and doubts time and again but now, with our wedding night just a few hours away, my nerves were on edge.

Everything that could be planned had been thought through and prepared. But what about the details that could not be premeditated?

Like how would we start? Would I get to undress her? I tried to imagine peeling her out of her layers of clothes, picture the look on her face, her racing heartbeat when my icy fingers touched her soft skin in places my eyes had never even seen. Would she undress me? Slip her warm hands under my shirt to make it fall off my shoulders? Would her lips, her tongue explore my bare chest tasting me in a way she never had before? I tried to imagine the sensation of her moving about my skin.

And right there, the phantasy became unbearable. How would I act when I felt all these new emotions? I couldn't imagine that I would still be in control of myself in that moment. And at that point in my vision we weren't even close to what I had promised to do.

I had to close my eyes and breathe steadily to calm down before the panic attack hit full scale. For a long minute I set still just inhaling Bella's perfect scent until my mind had put the picture away and I could think clearly again.

Well, I had only promised to _try_. But how and when would I know that it wouldn't work out? Would I notice that things were getting out of hand _before_ I harmed her or even broke her beyond repair? And would Bella let me back out when I thought it was too much?

I didn't know the answer to any of these questions. But what the daydream had made me realize once again was that I desperately wanted to feel Bella that way. That I wanted us to be close unhindered by fabric and that I wanted to make her my wife in every sense of the word.

I was totally unsure whether that revelation made me more confident or more unsettled.

While I was pondering that question I noticed the plane was approaching for landing in Rio. Through the windows I watched the sun setting when Bella awoke with a start.

“Hello, sleeping beauty. I hope you got some rest,” I said softly when I kissed her forehead.

She smiled at me. “I had the most peculiar dream. I dreamed we got married under a canopy of white flowers with all our loved ones around. And there was music and dancing. It was a wonderful dream.”

I lifted her left hand and kissed the ring on the third finger. “Forever,” I whispered, “like the engraving says.”

“Forever,” she answered with a radiant smile.

Bella seemed to be surprised when, after picking up our luggage, we left the airport. We took a taxi and I could finally utilize my Portuguese by telling the driver to take us to the marina but not without taking a tour around the town. Bella should at least get a good view on the city.

She began to tense a few minutes into our tour and I couldn't really guess why since she was neither speaking nor looking at me. I thought this was deliberate to keep me in the dark.

I continued to hold her close by my side until the taxi reached the docks. We left the car and, carrying the luggage in one hand and having the other around Bella's waist, I directed her along a footbridge lined with big expensive yachts. I stopped at a much smaller boat that was always waiting here so that Carlisle and Esme could go to their Island if they were in the mood to spend some time alone. The boat was not as big as the others but it was much faster.

I hopped in and put the bags away. Then I reached out to give Bella a hand so that she could safely come on board.

She sat next to me when I steered the boat out of the marina to the open sea east of Rio. She looked incredulous since she hadn't known that I was nautical, too. I enjoyed the sensation of the boat nearing its full speed.

“Are we going much farther?” Bella wanted to know.

I guessed, since she never had been traveling far, she didn't know about the small islands located a few miles off the coast, for they were too small to show up on most maps.

“About another half hour.” When I answered her I realized that her hands were clenched on the seat. She had gotten used to high speed running and driving with me. So I suspected that there was more to her tension now than just feeling uncomfortable with the speed we were going at. But I let it go since she didn't seem to be inclined to talk about her worries.

When the shape of Isle Esme appeared on the night horizon I called to her.

“Bella, look there.” I indicated the direction she should look. But of course, her eyes weren't sharp enough in the dark to be able to make out the small island.

A few moments later she sighed, satisfied to finally know where we were headed.

Esme's island lay ahead of us, rising out of the water. It's shape was characterized by the hundreds of palm trees that grew around the place. The beach that framed the isle was glowing almost white in the clear moonlight.

I circled around to the north where the dock and the house were located.

“This is Isle Esme,” I informed Bella.

I slowed the boat down and positioned it against the landing. When I cut the engine I noticed the total silence, only interrupted by some birds, the sound of the waves and the rustling of the palm trees.

“Isle Esme?” Bella's stunned voice broke the quiet.

“A gift from Carlisle – Esme offered to let us borrow it.”

I set the suitcases on the dock and lifted my wife up into my arms.

“Aren't you supposed to wait for the threshold?” she asked a little breathlessly.

I smiled at her. “I'm nothing if not thorough.” Holding Bella with one arm and taking the handles of the bags with the other hand I walked up the path to the house.

According to my wishes the cleaning crew had left the lights lit so that the house looked welcoming.

All of a sudden Bella's heartbeat and breathing sped up for no obvious reason. I tried to read her face to find the cause for her reaction there but instead of meeting my questioning gaze she stubbornly stared straight ahead.

I was beyond curious about what had initiated her sudden agitation but as I approached the house, I was hit by my own anxiety. So I left her to her thoughts.

When we reached the porch I left the suitcases there to open the unlocked doors. Before I crossed the threshold I waited for Bella to look at me. I wanted to see her face in this special moment.

Inside I carried her from room to room to show her around. As we entered the last room and I turned on the light Bella's stare immediately fell on the big white bed rather than the incredible view on the beach and ocean behind the giant window.

“I'll … go get the luggage,” I said as I set her back on her own feet, almost too nervous to form a coherent sentence.

I deliberated for a split second whether to move at a slow human pace to stall a little or to race at my top speed to be back with Bella as soon as possible. I opted for speed.

Bella hadn't noticed me reentering the room. As I came up to her from behind I spotted a small drop of sweat on her neck. The heat had already gotten to her. Suddenly I wanted to try out her reaction to my cold skin here in this humid climate. So I brushed my fingers across her neck wiping away the sign of perspiration.

“It's a little hot here,” I explained. “I thought … that would be best.” When she didn't shudder the slightest bit under my cool touch, I was sure my assumption was right.

“Thorough,” she whispered breathlessly. I snickered at that, realizing at the same time how nervous I sounded.

“I tried to think of everything that would make this … easier,” I tried to keep a conversation going but failed completely. The atmosphere was electrically charged so that I could almost hear a buzzing in the air.

Bella swallowed audibly still looking at the bed. Was she hesitant because she realized that we were about to make a fatal mistake or was she just insecure about how to precede? Since she had made it clear many times before that she was absolutely sure about this, I figured she didn't know how to move on from here any more than I did.

Then inspiration hit me. “I was wondering if … first … maybe you'd like to take a midnight swim with me?” I inhaled deeply to steady my voice before I went on. “The water will be very warm. This is the kind of beach you approve of.”

“Sounds nice,” she choked out, her heart hammering frantically in her chest.

I remembered her human needs and thought she could use a little time to herself to calm down.

“I'm sure you'd like a human minute or two … it was a long journey.”

Bella nodded mechanically. Was she expecting me to start things right here and now? No, I was certain she wanted to prepare herself.

I felt the strong urge to reassure her of my feelings. Laughing softly I caressed her throat with my lips.

“Don't take _too_ long, Mrs. Cullen.” Suddenly, in the charged atmosphere, I couldn't wait for her to be ready. I didn't know if _I_ was ready but in that very moment I knew I was done waiting.

She twitched slightly at my words. I let my lips wander down her neck to the tip of her shoulder.

“I'll wait for you in the water.”

I walked right past her, opened my shirt and let it slip to the floor. I stepped through the french door and walked onto the beach. When I was outside there was again the comfortable silence accompanied by she waves and the palm trees in the wind.

I walked down the beach until I reached a tree that was fairly close to the water. There I undressed myself further and hung up the clothes.

I enjoyed my moment of solitude watching the pale full moon, the waves breaking on the beach, feeling the wind on my bare skin.

After a moment I stepped into the water, slowly relishing the warm sea surrounding my body. While I waded deeper into the ocean I contemplated how to continue.

I had been standing waist deep in the warm water for quite a while when I finally heard Bella's quiet footsteps approaching from the house. I didn't turn around to look at her. She stopped supposedly at the tree that held my clothes.

I didn't know what to expect. Was she wearing a bathing suit or a revealing bikini? Or had she settled for wearing nothing since nobody was watching us?

Whichever it was, I was sure she wouldn't feel very comfortable with me watching her, yet. I had never seen her dressed in anything less than a top and shorts. So there was still a lot of her that had stayed hidden from me. I wasn't sure if I could take it, seeing everything of her all at once.

So I stayed facing away from the beach waiting patiently for Bella to come to me.

After a long moment I heard her moving across the sand again until her steps were silenced by the water. Another very long minute had passed when she stopped at my side covering my hand that rested on the surface with hers.

“Beautiful,” she commented staring at the moon.

“It's all right,” I said nonchalantly.

I turned slowly to look at her, careful not to let my gaze drop below her neck. I wasn't ready for that, yet. Her hair was wet. She must have taken a shower while I waited, maybe to steady her nerves. In fact she seemed quite in control right now. Only her accelerated heartbeat gave her tension away.

“But I wouldn't use the word beautiful.” The moonlight tinged her already pale skin silvery, her wet hair dark black in contrast. “Not with you standing here in comparison.”

Bella attempted a smile, then lifted her free hand and put it on my chest right over my heart. A shiver ran through me caused by the touch of her warm hand. In the light of the full moon there was no difference in the color of our skin. Maybe we really weren't that different and everything would work out tonight.

My breathing became heavier and uneven knowing _now_ was the time. There was no stalling anymore.

“I promised we would try,” I had to make clear once again that it was far from certain that taking the next step would really be possible for us. My words came out in a hoarse whisper. “If … if I do something wrong, if I hurt you, you must tell me at once.”

I looked into her eyes, shaken by fear and desire all at the same time.

She nodded her head gravely holding my gaze. Then she closed the gap between us and rested her head against my chest.

“Don't be afraid,” she whispered. “We belong together.”

I was moved by the emotion in her voice when she said the words. I put my arms around her, reveling in the sensation her warm skin inflicted on mine.

“Forever,” I vowed once more, quoting the engraving of our wedding bands again. Then I pulled both of us deeper into the warm water.

All the time we spent in the ocean we stayed locked in a tight embrace. Our eager lips were moving against each other relentlessly, demanding more. When her lips parted and her probing tongue cautiously started to trace my lower lip, I permitted my own lips to part as well and for the first time ever I let my longing tongue meet hers.

The taste of her was exquisite and absolutely exhilarating. It was already too much to take. So I retreated for a moment to concentrate. After three steadying breaths I had managed to refocus and let my tongue find Bella's again, always careful not to have her too close to my teeth.

Our breaths came rougher and Bella's heartbeat sped up to a new record. When I couldn't bear the growing need to be closer to her any longer, I swung her up in my arms and carried her out of the water not breaking our fervid kiss.

The warm wind dried the remains of the salty water covering us immediately.

Finally in the house, I placed Bella carefully in the center of the oversized bed. For the first time I dared to look at her. She was even more beautiful than I had imagined. Her soft curves were exactly in perfect proportion.

I realized that Bella was gazing at me totally enraptured, taking in my full shape. When our eyes met I couldn't stand to be separated from her any longer, even if the gap between us was only three feet wide.

I climbed onto the mattress and laid down sideways next to her, our naked bodies touching from shoulder to hip. My cool hand gently drew a line from the hollow at the base of her throat along her ribs, down across her soft stomach to the extremely sensitive spot on her hipbone, exploring the parts of her marvelous body that had always been hidden from my eye, leaving a subtle red line behind. She closed her eyes to indulge herself in my touch. Momentarily she started to shudder from excitement. Her breathing was deep-throated now, her heart threatening to jump out of her chest.

When my hand left her hip I kissed her fevered neck and retraced the line my fingers had left with my zealous tongue. Bella's trembling hands were tangled in my hair. In my wildest dreams I wouldn't have imagined her skin to taste so wonderful.

Kissing her throbbing lips again, my hand trailed down the side of her body: from her delicate shoulder over the curve of the hip to the soft skin on the back of her knee, grabbing her leg and pulling her to her side while I lay down on my back. Now it was Bella's turn to discover me. She decorated the whole upper part of my body with gentle kisses drawing a line with her burning tongue from one kiss to the next, tasting my skin. I lay completely still, my hands placed lightly on her head, trying to mind my breathing in an attempt to cope with being more aroused than I ever thought possible.

Bella's hungry lips eventually found mine, our urgent tongues caressing each other again. She rolled to her back once more pulling me on top of her. Underneath the weight of my body I felt the velvet heat of her skin. She wrapped her appetent legs around my hips, willing me to fulfill her need to be joined with me. I complied eagerly sliding myself into her gently. We both exhaled with a sigh of relief that the tension of anticipation was gone but demanding more at the same time.

In that instant I felt an obstacle blocking my way. I halted for the fraction of a second knowing that causing her pain right here and now was inevitable. As softly as possible I forced the barrier to give way. Bella took in a sharp breath. “Are you alright?” Although I knew that hurting her could not have been avoided I was worried. She smiled at me nodding her head. “Please, keep going,” she begged me moving her hips to emphasize her words. Even though I hated to cause her pain, I felt elated to have the privilege to share this experience with her.

I tried to move slowly and carefully not to hurt her by underestimating my strength. But she clutched herself closer to me urging me to go faster. Totally lost in her I was unable to resist her challenge.

It was so completely overwhelming. My mind got clouded by absolute ecstasy. I was entirely surrounded by Bella; encircled by her luscious scent, enwrapped in her arms and physically part of her body.

Every time I felt my attention slip I tried to pause for a moment to listen to my breath, to compose myself again. But she always undid my efforts by moving her hips against me demanding me to go on.

Bella's breathing was solely moans and gasps now coming hot against my skin, only inciting me further. Every now and again my name was on her quivering lips.

At a point or two I had to find an outlet for the tension building up inside me. My instincts forced me to bite. So I groaned sinking my teeth into a pillow. The fabric tore apart leaving feathers raining down on us. Bella didn't even notice.

Finally we were one, husband and wife, the way nature intended it to be.

All the time I tried to hold her gently although she tried to hug me closer.

It was the most amazing experience I ever had. Although I couldn't let myself go the way Bella could, I had never enjoyed anything as much as loving her with my whole being.

Eventually her breathing accelerated once again, her whole body started to tremble, her middle arched towards me and she moaned louder and high-pitched.

Fueled by her reaction I thrust against her more forcefully until I felt like exploding. Panting heavily I closed my eyes. Behind my lids there were fireworks. A wave of pure pleasure washed over me leaving my mind completely incapacitated. When consciousness returned to me I opened my eyes to see that Bella's face was wet with tears. I was absolutely shocked at first. But then I realized that she was smiling at me through tears of joy.

“I love you,” she whispered blissfully.

I kissed her lips tenderly in response, hoping that the gesture would say more than words ever could, because there were no words powerful enough to describe what I felt.

After a very long moment I rolled off of her to lay on my back pulling her with me so that her head rested on my chest. I heard her breathing and heartbeat steady while I stroked her back lightly until she fell asleep.

 

As I watched Bella's perfect cream colored skin I was appalled when little by little dark spots started to appear all over her back and her arms. First I thought I was looking at the usual reaction her skin had to my touch. Observing the marks further, they slowly turned into purple bruises.

I was aghast. How had that come about? I had tried to be so cautious, never holding her more than lightly, I thought. Had I been so far gone occasionally that I hadn't noticed applying too much pressure? Bella hadn't said a word to make me let go of her or loosen my grip. She must have been in pain. Had she been enduring it quietly because she knew I would have blamed myself? Why did she always have to make me comfortable? Even when we were together like that she still put my needs first.

Or had she been afraid I would stop?

I should have known from the start that I couldn't be that close to her without hurting her. I thought I had been careful but I really was a monster. I had hurt the one thing I loved more than anything in the world and had vowed to protect.

Protecting her was the most important matter now. I couldn't allow this to happen again. Not before she would be changed and less fragile. But after what I had done to her, she wouldn't want to repeat the experience anytime soon, anyway.

Only a few minutes ago a had been rejoicing, more happy than I had ever been in my more than one-hundred years. Now there was nothing left but desperation and self loathing.

Even the steady rhythm of the Bella's heartbeat that usually soothed me could not console me now.

I watched the sun rise dwelling in my misery. I would do anything to make it up to her if she gave me the chance. Would she be repulsed by the outcome of our being together? Would she be able to forgive me?

When the sun was at its highest peak and my mood was at its lowest Bella's pattern of breathing changed and I knew she was awake.

Although I didn't know how upset she would be with me, my arms were around her, holding her lightly. I brushed my hand up and down her back.

Bella didn't open her eyes. Maybe she didn't want to look at me after what had happened. Then her arms tightened around my neck as if she was trying to hug herself closer to me. I was confused. Wasn't she angry with me?

All of a sudden she started laughing.

“What's funny?” I asked quietly, not stopping to caress her back. My voice was a little hoarse due to the strain I felt.

In answer to my question Bella's stomach growled. She laughed at the sound. She must be determined to ignore what I had done to her. It would be like her to let me off easily.

“You just can't escape being human for very long.” she giggled.

When had she eaten the last time? Was it on the plane? I didn't only harm her physically, I also neglected her human needs.

When I didn't react she finally opened her eyes to look at me. Noticing the expression on my face she propped herself up on one elbow.

My eyes were fixed on the canopy above the bed because I didn't dare to look at Bella. When she perceived my mood she winced slightly.

“Edward,” she choked out. “What is it? What's wrong?” She seemed genuinely shocked. Did she really think I would be okay with having hurt her the way I had last night?

“You have to ask?” I demanded accusingly.

When I lowered my gaze and looked at her, my eyes went wide with shock. Her lips were a little swollen and on her right cheekbone there was a shadow that wasn't really a bruise but not far from it. I hadn't seen these injuries before because she had been sleeping with her face turned away from me.

I composed myself when I saw her worried eyes. What was the meaning behind that look on her face? She should be able to put two and two together and know I was miserable because I had caused her pain. But I couldn't stand her troubled stare. What would I give to be able to read her mind just this once.

“What are you thinking?” I murmured, trying to smooth the signs of concern on her face with my finger.

“You're upset. I don't understand. Did I … ?” As usual she tried to put the blame on herself. I had to interrupt her right there. I was not the one who had been injured.

“How badly are you hurt, Bella? The truth – don't try to downplay it.”

“Hurt?” She almost shrieked.

Her reaction bewildered me. Where was she going with the ignorance act?

I noticed her slightly stretching every muscle as if she was examining herself for damage, looking as if she could find non. Her face turned a little impatient

“Why would you jump to that conclusion? I've never been better than I am now,” she tried to assure me with a perplexed set of her face.

I closed my eyes unable to take her attempts at normalcy any longer.

“Stop acting like I'm not a monster for having agreed to this,” I said a little sharper than I intended to.

“Edward,” Bella's voice broke. Her face was white with shock. “Don't ever say that.”

“Look at yourself, Bella. Then tell me I'm not a monster.” I couldn't stand watching her.

When I herd her gasp I opened my eyes. Shaking her head sent feathers raining down on the bed. She picked up one piece of down to examine it further.

“Why am I covered in feathers?” She wanted to know.

Why was she still beating about the bush? I let out an impatient breath. “I bit a pillow. Or two. That's not what I'm talking about.”

“You … bit a pillow? _Why?_ ” She asked astonished.

“Look, Bella!” I had to hold myself back to not lose it. I stretched out her arm before her eyes as evidence. “Look at _that_.”

Finally it seemed to sink in. As bad an actress as she was, how could she have feigned ignorance until now?

She examined the hematomas on her arm up to her shoulder and down her chest. Then she used a finger to apply a little pressure to one of the bruises, silently watching the color fade and reappear.

To illustrate further how the harm had been inflicted I placed my hand over the field of dark spots. They matched my fingers exactly.

“Oh,” she exclaimed, seeming truly staggered.

The crease between her brows appeared that always showed when she was deep in thought. I never believed not knowing what went on in her mind could get more torturing by the second.

“I'm … so sorry, Bella,” I mouthed almost soundlessly not taking my eyes off her injuries. “I knew better than this. I should not have -” It hurt even to think about what last night had initially meant to me and what it had turned into. “I am more sorry than I can tell you.”

I covered my face with my arm hiding her from my view and my face from her stare. I went completely rigid, a natural reaction to stress. I didn't know how to proceed. She had to hate me. I wanted to give her the time to work up her anger, to scream at me or do whatever it took for her to get back at me.

But I should have known her better. She placed her hand gently on my arm. I couldn't respond. Then her hand pulled at my wrist in a feeble attempt to uncover my face.

I could tell that she wanted to console me but I couldn't let her. She was the victim and I was the offender. It wasn't right to let _her_ comfort _me_.

“Edward.” She tried to get my attention verbally now rather than by physical effort.

I didn't react, being too ashamed of myself to let go of my misery that easily.

“Edward?” She tried again with no more success than the first time.

She waited a long moment, took a deep breath and started again.

“ _I'm_ not sorry, Edward. I'm … I can't even tell you. I'm _so_ happy. That doesn't cover it. Don't be angry. Don't. I'm really f-”

Right there I couldn't take it anymore.

“Do not say you're fine,” I almost growled. “If you value my sanity, do not say that you are fine.” How stupid did she think I was? No one looking like her could be even remotely fine.

“But I _am_ ,” she stubbornly insisted under her breath.

“Bella,” I groaned. How long would we go on moving in circles? “Don't.”

“No. _You_ don't, Edward.” Something in her tone made me lift my arm from my eyes and look at her instead.

“Don't ruin this,” she demanded. “I. Am. Happy.” She made every word stand out.

“I've already ruined this,” I muttered defeated.

“Cut it out,” Bella said sharply.

I clenched my teeth. In a way she seemed as desperate as I was. None of us seemed to get through to the other.

“Ugh!” She moaned exasperated. “Why can't you just read my mind already? It's so _inconvenient_ to be a mental mute!”

She really caught me by surprise with her wish.

“That's a new one. You love that I can't read your mind.”

“Not today.”

I couldn't help staring at her. All this was ridiculous. “Why?” I really didn't get it.

She lifted her hands, shook her head and let her palms drop onto my chest with an audible smack.

“Because all this angst would be completely unnecessary if you could see how I feel right now! Or five minutes ago, anyway. I _was_ perfectly happy. Totally and completely blissed out. Now – well, I'm sort of pissed, actually.”

Finally she was angry. I had been waiting for her to work herself up to an appropriate amount of fury for too long now.

“You _should_ be angry at me.”

“Well, I am. Does that make you feel better?” she asked frustratedly.

“No. I don't think anything could make me feel better now.” But I did feel relieved in a way that I would finally get my punishment.

“That,” she spit out. “That right there is why I'm angry. You are _killing my buzz_ , Edward.”

My eyes rolled back into my head in frustration. Would she ever drop that act?

She inhaled deeply and tried to comfort me again. “We knew this was going to be tricky. I thought that was assumed. And then – well, it was a lot easier than I thought it would be. And this is really nothing.” She touched her arms to emphasize her words. “I think for a first time, not knowing what to expect, we did amazing. With a little practice - “

Was she insane? She really wanted to try _again_? She had anticipated worse? Suddenly I glowered at her so intensely, she stopped right in the middle of her explanation.

“Assumed? Did you expect this, Bella? Were you anticipating that I would hurt you? Were you thinking it would be worse? Do you consider the experiment a success because you can walk away from it? No broken bones – that equals a victory?”

She didn't answer immediately. I knew I had to calm down. I listened to the waves coming in and the palm trees rustling in the breeze until my breathing steadied. I was at a loss here. Would we ever be able to untangle this mess?

Bella watched me. When she felt I was reasonably relaxed she spoke again, gravely. “I didn't know what to expect – but I did not expect how … how … just wonderful and perfect it was.” Suddenly shy her gaze left my face and dropped to her hands. When she went on her voice was just a whisper. “I mean, I don't know how it was for you, but it was like that for me.”

Her words were like a kick in my gut. She was really hurt, but in a very different way than I had supposed. I had made her believe that last night, for me, had been a total disaster in every way. And, insecure as she was, she believed that she had been some kind of disappointment.

“Is that what you're worried about? That I didn't _enjoy_ myself?” I ground my teeth at that. How could _that_ be a matter to worry about?

She didn't lift her eyes from her hands. “I know it's not the same. You're not human. I just was trying to explain that, for a human, well, I can't imagine that life gets any better than that.”

Maybe she wasn't acting after all. She seemed genuinely offended that I didn't share her feelings about last night. I did, or rather, I had shared her elation – until I realized that I had harmed her seriously while I was savoring the experience. I couldn't think positively about our union knowing that I had been closer than I thought to killing her in the process.

But she was really hurt emotionally, maybe even felt rejected. I had to make amends for causing her pain.

“It seems that I have more to apologize for.” I made a face. “I didn't dream that you would construe the way I feel about what I did to you to mean that last night wasn't … well, the best night of my existence. But I don't want to think of it that way, not when you were ...”

While I was speaking her lips formed a little smile. “Really? The best ever?” she asked still suspicious but a little smug at the same time.

Very gently I took her face in my hands. “I spoke to Carlisle after you and I made our bargain, hoping he could help me. Of course he warned me that this would be very dangerous for you.” I saw Carlisle's concerned face in my mind. First he hadn't known how to answer me. His thoughts betrayed his shock and surprise. Shock, that I had really agreed to Bella's incredible demand and surprise first that I never seemed to have considered it before and second because he was all of a sudden sure I could do it. Unfortunately he had been wrong.

“He had faith in me, though – faith I didn't deserve.”

Bella opened her mouth to interrupt me. So I stopped her before she could say a word placing two fingers over her lips.

“I also asked him what _I_ should expect. I didn't know what it would be for me … what with my being a vampire.” My lips formed an involuntary smile.

“Carlisle told me it was a very powerful thing, like nothing else. He told me physical love was something I should not treat lightly. With our rarely changing temperaments, strong emotions can alter us in permanent ways. But he said I did not need to worry about that part – you had already altered me so completely.” Thinking about how full and happy my life had been since Bella was in it, I smiled on purpose this time.

“I spoke to my brothers, too. They told me it was a very great pleasure. Second only to drinking human blood.” I remembered the hunting trip I had set up to corner them about the issue. It had been really hard for me to talk to them about the matter. Much harder than it had been talking to Carlisle. “But I've tasted your blood, and there could be no blood more potent than _that_ … I don't think they were wrong, really. Just that it was different for us. Something more.”

I didn't know how to phrase it correctly, how to make her see how special last night had been for me.

“It _was_ more. It was everything,” she said gravely.

“That doesn't change the fact that it was wrong. Even if it were possible that you really did feel that way.” Still I couldn't believe how she could have enjoyed something that had left traces like that on her skin. She must have been in pain. There was no way around that.

“What does _that_ mean? Do you think I'm making this up? Why?”

“To ease my guilt. I can't ignore the evidence, Bella. Or your history of trying to let me off the hook when I make mistakes.”

She suddenly looked indignant, took my chin in her hand and leaned in so that our faces were close to each other. “You listen to me, Edward Cullen. I am not pretending anything for your sake, okay? I didn't even know there was a reason to make you feel better until you started being all miserable. _I've_ never been so happy in all my life – I wasn't this happy when you decided that you loved me more than you wanted to kill me … Not when I heard your voice in the ballet studio” - I twitched at that memory. I had to push away the picture of her bloody and mangled on the floor in Phoenix when James had tried to torture her to death. “or when you said 'I do' and I realized that, somehow, I get to keep you forever. Those are the happiest memories I have, and this is better than any of it.”

When she had finished her monologue I really started to believe her. Although the line between her brows showed me that right now she wasn't as happy as she had stated before.

“I'm making you unhappy now. I don't want to do that.” I hoped we could rest the topic now.

“Then don't _you_ be unhappy. That's the only thing that's wrong here.”

I inhaled deeply then nodded my head. “You're right. The past is past and I can't do anything to change it.” I could just take care that it wouldn't happen again. And that I would do. “There's no sense in letting my mood sour this time for you. I'll do whatever I can to make you happy now.” Everything but one.

She eyed me dubiously while I smiled at her.

“Whatever makes me happy?”

I didn't want to go into detail and was relieved her growling stomach released me from having to give her an answer she probably wouldn't want to hear.

“You're hungry,” I hurried to end the subject, jumping out of bed filling the air with feathers again in the process.

“So, why exactly did you decide to ruin Esme's pillows?” She shook her head, letting the feathers from her hair rain down on the sheets.

I was already half dressed and almost out the door shaking feathers out of my hair.

“I don't know if I _decided_ to do anything last night,” I muttered. “We're just lucky it was the pillows and not you.” I didn't even want to think of the outcome if I hadn't been able to control that side of me. I took a deep breath, shook my head once more to get rid of the bad thoughts and put a smile on my face.

I watched Bella get off the bed stretching her limbs and my jaw dropped. Now that I could see her whole body I wasn't able to see the soft perfection of her curves. I only saw the pattern of bruises that covered the whole upper part of her body.

Shocked I had to turn away from her clenching my hands.

“Do I look that hideous?” She tried to make it sound like a joke. I took a deep breath again, not facing her. She shouldn't see the extend of my shock.

Behind me she went to the bathroom. When I heard her groan all of a sudden, I hurried to her side at blurring speed.

Her hands were trying to brush through her feather coated hair.

“Bella?” I choked out, troubled because I didn't know what was wrong now. Was she in pain after all?

“I'll _never_ get this out of my hair,” she complained starting to pick the feathers out individually.

“You would be worried about your hair,” I muttered disbelieving. But I moved to stand behind her pulling out the feathers at a pace she wasn't be able to follow.

“How did you keep from laughing at this? I look ridiculous.”

I didn't interrupt plucking. How could I have laughed at her when she had put her life in my hands and only luck had prevented her from being crippled or killed?

“This isn't going to work,” she surrendered to the task. “It's all dried in. I'm going to have to try to wash it out.” She turned to face me, putting her arms around my waist. “Do you want to help me?” She asked encouragingly. Although I wanted nothing more than to be close to her again I wasn't even tempted fearing I could lose control again.

“I'd better find some food for you,” I whispered, freeing myself from her embrace. Then I sped towards the kitchen.

 

I was almost done making an omelet with bacon and cheese when Bella appeared barefoot wearing a new white dress Alice had packed for her. I knew she had had a lot of fun picking out clothes for Bella to wear when Bella had no other choice than wearing what Alice had chosen. The dress covered most of the bruises except for those on her arms.

I waited until she had taken a seat on the small table and put the plate holding her breakfast in front of her. “Here,” I said smiling at her although the smell almost made my stomach turn.

Bella hurried down the whole serving without so much as pausing for breath.

“I'm not feeding you enough,” I accused myself sitting down across from her.

“I was asleep. This is really good, by the way. Impressive for someone who doesn't eat.”

“Food Network,” I answered showing a smug smile. I had started watching lately because I didn't want Bella to cook for herself on our honeymoon. She had done enough housework for Charlie these last years. I wanted to spoil her now.

“Where did the eggs come from?”

“I asked the cleaning crew to stock the kitchen. A first, for this place. I'll have to ask them to deal with the feathers …” I went on lost in thought.

When she was done with what I had estimated to last for two more people she started speaking again.

“Thank you,” she said and kissed me across the table. I reciprocated for a second but then retreated.

Bella clenched her teeth and said finally what I thought had been on her mind the whole time.

“You aren't going to tough me again while we're here, are you?” She sounded hurt and defeated.

I deliberated for a moment, smiled at her and touched her cheek with my hand. I stroked her skin gently, very careful not to hurt her any more.

“You know that's not what I meant.”

I relaxed my shoulders with an audible breath. “I know. And you're right.” I braced myself for the next part. “ I will not make love with you until you've been changed. I will never hurt you again.”

 


	6. Chapter 6 - Distractions

**Chapter 6 – Distractions**

 

As the usual prime occupation for honeymoons had been ruled out for us I'd had to arrange an alternative program to keep Bella from either trying to change my mind or grieving over the honeymoon she had wished for but couldn't have.

Although Isle Esme was a small island it had a lot to offer in the matter of entertainment. One day I took Bella snorkeling along the rocky coast in the east. To be honest she was more amused watching me diving without any kind of gear for half an hour than she was observing the hundreds of brightly colored fish that inhabited the rocks.

Another day I showed her the parrots that lived in the palm trees in the south. Once I took her swimming with porpoises. Actually these two days were tricky because we couldn't really go together since animals of all kinds betake themselves to flight when our kind is around. So I had to keep my distance.

We hiked a lot in the jungle in the center, watched the sunset in the west, I showed her caves and coral reefs. She enjoyed all of that but the whole time I could sense that she was missing something.

I cooked for her almost every day. She always finished the very generous servings I presented her with. And as I had intended planning our daily occupations she was almost too tired to stay awake any time past dinner at night. Once she even fell asleep at the table.

When she wasn't sleeping or eating or doing anything that prevented her from speaking she tried to change my mind about sleeping with her. First she tried to reason with me. When that didn't work she pleaded which was really hard for me not to succumb to but my mind was set. After all her efforts had been for nothing she started nagging.

Then she turned to visual stimulation. The clothes Bella wore to sleep became more daring by the day. I wondered why Alice might have packed so many items of lingerie knowing that Bella was really uncomfortable wearing these. At least usually she was. Had Alice seen what would happen in our wedding night? Had she therefore known that Bella would have a hard time convincing me to try again?

The longer I pondered that thought the more certain I was that Alice had known about our difficulties. Every time she had tried to convince me that everything would go well she had been careful with her thoughts. Usually she reinforced her convictions by showing me the corresponding visions she had seen. But she had never shown me any vision of Bella and me on our honeymoon.

Alice knew me well enough to be certain that seeing the marks on Bella's cream skin would have stopped me from getting intimate with her in the first place.

When we were back I would have to have a word with Alice about that.

It was really hard seeing Bella in revealing bikinis and sexy nightgowns when my desire to rip the fabric off of her wonderful body was at least as urging as her need to have me touch her. But I couldn't allow myself to let my guard down. I wasn't going to take anymore risks with Bella's safety.

In a way I couldn't wait for us to get back home to change her. Then finally I wouldn't have to mind my every move not to break her. I knew it would take a considerable amount of time for her to even think about these kind of needs again, but I'd take it rather than hurting her again.

It was strange to think that you can exist a hundred years without physical intimacy not really missing it. Then when you finally get to know it, it's hard to even live through one day without it.

About a week had passed since our arrival on the island when, one evening, Bella walked into the bedroom wearing a black lacy baby-doll style negligee that wasn't hiding an inch of her marvelous body. For the first time since she had taken to wearing lingerie I wasn't able to control my expression. My eyes widened and I missed a breath or two before I managed to compose myself again.

“What do you think?” She asked as nonchalantly as if she was showing me a new pair of baggy jeans while she turned around for me to see every angle of it, of her.

What I thought was that I wanted to peel her out of the thing, grab her, carry her to the bed as fast as I could and do unutterable things with her. But that was not possible.

So I swallowed once and answered “You look beautiful. You always do.”

“Thanks,” she said disappointed by my reaction. Without hesitation she climbed onto the bed and took her sleeping position. Her head was on my chest, my arms around her to prevent her from overheating in the high temperatures even the nights had. This was the closest I had allowed us to be since our disastrous wedding night.

“I'll make you a deal,” she tried another course of action.

“I will not make any deals with you,” I replied frowning at her persistence.

“You haven't heard what I'm offering,” she went on.

“It doesn't matter.”

She sighed theatrically. She had planned this through. “Dang it. And I really wanted … Oh well.”

I had to roll my eyes at that. She knew how hard it was for me to resist giving her something when she for once allowed me to do it. Well, I could at least listen to her offering. I didn't have to sign anything.

“All right. What is it you want?”

A smug smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. She tried to fight it back.

“Well, I was thinking … I know that the whole Dartmouth thing was just supposed to be a cover story, but honestly, one semester of college probably wouldn't kill me,” I could hear the quotation marks when she recited the words I had said some months ago. “Charlie would get a thrill out of Dartmouth stories, I bet. Sure, it might be embarrassing if I can't keep up with all the brainiacs. Still … eighteen, nineteen. It's really not such a big difference. It's not like I'm going to get crow's feet in the next year.”

I didn't respond immediately. Unerringly she had found the one thing I would once have traded almost everything for. Time. But not anymore. She had met my demands and more and I had come to accept that she had made her choice. If I dared to admit it to myself, the truth was, I didn't want to delay her change anymore, although this was a selfish thing to think. Knowing how things could be between husband and wife I couldn't stand waiting any longer.

Then I reminded myself that with eternity ahead of us what was another year? I only wanted the best for Bella and it would be best for her to postpone becoming a vampire. The more human time she would have had the more probable it was that she would not have any major regrets later. But I wasn't even sure she was serious about this.

“You would wait. You would stay human.” I said the words in a quiet voice. It wasn't a question and Bella didn't seem inclined to answer.

I felt exasperated.

“Why are you _doing_ this to me?” I spat out accusingly. “Isn't it hard enough without all of this?” To emphasize my words I grabbed a handful of the negligee. Did she really think all of this would leave me cold? I wanted nothing more than to tear it apart and take her right here and now. She just didn't want to understand that I would not under any circumstances hurt her again. I forced my hand to let go of the lace. “It doesn't matter. I won't make you any deals.”

“I want to go to college.” She sounded like a stubborn child.

“No, you don't. And there is nothing that is worth risking your life again. That's worth hurting you.” I intended this to be the last word on the matter. But of course, Bella didn't give in easily.

“But I _do_ want to go. Well, it's not college as much as it's that I want – I want to be human a little while longer.”

I was completely on edge. I had to close my eyes to steady myself. I forced out the breath I had been holding.

“You are making me insane, Bella. Haven't we had this argument a million times, you always begging to be a vampire without delay?”

“Yes, but … well, I have a reason to be human that I didn't have before,” she answered me shyly.

“What's that?”

“Guess,” she said teasingly. Then she raised herself to press her lips to mine. I kissed her back, not enthusiastically, just slightly not to offend her. She felt rejected enough already. Then I pulled her away gently and hugged her to my chest again.

“You are _so_ human, Bella. Ruled by your hormones,” I laughed quietly despite myself.

“That's the whole point, Edward. I like this part of being human. I don't want to give it up yet. I don't want to wait through years of being a blood-crazed newborn for some part of this to come back to me.”

I really sympathized with that sentiment. It was my fear or problem as well. But I had a slightly different perception of time knowing the real meaning of eternity. Even if the prospect of the newborn years seemed insurmountably long, they would pass.

Bella yawned and I smiled.

“You're tired,” I said relieved that we would soon be done with this discussion. “Sleep, love.”

I started singing her lullaby to her, hoping she would be asleep soon.

“I wonder why I'm so tired,” she mumbled. “That couldn't be part of your scheme or anything?”

I laughed quietly at how well she knew me then resumed humming.

“For as tired as I've been, you'd think I'd sleep better.”

Her words caught me by surprise and I stopped singing. “You've been sleeping like the dead, Bella. You haven't said a word in your sleep since we got here. If it weren't for the snoring,” I couldn't resist mocking her a little, “I'd worry you were slipping into coma.”

In fact, she had been unusually calm. I had been disappointed that she didn't seem to be dreaming of me lately. But since her sleep appeared to be particularly deep and even, I couldn't begrudge her that.

“I haven't been tossing? That's weird. Usually I'm all over the bed when I'm having nightmares. And shouting.” She was incredulous that I hadn't noticed.

And she was right. It had me worried that I hadn't perceived her having bad dreams. Normally I could tell whether she had happy dreams, nightmares or no dreams at all. And since we got here she seemed not to have dreamed at all.

“You've been having nightmares?”

“Vivid ones. They make me so tired.” She yawned again. “I can't believe I haven't been babbling about them all night.”

“What are they about?”

“Different things – but the same, you know, because of the colors.”

I didn't understand. “Colors?”

“It's all so bright and real. Usually, when I'm dreaming, I know that I am. With these, I don't know I'm asleep. It makes them scarier.”

I was anxious by now. What could have made her dreaming patterns change? Was she afraid of something? “What is frightening you?”

She quivered shortly. “Mostly … “

I was waiting for her to go on but she didn't. “Mostly?”

“The Volturi,” she murmured.

The Volturi had been a constant threat to her for too long. A threat that wouldn't have to frighten her any longer. Somehow I had the feeling she was keeping something from me but I didn't press her to say more.

I tightened my embrace. “They aren't going to bother us anymore. You'll be immortal soon, and they'll have no reason.”

She didn't relax the way I had expected her to. Her expression still held a sorrow I couldn't comprehend. She seemed not to know the reason for it herself. Since she apparently didn't want to elaborate there wasn't a lot I could do.

When I looked into her dismal face, I felt pain myself. “What can I do to help?”

She tried to ease my worries. “There just dreams, Edward.”

“Do you want me to sing to you? I'll sing all night if it will keep the bad dreams away.”

“They're not all bad. Some are nice. So … colorful. Underwater, with the fish and the coral. It all seems like it's really happening – I don't know that I'm dreaming. Maybe this island is the problem. It's really _bright_ here.”

“Do you want to go home?” I liked it here but I couldn't wait to go home and proceed with our plans either.

“No. No, not yet. Can't we stay awhile longer?”

“We can stay as long as you want, Bella,” I assured her.

“When does the semester start? I wasn't paying attention before.”

I sighed irritatedly and began to hum her lullaby again. I wasn't sure if she even noticed I was singing to her. She was asleep at once.

 

I didn't stop humming until about an hour after Bella had fallen asleep. All the time I thought about our conversation.

Again she didn't seem to have any kind of dream. She lay still as a statue across my chest. Her breath and heartbeat indicated very deep unconsciousness.

Maybe she didn't move away from me during a nightmare because she couldn't abstain from my cool touch in the heat surrounding us. But that was no explanation for her lack of sleep talking.

It was very strange. I realized I wouldn't be able to figure out the reason for Bella's changed sleeping.

So I let my mind wander off. All the time I felt her warm body against mine. The feeling was wonderfully familiar.

What would things be like when Bella, like me, wouldn't need to sleep anymore? Since we had been together watching over her sleep had become a regular part of my daily routine. I smiled at the thought of all the possibilities future nights held for us once rest wasn't necessary anymore.

What else would be different? I would finally be able to let my guard down around Bella when she would no longer be breakable. There would be no more need to protect her from my coldness. I would miss the warmth of her skin. But that didn't matter.

It was then that I felt Bella wince while she took a heavy breath. She wiggled in my arms struggling for orientation in the dark of the night.

“Bella?” I tried to reassure her by tightening my embrace, shaking her slightly to calm her. “Are you all right, sweetheart?”

“Oh,” she let out another audible breath. Then I was totally taken aback by the tears that without warning ran down her face.

“Bella!” My voice seemed very loud in the silence that surrounded us. I was exasperatedly worried. What was wrong? Bella didn't use to cry easily. ”What's wrong?” My unsteady hands tried desperately to wipe away the tears. But as soon as the first tears were gone more followed their trace.

“It was only a dream,” she said to soothe me as well as herself. Her voice broke and her face conveyed a deep sorrow that unsettled me.

“It's okay, love, you're fine. I'm here.” I cradled her frantically in an effort to console her. “Did you have another nightmare? It wasn't real, it wasn't real.”

“Not a nightmare,” she shook her head moving her hands over hear eyes to wipe away the tears that were still overflowing. “It was a _good_ dream,” a sob interrupted the sentence.

“Then why are you crying?” I asked absolutely confused.

“Because I woke up,” she whined, locking her arms behind my neck, pulling herself close to sob against my throat.

I laughed strainedly, amused by her reasoning. “Everything's all right, Bella. Take deep breaths.”

“It was so real,” she wept. “I _wanted_ it to be real.”

“Tell me about it,” I pleaded, needing to understand. “Maybe that will help.”

“We were on the beach … ,” she began but broke off. Her face left my throat so that she could look at me with tear-filled eyes, deliberating.

“And?” I urged her to go on.

“Oh, Edward … ,” she blinked to see clearer but didn't seem to be able to explain further.

“Tell me, Bella,” I begged her for the heartache in her voice troubled me deeply.

She didn't say a word but hugged herself tighter to me again. When she pressed her lips fiercely to mine my instincts took over and I reciprocated with the same intensity. Only seconds later my mind cleared up and I pulled her away from me gently. She fought with everything she had to cling to me but I held her at her shoulders, far enough away that I could look into her eyes.

“No, Bella,” I had to deny her what she wanted. It hurt me physically to reject her.

Her arms left my neck and dropped to her sides. She appeared to be very small and desolate, tears running in streams down her cheeks again. Her breathing interrupted by uncontrollable sobs.

It pained me to see her like that and be neither able to understand nor to ease her pain.

“I'm s-s-s-orry,” she choked out between sobs.

I wrapped my arms around her, hugging her to my chest, desperate to make her understand without hurting her further.

“I can't, Bella, I can't!” I moaned tortured by my desire to give her what she needed.

“Please,” she begged in a small voice, mumbling against my skin. “Please, Edward?”

My mind was racing, fighting the urge to give in, to comfort her, to clutch her to me and succumb to my own need for her. Her pain was unbearable and without consciously thinking any further I put my hand under her trembling chin, lifted her tear stricken face and with a moan of surrender I hungrily touched my lips to hers, rolling carefully but yearning on top of her.

 

This time my touch hadn't left any bruises on Bella's skin. It had been a great relief to finally allow myself to lay hands on her beautiful body, to caress her, kiss every inch of her, permitting myself to taste her once again.

Since now I sort of knew what to expect, it was easier to react to the emotions rushing through me like jolts of electricity, to stop for a second if necessary or when that didn't work to redirect the force that wanted out at some lifeless object like the headboard of the bed.

Bella had been oblivious to the struggles I had eventually managed to handle. She had just been relishing our passionate union.

When the pent-up tension had been released Bella had fallen asleep spread across my chest. I moved my icy hands across her back to cool her fevered skin.

Now I was really able to savor our closeness without the clouds my remorse and self-reproach had cast over our wedding night. Finally I had found a way to satisfy Bella's needs and mine without putting her life at risk in the process.

The sensation of her warm skin on mine was marvelous. I could touch her without fear now, always gentle, of course. I rested my gaze on her beautiful naked body. I would never get tired of reveling in its perfection. In this very moment I was the happiest man alive. The amazing wonderful girl sleeping soundly in my arms was mine in every way and would always be. I put my hands behind my head feeling a little smug.

After Bella had slept for almost twelve hours, if I hadn't been as pleased with my life right now, I would have started to worry, she finally woke up.

She stirred only slightly, trying to hide her state of consciousness from me for a little while longer. I pretended not to notice and gave her the time she obviously needed. From the corner of my eye I saw that, after a long moment had passed, she opened her eyes just slightly to pry at me.

Then she propped herself up on her elbow to have a better look at me.

“How much trouble am I in?” she asked shyly.

“Heaps,” I turned to look at her and a self-contended smile spread across my face.

She exhaled letting out the tension that had made her hold her breath. “I _am_ sorry. I didn't mean … Well, I don't know exactly what that _was_ last night.” She shook her head as if to reassemble her thoughts.

“You never did tell me what your dream was about.” I was still curious about what had brought the behavior on that was totally out of character for Bella.

“I guess I didn't – but I sort of showed you what it was about.” She giggled insecurely waiting for me to respond.

“Oh,” I was surprised by her statement. She must really have been in acute need if a dream could have rattled her to that extent. “Interesting.”

“It was a very good dream,” she went on then stopped waiting for me to say something. When I didn't she asked gravely “Am I forgiven?”

“I'm thinking about it,” I answered seriously, teasing her a little. Of course she was forgiven, at least since the moment I had been sure I hadn't caused her any damage this time.

Bella tried to lift herself up and instantly began to sway a little. “Whoa … head rush.”

Immediately I wrapped my arms around her to steady her. “You slept a long time. Twelve hours.”

“Twelve?” she choked out disbelieving.

While she spoke she infinitesimally stretched every muscle and her eyes twitched slightly left and right, up and down trying to examine herself without me noticing it.

“Is the inventory complete?”

She nodded her head, embarrassed that I'd caught her. “The pillows all appear to have survived.” We had left the scene of our last attempt at marital cohabitation to itself and moved to the blue bedroom at least until the cleaning crew would come to erase the evidence. I had kept from sinking my teeth into objects so we were feather free this time.

“Unfortunately, I can't say the same for your, er, nightgown.” I indicated toward the end of the bed where the remains of the lacy provocative thing lay to rest.

“That's too bad, I liked that one,” Bella sighed.

“I did, too,” I said with a grin remembering how I couldn't bring myself to strip the negligee from her carefully. I had needed to get it out of the way instantly.

“Were there any other casualties?” she asked nervously.

“I'll have to buy Esme a new bed frame,” I told her hinting with my head over my shoulder to the headboard that was missing substantial pieces.

“Hmm,” she made an irritated face. “You'd think I would have heard that.”

“You seem to be extraordinarily unobservant when your attention is otherwise involved,” I was a little proud of myself that I was capable of distracting her like that, but I tried not to show my complacency.

“I was a bit absorbed,” she granted. Embarrassment had her cheeks turn a dark shade of red.

I stroked my cool fingers lightly over the hot skin and let out a regretful breath. “I'm really going to miss that.” How would I know what she was thinking once all the indications her body now supplied me with would no longer be there? No blushing, no accelerated heartbeat, no need for breathing and to my deepest dismay probably no mind reading either.

“How are _you_ feeling?”

I had to laugh at her question. She still didn't seem to have noticed that I was as pleased as she was with the turn last night has taken.

“What?” she wanted to know.

“You look so guilty – like you've committed a crime.”

“I _feel_ guilty,” she admitted. After having tried almost every dirty trick to get me to make love to her she felt guilty when she finally succeeded. She would always remain a mystery to me.

“So you seduced your all-too-willing husband. That's not a capital offense,” I conceded a smile tugging at the corners of my still gravely set mouth.

Although I hadn't thought it possible she blushed even deeper. “The word _seduce_ implies a certain amount of premeditation.”

“Maybe that was the wrong word,” I admitted.

“You're not angry?”

I smiled at her remorsefully for making her feel blameworthy and let her off the hook. “I'm not angry.”

“Why not?”

“Well, I didn't hurt you, for one thing. It was easier this time, to control myself, to channel the excesses.” I took a quick look at the broken headboard before going on. “Maybe because I had a better idea of what to expect.”

Her face broke into a smile full of expectation. “I told you that it was all about practice.”

I rolled my eyes at her pleased expression when her stomach indicated that I had, again, let her go without food for too long.

I chuckled at the noise. “Breakfast time for the human?”

“Please,” she answered impatiently fleeing the bed. As soon as her feet touched the ground she began to tumble. I hurried to her side, keeping her from falling into the commode.

“Are you alright?” I asked her alarmed.

“If I don't have a better sense of equilibrium in my next life, I'm demanding a refund,” she stated a little puzzled.

 

Bella insisted on cooking this morning. When I saw what she had made for herself I suspected that she had just been too hungry to wait for me to make her something more elaborate.

“Since when do you eat eggs sunny side up?” I asked surprised by her choice. Usually she preferred her eggs scrambled or an omelet with bacon and cheese.

“Since now,” she answered curtly putting a forkful of steaming eggs into her mouth that, in my estimation, were still way too hot to be eaten. She must have been starving. That reminded me of something.

“Do you know how many eggs you've gone through in the last week?” I showed her the heap of blue egg cartons in the trash bin.

“Weird. This place is messing with my appetite,” she said confused. Mentally I added the shift in her sleeping pattern to the list wondering what might have caused the changes when Bella interrupted my train of thoughts. “But I like it here. We'll probably have to leave soon, won't we, to make it to Dartmouth in time? Wow, I guess we need to find a place to live and stuff, too.”

I took a seat beside her. “You can give up the college pretense now – you've gotten what you wanted. And we didn't agree to a deal, so there are no strings attached.”

She snuffled at me. “It wasn't a pretense, Edward. I don't spend _my_ free time plotting like some people do. _What can we do to wear Bella out today?_ ”She said the last sentence trying to do an impression of my voice. I thought she didn't get it right but it was funny, anyway. “I really do want a little more time being human.” She leaned forward, towards me, touching her warm hand to my bare chest, stroking my skin down to my stomach. “I have not have enough.”

I was incredulous. Was that all it took to make her cherish her humanity? Well, I could give her that now.

“For _this_?” I caught her hand on my stomach before she could run it further down. “Sex was the key all along? Why didn't I think of that?” I murmured dryly. “I could have saved myself a lot of arguments.”

“Yeah, probably,” she giggled.

“You are _so_ human.”

“I know,” she admitted.

I was happy that she finally wanted to have more human time. Later, when she would give up her life to join me in eternity she would value the time she had allowed herself to spend as a human. In the very back of my head there was a small nagging voice that reminded me that I couldn't wait for her to change so I wouldn't need to worry about her any longer and that I could finally give myself to her completely.

But I silenced the regret and focused on the positive. A smile broke its way to play around my lips. “We're going to Dartmouth? Really?”

“I'll probably fail out in one semester.”

“I'll tutor you,” I offered, the smile showing clearly now. “You're going to love college.”

“Do you think we can find an apartment this late?”

She couldn't know that I had already taken care of everything, hoping she would change her mind.

“Well, we sort of already have a house there. You know, just in case.” I was a little embarrassed to admit that I had been overthinking everything again. But in this case it turned out to be a good thing.

“You bought a house?” she asked incredulous.

“Real estate is a good investment.” And even if it wasn't, what was one house more or less?

Her face turned suspicious and then changed back to her excited expression. “So we're ready, then?”

“I'll have to see if we can keep your 'before' car for a little longer … “

“Yes, heaven forbid I not be protected from tanks,” she interrupted my thought sarcastically. I grinned at her. I had suspected that she would eventually find out what kind of car I had provided her with. And I would see to that she could keep it until her ultimate change. I wouldn't take any risks that could lead to losing her.

“How much longer can we stay,” Bella asked suddenly afraid we would have to go home soon.

“We're fine on time. A few more weeks, if you want. And then we can visit Charlie before we go to New Hampshire. We could spend Christmas with Renée … “ I was determined to make the extension of her human time worth her while.

I watched her face go through a series of different emotions. The first was easy to identify, it was happiness, relief to some extend. Then there was some kind of insecurity I didn't know the reason for. The last emotion was strain I couldn't link to anything that had been said before. Again I found myself wishing for at least a little insight into her mind.

Before I could ask her about it her face relaxed again. “A few weeks.” Then a certain glowing showed in her eyes and her smile became mischievous. “So I was thinking – you know what I was saying about practice before?”

I chuckled. Of course, I was all for practice since last night, just now was not a good time.“Can you hold on to that thought? I hear a boat. The cleaning crew must he here.”

Bella's face lightened up at my words.

“Let me explain the mess in the white room to Gustavo, and then we can go out. There's a place in the jungle on the south - “

She interrupted me vetoing my plan. “I don't want to go out. I am not hiking all over the island today. I want to stay here and watch a movie.”

Of course, I knew what really was on her mind but I played along. “All right, whatever you'd like. Why don't you pick one out while I get the door.” The cleaners where almost at the door now.

“I didn't hear a knock,” Bella said stubbornly, clearly not wanting me to leave her even for a minute.

I leaned my head to the side waiting for the knock on the door. It took only two seconds until someone tapped against the door and I went to open it.

While I let Gustavo and Kaure in I greeted them, once again grateful for my fluent Portuguese. I led them past the kitchen, asking them to remove the garbage and restock the refrigerator, into the living room to introduce them to Bella. This was really the first time that I presented her to total strangers as my wife and I beaming with pride.

Gustavo looked at her and thought that I was a lucky man to have such a beautiful wife while he smiled at her politely. Kaure was afraid of me and afraid for Bella. Her thoughts indicated clearly that she felt I was not human and she wondered what I was doing here all alone with a girl. I noticed Kaure staring at Bella which seemed to puzzle her.

I asked the two cleaners to follow me to the master bedroom. Both their eyes popped wide open when they saw the mess waiting to be taken care of. I told them about two broken pillows and simply asked them to clean up the feathers. They nodded at me confusedly, their minds going through different scenarios of how the mess came about, but got down to work at once.

When I returned to Bella, leaving the two Brazilians to their business, she was still standing where I had left her. I took her in my arms.

“What's with her?” Bella murmured worried by Kaure's stare before.

I shrugged unimpressed. “Kaure's part Ticuna Indian. She was raised to be more superstitious – or you could call it more aware – than those who live in the modern world. She suspects what I am, or close enough.” I wasn't troubled by her suspicion. No one would believe her anyway. “They have their own legends here. The _Libishomen_ – a blood-drinking demon who preys exclusively on beautiful women,” I grinned at her suggestively. She was totally unaware of the way other people perceived her.

“She looked terrified,” she said troubled.

“She is – but mostly she's worried about you.” Kaure had known Carlisle and Esme for a while. She knew by now that she didn't need to fear them and she probably knew she didn't need to fear me, either. But she had never seen one of our kind in the company of a human. That's what had her worried.

“Me?”

“She is afraid of why I have you here, all alone.” I had to laugh remembering the ideas that had been in her head about what I was doing here with Bella. At first she had thought I had brought food with me. Then she was puzzled because what sense would it make to _marry_ my food. When she saw the feathery bed she kind of knew what was going on, at least physically.

“Oh well, why don't you choose something for us to watch? That's an acceptably human thing to do,” I said looking towards the DVD-filled racks.

“Yes, I'm sure a movie will convince her that you're human,” Bella laughed, wrapping her arms around my neck trying to stretch high enough to kiss me. I leaned down, touched my lips to hers and lifted her up so that I didn't need to bend.

I let my kisses wander down her neck almost too eager to wait for us to be alone again.

“Movie, schmovie,” she mumbled tightening her grip on my hair.

All of a sudden, there was a picture in my head of me holding a lifeless Bella, my teeth sunken into her soft throat and her warm blood flowing into my mouth. The image was accompanied by a sharp gasp of Kaure and an instant flame blazing down my throat. I put Bella down immediately, shocked as much by the old and long buried desire for her blood, resurrecting itself partially at the thought put in my head, as by the way Kaure had seen the situation.

When she saw that she had been wrong, she looked away, shocked, and mumbled an apology for interrupting us.

I fought my uncalled-for craving back to the farthest corner of my mind and sealed its grave securly. Then I smiled at Kaure to ease her anxiety a little and told her that everything was okay. She almost fled the room to get away from me.

“She was thinking what I think she was thinking, wasn't she?” Bella wanted to know.

Free of any blood-lust again I was relieved to laugh about her chaotic question. “Yes.”

“Here,” she said while she reached behind her to seize a random DVD and handed it to me. “Put this on and we can pretend to watch it.”

She had picked an old musical with Fred Astair and Ginger Rogers. A movie that wouldn't demand too much attention to follow.

“Very honeymoonish,” I commented.

We lay down on the sofa, my arms around Bella, her head resting against my chest.

“Will we move back into the white room now?” she asked.

“I don't know … “ I'd thought about that option, too. The big bed in the master bedroom made a much wider playground than the normal sized bed in the blue room. It was tempting. “I've already mangled the headboard in the other room beyond repair – maybe if we limit the destruction to one area of the house, Esme might invite us back someday.” It was the reasonable thing to do.

A genuine smile spread across her face. “So there will be more destruction?”

I chuckled because her joyful expression reminded me of a child on Christmas morning. “I think it might be safer if it's premeditated, rather than if I wait for you to assault me again.”

“It would only be a matter of time,” she assured me while her heartbeat sped up considerably.

“Is there something the matter with your heart?” I asked in feigned concern.

“Nope. Healthy as a horse.” She stopped for a moment. Her eyes lightened up hopefully. “Did you want to go survey the demolition zone now?”

Her eagerness amused me. “Maybe it would be more polite to wait until we're alone. _You_ may not notice me tearing the furniture apart, but it would probably scare them.”

Bella seemed a little disappointed. “Right. Drat.”

Although she had slept for almost twelve hours last night, after a while I noticed her breath getting more regular and her heartbeat slowing down while she started to dose off. She twitched to wide wakefulness when Gustavo's rough Portuguese voice announced that they were done and asked if they were to come back next week. I straightened up into an upright sitting position keeping my arms around Bella. Then I answered him that next week same time was alright. He nodded and the two of them left.

“They're finished,” I informed Bella curious about her reaction.

“So that would mean that we're alone now?” She smiled at me expectantly.

“How about lunch first?” I remembered how hungry she had been this morning and how guilty I felt for not supplying her with regular meals.

She bit her lip obviously deliberating which hunger needed to be satisfied first. So taking her hand and leading her to the kitchen I made the decision for her. There was time enough later for everything else. In fact we would have forever to sate our need for each other.

When Bella had finished the enormous helping of spaghetti with tomato sauce I had made for her she put her hands on her stomach and moaned. “This is getting out of hand.”

“Do you want to swim with the dolphins this afternoon – burn off the calories?” I suggested.

“Maybe later. I had another idea for burning calories,” she said rising from her chair to walk over to me.

“And what was that?” I played dumb waiting for her to make herself clear.

She started unbuttoning my shirt when she insinuated “Well, there's an awful lot of headboard left -”

When her warm hands touched my chest my patience was exhausted. I crushed my lips to hers fiercely, lifted her up and carried her to the bedroom at a superhuman pace.


	7. Bonus chapter - Experiments

**Experiments**

 

The whole afternoon I had worked on cooking Bella a special three-course-meal. I wanted us to have a little celebration since today was our ten days wedding anniversary.

We hadn't left the bedroom for more than the absolutely necessary time it took for Bella to either go to the bathroom or have a quick snack since, to both our relief and elation, we had finally found a way to make a physical relationship between the two of us work.

Our wedding night had been a wonderful experience for both of us but the realization that I had unintentionally hurt her anyway that came with the light of the next morning had prevented me from letting any intimacy occur between us afterward.

Then, three days ago, in the dead of night, Bella had, with fierce desperation that remained in the wake of a dream, made me change my mind and succumb to her need for us to make love again.

Since Bella had awoken the next morning to find that I was not opposed to further 'practice sessions' as she called it, we had not been doing much else.

Every time I suggested any activity outside of the house, she convinced me that we would have a much better time staying inside. Needless to say that she was right every time.

After she had finished the whole three courses with a lot of appetite and a lack of patience she put down her silverware and placed her hand on top of mine that was resting on the table.

“Thanks. That was really delicious. It's a shame that you can't enjoy it as well,” she said a little regretfully.

“I'm surprised you noticed anything about the taste considering how quickly you gulped everything down.” A mocking smile tugged at the corners of my mouth.

“Well, you know, I was kind of hungry. I've been burning off a lot of calories, lately.”

“I wonder why that is,” I said as I carefully pulled her closer to kiss her lips over the table.

When we parted again, she grinned at me mischievously. “Speaking of which … “

She stood up and, without another word, dragged me behind her to the bedroom.

“Again? You're really insatiable,” I laughed lightly as I bend down to kiss her once more. Bella's fingers skilfully undid my shirt buttons in no time.

“That's all your fault. If you weren't so good at this, I would probably have enough by now,” she said in between two kisses, baring my chest.

“You're not bad at all yourself. … credit where … is due.” The rest of my words got lost in our passionate lip-lock.

My eager tongue was nudging hers invitingly. My hands tugged at the bows that were holding her bikini top in place, which was the only top she was wearing, until it came off.

Bella's fingertips were trailing along the inside of the waistband of my shorts and, with a sudden yank, they fell to the ground. Laying her hands on my chest she pushed me away slightly, so that we could look at each other. The mischievous smile was back as her teeth were biting her lower lip.

“I've been wanting to try something for a while.” She raised her brow in anticipation of my response.

I chuckled once before I answered her, “And what might that be?”

Instead of saying anything she tried to push me to the bed. Of course, she wasn't strong enough to move me but I obliged and sat down on the edge of the mattress. I was confused when she knelt down in front of me and pushed against my chest again so that I let myself fall back until I was propped up on my elbows.

Bella's eyes stayed locked with mine as she determinedly wrapped her hand around my penis and slowly started to move it up and down. My eyes widened in astonishment when she eventually broke our eye-contact and her lips gently closed around my member as well. The inside of her mouth felt hot and wet as her fiery tongue started to move in circles.

A sigh of pleasure escaped my throat when I dropped to the bed and turned myself over to Bella's caresses. The sensation of her tongue licking my most private part was like nothing else I ever experienced.

It didn't seem right to have her serve me like that without getting anything in return. I felt very selfish not interrupting her but my whole body was heavy with lust.

Living under one roof with three devoted sexually quite active couples for decades and considering my ability to read minds I had been an involuntary witness to a lot of things that happened behind closed doors. So this wasn't really a shock to me.

But in my wildest dreams I would never have imagined that Bella would favor this sort of sexual practice. And I, being glad that I had found a way to lay with my wife at all, hadn't really started planning any wider variations.

I was reveling in the new feelings Bella's caresses inflicted on me. As she was alternately licking and sucking me, everything around me became unreal and eventually disappeared altogether. I felt nothing but warmth and delightful rapture. I heard Bella breath heavily as I panted and moaned her name. “Bella, oh, oh, Bella!”

Slowly but forcefully a tension built up inside me that finally erupted accompanied by deep groans. I didn't see or hear anything anymore. I was flying high for what felt like forever until I finally regained control over myself.

When I opened my eyes again, Bella was lying next to me, propped on her elbow, watching me with a very smug smile.

I reached out, laid my hand on the back of her neck and pulled her face down to touch my lips to hers.

Bella's little experiment had made me curious about something I had been thinking about doing for the last days but hadn't dared to, unsure whether she would be inclined to try it. But since she had just proven a certain amount of keenness to experiment I felt bold enough to try something new myself.

I let go of Bella's head and carefully sat up as all my joints felt unhinged. Then I scooped her up and placed her in the center of the bed.

“What are you doing?” she asked unsure of what I was up to.

“There is something _I've_ been wanting to try as well. Now it's my turn,” I said while I stripped her off her bikini briefs.

I kissed her lips again, opening my mouth to slip my hungry tongue into her mouth. She responded immediately with unashamed desire. I gently broke the kiss to leave her excited for more. I kissed her throat just below her left ear, feeling her pulse throbbing against my lips. Then I started to move down slowly, brushing my mouth over the delicate skin on her neck, kissing her collarbone.

Her body was covered with goosebumps. These were a definite sign of her arousal. Spurred by her reaction I let my tongue trail down until it reached her nipple and started to circle it slowly until it rose and hardened. I sucked it lightly coaxing a lustful sound out of her throat. My left hand was cupping her right breast, my fingers gently pinching the bud trying to mirror the sensation my mouth was eliciting on the other side.

In response Bella moaned and arched her back towards me. My lips moved further down, kissing the velvet skin of her stomach while my hands wandered over her thighs to her knees applying enough force to spread her legs.

Ignoring Bella's startled intake of breath I let my hands move back up again, stroking the sensitive inside of her thighs. When my fingers reached her fevered loins I felt Bella's blush in the air. I could tell that she felt embarrassed by this exposure of her private parts.

Refusing to look at her face I concentrated on her beautiful core. My thumbs split her folds and I started tickling her with my longing tongue. The alluring scent that engulfed me down here combined with the exquisite taste I found in this most private area of my wife's body was positively making me mad. I felt her body react to my touch immediately as the muscles in her lap started to twitch slightly.

“Hmm, your taste is wonderful, exhilarating. Do you like this?” I asked as my tongue swept her cleft once more.

“Oh god, yes,” she groaned huskily.

I went on enticing her until her breathing sped up and her moans became more raspy. Then I slid my index finger inside her moistness and moved it carefully until her back buckled and she started screaming. Every muscle in her body quivered as she climaxed.

In this moment I couldn't tell what had been the greater pleasure, to indulge in Bella touching me or experiencing her reaction to my caresses.

I kissed my way back up to her neck as her body relaxed in the wake of total ecstasy. I stopped when my lips were just below her right ear.

But I couldn't allow her to get any rest. My need for her was unbearable having witnessed what effect my touch had on her. I was still lying between her spread legs so, without any repositioning, I could shove myself into her.

“Ah,” she moaned as she suddenly felt me deep inside her.

“Do you want me to stop?” With a complacent smile I whispered the question into her ear as I thrust into her again. When she just moaned fervidly instead of answering me I retreated playfully. As I was about to exit her she wrapped her legs around my hips, pressing herself against me and forcing me deeper inside.

I chuckled quietly, amused and excited by her need for me. We repeated that game two times until Bella grabbed my head with both of her hands, pulling my face to hers. Our lips were already parted before they met, our yearning tongues meeting immediately. I started moving inside her faster and harder. Bella was scratching at my back like she was trying to cling to the edge of a cliff to keep from falling. But I was the one who was falling, lost in her completely.

Being beyond the need to mangle the headboard I just grabbed the sheets right and left of Bella's face to channel the force that needed to be released somewhere, attempting to maintain at least enough control to keep from hurting Bella.

As her heart was hammering frantically against my chest and she panted so heavily that I knew she was close to another climax I slowed down, trying to prolong the pleasure.

“Oh, no!” she sighed, realizing what I was doing.

“Oh yes!” I breathed into her ear, feeling aroused by her desperate need for relief.

When she had recovered a little I started thrusting harder and deeper again, which was welcomed by Bella groaning more deep-throated. As soon as I felt her being close again, I slowed down once more. Repeating that act a few times spurred my excitement incredibly.

After the third near climax she pushed against my chest with all her force. After smiling at her wickedly I obliged and rolled to my back, holding her tight to avoid losing our connection.

She was sitting astride me with a self-satisfied grin as she placed her hands on my shoulders. Then she started to move her hips back and forth, holding me very deeply inside her, only allowing me to exit an inch or so. The movements were very small but intense.

I laid my hands on her hips as we were locked as tightly as possible until, after a few moments, Bella threw back her head with a deep moan when she finally reached the peak of her excitement.

I felt her muscles tighten around me as she trembled on top of me and instantly everything around me disappeared. I was drowning in the waves of pleasure that washed over me with overwhelming force.

When I regained full consciousness, Bella was laying across my chest, still panting heavily.

“Wow, just wow.” She needed a few breaths before she could go on. “And here I thought it couldn't get any better. You always manage to surprise me.” A smile lightened up her face.

“Do I have to remind you that this was originally your idea? I just played along.”

“Well, then, let's just say, I had a great idea.”

We giggled together until Bella drifted off to a very peaceful sleep.


	8. Chapter 7 - Unexpected

**Chapter 7 – Unexpected**

 

For some days I had been pondering the need to go hunting. Since Bella enjoyed our holiday so much, I had promised her we could stay another week of two.

Now that there was no need to avoid intimacy anymore, making love had become our main occupation. As the days went by I noticed that it became increasingly harder for me to stay focused when I was in bed with Bella the longer I went without feeding.

So tonight, I decided, would be the right time to take a trip to the continent. I waited until Bella had fallen asleep to gently lift her off my chest and get out of the bed.

Esme kept some stationary in the top drawer of the dresser. I took out a sheet and addressed the note to 'Mrs. Cullen'. It sent a jolt of happiness through me every time someone called Bella by her married name.

 

_'I'm hoping you won't wake and notice my absence, but, if you should, I'll be back very soon. I've just gone to the mainland to hunt. Go back to sleep and I'll be here when you wake again. I love you.'_

 

I put the little letter on my pillow so that she would find it just in case she would wake up. I didn't expect her to wake considering she'd been sleeping like the dead since we got here.

There were no animals worth hunting here on the island, mostly birds and fish. So I had to leave to quench my thirst.

I stopped at the foot of the bed to watch my sleeping beauty sprawled across the bed. I never got tired of watching her sleep. It didn't matter that she hadn't been talking in her sleep recently. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. 

After a minute I dragged myself away from her knowing that the sooner I left the sooner I would be back.

The boat took me to the coast of Brazil in less than thirty minutes. I didn't go to Rio but landed the boat about ten miles west of the suburbs.

From there I had to run little more than twenty miles into the inland to find a piece of forest that was inhabited by a variety of small animals. Unfortunately there were no resorts with large carnivores close by. So I had to make do with what I could find here.

After a serious of different little herbivores I felt full. Although the taste was everything but satisfying. No wonder Carlisle and Esme took longer trips into the Amazon area to hunt when they were staying here. But there was no way I would leave Bella alone long enough to go that far.

As I steered the boat out to the open sea again I watched the sun rise on the eastern horizon.

I entered the house through the big french doors that led into our bedroom. Surprised to find the house quiet but the bed empty I started to look for Bella. 

In the kitchen I spotted signs indicating that she had been cooking. At night? That was odd. Her appetite was enormous these days but since when did she need a midnight snack?

I found her on the sofa in front of the television, fast asleep. The movie she had been watching was over and the screen was all blue.

She must have opened all the windows in this room and the bedroom to cool down the house. Her face was covered by a sheen of perspiration, her strappy silk shirt sticking to her clammy body.

It was thoughtless of me to leave her here in the hot house without my icy skin to keep her cool. I shouldn't be surprised that she woke up.

Carefully I lay down beside her, wrapping my arms around her to pull her close to me. My movements must have been too rough because Bella woke up with a start.

“I'm sorry,” I whispered wiping my cool hand across her sweaty forehead. “So much for thoroughness. I didn't think about how hot you would be with me gone. I'll have an air conditioner installed before I leave again.” 

While I wondered how long exactly our paradisiacal time here could last and whether I would have to go hunting again or not Bella started to break free from my embrace.

“Excuse me,” she took in a sharp breath.

Realizing her face was white as the wall I let go of her immediately. 

“Bella?”

Hand over her mouth she sped for the bathroom. I followed her instantly. She ran for the toilet, opened it and started throwing up at once. “Bella? What's wrong?” The worry in my voice was loud and clear.

I stood behind her touching her shoulder with one hand, holding her hair out of her face with the other. She didn't answer me, of course, until the spasms stopped.

She was panting heavily. “Damn rancid chicken,” she groaned. So that was what she had been cooking last night-.

“Are you all right?” I was still anxious. I had never seen her sick like this before.

“Fine,” she answered. Her breathing was strained. “It's just food poisoning. You don't need to see this. Go away.”

“Not likely, Bella.” I had definitely seen worse.

“Go away,” she groaned again, trying to put more force into it but failing miserably. When I realized she was trying to get up I supported her carefully, ignoring her feeble attempts at pushing me away.

After she had rinsed her mouth I carried her to the bed and sat down beside her, so that I could hold her upright with my arms.

“Food poisoning?” I asked incredulously.

“Yeah, I made some chicken last night. It tasted off, so I threw it out. But I ate a few bites first,” she said hoarsely.

I laid my hand on her forehead to cool her down and to make sure she didn't have a fever. Her temperature was normal and she relaxed at my touch.

“How do you feel now?”

Her brow furrowed in thought, then she stated “Pretty normal. A little hungry, actually.”

My medical knowledge told me that it was better to have her hydrated first and, when she had kept a glass of water down for an hour, I made her some breakfast: eggs as usual.

The color had quickly returned to her face and she looked totally healthy, maybe a little tired but after all, I didn't know for how long she had been up last night.

Since Bella had given up exploring the island and going back to bed to do something else was not the best idea either, considering she had been quite sick an hour ago, we just sat in front of the TV watching CNN.

When she had heard enough about politics and crises and what else had happened in the last two weeks she seemed to be well enough to think of other things again. As she turned to kiss me her face went white instantly.

She clasped her hand over her mouth again and this time she ran for the kitchen sink instead of the bathroom. Like before I stood behind her keeping her hair out of the way.

This was not normal food poisoning anymore. Everything she had eaten tonight would have come out when she vomited earlier this morning. I was beginning to fear that she had some more serious disease.

“Maybe we should go back to Rio, see a doctor,” I considered appalled by her ashen skin.

She rinsed her mouth again and then shook her head. “I'll be fine after I brush my teeth,” she said confidently on her way to the bathroom.

I gave her some time to herself. She was always uncomfortable when someone saw her showing signs of weakness, especially me. 

After fifteen minutes had passed and she still hadn't returned I started to worry again. I made my way to the bathroom listening for any sign of her throwing up again. The door was closed. I knocked to be sure I wouldn't intrude on anything.

I heard a gasp and something falling to the ground. “Are you well? Did you get sick again?” I was still waiting for her to answer me before I would go in.

“Yes and no.” Her voice held a tone I had never heard before.

“Bella? Can I please come in?” I was really scared now.

“O … kay?”

I opened the door and tried to evaluate the situation. Bella was sitting on the floor, her toilet bag in front of her. Her face was empty her gaze hollow.

I hurried to sit down next to her feeling her forehead again with my hand.

“What's wrong?” She _felt_ normal to me.

“How many days has it been since the wedding?” Her voice was very low and sounded strained.

“Seventeen,” I answered her not needing to count. “Bella, what is it?”

She held up her finger to indicate I should wait for her to think something through. Her brow furrowed and her mouth was silently forming words.

“Bella!” I couldn't stand it any longer. “I'm losing my mind over here.”

Her throat moved and she swallowed once dryly. Then she picked up a small blue box and held it up as if that would explain everything. I identified the blue thing as a pack of tampons. What did the nausea have to do with her monthly cycle? She hadn't reacted like this to hormonal changes ever before.

“What? Are you trying to pass this illness off as PMS?”

“No,” her voice broke. “No, Edward. I'm trying to tell you that my period is five days late.”

I felt my whole body freeze over. My muscles turned into the stone they were made of. I wasn't able to move even a fraction of an inch. My eyes were unfocused, seeing nothing. 

My mind felt blank although the thoughts were racing through my head.

How could I not have seen it before? I had never been around pregnant women a lot, neither in my first life nor in my second, but I could look back on eight years of medical school. 

The signs had all been crystal clear. Bella's highly increased appetite, her constant fatigue, the occasional vertigo she had experienced over the last week or so. 

How could I have missed the changes her body had gone through? Her skin was more rosy than usual, well, when the color wasn't drained from it by shock or nausea. Her bosom was slightly enlarged. Her belly showed an obvious bulge that had been growing silently over the last days. 

How could I have missed all that? Or, I hadn't really missed it. I knew Bella's body like nothing else and I was always very aware of the changes it went through. But, idiot that I was, I had blamed all that on the climate change and racing hormones. Well, of course, hormones _were_ the reason for the alterations.

Bella was clearly pregnant. But that was impossible. She had been a virgin until our wedding night. I knew that without a doubt. And for sure I was not able to father children. Or was I? In all my one-hundred years I had never heard of a vampire procreating.

But I definitely was the father. There was no other way Bella could be pregnant.

And she _was_ pregnant. But how could her condition already be so advanced? The shape and size of her belly indicated that she was at least four months pregnant when she could only have been with child for two weeks at the most.

What kind of creature was she carrying? What could result from the combination of a vampire and a human? If it would go on growing at this rate Bella's body would not be able to keep up.

I should have known that nothing good could come from me laying hands on her.

In the background of my chaotic thoughts I heard Bella mumbling to herself. I heard the words but they didn't reach me. I was having an out of body experience. Unable to move or think at will I somehow watched myself sitting there still as a statue.

Somewhere in my state of unconsciousness I noticed Bella getting up, walking a few feet and moving her hips to stick out her belly. Then she moved her hands over the bulge that was clearly visible now.

Again, she mumbled something to herself that didn't register with me. Her hands still on her stomach she stared into the mirror.

I still wasn't in control of my body or mind. Involuntarily I tried to picture whatever kind of monster could have taken root in Bella's body. So I was incapable of taking the call.

Frozen in front of the mirror, Bella didn't seem to move either.

After about twelve rings she turned around, I noticed her face was wet with tears, knelt in front of me and very carefully took the vibrating phone from my shirt pocket.

My thoughts had ceased to rush. Not able to move yet, at least I got back my conscious vision and hearing.

Bella opened the phone saying “Hi, Alice.” Her voice was still hoarse. She tried to clear her throat.

“Bella? Bella, are you okay?” I heard Alice's worried voice shrill as I had never heard it before. So she must have seen something. And given her tone of voice, it was anything but good.

“Yeah. Um. Is Carlisle there?”

“He is. What's the problem?” Alice sounded scared now.

“I'm not … one hundred percent … sure … “

“Is Edward alright?” In the other direction she called for Carlisle. “Why didn't he pick up the phone?”

So Alice hadn't seen the exact situation we were in right now? That was weird. Usually she would know what was going on long before we would.

“I'm not sure.”

“Bella, what's going on? I just saw - “ 

“What did you see?” Bella interrupted her unable to wait for Alice to finish.

Alice didn't answer although I desperately needed to know what she had seen.

“Here's Carlisle,” she said sounding a little relieved not having to say more.

“Bella, it's Carlisle. What's going on?” Carlisle's voice was calm but held as much worry as Alice's had. I felt slightly more composed hearing my father speak.

“I - ,” for a moment she seemed to deliberate what to say. “I'm a little worried about Edward … Can vampires go into shock?” It was totally like her to be concerned about me rather than herself. My thoughts were clear now while my muscles were still locked in place.

“Has he been harmed?” Carlisle's tone had lost part of its calmness.

“No, no. Just … taken by surprise.” That was a tremendous understatement. I was far beyond being surprised. I was horrified.

“I don't understand, Bella.” He was confused now.

“I think … well, I think that … maybe … I might be … “ she inhaled deeply. Of course, she had to be scared even more than I was. “Pregnant.”

Instantly she put her hand on her stomach again.

Carlisle didn't make a noise on the other end of the line. I had unconciously been counting on him to know what was going on and to have the solution to the problem. I was stunned to experience him being perplexed. Finally he seemed to have composed himself.

“When was the first day of your last menstrual cycle?”

“Sixteen days before the wedding.” Her answer came quick as a shot. She must have done the math more than once before.

“How do you feel?”

“Weird,” she answered at once. Then another round of tears overflowed. When I saw her emotional like that, supposedly frightened out of her mind, I wished I was able to take her in my arms to comfort her. But I wasn't able to move and there really wasn't anything I could have said to soothe her. I didn't see a way out of this yet.

“This is going to sound crazy,” she went on. “Look, I know it's way too early for any of this. Maybe I _am_ crazy. But I'm having bizarre dreams and eating all the time and crying and throwing up and … and … I swear something _moved_ inside me just now.”

That was enough for me to snap out of my stupor. It was _moving_ now? Inside my Bella.

When I raised my head she seemed greatly relieved that I was back with her and in charge again.

I motioned for her to hand me the phone.

“Um, I think Edward wants to talk to you.”

“Put him on,” I heard Carlisle say.

Bella handed me the phone, her face doubtful.

“Is it possible?” I couldn't muster more than a whisper.

Carlisle took some steadying breaths before he answered me.

“Edward, I cannot say anything definite. Ten minutes ago I would have been very certain to answer you that it is impossible. But from what I heard about Bella's condition and, considering the fact that she quite certainly hasn't been indulging in physical relations with anyone else, we have to consider the possibility that she might have conceived a child with you. From the way she described your reaction, I suppose that you have seen enough evidence to make you believe her assumption is correct. I think you had enough medical training to know what symptoms to look for. And you know as well that her condition seems to be far too advanced to be normal.”

So, Carlisle confirmed my fear. Again, my body went rigid with stress. I couldn't help pulling Bella close to me. I dreaded the answer to the question I had to ask next.

“And Bella?”

This time it took Carlisle even longer to form an answer. I could feel his worry through the phone even without the advantage of hearing his thoughts. After what felt like a minute he finally started to answer.

“Until now, her symptoms are quite common in early pregnancy. Usually it starts with swollen breasts, nausea and fatigue. That's all regular. But she has symptoms that indicate an advanced state of pregnancy as well. She shouldn't be showing yet, and most of all, she shouldn't be able to feel the fetus move until about the twentieth week, give or take two weeks. So, she's almost certainly not carrying a human child. I have no idea what it is that results from a vampire fathering a child with a human. Based on the fact that the fetus seems to be growing at a very accelerated rate, I would predict that Bella's body will not be able to accommodate it for a full-term pregnancy, whatever full-term means with this unknown species. But I need to examine her myself, do ultrasounds, analyze the amniotic fluid and whatever prenatal examination can be done to say anything for sure. We probably have to perform an abortion as soon as possible not to put her life at risk. You should bring her home immediately.”

“Yes. Yes, I will.” There wasn't really anything new in what Carlisle told me. He only confirmed my worst fear. Of course I wouldn't waste any time and take her home on the next plane possible.

Right after I ended the call with Carlisle I dialed the number of the airport.

“What did Carlisle say?” Bella demanded to know. She was tense but didn't seem to be as frightened as I felt.

“He thinks you're pregnant.” I felt totally drained of all energy. I'd never felt so exhausted in all my vampire-life. But I knew I had to keep moving to get us home, to have Bella separated from the problem before she could be hurt.

“Who are you calling now?” I had forgotten that she would not have been able to hear what Carlisle had advised me to do.

“The airport. We're going home.”

My discussions with the airport personelle proceeded slowly. First I talked to a lady from a travel agency who told me there were no available seats on any flight leaving Rio for the USA in the next three days.

I had her check every flight from here to any American destination north of Brazil and possible connections from there to the northwestern US. I didn't care how many stops we would have along the way. And, although I wanted Bella to be as comfortable as possible considering her condition, I didn't care if we had to fly coach, either. But the woman seemed incompetent or she just didn't care. She didn't seem to notice the urgency of my request. My patience faded by the minute.

When I realized I wouldn't have any success with her, I had her give me numbers where I could charter a private jet.

Finally, the third agency I called assured me there would be a jet waiting for us at 8 pm at a private airfield outside of Rio.

My last call was to order a limousine to the marina to take us to the airfield.

While I had argued with all the agency people I had been packing our things so that we would be ready to leave soon.

Bella had left the bedroom during my discussions on the phone after she had changed out of her nightgown and into the clothes I had laid out for her.

When everything was packed and ready I went looking for Bella to tell her about the flight home and that we would have to leave in about two hours.

I found her standing in the kitchen, a bag of pretzels in her hand, her back turned to me. I didn't want to startle her by my sudden appearance so I called her name to get her attention.

When she heard me she turned to look at me. Her face was wet with tears. I was alarmed to see her crying again. 

“Bella!” I crossed the room in a blur to carefully cradle her face in my hands. “Are you in pain?” Had the thing, I couldn't think of it as anything else, already hurt her?

“No, no - “

So she was frightened, frightened enough to cry. I gently pulled her close to me, very afraid to hurt her.

“Don't be afraid. We'll be home in sixteen hours. You'll be fine. Carlisle will be ready when we get there. We'll take care of this, and you'll be fine, you'll be fine.” I tried to put as much conviction as possible into my words. Conviction I didn't feel. I didn't want Bella to be scared.

“Take care of this? What do you mean?” She was confused. Of course, she hadn't heard my exchange with Carlisle.

I pulled away a little to be able to look into her eyes. “We're going to get that thing out before it can hurt any part of you. Don't be scared. I _won't_ let it hurt you.”

“That _thing_?” she choked out. She seemed shocked by the word. What would she call it then?

In that moment I heard noises from outside the house.

“Dammit! I forgot Gustavo was due today. I'll get rid of him and be right back.” I didn't want to leave her in this state but I had to make the cleaners leave.

I went to open the door. My mind had been too occupied to notice that it wasn't just Gustavo but Kaure, too, who was waiting in front of the door.

I greeted them as kindly as I could manage considering the tension I felt. At the same time I asked them to leave again claiming Bella was sick and needed rest. 

Gustavo just nodded already retreating towards the dock but Kaure's thoughts were doubtful as to Bella's sickness being caused by me in some way. The fact that she was right to the point felt like a stab in my gut. She told me she had prepared a special meal for us and wanted to leave it in the kitchen. Her thoughts conveyed that she needed to see Bella to ease her mind. I suggested, my voice getting more angry with my annoyance, that I would put the food in the fridge and they could just go back to the mainland but she insisted on taking it in herself.

Exasperated I went to the kitchen. Kaure following me closely, I walked straight toward Bella to remove the traces of her tears before Kaure could see them and become even more suspicious. “She's insisting on leaving the food she brought – she made us dinner. It's an excuse – she wants to make sure I haven't killed you yet.” As I whispered the words I realized how close we actually were to me being the cause for Bella's death right now.

Kaure cautiously stepped into the kitchen inspecting Bella closely. When she realized that Bella looked pale and that her eyes were glassy, she was confused. Her mind was deliberating whether Bella was really sick or very frightened. She seemed content for now knowing that my wife was alive, and she was well aware that she would not be able to do anything to keep me away from her.

Kaure mumbled an apology for bothering us while she put the dish she was carrying onto the counter. I was so stressed out that I snapped at her saying she should just have left.

When she turned around, upset by my tone of voice, Bella suddenly choked and ran for the sink again. I was behind her in an instant once again, my cool hands placed on her forehead.

“It's ok. Everything's gonna be alright again. Just breath,” I murmured in her ear trying to soothe her. Knowing what had caused the fresh wave of nausea I hid the dish with the Portuguese food in the refrigerator where its scent was locked away. When my hands were back on her sweaty forehead the attack was already over.

I gave her a moment to clear her mouth before I pulled her close to me.

In that moment I saw the two of us through Kaure's eyes. My face full of concern, my body in a protective stance, Bella resting against me but her hands in the typical gesture of an expectant mother holding her unborn child. 

Kaure's realization came with a gasp. My head was flooded by pictures of Bella, her stomach more swollen from one image to the next, the rest of her body emaciating at the same time until every bone in her body was visible through her thin papery skin. The final image was one of Bella being torn apart by the little monster ripping his mother to shreds trying to emerge her womb.

I took in a sharp breath as I turned around to face the shocked Indian woman. I tried to hide Bella behind me in an attempt to shield her from something that wasn't threatening her from the outside.

Kaure started to shout at me in a harsh voice, using her native Indian language, too agitated to speak her learned Portuguese.

“What have you done? The poor girl. You are a monster. Why couldn't you leave her alone? You murderer, demon, killer … ” I was able to understand her because my interest in languages in general had me learn this fascinating tongue decades ago.

Realizing that she seemed to know more about the phenomenon of vampire-human-procreation I took a few steps towards her. Bella grabbed my arms trying to hold me back. 

I interrupted Kaure's string of insults pleading with her to tell me what she knew.

“Please, help us, help her. You know about this? Do you know about something like this happening before?” I spoke to her in her native tongue hoping to earn a little bit of her trust.

She gazed at me incredulously. Then she pondered whether to speak to me further or not.

“I need to know something first. You are a blood-drinker, aren't you, and you slept with her, didn't you?” Her voice was loud and sharp.

I was sad to confess that she was right knowing that I had made the worst mistake I could ever have made by allowing us to get intimate with each other. I just nodded, not sure what more to say.

Kaure retreated a few steps crossing herself at the knowledge that I really was a vampire.

“Please, if you know anything about this, I need to know.”

“You are a demon. What do you care about the girl?” Her voice was furious.

“Please,” I begged her again. “Please, we need your help. I love her. She's everything to me.”

Kaure's expression changed. Her mind was wondering if it was even possible for me to love Bella but my sadness and fear seemed genuine to her. Her eyes darted from me to Bella and back again still deliberating whether to trust me or not.

She seemed to have made up her mind when she took two steps toward us again. With her hands she made a gesture miming a pregnant belly.

“Is her period late?” Kaure asked matter-of-factly.

“Yes, five days.” I answered.

“She's been vomiting, eating a lot, eggs or meat mostly?”

“Yes.”

“Can she feel it move, yet?”

“Yes.” I swallowed painfully answering that question.

When she seemed finished with her inquiry I heard in her thoughts that she was sure Bella was having my child, whatever that meant.

“Have you seen something like this before?”

In answer to my question she shook her head but I saw in her mind that her people had legends about it, legends about women being impregnated by demons, about women dying in the process.

I felt like I was being torn apart when the reality of it sank in.

“Is there anything that can be done to save her? I would do whatever it takes.” I pleaded with her once more.

Moved by the emotions on my face and in my voice she walked forward, stopping in front of us, placing her hands on Bella's stomach. I didn't really understand what she felt there but whatever it was, it made her absolutely certain that it was too late to save my Bella.

With pain in her voice she whispered “Morte.”

My eyes became unfocused with pain. I didn't notice Kaure leaving. My muscles were once again frozen with shock and fear. 

She could not be right. We could still save Bella. We just had to take the little demon out of her before it was too late. I wouldn't let her die. I couldn't let her die. If she died, there was nothing left to live for.

Bella moved beside me, walking out of the kitchen. I put my hand on her shoulder to hold her back. 

“Where are you going?” I knew how strained my voice sounded.

“To brush my teeth again,” she said.

“Don't worry about what she said. It's nothing but legends, old lies for the sake of entertainment.”

“I didn't understand anything.” It was easy to hear the work it took her to make her voice sound calm and steady. I was sure she had gotten a lot more of my exchange with the Indian woman than she let on. But I didn't have the strength to argue about it.

“I packed your toothbrush. I'll get it for you.” I went to the bathroom, Bella following after me.

“Are we leaving soon?” she asked from behind me.

“As soon as you're done.”

Unable to stand still right now, I paced around the bedroom waiting for Bella to finish brushing her teeth.

Although we were still early to reach our flight, I couldn't stand to stay on the island any longer. All the happy memories we had made here were haunting me now. I needed to get away. And the sooner we left, the less could happen that would possibly prevent us from taking off on time.

There were still some hours of light left. But today the sky was untypically overcast by gray clouds. So there was no problem for me going out at daytime where people would see me. At least the weather seemed to be on our side.

When she was finally ready I repacked the toothbrush and took a last look around to see whether I had forgotten anything.

“I'll get the bags into the boat,” I said heading off towards the dock when Bella's voice held me back.

“Edward - “ she called sounding insecure about what she was going to say.

“Yes?”

She seemed to deliberate something before she began to speak again. “Could you … pack some of the food? You know, in case I get hungry again?”

I had totally forgotten that she hadn't kept anything inside that she had eaten today. She had to be hungry. I felt so very sorry for the way she must feel.

“Of course,” I said softly. “Don't worry about anything. We'll get to Carlisle in just a few hours. This will all be over soon.” I tried to believe in my words to make _her_ believe them.

I turned around, picked up the suitcases and; on my way to the boat; I stopped in the kitchen to pack some bread and saltines in case Bella would want something to eat later. 

At the dock I halted for a moment to take some deep breaths and to calm myself. I needed to be strong and in control for Bella.

When we left the house she looked around once more. It seemed as if she was trying to commit everything about the island to memory.

As we sped away from what had been our sanctuary for the last two weeks, the clouds drew together and in the distance I heard the first clap of thunder. Very uneasy I tried to shake off the feeling that this was a bad omen.


	9. Chapter 8 - Coming Home

**Chapter 8 – Coming home**

 

It was not until the plane was airborne and Bella was asleep in the comfortable leather seat next to me that I found the quiet to really contemplate our situation. Until now, everything had been happening in a rush. There had been something to do every single minute since we had made our shocking discovery in the bathroom. First I had to arrange our trip home, charter the jet, order a car to take us to the airfield, pack our luggage and, most importantly, I had tried to appear as calm as possible so that I wouldn't upset Bella more than she already was. There was no thinking about how Bella would react if she knew how frightened I was, how desperate I felt.

My mind had been keeping itself busy with planning and executing so that it didn't have to ponder the dire straits we were in right now. But as the silence of our flight enwrapped me the magnitude our predicament started to sink in.

Bella was pregnant, pregnant with my – well, something. It was unnatural and without precedent as far as we knew. Although the pictures in Kaure's mind had unsettled me tremendously, I wasn't inclined to believe that there was no way to save Bella. Carlisle was the most experienced physician anyone could imagine. Even if there was maybe no way to perform a normal abortion, there was still the possibility of a more complex surgical intervention. We would anesthetize her, she wouldn't feel any pain, and, if there would be any complications, there was still venom that could come to the rescue, if all else failed. 

Even knowing that Carlisle would be ready to act as soon as we would be home, I still felt tense to the point of snapping. Considering that we didn't know the least bit about the parasite Bella was carrying, it was uncertain if our efforts wouldn't be too late.

We'd only taken off two hours ago and there were still eight more hours to go including one refueling stop in Denver. It felt as if I could watch the thing nesting in Bella's body grow every second and, therewith, increasing the threat it posed to her life while I felt as if I was already running out of time to save her.

 _And it is all my fault!_ My mind was screaming the words at me, making my ears ring and my heart ache. I should never have agreed to her demand to have sex while she was still human. I should have known better, that I was endangering her in more ways than I had even imagined. But I had wanted her as much as she had wanted me. So I had given in to her pleas. It was despicable of me that I had allowed myself to satiate my needs regardless of the consequences.

From the very beginning it was wrong to want Bella, to allow her to be close to me, monster that I was.

Eventually I had realized that she loved me as much as I loved her. I had left her, thinking I would do right by her, keep her safe. But it had emotionally destroyed her and me. We needed each other.

I had even come to terms with her decision to become like me although I knew it was selfish and unforgivable to take her life for the sake of never having to lose her. 

But all that was nothing compared to the danger I had exposed her to by sleeping with her.

In that moment Bella woke with a start. Her heartbeat accelerated and she instantaneously started panting. Having seen her sick many times today, I handed her a bag to through up into which I had kept ready for that purpose.

It was almost unbearable for me to watch her suffer like this being unable to ease her pain.

“Everything's going to be okay. Just breathe. We'll be home soon and this will all be over in a couple of hours.” I whispered the words into her ear while I touched my cool hand to her clammy forehead.

When the spasms ceased her breathing became more regular and her heartbeat slowed down. I took the bag from her hands and handed her a napkin.

“Do you have my toothbrush? I want to go to the bathroom,” Bella said in a strained voice.

I got up and fetched her toilet bag. “There you are.”

She took it from me and went to the front of the plane where the little restroom was located. After a few minutes she returned, her face still drained of her natural color, handed the bag back to me and sat down again.

“Can I do anything else for you?” When she shook her head I took my seat beside her again. Without a word she rested her head against my shoulder but it was only so lightly that it gave me the impression of great distance between us.

Bella hadn't really talked to me since we had left Isle Esme. Neither had I spoken to her any more than had been absolutely necessary. 

She seemed totally tense and I guessed that she was too frightened to talk to me. She didn't really touch me or seemed to be seeking my touch, either. 

I was sure that she was angry with me for endangering her life, for putting her through this ordeal. And she was right. I could only hope that she would be able to forgive me after we would have taken care of the problem. 

Hard as it may be for me to admit it, but maybe it would be best if she finally realized how bad it was for her to be with me. It was almost impossible to think about that possibility because it hurt me physically to even imagine being without her. Even though, if she would decide to leave me after Carlisle saved her life, I wouldn't stop her. I had always known that I would let her go if that was her wish. No matter how desolate and painful my existence would be without her, I would find some consolation in the fact that she would have a full, happy and safe human life. But I couldn't wallow in such negative thoughts just now. There was a very difficult task ahead of us that demanded my full attention.

Blessedly Bella slept for the rest of the journey not even waking up when we landed in Denver, the jet was refueled and we little later took off again. During the short stop I called Carlisle to inform him about our estimated time of arrival. He assured me that everything would be ready to proceed as soon as we would be home.

 

It was still dark outside when our plane landed in Seattle. As we left the customs area to walk to the exit I wasn't surprised to see my family standing there waiting for us. All of them were wearing their own signs of worry on their faces. They had all come to show us their love and support.

_Everything's gonna be okay. We'll take care of the problem when we are at home._

Carlisle's reassuring thoughts were the loudest.

The second Bella spotted them all she started running away from me and towards Rosalie, the one member of my family she had never felt comfortable around. I was totally thunderstruck when I watched my sister wrap her arms around Bella. Automatically they took a few steps away from the others.

_We did it! Bella called me and asked for help! Now you cannot harm the baby! I won't let it happen!_

My mouth fell open with shock. Bella running away from me and into Rose's arms? My lips tried to form a silent question. I was too taken aback to form a coherent sentence.

Everyone else turned to look at the two women, as astonished as I was, the clutter of their thoughts conveying that neither of them knew what was going on any more than I did.

“Please, don't be angry with me.” Bella's eyes were pleading as she said the words in a small voice. “I can't let you hurt the baby, our baby. Rosalie understands that. So I asked her to help me.” 

In these three sentences she had said more words than she had the whole time since we had left Brazil. I felt as if she was pulling the rug out from under me.

“Come on, Bella, let's go,” Rose said as she was hustling Bella towards the exit.

Bella's eyes were still locked with mine. On her face I could see the pain she felt at seeing the hurt and confusion that were surely obvious on mine. No one else was moving or able to say a word.

“Where are you going?” I called to Rosalie unable to move just yet.

“Home. Carlisle needs to examine her, to make sure everything is okay with the baby.” _But I won't let_ you _anywhere near her. I know you would stop at nothing if you think you're doing what's best for her._

As she stepped through the glass door Bella broke our eye-contact. It was only when I saw the red convertible race past the building and out of sight that I felt the ability to move again.

Without looking at the others, I ran out of the airport myself. When I reached my car I threw the bags I was still carrying into the trunk, launched myself into the driver's seat, furiously revved the engine and sped away in pursuit of the BMW.

Although I didn't waste a second to look behind me I knew that the rest of my family were following us.

Forcing the car to hit maximum speed in less than 10 seconds after I had reached the highway, I started realizing what had happened at the airport. I had been absolutely sure that Bella was frightened and would want nothing more than saving her life by taking the thing out of her as soon as possible.

After what had just occurred, it seemed that I had totally misunderstood her distancing herself from me. She had been afraid, just not afraid _of_ but _for_ the thing she called a baby. When could she have called Rose? When had she been alone long enough to make that call without me noticing it? I had only left her once, to take the luggage to the boat.

She hadn't been talking to me because she was afraid that I would find out about her intentions before Rose was there to help her. Rose, of all people. Of course, she would do almost everything for the chance of having a baby around, no matter what that baby could turn out to be.

After a few minutes I had almost caught up with the M3. I pushed the throttle to the ground as hard as I could and overtook Rosalie and Bella a moment later.

I needed to get home as soon as possible. I needed to talk to Bella. I couldn't stand the uncertainty I was feeling any longer.

Dawn was breaking as my car entered the driveway and came to a halt in front of the house a few seconds before the BMW did followed by Carlisle's Mercedes and Alice's Porsche. I jumped out, running to block the front door. 

“Bella, I need to talk to you,” I called to her as soon as she left the car.

Rosalie was next to her immediately, glowering at me. “Get out of the way!”

They halted at the foot of the stairs. The other five stopped behind them. 

Bella looked at me with a pained expression, torn between her longing to give me the explanation she owed me and her fear that I could do something to hurt the little monster she was carrying.

“Rose, this is none of your damn business. Please, Bella, I need to know what's going on,” I begged her as I took two steps towards her.

Instantly Rosalie positioned herself in front of Bella, her eyes burning into mine. “Step away from the door and don't you dare coming any closer,” she growled at me.

That second Carlisle was at my side, very confused about what was going on. “What is the matter? And why aren't we all going in to talk?”

“Would you two please stop arguing?” Bella addressed her plea to Rose and me. Then, looking at her father-in-law, she continued. “Carlisle, would you please examine me to see what's going on with the baby? This is all so strange. I need to know that everything is okay with him.”

Her voice sounded very tender as she spoke about the thing inside her. Carlisle seemed as taken aback as I was.

“Of course, let's go to my study. I have everything there that's necessary to monitor the fetus.”

Everyone was looking at me since I was still blocking Bella's way to the door.

“Edward, please, let me pass.” My face fell in pain at her refusal to talk to me. Defeated I stepped to the left so that Rosalie and Bella could enter the house.

We climbed the stairs in silence, Carlisle in the lead, Bella behind him followed by Rosalie and then me. The others must have stayed downstairs thinking it best to give us a little privacy for the examination. 

Rose came to a stop in front of the open door to the study. Bella and Carlisle had already entered the spacious room.

“You wait out here,” Rosalie ordered. 

“The hell I will. It's my wife in there and I'm going to be right by her side.”

_I cannot risk you doing anything to the baby while you're in there, close to the necessary medical equipment._

“Are you insane, what do you think I'm going to do? Knock her over the head and cut her open while Carlisle is standing around to watch?”

“I don't know. Maybe just that.”

I was exasperated. She really tried to deny me the right to know about the condition of my wife and our – there was really no remotely nice word for that thing.

We tried to stare each other down, non of us moving an inch. Bella's voice put an end to our confrontation.

“Rose, please let him in. He has a right to know. It's his baby, too.”

She still didn't move.

“I promise to keep my distance, okay,” I conceded. After deliberating for another second, Rosalie went into the study and walked over to Bella, who was already lying on an examination table, taking position on her left side. I went inside, too, stopping about ten inches away from Bella's feet.

Carlisle had equipped the room with an ultrasonic device, an x-ray machine and several other devices for monitoring vital functions.

“Bella, please lift your shirt and bare your abdomen. To start with, I will do a sonogram. That should tell us about the stage of the baby's development, what it looks like, what it is,” Carlisle explained as he put some gel on the ultrasonic probe.

Very shyly Bella pulled up her shirt. Carlisle and I simultaneously held our breaths. Her stomach was considerably more bloated then yesterday in Brazil when I had seen it last. Carlisle forced his breath out again and touched the probe to Bella's skin. Nerves on edge I moved my eyes to the monitor unsure of what we were going to see there. Carlisle's brow furrowed when, after trying out several positions and gliding back and forth over the bulge at least ten times, there was still nothing but a black display laced with a few gray spots.

“This is odd,” Carlisle murmured. He turned the machine off and on again but nothing changed. _I'll try some other organ to see if the machine is working right._ He moved the probe upwards and to the right and the display showed Bella's liver. Then he moved it to the left and her stomach was visible on the monitor. _That's strange._

“What does it mean?” I asked anxiously.

“Carlisle, what's wrong?” Bella demanded to know in a worried voice.

“The ultrasonic waves seem to be unable to penetrate the amniotic sac. We need to try another method to get a picture of the fetus. Bella, please get up. I'll do an x-ray.” While Carlisle explained he was already at the x-ray machine preparing it to do a radiogram. 

“Won't that hurt the baby?” Of course, Rosalie was only interested in the parasite's well-being.

“No, it won't,” Carlisle answered. “The exposure rate is very low nowadays. So, if it's necessary, you can do a number of x-rays during a pregnancy.” _And it really is necessary in this case._

We waited in silence until Carlisle had developed the radiogram. 

_Nothing, again. It looks like the fetus is very effectively protected._

He held the photographs up against the light for us to see. Just like the sonogram there was only a big black spot where the uterus and the fetus should have been visible.

“What, what is it?” Bella looked from Carlisle to me and back to Carlisle to find an answer.

“It seems like x-rays can't get to the fetus any more than ultrasonic waves can. It's protected,” Carlisle explained looking at Bella. “Please, lie down again. I'll try to feel it through your skin.”

She went back to the examination table and lay down. As Carlisle touched her belly it was obvious that something moved inside. I gasped in shock.

_It's moving. So what now? Babies move! No big deal. Pull yourself together, already._

I growled at Rosalie under my breath. Was all this just a joke to her?

“I cannot feel the fetus either. The uterus feels as hard as, well, vampire skin.” He took his hands off of Bella, straightened up and, while he went on, he looked alternately at Bella and me. “And that is my best guess. The fetus seems to be surrounded by an amniotic sack made from something at least very similar to vampire skin. But it is already strong enough to make moves that are perceptible from the outside.”

A shudder ran down my spine. The thing was living in a marble bubble but was already strong enough to bend it. We needed to get it out immediately. It was only a matter of time until it would hurt Bella with its strength.

“So, what are our options?” I looked at Carlisle hoping he would find a way to make Bella see reason.

“We still don't know what the fetus is like, I mean, vampire, human or something else altogether. It's growing very fast. From the shape and size of your uterus, Bella, I would estimate that your condition would be comparable to a normal human pregnancy in the second trimester, about 24 or 25 weeks since the first day of the last cycle. That would mean your condition is advancing approximately ten times faster than usual. This is very dangerous. I would strongly advise to perform an abortion – “

“No,” Bella shrieked. After a second, she continued more calmly. “Never! So, what are the dangers?”

_The problem is, we don't even know what complications might occur._

His words weren't really meant for me to hear. He looked at me worriedly, assembling his thoughts then turned to Bella who was sitting on a chair next to the table by now.

“Well, if it will go on growing at this rate, it is demanding room in your abdomen much faster than your body can provide it. The bigger it gets, the stronger it becomes and that means that its movements could break your bones or cause internal bleeding if one of your organs would be injured. You look a little dehydrated. Have you been drinking enough?”

Bella's lips formed a thin line as she pressed them together. “I have, but I have been throwing up almost as much as I drank or ate.”

“That's another factor. Your body needs nutrition that you're not getting right now. If you continue to vomit every time you eat, your vital organs shut down one by one. You should let us help you, Bella.”

“You mean, take it out, don't you? No, no! This is my decision and I'm not killing my baby.” 

Tears started to stream down her face. Her hands were caressing her stomach. 

I had walked two steps towards her when Rosalie rushed around the table to block my way. “Leave her alone,” she ordered in a sharp tone staring me in the eye.

“Rose, stay out of this. I need to talk to my wife. Bella, please?” I looked at Bella, desperate to have a word with her.

“Rosalie, it's okay,” she whispered. Rose glowered at me for another moment before she stepped aside.

Knowing that I wouldn't get a chance to talk to her alone, I walked another two steps, then went down on my knees to be closer to her eye level. I took both her hands in mine, fondling her wedding ring with my right thumb.

“Bella,” I inhaled and then exhaled once before I went on. “Don't you see how dangerous this is? We don't even know what's going to happen to either you or the - well, it. We can not take that kind of risk with your life. I love you. I've never been as afraid of losing you as I am now. Please, let us help you.”

Her tears were spilling faster now. “I can't. This is our baby.” She gently pulled her hands out of mine to place them on her belly. “I love you, Edward. You know that. But I love him, too. I cannot let you hurt him.”

I was helpless. Knowing no other way, I had to say out loud what every one of us must have been thinking. “What if it will hurt you, kill you? I can't let that happen.”

“If he hurts me, you can change me as soon as he's born and no harm will be done.” Wiping the tears away she smiled at me confidently.

Carlisle chimed in as he sensed that I was at a loss. “It's not that easy. Venom can only work as long as the heart is beating. But we are not going to reach a consent here. I think we can wait and watch how things will turn out over the next few days. Hopefully, it won't be too late to act on a moment's notice. First I will administer a medicine that's meant to reduce your nausea, Bella. We'll see how that works.”

Bella smiled, content for the moment. Rosalie grinned smugly while Carlisle's face was worried.

I felt hollow and defeated knowing I was losing precious time to save Bella's life.

 

Over the next couple of days we were all watching Bella being violently sick every time she ate the smallest bite of anything. Carlisle's medicine didn't improve her condition the least bit. Every one of us could see that she was getting thinner each day while her bump got considerably bigger and the fetus's movements caused her more pain with each passing day.

Time and again, I tried to reason with her as my heart got heavier with fear by the minute. There were two disputing parties in the house now. One, consisting of Bella, Rosalie and Esme, was of the opinion that it was Bella's choice and hers alone whether she wanted to have the baby or not. The other party, Alice, Jasper and I, were certain that the thing would kill Bella in the end and could, therefore, and because non of us knew what kind of a creature it would turn out to be, not be allowed to endanger Bella's life any longer. Emmett was on our side, but would never act against Rosalie, while Carlisle was undecided. He didn't want to intervene as long as Bella was opposed to any interference. But he was also convinced that Bella probably wouldn't survive the pregnancy.

Unfortunately we weren't able to profit from Alice's ability because she had stopped seeing Bella at the time we found out she was pregnant. Starting with our wedding night, Bella's future had begun to become increasingly blurry until it had, eventually, vanished altogether. The fetus seemed to block Alice's visions as well as all of Carlisle's attempts at examining it.

Rosalie, Bella's new bodyguard never left her side. My arms ached from longing to hold her at night but I wasn't allowed to come closer than three feet to the bed she was sleeping in. Rosalie was convinced that, if she left Bella for a minute, I would find a way to have the abortion done even against her will.

The more days passed and the more Bella's body deteriorated, the more I had to admit to myself that Rose was probably right. From day to day, Bella's heartbeat became a little more irregular. It started with an extra beat every now and then, turning into full scale arrythmia while the sound of her beating heart became more labored.

I was ready to do whatever it would take to save her life. Even if it meant that Bella would hate me forever, I needed to rescue her before it was too late. But I didn't stand a chance with Rosalie constantly hovering over her and Carlisle unwilling to do anything Bella didn't agree with. 

All the while it caused me physical pain to not be able to be close to the woman I loved more than anything. 

Bella looked at me as if she was missing my touch as much as I missed holding her. But the gap between us kept either one of us from taking a step towards the other. 

I was afraid to come close to her out of fear that she might not want me after all the pain I was causing her. With the thing growing inside of her, sucking the life out of her, I felt as if I had defiled the purest, most perfect of all humans.

The feeling of guilt was eating away at me. Despite the way she was suffering right now she never said a word or did anything to make me feel like she was blaming me for anything. In fact, she acted as if I had given her the greatest gift possible and she was more than grateful for that.

When we had been back from Brazil for about a week Carlisle came to talk to me. Bella had taken to lying on the couch in the living room most of the time. Since walking around became increasingly arduous for her, it would have been easier if she just stayed upstairs in our room where the bathroom was near. But she insisted on being downstairs around the family. 

Although I was not allowed, either by Rosalie or by myself, to touch Bella, I still refused to leave the room she was in. I needed to be at least theoretically within her grasp, to listen to her heart and her breath, to know that her vital organs were still sufficiently operating. At the same time she didn't want me to be away from her, either.

_Edward, I need to have a word with you._

Bella was sleeping an uneasy sleep. Carlisle's mental voice startled me in the quiet of her rest. Although I knew she couldn't hear me, I whispered to her. “I have to go for a minute. I won't be far, my love, and I will be back before you'll notice that I'm gone.”

_What, finally you're able to jerk yourself away from her?_

I gave Rosalie a furious look before I turned to follow Carlisle to his study. He sat down at his desk with a sorrowful look on his face.

“You wanted to talk to me?” I took a seat across from my father, waiting for him to give me what seemed to be very bad news.

“Yes. You can see for yourself how Bella is getting thinner and thinner while the fetus seems to be growing at a constant rate. I'm worried about her heart. You will have noticed the arrhythmia. What you might not know yet is that her heart is starting to fail. If she continues to lose her strength, and I don't see a way around that, her heart will give up before she can give birth. There's nothing I can do against that. Even venom can not overcome cardiac arrest.”

Although I had known in the back of my head that it would probably come to this, it was a totally different thing to hear the most capable physician I knew confirm my worst fear. 

There was nothing I could do. Bella was dead set on having the little monster and Rosalie wasn't going to let us get it out. 

I had been using all my powers of persuasion to get her to see reason but it was all to no avail. Knowing Bella, I was sure, when I would tell her what Carlisle just told me, and certainly I would, it wouldn't make her change her mind. She was willing to give her life for that thing.

I was feeling awfully cold. My body shivering with the unthinkable prospect of Bella dying, her heart ceasing to beat, her breath stopping, her skin turning cold. 

After all the time I had fought fate to keep her alive, death would finally take her from me. My Bella would leave me forever, because she wanted to protect something that I had infected her with, something that shouldn't exist in the first place. It felt like I was killing her by my own hand, and technically speaking, I was.

I couldn't go on existing without her. I had already experienced what it felt like to think she was dead. It was unbearable. We had promised each other 'forever'. Now, knowing I would soon be without her, forever felt like an unbearably big load to carry on my shoulders.


	10. Chapter 9 - Visitor

**Chapter 9 – Visitor**

 

“Hey, dad.” Bella's voice sounded weak and hoarse. “How are you?” Hearing her labored breathing in between words, even over the phone there couldn't be any doubt about the seriousness of her condition.

“Worried. How do you feel, Bella?” On the other end of the line Charlie's anxiety was clearly audible.

After he had tried calling our house several times without anyone taking his call, we had decided it would be best if Bella called him. Since it was unthinkable to tell him the truth, we opted for a story as close to the truth as possible. Considering Bella's bad state and her lack of acting skills, the less she would have to lie the better. So, as far as Charlie knew, Bella had caught a rare but highly contagious South American gastro-intestinal-disease. To keep him away Carlisle had told him that Bella was quarantined and no one besides him and me was allowed to see her. 

That had been two days ago. Today he called again to hear if there were any news.

“I feel weak and tired. But I'll be okay, dad. Don't worry.” She tried to say the last words with as much conviction as possible. To hear the effort it took her to make that statement made me cringe.

“You sound worse than the last time we talked. I want to see you, today.” He sounded determined. Everyone standing around could hear that he was about to get into his car and drive over here.

“No, that's impossible. It's too dangerous.” She swallowed once before continuing. “It's bad enough that Edward and Carlisle could get infected. You need to stay away.”

“Bella, I don't care. You sound bad. I need to see you.”

Although I knew Bella felt the need to see her father, felt the need to say some kind of goodbye once more, she was afraid he might show up here to see her, and, therewith, see that what was happening here, was far from being natural. 

Her heartbeat sped up and her face turned paler than she had already been. Increasing nausea was her regular reaction to stress, lately. Feeling like something was tearing me apart from the inside, I took the phone from her and handed it to Carlisle while I grabbed the bowl that was standing in front of the couch she was lying on and held it up so that she could throw up into it. Rosalie was standing right next to me watching my every move to make sure, I wouldn't do anything I wasn't allowed to do.

Carlisle left the room to talk to Charlie without him hearing what was going on.

Spasms were shaking Bella's body as she was alternately groaning and retching. Seeing her in pain like this, I had to fight the desperate scream that was building up inside me, knowing that I had done this to her and I was absolutely powerless against her refusal to have terminate the pregnancy.

“I cannot stand to see you suffering like that. Can't you see how dangerous this is? You're getting weaker by the hour while the thing is growing stronger and stronger. Bella, please, let Carlisle put an end to this before it's too late.” It was not the first time Alice begged Bella not to risk her life like that. And she wasn't the only one repeating the same points time and again. But her pleas didn't change Bella's mind any more than mine or Carlisle's did.

 _Keep your distance!_ Rosalie thought at Alice. She wasn't willing to let anyone other than Esme, Carlisle or herself come close to Bella. At least I was allowed withing the three-feet-range again since Bella had told Rose that she felt better when I wasn't banned from her side. But every time I came that close, Rosalie was hovering even closer than usual.

“Bella,” Alice started again but was interrupted by Esme.

“Alice, you don't understand this. If you have to make the choice between your baby's life and your own, no mother would chose herself over her baby. It doesn't work that way.” Esme's words were soft and directed at me as well as Alice. “I know, this is hard for you. But you have to stop making Bella feel bad because her decision causes you pain. This isn't helping anyone.”

 _Edward, I'm sorry, but I can't see it any differently._ Esme was aware of the fact that Bella might die soon and she could at least imagine what having to live without her love would mean for me, but, having lost a child in her human life, she knew, if it were her instead of Bella, she would make the same decision. It hurt her a lot to know that we, and, most of all, I would possibly lose Bella, but she saw no way around that.

Rosalie knew as well how seriously the pregnancy was threatening Bella's life. She was willing to take that risk if it meant that there would be a baby in the house, even if it was not her own. She had come to really respect Bella for her courage. I was sure that she still didn't like her a lot but she admired her and the two of them were united in their effort to protect the creature until it would be safely born, no matter what the consequences might be.

“But, Esme, we don't know what the thing will be like. It's dangerous to bring something into the world that could expose us or, even worse, endanger the humans that live all around us. It doesn't fit in with our way of life. You have to see that.” It was the first time that Jasper participated in the discussions that we had several times each day. He stood right by Alice's side, his arms around her shoulders to show her his support.

“What could it be? It won't be human, it's growing too fast. It can't be vampire since it's growing at all. It is a bit of both. That doesn't mean it's dangerous. It's just a baby.” Rosalie was, as always, the one who saw things as simple as possible and only from her own perspective.

“You don't know that. You know about the immortal children. We could be facing the same problems here.” Jasper tried to be the voice of reason, again.

“Please, would you all stop fighting?” Bella had taken her usual posture, lying on the couch in a fetal position, again. “It is my decision and it has already been made. I don't want you to argue constantly. In time you'll all see how just wonderful the baby will be.” She took my hand and squeezed it lightly. Although I was anything but agreeing, and, every time I looked at her, I had to realize that, yet again, she looked weaker and closer to death, I forced myself to look at her. Right now I didn't have it in me to dispute with her anymore.

As I watched her, it was like a stab in my gut to see how much she had changed in the last ten days, since we had left Brazil. 

Her wonderful chocolate eyes were set deep in their sockets, dark shadows beneath them indicating a serious lack of rest. The parasite never let her sleep for long, always kicking or boxing her awake. It was sheer coincidence that no bones were broken yet, no organs injured.

The cheekbones I loved so much when they were covered by one of Bella's adorable blushes, were protruding, threatening to break through the papery skin.

The lips I still desperately longed to kiss but didn't give myself permission to were dry and colorless. Her formerly shiny brown hair was dull and untidy.

The hand that weakly held mine was nothing but bones and veins.

Although you could already see her being slowly drained of her life, she was still the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

I felt her energy leave her and I had started to savor every moment I had left with her knowing they were numbered. I memorized the sound of her heartbeat, committed her still wonderfully potent scent to memory. I didn't want to lose any of it although I knew reminiscing about all this, everything that made her my Bella, in a time when she wouldn't be around anymore would only torture me.

Bella was deteriorating fast while the bulge in her middle was sticking out, the skin covering it decorated with bruises its inhabitant had caused by the force of his movements. 

I hated that thing with all my might. More than I had hated James who had wanted to slowly torture Bella to death and more than Victoria who had created an army to make sure Bella would be killed only to hurt me. But even more than I hated the little monster, I hated myself for giving the thing the chance to exist in the first place.

Every time Bella suffered one of the nausea attacks, I felt like my skin was on fire. Each time the creature moved and Bella tried to silence the moans of pain that wanted to escape her lips, I felt like someone was readjusting the rack I was already being stretched on very tightly.

“I could convince Charlie to stay away for now,” Carlisle said as he reentered the room and thereby ended my dwelling misery. _But he won't wait much longer to see her._ His mind added the last sentence while he was looking at me.

We had decided to tell Charlie that Bella was very seriously ill knowing it would provide us with an explanation for Bella's imminent disappearance. No matter whether she would be changed soon or … I was unable to finish that thought. I knew that outcome seemed to be inevitable but I was still unwilling to accept it. But, anyway, as far as Charlie would know, she would die of her disease.

Bella had let go of my hand to wrap her arms around her swollen stomach. The posture that looked as if she was caressing the thing inside always made me sick. The gesture was so filled with emotions, love and gratitude in a way, it made my heart ache to know that she would never give in and let us save her.

My mind had been working frantically since my shattering conversation with Carlisle the other day, desperate to figure out some way out of our intricate situation. 

Of course, telling Bella about the fatal danger she was in which was becoming more serious every day didn't make her change her mind. 

She had been sitting on the couch, a blanket over her legs, smiling at me unconvincingly. “I know that it's dangerous, but I can do it. I'll hang on until he's born and then Carlisle will change me. I know I can do it. Just trust me.” Then she had reached out her hand to take mine and placed my palm against her cheek. Looking into her confident eyes I had known I had lost another battle but I was not yet ready to abandon the field.

Going through one idea after the other I had been shaping a plan. Unlikely though it may be that Bella would agree to my suggestion, I couldn't give up knowing that I had not been doing everything in my power to safe her life. But I couldn't just propose my idea to her, I needed the help of the one person I had been sure I would never ask for any favors. I knew, if there was anyone able to show her an acceptable alternative to dying in the process of this unnatural pregnancy, it was Jacob Black.

I had been planning to talk to him for two days now, but I couldn't bring myself to leave Bella. I was sure, he wouldn't take my call if I tried to reach him over the phone. And I knew as well that I would be breaking the treaty if I drove over to the reservation to talk to him in person. Though, if Bella's life depended on it, I would gladly do so and deal with the consequences later.

But her condition was changing, usually for the worse, so quickly that I felt I would be losing precious time with her, minutes that I would never get back, when I left her to go see him. At the same time, Bella didn't want me to leave her side, either. Maybe she was feeling our time together slipping through our fingers as well. I couldn't post-pone it much longer, though. I would have to make the trip to La Push today or tomorrow.

 

I was very grateful that Bella had finally fallen asleep. Today had been a long and exhausting day although it was just late afternoon. Talking to Charlie and hearing his worry had taken a toll on her strength. She had been throwing up more often than the days before and the creature had been more agile today, too. 

Every move inside her stomach made her gasp although she worked hard not to let on how painful these movements were for her. Each of these gasps always felt like another stab into my already bleeding heart.

Unfortunately her sleep wasn't deep and quite restless, as it had been for more than a week now. The heaviness of her bloated stomach prevented her from tossing as she usually would have in that state of sleep. She moaned quietly, giving away her discomfort like she would never have while being awake. I could only guess how hard and painful it all must be for her.

I was sitting on the sofa a few inches away from her feet while Rosalie sat next to Bella's head, stroking her hair lightly, trying to make her sleep more restful.

My eyes were fixed on Bella's face, taking in her every expression as my hands were aching with the need to touch her, stroke her cheeks lightly, like I had done so many nights before I had turned our lives into this misery. But I couldn't. As long as Bella was awake and she insisted on touching me or having me touch her, Rosalie would scowl at me but let it happen. As soon as Bella was asleep, I was glad she let me stay near enough to imagine I could reach out my hand to touch her.

Even if Rose wouldn't stop me, I didn't dare to lay hands on Bella while she was sleeping. I didn't deserve to feel her soft skin, her comforting warmth for the sake of easing _my_ pain. I had brought this upon her, upon us. What I deserved was to be struck by lightning or skinned alive. And most of the time I felt as if these punishments were happening to me all at the same time. And still it was nothing compared to what it would feel like when Bella would be gone.

In her sleep her hand wandered to her bump, stroking it lightly through the blanket that covered her. All of a sudden her face lit up and her mouth formed a contented smile. It made my heart sore to see the love and devotion she felt for the thing that was killing her, sucking the life out of her.

I had to turn my gaze away to catch my breath. My eyes wandered around while I tried to steady myself again. I saw Emmett sitting in front of the almost mute TV flitting through the channels. His mind was blank, tormented by the strained situation we were all living in and bored by every form of distraction he could think of.

Jasper was sitting on the opposite side of the room looking down on Alice's hand he was holding. His mind was constantly worrying about how she would handle it when Bella died. She would be losing the person that was closest to her aside from Jasper.

As my eyes moved on I met Alice's stare. 

_I'm frightened, Edward. She can't endure the strain much longer. I'm frightened because I can't predict what's going to happen._

I clearly felt the pain Alice was feeling. But I didn't know what to answer her. I couldn't ease her anxiety. I was frightened myself. She must have seen it on my face because her thoughts quickly drifted off towards her favorite songs. Everyone was always trying not to burden me with their worries while I was already being tortured by mine.

All normal life around the house had ceased to exist. No one had been hunting since our return. Esme hadn't worked on any of her plans, Alice hadn't done any shopping or designing, Carlisle hadn't been to the hospital. Neither of them had even left the house. Everybody was sitting around the living room all the time to keep Bella company, or really to make sure the opponents wouldn't have any advantage.

Right now Carlisle was upstairs in his study rummaging through yet another dozen of books hoping to find something on human-vampire-hybrids, pregnancies and births. 

Knowing that he had read every book in that library-like room, and, considering that vampires weren't able to forget anything even if they wanted to, it was less than unlikely that he would find something that he hadn't already known before. But he needed to keep himself busy. Esme was with him hoping her presence would console him.

_I made it. Sam's sure not gonna follow me here. So, what exactly am I gonna do?_

Jacob's thoughts reached me a moment before everyone else was alarmed by the sound of a motorbike coming slowly down our drive.

_It's not like I could surprise them. He'll already know what I'm coming for. But he's arrogant enough to still want to fight me alone._

I had to smile a little at that last .

“Edward, what's going on? Who's coming and why?” Jasper was at his feet the second he heard the bike.

“Must be a wolf. The blur I'm seeing recently just turned into complete black for the next hour. But no one besides Jacob would dare to come here.” Although Alice was incapacitated in terms of her visions lately, she could still put two and two together rather quickly.

“Yes, it's him. He's here to see what's really going on with Bella. His dad talked to Charlie today.” 

_When I'm finished with him I'll take as many of the rest of them as I can before they get me. Will Sam consider my death provocation? He'll probably think I get what I deserve. Wouldn't want to offend his bloodsucker BFFs._

We had instinctively gathered around the couch Bella was sleeping on. Even though we had been speaking very quietly she was wakened by the commotion.

“What's up? Why are you all standing around here?” She looked from one face to the next stopping at mine. 

“We're waiting for a visitor to arrive,” Emmett told her.

“Charlie's coming after all. What do we do? What do we say?” She started to panic at the thought of her father showing up here.

Jacob cut his engine in the meadow in front of the house.

“Calm down, it's not Charlie. It's Jacob. He wants to see what's going on.” I spoke soothingly to ease her stress as far as I could.

“Jacob? How does he … of course, he talked to Charlie.” Bella straightened herself up a little bit.

_Ah, they know it's me and they don't seem to like it. Great._

Carlisle came flying down the stairs followed by Esme. _I'll better open. I think he will keep his calm in front of me._ I nodded infinitesimally as he crossed the open living room door on his way to the entrance while Esme joined us.

 _Oh, only the doc. I was hoping for Edward, fangs out. Carlisle's so_ human _or something._

Jacob's thoughts drifted off to the time Carlisle had taken care of him when he was on bed rest after the newborn attack.

“I heard Bella made it back alive?” Jacob asked in a sharp voice.

“Er, Jacob, it's not really the best time. Could we do this later?” Carlisle's tone was calm but sounded reserved.

_Post-pone the death match for a more convenient time?_

“I hope he'll listen and just leave. We have enough to handle. We can not let him in on this,” Emmett murmured.

“Why not? Are we keeping secrets from Jacob, too? What's the point?”

Jacob heard Bella's confused, hoarse voice wondering what that sound might mean.

“Come in, please, Jacob,” Bella called towards the door. The effort it took her to raise her voice was obvious.

_Is she sounding so strained because she's thirsty? Well, I don't care._

“Excuse me,” Jacob said as he determinedly walked past Carlisle.

 _Won't kill_ him _. There are enough of them to fight. Hm, looks different than the last time. No party lights, no guests, lots of white stuff, though_

He looked around the room, seeing all of us standing around the sofa. Then I heard the shock in his mind as I saw a picture of myself looking as if I was being eviscerated and quartered simultaneously while trying with all my might to keep from crying out in pain.

_Something's very wrong. It has to be Bella. Nothing else would have him suffer like that._

That second he saw her, took in her posture and her scent. For a short moment he felt relieved that she was still human. Then he really looked at her, noticed how skinny she was, how exhausted she looked, how her face was covered by a thin layer of sweat. Immediately he was convinced that Bella was really, seriously sick.

As he examined Bella further her heartbeat sped up and she started panting as she already had too many times today. Rosalie picked up the basin this time to hold it for Bella to vomit into it. Hearing her retching and moaning yet again made me lose my labored composure as I dropped to my knees. I didn't really notice Rosalie's warning gesture. I was too wrapped up in my own misery, knowing I was the reason Bella was suffering like that.

In the back of my mind I was still hearing Jacob's thoughts. He was confused by the new found understanding between Bella and Rose and by Rose trying to keep me at bay like that.

“Sorry about that,” Bella whispered towards Jacob a moment later. It made me groan quietly to hear her apologize for something she had no control over. My head sank against her knee as I had to let myself go a little bit further. Without looking up I felt Bella's hand against my cheek in a comforting gesture. I reveled in her warm touch but it didn't feel right to have her soothing me when she was the one hurting because of what I had done to her.

I heard Rosalie hiss when Jacob approached the couch. 

“Rose, don't,” Bella said under her breath. “It's fine.”

Unable to move I didn't look up to see what was happening though the thoughts around me gave me a very clear picture of the scene.

“Bella, what's wrong?” Jacob was too worried by her haggard look to manage more than a whisper.

He ignored the interference and knelt down leaning over the back of the sofa right across from me.

“Are you all right?” He took her hand in his as he spoke.

“I'm so glad you came to see me today, Jacob,” she said without answering his question. I couldn't hold back another moan. Bella's hand patted my cheek soothingly. She had been talking a lot about Jacob in her sleep. She never talked about him when she was awake for fear it would hurt me to know that he was on her mind. But I knew she had been longing to see him, to make up for their improper farewell at our wedding. Although she never admitted it, she was afraid to run out of time. Her words made it clear to me for the first time that she herself suspected she was dying after all. No matter how strong she always tried to appear, she was anything but sure she could hold on long enough to survive.

“What is it, Bella?” Jacob insisted on knowing what was going on.

In his mind I saw Bella's eyes wander around the room until she looked at Rosalie.

“Help me up, Rose?”

Instead of helping Bella, she bared her teeth at Jacob, scowling at him in her most threatening way.

“Please, Rose,” Bella asked her again.

 _Why would you bother showing him? This is non of his business._ Rose thought _._

A second later I felt her next to me, supporting Bella's back with her arm.

“No. Don't get up … ,” Jacob whispered as he realized what she was about to do.

“I'm answering your question.” Her voice was a little stronger, sounded sharper and more alive than it had sounded for days.

Still immobile I sagged forward into the pillows as Rose pulled Bella off the couch and to her feet.

In my head I saw exactly what Jacob was seeing. Bella's emaciated body with the bulge in her middle. He was shocked but didn't know what he was looking at until she wrapped her arms around her stomach caressing the monster inside.

_I've seen her just a month ago. She can't be pregnant. Not that pregnant. But she is. I don't want to see this. I don't want to think about this. I don't want to imagine him inside her._

His mind conjured a picture of me covering Bella with my body. The two of us moving in a slow rhythm while Bella moaned with pleasure. 

As I saw that image I was assaulted by a wave of longing to feel Bella that close again. It caused me physical pain to know that I would probably never feel the warmth of her skin against mine again, would never hear her sigh my name in that wonderfully rapturous way.

I could feel Jacob being nauseated by his phantasy.

_It's not just that he's knocked her up. His spawn is sucking the life out of her to feed itself. It's a monster. Just like his father. I always knew you would kill her._

His last thought was directed at me. The words made my head snap up and I jumped to my feet.

“Outside, Jacob,” I growled. I wanted him out of here to keep him from upsetting Bella. And when I would be alone with him I could finally tell him about my plan and ask him to help me save her.

Jacob was on his feet, too. _That's why I'm here._

“Let's do this,” he said.

Emmett and Jasper appeared beside me in an instant. Jacob didn't care. His thoughts made it clear that he would fight against all of us alone if he had to, although he seemed unwilling to fight either Esme or Alice.

“No,” Bella took in a sharp breath while she staggered forward to grasp my arm. Rosalie was right behind her, always anxious to protect her if I made a false move.

“I just need to talk to him, Bella,” I said as calmly as I could manage, ignoring everyone other than her. I laid my hand against her cheek, stroking her lightly.

_What? After all that he's done to her, she still allows him to touch her like that?_

“Don't strain yourself,” I went on ignoring Jacob. “Please rest. We'll both be back in just a few minutes.”

She scrutinized my face, looking for any signs that I would fight Jacob once we were outside. When she didn't seem to find anything, she nodded and, with Rosalie's help, sat down on the couch again. Then she looked at Jacob.

“Behave,” she commanded. “And then come back.”

_I can't promise you anything._

I turned and walked out of the room, out of the house without ever turning to see if he was following me.

_Not feeling threatened when you turn your back on me? Well, you'd know anyway if I was to throw myself at you. Have to make it quick if I'm gonna attack you._

“I'm not ready for you to kill me yet, Jacob Black,” I whispered, feeling to exhausted to put more force into my words. “You'll have to have a little patience.”

_Like I care about your schedule._

“Patience isn't my specialty,” he snarled.

I walked far enough from the house that my family would not be able to overhear what I had to say to Jacob. As I put more and more space between me and my home, the hold I had on myself vanished. When I was around Bella I had to restrain the pain I felt and the desperation that threatened to make me go mad not to stress her too much. Now that I was out of her sight, it all washed over me with a crushing force that made it hard for me to keep standing on my feet instead of throwing myself to the floor writhing in unbearable pain. 

When I had walked far enough I stopped and turned to face him. I saw the horror in Jacob's eyes when he realized the depth of my despair, the intensity of my agony. In an attempt to replace the emotional hurt with physical pain that would be easier to handle I scratched my fingers across my face trying to rip the skin from the bones. My eyes unfocused as I contemplated the fact that I was not even able to end my existence without help when this would all be over.

_So that's it._

“It's killing her, right? She's dying.” It wasn't a question. Jacob's face showed a fraction of the anguish I felt. The knowledge of losing Bella hadn't had time to sink in with him like it had become part of my every thought.

_It has to be that much harder for him because I already lost her so many times, so many ways, in my head. Because she was never really mine to lose. … And because this isn't my fault._

“My fault,” I breathed as my knees buckled. I crashed to the ground, slumping down in misery.

“Yes,” I moaned, like a culprit confessing to a mortal sin, awaiting to hear the verdict. “Yes, it's killing her.”

_I want a fight, not an execution. Where is your smug superiority now?_

“So, why hasn't Carlisle done anything? He's a doctor, right? Get it out of her.” Jacob's thoughts went the same direction mine had gone when I first found out about the pregnancy. It seemed like the logical thing to do.

For the first time since we had left the house I really looked at him, looked up to see the irritation that was clear on his face.

“She won't let us.” I could hear how tired my voice sounded.

 _Jeez, she's running to true form. Or course, die for the monster spawn. That's so_ Bella.

“You know her well,” I whispered resignedly. “How quickly you see … I didn't see. Not in time. She wouldn't talk to me on the way home, not really. I thought she was frightened – that would be natural. I thought she was angry with me for putting her through this, for endangering her life. Again. I never imagined what she was really thinking, what she was _resolving_. Not until my family met us at the airport and she ran right into Rosalie's arms. Rosalie's! And then I heard what Rosalie was thinking. I didn't understand until I heard that. Yet _you_ understand after one second … “ I moaned at the fresh stab of pain that hit me with the memory of that moment of realization.

“Just back up a second. She won't _let_ you.” His voice was thick with sarcasm. “Did you ever notice that she's exactly as strong as a normal hundred-and-ten-pound human girl? How stupid are you vamps? Hold her down and knock her out with drugs.”

“I wanted to,” I still felt too weak to manage anything more than a whisper. “Carlisle would have … “

_What, too noble were you?_

“No.” I needed him to understand. “Not noble. Her bodyguard complicated things.”

_Oh. Didn't get it before. Makes sense now. So that's what Blondie's up to. What's in it for her? Does the beauty queen want Bella to die so bad?_

“Maybe.” I knew that it wasn't really like that. In Rose's mind nothing of this was about Bella. “Rosalie doesn't look at it quite that way.”

“So take the blonde out first. Your kind can be put back together, right? Turn her into a jigsaw and take care of Bella.”

“Emmett and Esme are backing her up. Emmett would never let us … and Carlisle won't help me with Esme against it … “ Although Carlisle was opposed to taking choices out of peoples hands and therefore was inclined to respect Bella's decision, he would have helped me reluctantly. But with Esme supporting Bella's choice, he felt unable to perform the abortion against her will.

“You should have left Bella with me.” Jacob's voice didn't sound nearly as accusing as I had expected.

“Yes,” I admitted subdued.

_It's a bit late for that, now. You should have thought about this before you knocked her up with the life-sucking monster._

I was caught in a prison made of self-loathing and self-reproach. No outside force could make it any worse than my own conscience already had.

“We didn't know.” My voice was barely audible. “I never dreamed. There's never been anyting like Bella and I before. How could we know that a human was able to conceive a child with one of us – “

“When the human should get ripped to shreds in the process?”

“Yes,” I admitted tightly. “They're out there, the sadistic ones, the incubus, the succubus. They exist. But the seduction is merely a prelude to the feast. No one _survives_.” The idea sickened me.

_Like you are any different._

“I didn't realize they had a special name for what you are,” he snapped.

I looked up at him for the first time in a while. I felt more tired than I ever had.

“Even you, Jacob Black, cannot hate me as much as I hate myself.”

_Wrong!_

The rage he felt was beyond words. He ached to finish me off here and now.

“Killing me now doesn't save her,” I whispered. Finally we were approaching the point where I had to ask him to help me.

“So what does?”

“Jacob, you have to do something for me.”

“The _hell_ I do, parasite.”

I had gone about it wrong. I had to try another approach. He was the only hope I had left.

“For her?”

He gritted his teeth before answering me. “I did everything I could to keep her away from you. Every single thing. It's too late.”

“You know her, Jacob. You connect with her on a level that I don't even understand. You are part of her, and she is part of you. She won't listen to me, because she thinks I'm underestimating her. She thinks she's strong enough for this … “ My thoughts trailed off to the pictures I had seen in Kaure's mind in Brazil, pictures of Bella being ripped apart by the little monster biting its way into the world. I choked at the image. I had to swallow to focus again on convincing Jacob of my plan. “She might listen to you.”

“Why would she?”

I jumped back to my feet, regaining a bit of power by the prospect of Jacob going along with my offer.

_Are you really going crazy now? Can vampires lose their minds?_

“Maybe. I don't know. It feels like it.” I shook my head in an attempt to clear my thoughts. “I have to hide this in front of her, because stress makes her more ill. She can't keep anything down as it is. I have to be composed; I can't make it harder. But that doesn't matter now. She has to listen to you!”

“I can't tell her anything you haven't. What do you want me to do? Tell her she's stupid? She probably already knows that. Tell her she's going to die? I bet she knows that, too.”

“You can offer her what she wants.” Here came the crucial part. He had to be convinced to go along with it.

_You're not making any sense. Part of the crazy?_

“I don't care about anything but keeping her alive.” I felt a little spark of hope invigorate me. “If it's a child she wants, she can have it. She can have half a dozen babies. Anything she wants.” Feeling that he hadn't understood what I was asking of him, yet, I added “She can have puppies, if that's what it takes.”

I could hear his mind processing what I was proposing. My eyes locked on his. His jaw dropped when he finally understood.

“But not this way!” I felt the need to reinforce my words. “Not this _thing_ that's sucking the life from her while I stand there helpless! Watching her sicken and waste away. Seeing it _hurting_ her.” The image of the creature moving inside Bella, making her gasp in pain felt like a stab in my chest. I took in a sharp breath before continuing. “You _have_ to make her see reason, Jacob. She won't listen to me anymore. Rosalie's always there, feeding her insanity – encouraging her. Protecting her. No, protecting _it_. Bella's life means nothing to her.”

Jacob made a noise as if he were suffocating.

 _What are you saying? That Bella should, what? Have a baby? With_ me _? What? How? Are you giving her up? Or do you think she wouldn't mind being shared?_

It pained me to realize that I would do whatever it would take to have her give up this pregnancy. I would let her go have a life with Jacob. I would leave if that was what she wanted. I would raise Jacob's children as my own if that would made her happy. No matter how much it hurt to imagine her with him, intimate like the two of us had been, I would gladly pay that prize if she would just live.

“Whichever. Whatever keeps her alive.”

“That's the craziest thing you've said yet,” he muttered.

“She loves you,” I offered.

“Not enough.”

“She's ready to die to have a child. Maybe she'd accept something less extreme.”

“Don't you know her at all?”

I was aware that it was a long shot. But I needed to try whatever might change her mind.

“I know, I know. It's going to take a lot of convincing. That's why I need you. You know how she thinks. Make her see sense.”

_That's too much. Impossible. Wrong. Sick. Borrowing Bella for the weekends and then returning her Monday morning like a rental movie? So messed up._

_So tempting._

_I don't want to think about it. I may not imagine …_

His mind started to dig up old phantasies about him and Bella. The kind of pictures he didn't want to think about. He saw Bella in his arms, sighing his name in ecstasy. Then there was a new image, something he hadn't ever been fantasizing about before. He pictured a healthy Bella, glowing with the happiness of a normal, human pregnancy, carrying his child.

I felt a pang of jealousy and loss at the prospect of his phantasy coming true, but I tried to convince myself that I could handle it, that it would be easier to take than watching Bella's life being extinguished by the monster I had infected her with.

Jacob tried to shake off the images that were already haunting him.

“Make _Bella_ see sense? What universe do you live in?”

“At least try.” It was a desperate plea. I would have begged him on my knees if I had to.

He shook his head while I waited for him to organize his conflicted thoughts.

“Where is this psycho crap coming from? Are you making this up as you go?”

“I've been thinking of nothing but ways to save her since I realized what she was planning to do. What she would die to do. But I didn't know how to contact you. I knew you wouldn't listen if I called. I would have come to find you soon, if you hadn't come today. But it's hard to leave her, even for a few minutes. Her condition … it changes so fast. The thing is … growing. Swiftly. I can't be away from her now.”

“What _is_ it?”

“None of us have any idea. But it is stronger than she is. Already.”

In his mind there was an image of the little monster breaking Bella's bones.

“Help me stop it,” I begged him. “Help me stop this from happening.”

“How? By offering my stud services?” I knew this was exactly what I was asking him to do. He winced at the idea. “You're really sick. She'll never listen to this.”

“Try. There's nothing to lose now. How will it hurt?”

_It'll hurt me. Haven't I taken enough rejection from Bella without this?_

I knew what I was asking of him, how devastated he would be if Bella would refuse to listen, which was very likely to happen. But I was at a loss. I had no contingency plan left.

“A little pain to save her? Is it such a high cost?”

“But it won't work.”

“Maybe not. Maybe it will confuse her, though. Maybe she'll falter in her resolve. One moment of doubt is all I need.”

“And then you pull the rug out from under the offer? 'Just kidding, Bella'?”

I had been serious before. I would handle it if she decided to have a family with Jacob.

“If she wants a child, that's what she gets. I won't rescind.”

_I can't believe I'm really thinking about this. Bella will punch me – not that I care but she will probably break her hand again. I shouldn't let you talk to me, mess with my head. I should just kill you now._

“Not now,” I reminded him quietly. “Not yet. Right or wrong, it would destroy her, and you know it. No need to be hasty. If she won't listen to you, you'll get your chance. The moment Bella's heart stops beating, I will be begging for you to kill me.” And I was hoping he would do me that favor.

“You won't have to beg long.”

I lifted the corners of my mouth slightly, relieved that there would be a way out of my misery when the grief of losing Bella would swallow me whole. “I'm very much counting on that.”

“Then we have a deal.”

I nodded and, feeling the need to seal our bargain, I held out my hand.

I watched Jacob swallow once before he shook it.

“We have a deal.”


	11. Chapter 10 - Proposition

**Chapter 10 – Proposition**

 

_This isn't real. Like I'm in some Goth version of a bad sitcom. Instead of being the A/V dweeb about to ask the head cheerleader to the prom, I'm the finished-second-place werewolf about to ask the vampire's wife to shack up and procreate. Nice._

If my nerves hadn't been on edge, Jacob's inner monologue would have been very entertaining. But right now, instead of being amused by his comparison I could only hope that his efforts to make Bella change her mind wouldn't be for nothing.

_No, I won't do it. It's twisted and wrong. I'll talk to her. I'll try to make her listen to me. And she won't. Just like always._

I was leading Jacob back to the house. His thoughts were still confused but I knew, if it was either do or die, he would do anything in his power to try to save Bella, no matter what her reaction might be or what it would cost him to do so. He loved her. Even if his feelings were not as deep as mine, after all I'd had about a hundred years to store them up before Bella came along, Jacob loved her more than he had ever loved anything or anyone else. So, I knew that, in the end, he would go along with my plan.

While Jacob was wondering whether I had taken him a few hundred yards away from the house to keep my family from eavesdropping on our conversation we had reached the front door again. Seven pairs of eyes, six golden and one brown, were waiting for us as we entered, trying to figure out what our private talk had been all about. Jacob was right. I hadn't wanted them to know about either the proposition I had made or the deal Jacob and I had agreed on.

All of their thoughts were filled with questions. Neither of them could come up with any reason for me to deliberately be alone with a werewolf. Of course, I didn't know about Bella's thoughts but the question marks were highly visible in her eyes.

I braced myself to walk into the middle of the room and ask everyone to leave, so that Jacob could talk to Bella alone. I had forced the mask of composure back on my face before I had entered the house again. No one, the least of all Bella, should see how much pain I actually felt.

Before I was ready to speak, she looked at me, confusion written all over her face. Then her gaze went to Jacob for a short second before her eyes returned to me.

When I realized that she was about to have another attack of nausea triggered by the tension in the room, I tried to ease her strain by finally speaking.

“We're going to let Jacob and Bella speak privately,” I said, not able to put any enthusiasm into the words.

“Over my pile of ashes,” Rosalie hissed. _So you finally found an ally who's willing to help you with the dirty work? You'll have to take me out before that's going to happen._

Rosalie had placed a hand on Bella's cheek to ease the rising sickness.

I ignored Rose as well as her belligerent thoughts and spoke only to my wife. “Bella,” I still couldn't manage to infuse my voice with the slightest bit of vitality. “Jacob wants to talk to you. Are you afraid to be alone with him?” 

She turned her head to gaze at him in bewilderment. Then her eyes moved to Rosalie.

“Rose, it's fine. Jake's not going to hurt us. Go with Edward.”

When I heard her say the word 'us' I winced slightly. The way she considered the creature and herself to be one was like a slap in my face. She and I had been supposed to be one, forever. Now there was this thing that had emerged from the monster inside me, that was closer to her than I had ever been and would ever be, and it was killing her, taking her away from me for good while she looked at the two of them as a unit.

“It might be a trick,” Rosalie tried to make Bella rethink her words.

“I don't see how?” Bella answered. Neither did I. Unless Jacob knew how to perform a surgical procedure and on top of that, could to do it without the necessary equipment, there was no danger in leaving the two of them alone.

“Carlisle and I will always be in your sight, Rosalie,” I had to work hard to keep my tone civil, at least as long as Bella was present. “We're the ones she's afraid of.” I felt a jolt of regret at the truth within my words. I didn't want her to be afraid of me, but I knew she was right in her assumption that I would try to use every chance presenting itself to save her, even against her will.

“No,” Bella said under her breath. Tears were welling up in her eyes. “No, Edward. I'm not … “

She didn't want to be afraid of me. I knew that the distance between us made her heart ache but she felt she had to take certain precautions. We were walking a fine line trying to be close to each other: she, in total disregard of her needs, attempting to keep enough space between us to prevent me from hurting the parasite, while I was trying not to make her feel uncomfortable.

I shook my head, working hard to put at least the hint of a smile on my face. I didn't want Bella to feel bad for thinking she caused me pain. “I didn't mean it that way, Bella. I'm fine. Don't worry about me.”

 _Sickening._ Jacob thought. _He's right – she beats herself up about hurting his feelings. She's a classic martyr. She's totally been born in the wrong century. Should have lived back when she could have gotten herself fed to some lions for a good cause._

“Everyone,” I said motioning towards the door, prompting my family to finally leave Jacob and Bella alone. “Please.”

I needed all of them to leave the room before the cracks in my mask of self-control would show, before I could start to realize what was about to happen between Bella and Jacob, that I was practically hoping for her to agree to being handed over to him, that I was giving her up.

When they passed me in their quick exit each of them saw in my face that I was on edge, about to go to pieces, but neither of them had any idea what was going on exactly.

Rosalie was the last one in the living room, still hesitant to move from Bella's side.

“Rose,” Bella whispered. “I want you to go.”

Rosalie's eyes burned into mine.

_After you! I'm not going to leave while you are still here._

Rose gestured for me to leave the room first. I complied.

_You better keep your distance from her. I won't be far. I'll be right by her side if you try something to hurt them._

She scowled at Jacob before I heard her steps on the stairs behind me.

I would have wanted for Bella and Jacob to have some privacy. But I aware I had assured Rosalie that Carlisle and I would stay near her. And I knew, as well as Carlisle did, that she wouldn't be willing to leave the house and therewith leave Bella unprotected. So we followed him to his study.

Thinking about what might happen downstairs, I was afraid to listen to their conversation. I didn't want to witness my wife agreeing to have someone else's baby. But on the other hand, this would save her life. It was too important to just ignore it. I needed to hear her answer to Jacob's proposition.

“What are you trying to pull off here? You don't think the mongrel could make her change her mind, do you?” Rosalie hissed at me as soon as she had closed the door.

I felt tired. I didn't want to discuss this with her. I didn't want to talk to anyone. But I knew, considering that nothing was ever private in this house, they would all hear what Jacob had to offer Bella in only a few minutes.

“Just let him talk to her. He'll try to make her see that the thing is destroying her. She doesn't listen to us. Maybe she'll listen to him.” They would know the rest soon enough.

“Edward, is there anything I can do for you?” Esme, who had been going upstairs with us, came up behind the chair I had collapsed into and laid her hands on my shoulders. With a silent look she made Rosalie drop the matter.

“I wish there was.” I glared at Rosalie while I put my hands on top of my mother's. The only thing that would help me was getting rid of Rosalie so that there would be nothing in my way to end this pregnancy. But that was out of the question.

_Don't think I don't know what you're considering. You know, no one here would help you._

Rose was safe for now. Neither Esme nor Carlisle posed any danger to her.

Alice, Jasper and Emmett had decided to go outside instead of waiting up here with us. I wished I could go outside too. When I wasn't with Bella, I couldn't stand the atmosphere in the house. I was depressed enough without hearing Rosalie thinking daggers at me and without the pity everyone else was feeling for me.

Carlisle had carried a new pile of books to his desk to skim through them in another supposedly ineffective attempt to find something that could help Bella.

Esme had taken a seat across from him holding his free hand. 

Rosalie opened the computer that was sitting on the table to surf the internet.

Nobody was talking anymore, so I got up and walked over to stand by the window and look outside while I could no longer block out the voices and thoughts that reached me from downstairs.

Jacob had taken a seat on the floor next to Bella and was holding her hands in his to warm them up. I listened to them talking about her haggard appearance and the fact that I had asked him to talk to her although he didn't think he would achieve anything.

Bella was much more relaxed talking to him than she had been in a while. Through the medium of Jacob's mind I saw her smile at him. Although she looked sick and tired it was a genuine smile, the kind that I hadn't seen since the sudden end of our ill-advised honeymoon. They really had a connection that was beyond me.

_Why am I doing this? The longer I am with her the more it'll hurt later. Like a junkie with a limited supply, the day of reckoning is coming for me. The more hits I take now, the harder it'll be when my supply runs out._

Jacob's thoughts reminded me once again that the two of us weren't that different when it came to our love for Bella.

“It'll work out, you know. I believe that,” I heard her say. How could she be so convinced when all medical evidence was in disfavor of that outcome?

Jacob was furious by now. “Is dementia one of your symptoms?” he snapped at her. I growled quietly. My instincts were willing me to fly down the stairs and throw him out of the house for talking to Bella that way. I had to fight the impulse, knowing that this was part of the way they usually spoke to each other, that I counted on Jacob and his manner of handling Bella to turn this perilous situation around. 

As if to reaffirm my estimation, Bella laughed instead of being angry. “Maybe. I'm not saying that things will work out _easily_ , Jake. But how could I have lived through all that I've lived through and not believe in magic by this point.”

Rosalie snorted at that.

“ _Magic?”_ Jacob answered disbelieving.

“Especially for you,” she replied, smiling at him with heartfelt conviction. She placed one of her hands on his cheek. “More than anyone else, you've got some magic waiting to make things right for you.”

Jacob was very irritated by the sincerity in her voice. “What are you babbling about?”

The smile didn't vanish from her face as she answered him, “Edward told me once about what it was like – your imprinting thing. He said it was like _A Midsummer Night's Dream_ , like magic. You'll find who you're really looking for, Jacob, and maybe then all of this will make sense.”

I remembered the conversation she was referring to very clearly. We had been sitting in Charlie's kitchen the day after our first training session with the wolves last June. I'd been sharing my newly acquired knowledge about the pack's secrets with her. I distinctly recalled how I told her that imprinting was almost as powerful as what I was feeling for her. 

At the memory of that day, a time when our situation had been precarious but not as hopeless as it was now, I wanted nothing more than to go back in time to that moment when our biggest problem had been a comparatively insignificant army of newborn vampires on a mission to kill Bella and, along the way, as many of us as was possible. 

But that moment was gone. And right now I was actually hoping for my wife to agree to having another man's baby.

“If you think that imprinting could ever make sense of this insanity … “ Jacob was fuming while he struggled for the right words. “Do you really think that just because I might someday imprint on some stranger it would make this right? Tell me what the point was then, Bella! What was the point of me loving you? What was the point of _you_ loving _him_? When you die – “ He almost growled the words. “how is that ever right again? What's the point in all the pain? Mine, yours, his! You'll kill him, too, not that I care about that.” She winced as he tried to make her feel guilty. “So what was the point of your twisted love story, in the end? If there is any sense, please show me, Bella, because I don't see it.”

Bella sighed. Jacob had pointed out some aspects neither of us had come up with before. He was the first one to call upon her conscience. But it was obvious that she did not waver in her resolve to go through with her impossible plan.

“I don't know yet, Jake. But I just … feel … that this is all going somewhere good, hard to see as it is now. I guess you could call it _faith_.”

“You're dying for nothing, Bella! Nothing!”

She took her hand from his face and placed it on her bulge. 

_You're dying for_ it.

“I'm not going to die,” her jaw was set as she repeated what already seemed like her mantra. After all, she'd been trying to convince us since the day we had come back. “I _will_ keep my heart beating. I'm strong enough for that.” Determination was burning fiercely in her eyes.

“That's a load of crap, Bella. You've been trying to keep up with the supernatural for too long. No normal person can do it. You're _not_ strong enough.” He gently took her face in his big hands.

“I can do this. I can do this,” she insisted stubbornly.

_She sounds like the little engine that could._

“Doesn't look like it to me. So what's your plan? I hope you have one.”

She nodded, looking down on her hand, as she answered him. “Did you know Esme jumped off a cliff? When she was human, I mean.”

“So?”

“So she was close enough to death they didn't even bother taking her to the emergency room – they took her right around to the morgue. Her heart was still beating, though, when Carlisle found her … “

In my peripheral vision I noticed Esme and Carlisle sharing a moment, smiling at each other.

_So that's what she meant about keeping her heart beating._

“You're not planning on surviving this human,” he answered obviously not surprised.

“No. I'm not stupid.” She lifted her gaze from her hand to look Jacob in the eye. “I guess you probably have your own opinion on that point, though.”

A memory flashed in my mind's eye of a morning in Brazil when Bella had told me that she wished to stay human for a while longer. It felt like that moment had been part of a different life, a happy life, although it had only been about two weeks ago. I felt a fresh wave of pain and regret wash over me as I realized how much had changed in such short time.

“Emergency vampirization,” he muttered sarcastically.

“It worked for Esme. And Emmett and Rosalie, and even for Edward. None of them were in such great shape. Carlisle only changed them because it was that or death. He doesn't end lives, he saves them.”

_So I was wrong about the doc. Doesn't matter right now._

“Listen to me, Bella. Don't do it that way.” He paused, thinking that he needed her to live, no matter what form that life would take. “Don't wait until it's too late, Bella. Not that way. Live. Okay? Just live. Don't do this to me. Don't do this to him.” I felt how hard it was for him to beg on my behalf. “You know what he's going to do when you die. You've seen it before. You want him to go back to those Italian killers?”

Bella cringed into the sofa as Jacob and I simultaneously imagined what it would be like when he finally got to kill me 

“Remember when I got mangled up by those newborns? What did you tell me?” His voice was softer now.

Bella's lips were pressed together as she realized Jacob was trying to give her a taste of her own medicine.

“You told me to be good and listen to Carlisle. And what did I do? I listened to the vampire. For you.”

“You listened because it was the right thing to do.”

“Okay – pick either reason.”

“It's not the right thing now,” she insisted after taking a deep breath. Her eyes dropped to look at her swollen stomach when she whispered, “I won't kill him.”

Anger welled up within Jacob again. “Oh, I hadn't heard the great news. A bouncing baby boy, huh? Shoulda brought some blue balloons.” His words were thick with sarcasm.

_I'm going to lose this. Again._

“I don't know he's a boy.” She conceded subdued. “The ultrasound wouldn't work. The membrane around the baby is too hard – like their skin. So he's a little mystery. But I always see a boy in my head.”

When I heard her speaking so tenderly of that creature, I could almost picture what the thing she was willing to give up her life for looked like in her imagination.

“It's not some pretty baby in there, Bella.”

“We'll see.” She sounded utterly confident again.

“ _You_ won't,” Jacob growled.

“You're very pessimistic, Jacob. There is definitely a chance that I might walk away from this.”

Desperation clawed at me as I noticed that, for the first time and without really saying it out loud, she had just acknowledged that she wasn't certain at all that she would survive. Until now she had always put up a brave front insisting that she would see this through. So she was actually aware of the fact that she could very easily die and still she was willing to go through with it, even though she might not live to see what she had been giving her life up for. 

Jacob had to focus on his breathing in order to calm down instead of phasing to his wolf form in the living room.

Bella noticed his struggles as well. “Jake,” she stroked his hair with one hand while she wiped away his tears of fury with the other. “It's going to be okay. Shh. It's okay.”

“No. It will not be okay.”

“Shh.”

“What's the deal, Bella?” He looked down at his dirty naked feet. _Huh, I'm smudging their carpet. Good._ “I thought the whole point was that you wanted your vampire more than anything. And now you're just giving him up? That doesn't make any sense. Since when are you desperate to be a mom? If you wanted that so much, why did you marry a vampire?”

I had been asking myself the same question over and over, coming up with no explanation for her behavior.

_I can't believe I'm actually about to do this._

“It's not like that. I didn't really care about having a baby. I didn't even think about it. It's not just having a baby. It's … well … _this_ baby.”

When I heard the words, deep inside me I knew that Jacob had lost already, that the two of us would lose, lose her. 

“It's a killer, Bella. Look at yourself.”

“He's not. It's me. I'm just weak and human. But I can tough this out, Jake, I can – “

“Aw, _come on!_ Shut up, Bella. You can spout this crap to your bloodsucker, but you're not fooling me. You know you're not going to make it.”

She stared at him. “I do not _know_ that. I'm worried about it, sure.”

“ _Worried_ about it,” Jacob's anger made the words come out as a hiss.

I took in a sharp breath watching through Jacob's eyes how Bella gasped in pain as she wrapped her arms around her stomach.

“I'm fine. It's nothing,” she whispered between heavy breaths.

In her attempt to ease the pain by clutching her belly Bella had accidentally pulled up her shirt and thereby exposed her bruised skin. 

As soon as she noticed his horrified stare she pulled the seam back down. 

“He's strong, that's all.” Jacob was aghast at the realization of how these injuries had come about. The way she defended the little monster made him and me equally sick.

_So that's what he meant when he said it's hurting her. This can't be happening._

“Bella,” he began frantically.

She was still trying to breath away the pain as she looked up at him, appalled by the change in his tone.

“Bella, don't do this.”

“Jake – “

“Listen to me. Don't get your back up yet. Okay? Just listen. What if … ?”

Now the moment had come for him to make his offer, my offer. Having seen the damage the creature had caused he was finally determined to do whatever was in his power to make her give up her stupid plan.

“What if what?”

“What if this wasn't a one-shot deal? What if it wasn't all or nothing? What if you just listen to Carlisle like a good girl, and kept yourself alive?”

“I won't – “

“I'm not done yet. So you stay alive. Then you can start over. This didn't work out. Try again.”

The three heads around me snapped up and turned to look at me. They all had immediately understood what exactly he was suggesting. I ignored their thoughts that ranged from incredulous over hopeful to disgusted.

There it was, the offer was made, at least part of it. My body was rigid with anticipation of Bella's reaction.

She made a face at him, then reached out to touch his face.

“I don't understand … What do you mean, try again? You can't think Edward would let me … ? And what difference would it make? I'm sure any baby – “

“Yes,” Jacob interrupted her in a sharp voice, realizing immediately that she hadn't yet understood what he had meant. “Any kid of _his_ would be the same.”

Her frown deepened as her confusion did. “What?”

_I can't say more. There's no point. I'll never save her from herself. I never could._

Then the real meaning of Jacob's words dawned on her.

“Oh. Ugh. Please, Jacob. You think I should kill my baby and replace it with some generic substitute? Artificial insemination?” She was angry now, screaming at him as much as she could considering her weakness. “Why would I want to have some stranger's baby? I suppose it just doesn't make a difference. Any baby will do?”

“I didn't mean that,” he mumbled. “Not a stranger.” He was embarrassed. He was letting down his defenses, thinking it would be obvious to her what he was offering.

“Then what are you saying?” She didn't understand what he was suggesting, didn't think of him that way.

“Nothing. I'm saying nothing. Same as ever.” Seeing her fury he tried to backpaddel.

“Where did that come from?”

“Forget it, Bella.”

She furrowed her brow in suspicion. “Did he tell you to say that?”

She had caught me. No matter what Jacob would say from this point on, his efforts would be in vain. She wouldn't change her mind.

“No.” He made a feeble attempt at hiding our conspiracy.

“He did, didn't he?” She pressed.

“No, really. He didn't say anything about artificial whatever.”

Her frown vanished as she lay down again. She looked more tired than usual. When she finally spoke again, her words weren't directed at Jacob or anyone else in particular. “He would do anything for me. And I'm hurting him so much … But what is he thinking? That I would trade this” - she was caressing her bulge again - “for some stranger's … “ the rest of her words were too quiet for me to hear and Jacob didn't hear them either. Tears welled up in her eyes again.

I moaned, unable to hold it in this time. She was dying, She knew she was dying. And her biggest worry was that she was hurting me. She did hurt me, more than she could ever imagine. But that was not the point. She should be worrying about herself, her life, not me.

In the back of my mind my subconscious was trying to put together fragments of what she had been saying before. But they didn't quite fit together.

“You don't have to hurt him,” he started to whisper imploringly. Normally he would rather bite his tongue off than to beg for me but it seemed to him that it would be the most promising approach. Although he knew it was a long shot. “You could make him happy again, Bella. And I really think he's losing it. Honestly, I do.”

Bella seemed to be abstracted, biting her lip while she was stroking her belly.

_Where is everybody? Are they listening? How pathetic do they have to think I am?_

“Not a stranger?” Bella muttered. It seemed like she was finally connecting the dots. “What exactly did Edward say to you?”

“Nothing. He just thought you might listen to me.”

“Not that. About trying again.”

Her eyes were burning into his. She had figured it out. There was no way out now although it was clear that she would never agree.

“Nothing,” he repeated once more.

Her jaw dropped. “Wow.”

It was silent enough that I could hear her irregular heartbeat and her labored breathing up here. I hadn't been paying attention to the three vampires around me. I knew that they had heard every word that had been spoken downstairs. They knew what I was trying to make Bella do. Just like me they were holding their breaths listening for her answer. I worked hard to tune out Rosalie's outraged thoughts.

“He really would do anything, wouldn't he?” she finally whispered.

“I told you he was going crazy. Literally, Bells.”

“I'm surprised you didn't tell on him right away. Get him in trouble.” My heart sank at her grin when Jacob lifted his eyes to look at her.

“Thought about it.” To ease his embarrassment he tried to lighten the mood by painting a smile on his face.

_She gets it now. She doesn't even consider it. I knew it. But it still hurts._

“There isn't much you wouldn't do for me, either, is there?” she murmured astonished. “I really don't know why you bother. I don't deserve either of you.”

I closed my eyes at her blaming herself again. I felt completely empty knowing that my last hope had been shattered. There was nothing left to try to change her mind.

“It makes no difference, though, does it?”

“Not this time. I wish I could explain it to you right so that you would understand. I can't hurt him” - she gestured toward her stomach - “any more than I could pick up a gun and shoot you. I love him”

“Why do you always have to love the wrong things, Bella?”

“I don't think I do.”

Jacob had to swallow once before he could answer her. His voice was hard and cold when he said, “Trust me.” 

Determined to leave he started to get up.

“Where are you going?”

“I'm not doing any good here.”

She reached out for him, begging him to stay. “Don't go.”

He was torn between his need to be close to her and his desire to get away from this desolate scene as soon and as far away as possible.

“I don't belong here. I've got to get back.”

“Why did you come today?” She was still reaching for him.

“Just to see if you were really alive. I didn't believe you were sick like Charlie said.”

_I hope she buys it. Don't want to go into the details of why I really came._

“Will you come back again? Before … “ Her voice was low and she sounded sad.

“I'm not going to hang around and watch you die, Bella.”

She winced at that. “You're right, you're right. You should go.”

As he headed for the door she whispered, “Bye. Love you, Jake.”

Again, he felt the urge to go back and plead with her once more.

_I can't. I have to quit her cold turkey, before she kills me, like she's killing him._

“Sure, sure,” he muttered as he left the house and with him the last bit of my hope to save Bella.

I watched Jacob standing in the middle of the lawn in front of the house. His thoughts were confused.

After a moment he undressed himself and headed off into the woods. For a while I still heard his mind, heard how the rest of the pack's mind joined in, heard him reliving the last hour until his thoughts eventually faded from my head.

 

Rosalie had gone back down immediately after Jacob had left the house. When the last of my hope to save Bella had vanished I needed a moment to compose myself before I would be able to go back down and be by her side again. I couldn't let her see how devastated I was.

“So that's what you needed Jacob for. It took you a lot to ask him for that kind of help, didn't it?” Carlisle said softly as he tried to pull me out of my misery.

“Yes, and it was my last chance. I don't have any more aces up my sleeve. This is it. It's over.” My voice sounded dead. I was feeling cold and numb.

“Probably you're right, but then again, maybe you're not. I won't give up until her heart stops beating and you shouldn't either. We have to do whatever we can to make this easier for her.”

While Carlisle had spoken Esme had crossed the room. She stopped in front of me and wrapped her arms around me in what was meant to be a comforting embrace.

“You should go downstairs now. You know that Bella gets nervous when you're not with her,” she whispered releasing me and locking her eyes with mine.

I inhaled deeply, bracing myself for the calm pretense I had to display again as soon as Bella laid eyes on me. Then I raced to Bella's side, unable to walk slowly knowing that our moments together were numbered.

Bella smiled at me when I knelt down beside the couch. Rosalie was sitting on the arm rest next to her head. Bella had learned not to notice the constant presence of her bodyguard. I did my best to ignore my obnoxious sister knowing that I couldn't really be alone with my wife.

“Thank you,” Bella whispered as she took my hands in hers. Her skin was barely warmer than mine.

“What for?” I murmured confusedly.

“For loving me so much that you are willing to let me have Jacob's baby. I don't deserve to be loved like that, by either of you.”

I lifted her hands up to kiss them. “You deserve so much more. And I'm willing to do anything, name it and I'll do it. Why didn't you agree to Jacob's proposition? You could have a baby, without the need to die for it.” 

“Don't you understand? I don't want _a_ baby, not _any_ baby. I never wanted to have _a_ baby. I want _this_ baby because it's _yours_ , a little piece of you and me. Our love made this happen. He's a miracle and I could never hurt him.”

Suddenly the pieces my subconscious had been trying to make sense of fit together. This was what she had tried to explain to Jacob. It felt like my heart was being torn apart by this proof of her love for me. My eyes were aching from the crushing need to cry.

“Bella,” my voice broke.

“Shh. I love you so much. Don't worry about me. I decided this and I'll take the consequences. It's not your fault. Nothing is your fault. You make me so happy. Never doubt that.” Tears were trailing down her face.

There was nothing I could say that would have any effect on her choice. I would only make her feel bad if I started arguing again, telling her that it would be me who'd have to _live_ with the consequences. So I said the only thing that mattered now. “I love you more than my life. I can't live without you.”

“You won't have to. I promise.”

I didn't say anything because, against my better judgment, I desperately wanted to believe her. I wanted to hold on tight to that little unlikely bit of hope she insisted on holding up.

But when I looked out the window, seeing it was twilight once again, that another day was at its end, I couldn't help but wonder how many more days Bella would live to see.


	12. Chapter 11 - Defensive Position

**Chapter 11 – Defensive position**

 

Bella had fallen asleep shortly after Jacob had left. Although she had been really happy to see him, talking to him and having him try to reason with her had worn her out.

We were alone in the living room except for Rosalie, of course, who was still sitting on the armrest next to Bella's head. When Alice, Jasper and Emmett had come back in and seen that Bella was asleep they had gone upstairs to let her rest and to help Carlisle with his research.

It was hard for Alice to be around Bella at the moment. On the one hand, she couldn't stand to see her best friend in pain. On the other hand, the way the creature affected her vision was more than a little uncomfortable for her. Everything she saw when she was near Bella was in a constant blur. And the bigger the thing got, the worse it was for Alice. So, although she wanted to spend as much time with her best friend as possible, she needed to keep her distance at times in order to stay sane.

Bella had placed one of her hands protectively on her bulge while I held the other one in mine.

Her breathing was shallow and uneven. I could see that she couldn't inhale nearly enough air while she had to struggle hard for even the little oxygen she got. Her condition had deteriorated distinctly in only the short time since Jacob had left. 

She was laying still except for the occasional movement in her stomach that made her twitch, moan quietly and let her breathing speed up and deepen for a minute before it returned to its previous shallowness.

Her skin and mine didn't vary much in color anymore. Usually pale anyway, her natural rosy complexion was completely gone, the tint of her lips hardly different from the rest of her face.

Every now and then she smiled or whispered, “Love you.” Since I didn't know what she was dreaming about she could have been speaking either to the creature or me or even Jacob. I wanted to believe that she was talking to me. Considering her bad state of health I feared that every word she spoke could possible be the last.

I sat on the floor watching my frail sleeping Bella. She was still the most beautiful thing I had ever laid eyes on although her cheeks looked sunken and by now every bone in her body was visible. Absentmindedly my hand caressed hers stopping at her wedding ring.

Immediately my mind conjured up a memory of Bella in her wedding dress, looking at me with eyes full of joyful tears, the most blissful smile on her lips. I remembered the happiness and gratitude I had felt in that very moment thinking I had finally been given everything I had ever dreamed of and more, that everything had finally fallen into place. … 

That had been my biggest mistake. I should never have insisted on Bella marrying me before I would change her. She didn't want to get married anyway. The only reason why she had agreed was my promise that I would meet her one condition, that I would make love to her while she was still human. Against my better judgment I had agreed, overjoyed that she would officially belong to me.

I should never have given in. I should either have changed her without making her my wife first or I should have let her go through with the initial plan of having Carlisle change her after graduation.

Although our honeymoon had been the happiest time in my entire more than one-century-long existence I should never have allowed any of it to happen. By insisting on getting married I had brought all this upon us.

The fact that vampires had very spacious minds which enabled us to think multiple thoughts at a time seemed like a curse to me now. No matter what I was thinking or doing, a part of my mind unremittingly repeated to shout at me, “I'm killing her. I am to blame. She's suffering because of me.”

Eventually Carlisle came downstairs to startle me out of my thoughts. “I have the results of the blood tests I did earlier today,” he whispered, careful not to wake Bella. He looked worried.

“What do they say?” I asked without taking my eyes off her face.

“We have reached a point were we have to do something if we want her to live through the next twenty-four hours.” He looked at Rosalie before he continued. “The dehydration is becoming dangerous now. The amount of sodium in her blood has reached a critical concentration as well as the packed cell volume. Over the last two days her blood pressure has become lower and, although her hands are very cold, I can feel her temperature rising slightly. We have to act, the sooner the better. We have to supply her with a physiologic sodium solution since she throws up everything she eats or drinks. I want to set up a drip as soon as she's awake.”

Rosalie raised an eyebrow at him. “Just sodium solution? How can we know you didn't inject anything else into that?”

“If you insist, you can run it through the gas chromatograph upstairs before I apply it to Bella,” Carlisle offered tiredly.

Rose just nodded.

“Her vitamin and electrolyte levels are very low, too. I would like to have a special solution prepared at the hospital that contains everything Bella's body needs right now to apply it intravenously as well.” He looked at me hoping for my approval.

“You know, I'm supporting everything that might help her. There's nothing else we can do besides trying to substitute what she's lacking,” I answered in a flat voice.

He nodded and turned to Rosalie. After all, neither Carlisle nor I had a say in the matter, but she did.

“Is this necessary for Bella or the baby?”

“For both of them. If Bella starves to death or if her heart gives up due to electrolytic problems it doesn't do the fetus any good.” It was hard for him to stay calm when Rose was being narrow-minded like that.

Bella started to stir slightly. When her eyes opened she looked around in confusion.

“What's the matter?” she asked, her voice hoarse from her sleepiness as well as her weakness. Her already accelerated heartbeat sped up further.

“Shh, everything is alright. Carlisle just came downstairs with some new ideas how we could try to help you,” I said as I stroked her cheek in an attempt to calm her down.

“Bella, we need to do something about your dehydration. I would like to set up a drip if you don't mind. And I want to have a nutritional solution mixed for your special needs and infuse it as well.” Carlisle crouched down to have his eyes level with hers while he spoke.

“It will help the baby. I'll make sure they don't put anything wrong in it,” Rosalie hurried to add.

“I don't think they would to that, Rose,” Bella said embarrassed. If she'd had a better blood circulation she would have blushed. Her hand weakly squeezed mine.

“Then I'll go get the equipment to start the infusion. Rose, do you want to come with me to check the bottle?” Carlisle asked looking at Rosalie. His gaze seemed to hold a bit of a challenge.

“No, I think I trust you with that. I'd rather stay here as long as he's here.” Her eyes moved to meet mine. Her expression was grim.

Carlisle turned around and vanished up the stairs. The hurry he displayed made me shudder, realizing that we didn't have any time to lose.

When I looked at Bella again, she was staring down at her stomach biting her lip.

“What's the matter? What are you thinking about?” 

She lifted her eyes to look at me. Again, the embarrassment that showed clearly on her face would normally have her blush the brightest red. She was hesitant but finally she answered, “You know how I hate needles.”

A snort escaped my throat at her irrational worries. She had been violently sick for weeks, got beaten from the inside regularly and was, without batting an eye, willing to die in whatever way death would come for her in the course of this pregnancy. But when someone wanted to stick a needle in her arm she panicked. This was so typically Bella. Always afraid of the wrong things.

In an instant Carlisle was back. 

I held out Bella's arm while he inserted an intravenous line and hooked her up to the bottle filled with sodium solution. Bella looked away so that she wouldn't have to see what we were doing.

“I already ordered the nutritional solution. We can pick it up in about an hour. There are some other things I want to get as well. Esme will come with me. We'll be leaving now so that we'll be back as soon as possible.” Carlisle informed us while he picked up the packaging material the infusion equipment had come in.

“There's one other thing. I'd like to monitor your vital functions. This would be easier if you would agree to be moved to a hospital bed. I don't think you're very comfortable on the couch at the moment, anyway. Would you mind being moved?” Carlisle raised one eyebrow in question.

“If it's necessary I'll do it. But I want to stay down here,” she said.

“Edward, would you help me handle the bed? And Rose, please clear some space here in the living room, move some of the furniture out of the way.” As I got to my feet we were out the door in an instant. Carlisle had been storing a hospital bed in the garage to have it at hand if the need for it would arise.

A minute later we were back inside, the bed placed in the middle of the room.

When Bella ineffectively tried to rise from the couch by herself, I went over to her, intending to lift her up and carry her to the bed when Rosalie suddenly blocked my way.

“What do you think you're doing? That's too close for you. I'll carry her.”

I growled at her as my eyes burned into hers.

“Please, don't fight.” Bella's voice broke with the strain.

Working hard to keep myself from attacking my sister I slowly stepped away and let her pick up my wife to carefully set her down again on the bed.

“Thank you,” Bella whispered looking first at Rose and then at me. I nodded lightly.

Carlisle entered the room with a monitor and some other equipment to check Bella's vitals. When he was finished connecting her to the machine he switched it on and turned to look at her.

“Bella, do you think I can leave you for an hour or two, now?”

There was nothing he could do really. But anyway, we all felt better having him around.

“Yes, it's okay. I'm fine.” She pulled up the blanket that covered her legs as she tried to sound confident.

“If something happens, you can always call, but Edward and Rosalie are quite capable as well.” He patted her cheek lightly before he turned to call for Esme. As soon as she came down the stairs the two of them were out the door and gone.

It didn't take long for Bella to go back to sleep. Right after Carlisle had left she had motioned for me to come sit beside her on the bed. I had been careful not to cause her any discomfort with all the wires and tubes she was hooked up to. As soon as I took her hand in mine again, her eyes closed.

It was about midnight when, from a few miles out into the forest, a series of howls, many voices simultaneously, pierced through the otherwise quiet night. Rose and I were alone with Bella in the living room. Knowing who produced that noise we instantly looked at each other equally alarmed.

Since the Quileute-wolves were living in close proximity with us we were used to hearing a howl every now and then. But hearing what sounded like the whole pack at once was unprecedented.

Alice, Jasper and Emmett came flying down the stairs immediately.

“What is that?” Emmett gestured towards the dark forest outside the window front. “Sounds like the whole pack giving a concert.”

“I don't know. They're too far out for me to hear their thoughts.” I watched Bella for a moment, making sure she wasn't being disturbed, although we were speaking almost too quietly for her to hear. “Jacob was very upset when he left. I know he was on his way to meet the others. I think we should be prepared for them to come here.”

“What do you think their plan is?” Jasper asked, the trained strategist coming to the surface.

“I don't know. I'll hear when they're close enough.” My eyes were fixed on Bella since all my concern was only for her.

“Then we'll have to wait. I'll go close the shutters at the backside. So we only have to guard the front of the house. Emmett, you should turn off the lights to keep the inside of the house invisible from out there.” Jasper was gone to push the button that started the mechanism to cover up the window wall in the back with the metal shutters.

The rest of us waited silently. Each of us listening for an approach in the woods. All I could hear was Bella's raspy breathing, her uneven heartbeat, the quiet rustling of the leaves in the wind outside. For a few more minutes nothing changed. The howls were still audible, neither coming closer nor fading with the wolves moving farther away.

After what seemed like hours but really was about fifteen minutes I started to hear the minds of Jacob and Seth.

 _Edward?_ Seth's thoughts called to me. _Edward, you there? Okay, now I feel kinda stupid._

 _You sound stupid, too._ Jacob answered.

I guessed that they were about three quarters of a mile away from us.

“Jacob and Seth are coming. I should go outside to meet them,” I said as I carefully put Bella's hand down on the bed.

“We'll come with you,” Emmett answered sharing a look with Jasper.

_Think he can hear us?_

_I think so. Hey, Edward. If you can hear me – circle the wagons, bloodsucker. You've got a problem._

We've _got a problem_ , Seth corrected him.

I was waiting on the front porch framed by Jasper and Emmett as two giant wolves emerged from the woods.

“Jacob? Seth? What's going on?” I asked as they came within five yards of the porch.

_The smell feels like it's honestly burning me through this nose._

Jacob suddenly stopped and retreated a few feet back towards the trees.

Seth let out a low whine and, after a short moment, positioned himself behind Jacob.

As soon as they had stopped their minds showed me a backwards rerun of what had happened to the two of them since Jacob had left the house earlier this evening. I saw Seth following Jacob after he had broken away from the pack, how they planned to run patrols in a perimeter around our house. I saw the confrontation with Sam, how he as the Alpha had tried to make Jacob follow him and the rest of the pack in an attack to kill the creature Bella was carrying. I felt the crushing force of the Alpha's command trying to break Jacob's will and how he rose to claim his birthright. I heard the worries they had about the danger the unknown creature posed to the Quileute tribe and every other human. That they thought they would have to act now because they couldn't allow this _abomination_ to live.

At that word the stream of thoughts stopped as I hissed and jumped off the porch in a fragment of a second.

“They want to kill Bella?” My growl made it sound like a statement rather than a question.

_We won't let that happen. You'll learn not to mess with us, mongrels._

Accompanied by Emmett's thoughts, he and Jasper were next to me in the blink of an eye. Instantly they started to move towards the wolves with exposed teeth.

 _Hey, now_ , Seth backed away slowly, confused by the threatening gesture.

“Em, Jazz – not them! The others. The pack is coming.” My words made them come to an immediate halt.

“What's _their_ problem?” Emmett asked his eyes meeting mine while Jasper didn't move his stare from the two wolves.

“The same as mine,” I hissed. “But they have their own plan to handle it. Get the others. Call Carlisle! He and Esme have to come back here now.”

We needed to gather all our forces for one thing and it was too dangerous for any of us out there alone for another.

 _Oh! They're separated!_ Jacob thought uneasily.

“They are not far,” I told him. My voice was as lifeless as l felt. Wasn't our situation bad enough without yet another complication?

_I'm going to go take a look. Run the western perimeter._

“Will you be in danger, Seth?” I asked before he could turn and vanish into the forest.

He and Jacob locked eyes for a second.

 _Don't think so_. They thought in unison. Then Jacob added _, But maybe I should go. Just in case …_

 _They'll be less likely to challenge me,_ Seth interrupted. _I'm just a kid to them._

 _You're just a kid to me, kid_ , Jacob countered.

_I'm outta here. You need to coordinate with the Cullens._

Seth was gone before Jacob could stop him.

Jacob and I remained standing in the meadow facing each other. Emmett was on the phone talking to Carlisle telling him and Esme to come home immediately.

Behind me I heard Alice step out on the porch. A moment later she was standing by Jasper's side.

_Hm, guess Rosalie's inside with Bella. Guarding her – from the wrong dangers._

“This isn't the first time I've owed you my gratitude, Jacob,” I whispered ignoring his thoughts. “I would never have asked for this from you.”

Not only had he turned his back on his brothers. By embracing his birthright as the true Alpha he had irrevocably dissociated himself from Sam and everyone following him. He had given up his home. If the worst came to the worst he would have to fight his former pack to save Bella. Not having it in him to be a part of such uncalled-for murder, he hadn't only walked away from it, but come to us to stand with us against his family.

He was following his conscience trying to prevent what, in his opinion, would be unjustified slaughtering. Even though he wanted to believe that he was only here to protect Bella, he was here because he didn't consider any one of us guilty of a crime that deserved a death sentence. Well, anyone but me, of course. And I felt guilty as well for all the sacrifices Jacob felt he had to make.

And Seth had given up even more. If it came to a physical confrontation he would have to face not only his pack-brothers but his sister in battle.

Jacob let his mind wander to what I had asked him to do earlier today.

_Yeah, you would._

I thought about that for a second before I conceded, “I suppose you're right about that.”

_Well, this isn't the first time that I didn't do it for you._

“Right,” I agreed.

_Sorry I didn't do any good today. Told you she wouldn't listen to me._

“I know. I never really believed she would. But … “

_You had to try. I get it. She any better?_

I felt empty at the thought of Bella struggling with every breath, lying in the hospital bed, looking more fragile than ever with the tubes and wires surrounding her. “Worse,” I breathed almost inaudibly.

I was about to drown in a fresh wave of self-reproach when Alice joined in. “Jacob, would you mind switching forms?” she asked looking at the big wolf in front of her. “I want to know what's going on.”

Jacob and I simultaneously shook our heads as I answered my sister's question.

“He needs to stay linked to Seth.”

“Well, then would _you_ be so kind as to tell me what's happening?”

She turned to look at me, her eyes full of confusion.

“The pack thinks Bella's become a problem. They foresee potential danger from the … from what she's carrying. They feel it's their duty to remove that danger. Jacob and Seth disbanded from the pack to warn us. The rest are planning to attack tonight.” I felt too hollow to elaborate my explanation any further. Every word felt like an enormous effort.

Alice hissed with disgust. _Oh my god. That's something I haven't seen coming. But how could I have, when I can't see these mutts anyway and that_ thing _is constantly messing with my vision …_

Jasper and Emmett looked at each other for a second without putting their uneasy feelings into words before they both turned to search the forest for any changes.

I tuned out the rest of Alice's complaints to listen to what Seth reported to Jacob.

_Nobody out here. All's quiet on the western front._

_They may go around,_ Jacob thought.

 _I'll make a loop,_ Seth answered as he changed his course.

“Carlisle and Esme are on their way,” Emmett informed us. “Twenty minutes, tops.”

“We should take up a defensive position,” Jasper said. _Close to Bella_ , he added mentally.

“Let's get inside,” I nodded in agreement.

_I'll run the perimeter with Seth. If I get too far for you to hear my head, listen for my howl._

“I will.”

We backed into the house, not taking our eyes off the surrounding woods. Jasper and Emmett took up position close to the window where they had a clear view of the forest. I went to sit next to Bella on the edge of the bed again.

Rosalie was sitting in a chair beside Bella's head looking at the monitor that displayed her vital functions. As Carlisle had been afraid of in private, her heart rate was going up slowly but constantly while her blood pressure and oxygen saturation were going down in the same manner. If the trend would persist we would be reaching critical levels in only a few hours.

Nothing happened as long as Jacob was in mind-reading distance.

Alice had taken a seat across the room from us. Her feet were on the sofa, her chin resting on her knees, her fingers massaging her temples in an attempt to conjure a useful vision. But, as usual in the recent days, everything was blurry and undistinguishable. She was moaning quietly at the discomfort her impaired foresight was causing her while she was feeling completely useless.

Just like Emmett had predicted, about twenty minutes after the wolves had left Carlisle and Esme emerged from the woods and came into the house.

Carlisle took a look at the sleeping Bella before he spoke, too low to wake her, “Seth told us what happened. I feel bad for them because they had to go to such lengths to help us.”

“How is she?” Esme asked as she stopped behind me, laying a hand on my shoulder.

“She's been sleeping the whole time. She was exhausted,” Rosalie answered before I had the chance to say a word. I glared at her as I took my mother's hand.

“Yes, she's been sleeping but considering her vital functions she's worse. If she wouldn't mumble a word every now and then, I wouldn't be sure if she's just sleeping or already in a coma.” My voice broke at the last word. I wanted her to get the necessary rest but every time she closed her eyes I feared that she would never open them again.

“Poor darling,” Esme sighed.

Carlisle just nodded as he pulled a brown bottle filled with a white viscous fluid from the bag he had brought with him. As he was about to hook it up to Bella's IV Rosalie stopped him by putting her hand on his. “What's that?”

“It's the nutritional solution we talked about earlier. It contains vitamins, electrolytes, a lot of calories and some lipids. It's supposed to substitute the essentials of what Bella's body is lacking because of her constant vomiting,” he explained patiently. “Will you please release my hand so that I can connect it to the IV?”

“And it's just that? Maybe I should test it first,” she said suspiciously.

“Rosalie, we don't have time for your preposterous interferences. You can hear it and you can see it on the monitor as well. Her heart is beginning to fail. She needs the electrolytes immediately. And she agreed when we talked about it. So let me do my job now.”

_Just because she agreed doesn't mean I have to._

Carlisle's eyes were locked with hers while she deliberated for a long moment before she slowly removed her hand from his.

“Thank you,” he mouthed as he stuck the new tube into the connecter on Bella's arm.

He was adjusting the droplet rate when, all of a sudden, a howl broke the silence.

Every head in the room apart from Bella's turned to look out the window and into the woods. The thoughts of my family around me were an anxious jumble. I didn't know what to make of the fact that it had been Seth howling instead of Jacob who had wanted to warn us that way.

After a few moments the howl just broke off.

Carlisle turned his attention back to Bella. As he was pressing the buttons on the monitor to see what data it had recorded over the last hour, his mind was busy estimating how long Bella's heart would go on beating considering the rapid deterioration the data showed. He guessed that it would be less than twenty-four hours if the infusions wouldn't improve her condition rapidly. About fifteen hours if the current speed of worsening would persist, maybe ten if it accelerated further which seemed more likely.

I took in a sharp breath, the oxygen hurt my lungs with the knowledge it contained.

“I'm sorry,” Carlisle whispered with a sad look on his face.

 _False alarm, false alarm,_ Jacob's mind shouted at me. _Sorry. Seth is young. He forgets things. No one's attacking. False alarm._

I lifted my gaze from Bella's ashen face and turned to walk a few steps to look out the window towards the edge of the forest where the huge russet wolf emerged from the trees.

 _There's nothing out there – you got that?_ he thought as he reached the center of the meadow.

I nodded at him.

_This would be a lot easier if the communication wasn't one way. But I wouldn't want to be in his head for the life of me._

I turned to let my eyes rest on Bella again. A shudder ran through me as I realized the infinitesimal change in her complexion. She had become noticeably paler even in the short moment I had looked away. Yes, ten hours, maybe, probably less. I didn't want Jacob to suffer more than necessary so I motioned for him to leave before he had to see what was going on in here.

When I was sure he had noticed my gesture I went back to Bella to hold her hand again.

_What's going on? Like I'm going to get an answer._

“It was a false alarm,” I explained to the others without looking up. My voice was a lifeless breath. “Seth was upset about something else, and he forgot we were listening for a signal. He's very young.”

“Nice to have toddlers guarding the fort, “ Emmett growled.

“They've done us a great service tonight, Emmett,” Carlisle chastised him. “At great personal sacrifice.”

“Yeah, I know. I'm just jealous. Wish I was out there.”

“Seth doesn't think Sam will attack now,” I answered automatically. “Not with us forewarned, and lacking two members of the pack.”

“What does Jacob think?” Carlisle wanted to know. He thought very highly of Jacob's opinion.

“He's not as optimistic.”

The house was silent once again. The only sounds were Bella's hoarse uneven breathing, her racing heart that missed more and more beats and the dripping of the IV.

After Carlisle had taken a look at the data on the monitor again, he bend and started fumbling with a gas flask. _Her oxygen saturation is decreasing. We should provide her with pure oxygen now._ He thought as he straightened up, an oxygen-mask in his hand. When he tried to softly place it over Bella's mouth and nose Rosalie reached out and grabbed his hand.

“Don't touch her! You'll wake her up,” she hissed quietly.

I sighed.

“Rosalie,” Carlisle started another try to reason with her but she cut him off immediately.

“Don't start with me, Carlisle. We let you have your way earlier, but that's all we're allowing.”

There it was again, 'we'. Bella was a _we_ with the creature and with Rose, when she and I should have been the only _we_ that mattered. Fury was boiling up inside me.

Not only did Rose take a place with Bella that should rightfully be mine but she was irrational and stubborn as well. The oxygen wouldn't hurt Bella, even if it wouldn't do any good. But there was no use in arguing with her when she wasn't willing to listen.

Carlisle knew that too. So he let it go for now. The oxygen saturation in Bella's blood hadn't reached a critical mark yet. So he settled for waiting until she would wake to discuss the matter with her rather than with Rosalie.

In the back of my mind I heard that Jacob was slowly approaching the house, drawn in by an invisible gravitation that forced him to check on Bella. But I ignored him. I couldn't help him with his pain any more than I could help Bella or myself.

As she suddenly made a choking noise and whimpered while her body twitched with a movement in her stomach, Rose and I both shot up from our seats to hover over her. I intended to stroke her head to ease her discomfort and calm her sleep again but Rose beat me to it, glaring at me with burning eyes. I went rigid with rage because I wasn't even allowed to touch my wife in a way that didn't threaten her the least. I was about to lose it, to finally tear Rose to pieces. She was the one who prevented us from saving Bella.

My intentions must have been very obvious because Emmett rushed to position himself between his wife and me, holding up his hand in a calming gesture.

“Not tonight, Edward. We've got other things to worry about.”

But when if not tonight? Bella didn't have much time left. Unless a miracle happened, she wouldn't be alive by this time tomorrow.

As I turned away from them, my eyes met Jacob's for the fraction of a second, defeat laying heavy on my heart. My time was running out. I felt pain far worse than the fires of transformation could ever cause. I had infected my love, my wife, my everything, with a monster that was sucking the life out of her, killing her, while I was powerless, unable to do anything about it.

The fear and guilt on my shoulders threatened to push me to the ground as my unfocused eyes saw Jacob disappear into the woods, desperate to get away from the misery that had gotten hold of this place.


	13. Chapter 12 - Thirsty

** Chapter 12 – Thirsty **

  
  


Until about two weeks ago I had been sure there was nothing that could ever shock me again.

When last March Rosalie had told me on the phone that Bella had jumped of a cliff and died, it had felt as if the earth had opened up and swallowed me. The darkness that had already been surrounding me since I had left the love of my existence to save her life had suddenly become pitch black. I had turned into an ice cold empty shell, not feeling anything besides crushing pain, until, in Volterra, Bella had, all of a sudden, been in my arms.

Since then I had been absolutely certain that I knew the worst thing that could ever happen to me. And that I didn't only know it, I had been there.

Anyway, the last days had taught me better. There was something far worse than knowing Bella to be dead. It was being forced to watch her die, see her getting closer to death with every passing hour, watch her deteriorate by the minute.

What I was feeling now wasn't just an amount of pain I had never believed to exist. This unbearable agony got worse with Bella's condition.

Once, in the early morning hours, Bella had woken with a start, looking around in panic, when she needed to prop herself up to vomit and realized she wasn't strong enough to do it by herself.

For once Rosalie and I had managed to work as a team. Rose had helped Bella to lift the upper part of her body off the mattress as I had held the basin she threw up into. It was especially agonizing to watch her since her stomach was empty except for some stomach acid. She was violently shaken by spasms as she only retched up a very small amount of yellowish liquid.

It must have been terribly exhausting because, as soon as Rose lowered her onto the bed, her eyes closed and she was asleep again. She didn't even have the strength to ask for some water to rinse her mouth before she went back to sleep.

The three of us, Carlisle, Rosalie and I, sat around her for the rest of the night. I held her hand, unable to take my eyes off of her relatively peaceful face. Carlisle and Rosalie were intently watching the numbers on the monitor going up and down.

As time went by we all realized with an intense feeling of relief that the rate at which her vital functions worsened was decelerating. She was far from getting better but at least she was not slipping away as quickly as we had feared only a few hours ago. It seemed like the sodium solution was actually helping a little.

Around dawn her heart rate had reached a critical point but didn't seem to speed up any more at the moment. Her oxygen saturation was critical now, too, but, like the heart rate, didn't seem to decrease further.

As the room brightened with the rising sun Bella stirred slightly until she opened her eyes.

Rosalie was showing some decency for once, when she turned away to give us at least the semblance of privacy.

"Good morning, my love," I whispered as I brought her hand to my lips and kissed it lightly. This was the most intimate display of affection I was allowed to give.

I had to work hard to keep my composed expression as I tried to push away the nagging thought that, unless a miracle happened, this would probably be Bella's last morning.

My head was spinning with memories of all the mornings she had woken up in my arms. It felt like a whole lifetime had passed since the last time she had opened her eyes with a smile on her lips and my arms around her. I desperately longed for the peace and happiness of these days that were gone forever.

Bella smiled at me when my eyes met hers again. "Good morning," she answered. I could hear the effort it took her to say the words that were meant to be at normal volume but only came out as a hoarse whisper.

Her eyes widened with confusion as her gaze, that was scanning the room, stopped at the closed shutters on the back windows. "Why are the windows shut close?" Her expression changed from confusion to terror, her heartbeat starting to race, as she certainly remembered that the only time she had ever seen the windows shut was the night James had started hunting her.

"Shh, shh, everything is alright." I wasn't sure if she could take the truth. But, then again, I couldn't lie to her when I didn't know if this would maybe be one of the last conversations we would ever have. And Bella deserved to know what Jacob was doing for her.

"Something happened while you were sleeping. Before I explain, you have to know that we have everything under control. You don't need to worry about anything." I tried to make my voice sound as convincing as possible. "When Sam Uley heard what is going on here, he decided he had to move against us to prevent the … fetus from being born." She held her breath at that. So I hurried to go on and make her calm down. "Jacob and Seth dissociated themselves from the pack to stand with us to protect you. We closed the shutters so that we only have to guard the front of the house. Seth and Jacob are keeping watch by running a perimeter around the house. Sam will not come now. So, please, relax."

Bella had turned a little green around the nose so I precautionary grabbed the basin in front of me.

She took two relatively long breaths before she asked, "How can that be? They can't revolt against the Alpha. That's impossible."

"Jacob can. Remember, he is the true Alpha, through his bloodline. All he had to do was embrace that fact and claim his birthright. And when Seth had the choice to follow one Alpha or the other, he chose Jacob."

"Poor Jake and poor Seth. They can't go home again. They're on their own now." The green around her nose was gone, but she looked very sad. As usual, she didn't want anyone to have to go out of their way to do anything for her.

"It's okay. They're happy to do it for you. And not just for you, for all of us."

At that moment Carlisle, who had gone upstairs an hour ago, came into the room. He had been waiting for Bella to wake up because he needed to talk to her about some actions he wanted to take in an attempt to improve her condition.

"Good morning Bella. How do you feel?" he asked as he touched her cheek with his hand to check her temperature. _Slightly raised but not dangerous. That's good._

"Much the same as yesterday. Just a little weaker, maybe."

"There are some things I would like to discuss with you. Your heart is working too hard and parts of your body aren't getting enough oxygen anymore. There is a way to improve that situation, make your heart beat more regularly. I would like to administer Flecainid, a medicine that will reduce your heart rate and steady the rhythm of your heartbeat. It would improve your circulation."

Rosalie turned around to join the discussion. "The medicine will hurt the baby."

"No, it will not. The drug has been known for a long time and it has been used in a large number of pregnancies before without having a dangerous impact on the baby."

"But the baby will get part of it too, won't it?" This time it was Bella asking.

Carlisle sighed silently before he went on. "Yes, it will. But the risk for the baby is not as high as the risk you're taking by letting your heart wear itself out."

"Is this absolutely necessary?" Bella demanded to know.

Unfortunately it was against Carlisle's ethics to lie to a patient. "No, not right now. I would strongly advise you to let me do it immediately. The sooner we start the treatment the better is our chance to save you. But right now your heart rate is only _bordering_ critical levels. It will take a little while longer until it will be absolutely necessary."

Bella pressed her lips together in a tight line before she answered. "Then we'll wait. I don't want to risk the baby's health."

I felt the strong urge to strangle Bella for being so stubborn. Not that I had expected her to agree. She hadn't agreed to anything that would effect the creature. She just didn't want to see that she was protecting a monster.

That moment we heard a howl in the distance. I was quite sure it was Seth producing that sound. Unfortunately neither Jacob nor Seth were close enough for me to hear their minds.

Of course, Bella had heard it, too. Her eyes were opened wide in confusion and fear. Although we hadn't told her about the howl being a sign for us to be on our guard, she felt that something was wrong.

Before I could say anything I heard Jasper and Emmett in the study upstairs taking position at the window to scan the forest for approaching danger.

"What does the howl mean? Is Sam coming?" Bella was breathing hard in between the words.

"I don't know. All I know is that it was Seth howling and it's supposed to give us a warning. Don't be afraid. I don't think Sam will attack. They are outnumbered and we are more experienced in battle. No one will hurt you," I said resolutely while I stroked her hand with mine.

"We'll make sure no one will get to the baby," Rosalie said, her jaw set. _Stupid mutts. We'll kill each one of them if we have to_.

We had to try not to upset Bella like that. Her racing heart and fast and shallow breaths were exhausting her. I needed to find a way to calm her down. Carlisle's thoughts were in line with mine but he didn't have any idea how to make her relax, either, when the danger was so real.

"I'm not afraid for myself. I'm frightened that someone, anyone could get hurt. You are my family and the wolves have been my friends once, too. If it comes to a fight people will get harmed or even die." Tears were filling her eyes at the thought of someone being injured because of her, be it to kill or to protect her.

I was desperate to find a way to ease her mind when I heard Seth's thoughts as he was approaching the house.

 _False alarm again. False alarm_ , his mind was chanting again and again until he reached the lawn.

"Seth is here. It's false alarm, he says. I need to go outside to talk to him for a minute. Is that alright with you?" No matter how afraid she was of me hurting the thing inside her, she still needed to have me close by.

She nodded weakly as she let go of my hand. I walked the few steps toward the window and opened the glass door to the veranda. As I stepped outside my eyes met Seth's.

_False alarm. It was just Leah who crossed the line. She's come to stand with us, heaven knows why. You can relax. No sign of Sam or his pack so far._

"Please forgive me for asking but I need to know. Can you trust Leah?" I asked unsure of what her presence might entail.

_She didn't come to fight you. Jake's discussing things with her, right now. But you can ease up. She's no danger to you._

I nodded. "Thank you, Seth. If we can do anything for you, please, don't hesitate. Just say the word."

_Yeah, we will. I have to go back to Jake and Leah, now. I'm sure, he'll check in with you later to give you an update._

"Bye, Seth," I said as he turned around and crossed the meadow. I went back inside, immediately. I didn't want to waste a second of the little time I had left with my Bella.

Her eyes were impatiently awaiting my return. Carlisle and Rosalie had been able to listen to my exchange with Seth, although they had only heard my part of the conversation. But they had heard enough to know that everything was alright for now. And that was enough for them to relax and resume their former position of watching the monitor.

"As I said before, it was false alarm. There's no attack. Everything is okay." I felt too exhausted to go into any details, all the more because I didn't really have a lot to tell.

Bella relaxed visibly hearing the news. Her heartbeat decelerated almost to its former rate, her breath steadied as well.

Jasper and Emmett had been following my exchange with Seth, too. They had already gone back to their research.

A long period of silence followed. Since none of us had seen or heard anything besides what happened inside the house for ten days, there wasn't a lot to talk about. We were all contemplating our own thoughts.

Carlisle was going over various possibilities of treatments Bella would never agree to. Although he tried to produce an ultrasonic picture every other day it was never to any avail. He was aware that his chances of seeing anything were next to zero he didn't stop trying and he didn't stop thinking about other possibilities, either. For him stopping to try was giving up and he wasn't willing to capitulate yet.

Rosalie was curling a strand of her hair around her finger while she was imagining Emmett and herself with a beautiful little child. Although I knew that child was supposed to be the one Bella was carrying, it bore a striking resemblance to Emmett. Bella was nowhere in the picture Rose's mind was painting. I growled too quietly for Bella to hear. Rosalie snorted at the same volume before her thoughts deliberately moved on to her wardrobe to not annoy me any further.

As I turned back to look at Bella, my mind started going over the many things I needed to say to her before it would be too late. I felt the urge to tell her a thousand more times how much I loved her, how she had enriched my existence, how she had suddenly given a meaning to everything. I needed to thank her for our time together, for her being my wife no matter how short a time that lasted. I wanted her to know how special and wonderful our honeymoon had been for me, how much I wanted to be that close to her again, hold her again, how much I missed being intimate with her.

But I didn't want to say any of this in front of my obnoxious sister. Then again, I knew that our time together was running out and, really soon, I would have to make a decision to either ignore Rose and pour out my inner self despite her presence or to keep it to myself knowing that it meant Bella would die without knowing how I felt.

"Do you need anything? Are you hungry or maybe thirsty?" Carlisle asked Bella breaking the silence. The last time Bella had tried to eat something had been yesterday morning. She had managed to keep down the few bites she had forcefully swallowed for a whole two minutes. Since then she hadn't expressed any wish to repeat the experience.

She had to be hungry but the more often she had to vomit the more painful it became. Her esophagus was already partly corroded by the stomach acid that went through with every attack of nausea.

Her mouth was constantly dry but since every mouthful of water that went down came right back up, she had taken to just rinsing her mouth and spitting the water back out or sucking on ice cubes.

Bella sighed as she stared at the loose strands of hair that fell on her shoulder. They were dull and messy. I understood that what she really wanted was to take a shower. But she was by no means able to stand in the shower by herself.

"No, Carlisle. Thank you. I don't want anything. Maybe later." She pulled her gaze away from her hair and started to stroke her stomach with the hand I wasn't holding in mine. "He's getting really big now. I wonder how much longer it will be before he'll be born."

From the look of it, Bella wouldn't last until the creature was ready to emerge from her womb. We had told her about this probable outcome over and over but she didn't want to listen. She always answered with her usual 'I can do this.' There was no way to get through to her.

Before one of us could phrase a reasonable response I heard Jacob coming closer. He phased to his human form a moment before he reached the meadow in front of the house.

"Jacob is coming. He wants to give us an update and he wants to know if there's any news here," I said as I looked at Carlisle.

"Do you have to go outside again to talk to him?" Bella asked. She seemed to be afraid I would be gone for long.

"He has phased back to his human form," I stated.

Carlisle turned to look at Jacob crossing the lawn. "Edward, you can stay with Bella. I'll go talk to him."

"Thank you," I whispered soundlessly. I didn't want to leave Bella's side again now that she was awake. There wasn't enough time left to look into her beautiful chocolate eyes before they would very soon close for good. No, I didn't have any time to waste that I could otherwise be spending with the most important person in my life.

I kissed Bella's hand again as Carlisle rushed out of the house to meet Jacob on the porch.

"Jake isn't going to come in, is he?" Bella questioned sadly.

I could see that she wanted him to visit her again. She regretted the way they had parted yesterday. But, then again, she didn't want to cause him any further pain. She would never ask for him to come see her.

"I don't think so. He's not planning on staying long, anyway." I tried to put the matter to rest to stop Bella from blaming herself for Jacob being hurt.

She dropped her gaze from my face to let her eyes rest on our joined hands. With a little smile tugging at the corners of her mouth she started turning my wedding ring around my finger.

"There's something I wanted to tell you for a while but I never did." Her eyes met mine again. They were glistening with tears and she seemed deeply moved by some emotion I didn't recognize yet. "Thank you for your perseverance in terms of marriage. I'm really happy to be your wife. I'm sorry for giving you a hard time about it all and for ruining most of it for you. I've never been as happy as I was when Mr. Weber pronounced us husband and wife. You don't know how much it means to me to really belong to you." Her voice broke on the last words as she lifted my hand to her face and placed it against her cheek.

I felt like I was being ripped apart. Bella was declaring her love for me in such a moving way, which I hadn't been expecting at all, while my wrong decisions were costing her her life. She was trying to tell me that I had been right from the start about getting married, that I had been right insisting on a wedding before we took any further steps toward a future together when she was still totally opposed to it. But I had been fatally wrong. We wouldn't be in this predicament if I had given in and just changed her the way she had initially wanted me to.

I felt a new wave of self-loathing build up in front of me, threatening to drown me. But I knew it wouldn't help either Bella or me to bathe in it when all she needed to hear and all I needed to tell her was that I felt exactly like she did except for the disastrous outcome non of us had foreseen.

Now was not the time and place to say things that didn't serve any useful purpose. Admitting again how despicable I felt would neither redeem me from my guilt nor would it improve Bella's condition the least bit.

I took a second to swallow the confessions of guilt and self-contempt that wanted to get out but would only upset Bella and pulled myself together to say what really mattered.

"Thank you. Although you never said it, it was written clearly on your face when you walked down the aisle. That night you made me the happiest man on earth and I've been ever since," – well, in a way, at least – "And you didn't ruin anything for me. The only thing that matters is that you are my wife now and that I love you more than you'll ever know."

My eyes were burning with non-existent tears they needed to shed. For what felt like years we hadn't been as close to each other emotionally as we were right now. Afraid to draw any nearer to her, and to be rejected by her or reprimanded by Rosalie, the thumb of my hand she was still holding gently caressed her cheek. This moment felt utterly peaceful although I wasn't able to ignore the fact that Bella looked dangerously close to death.

For a long minute neither of us spoke a word. The only sounds in the room being Bella's arrhythmic heartbeat and her labored breathing. Even though I had effectively done just that until now I wasn't able to turn a deaf ear to the conversation between Carlisle and Jacob any longer when there was only silence surrounding us.

"What is the thing doing to her?" Jacob whispered. "She was so much worse last night. I saw … the tubes and all that. Through the window." I gazed at the IV that was still supplying Bella with the sodium solution and the nutritional mixture and noticed how much more fragile this whole medical setup made her look. It must have come as a shock to Jacob when he had seen her like this last night.

"The fetus isn't compatible with her body. Too strong, for one thing, but she could endure that for a while. The bigger problem is that it won't allow her to get the sustenance she needs. Her body is rejecting every form of nutrition. I'm trying to feed her intravenously, but she's just not absorbing it. Everything about her condition is accelerated. I'm watching her – and not just her, but the fetus as well – starve to death by the hour. I can't stop it and I can't slow it down. I can't figure out what it wants," Carlisle explained in a tired voice that broke at the end.

Of course the thing was too strong for Bella. It had my damn strength and my deadly effect on human life.

Jacob's furious thoughts were beyond words. His hands were clenched into fists as he tried to stop himself from phasing.

_I hate the thing that's hurting her. It's not enough for the monster to beat her from the inside out. No, it's starving her, too. Probably just looking for something to sink its teeth into – a throat to suck dry. Since it's not big enough to kill anyone else yet, it settles for sucking Bella's life from her. I can tell exactly what it wants: death and blood, blood and death._

I didn't hear any more of Jacob's or Carlisle's words as my mind was suddenly racing. I didn't consciously know what to make of it, yet, what to conclude from Jacob's thought but I felt that he'd had a thought that had evaded all of us so far.

While we were all working on figuring out what the thing might be, what species or what mix of species it would present us with, Jacob simply considered it one of us. To him it was a vampire. And maybe that was the key.

As we had been complicating things by going about everything scientifically he simply went with his instinct. The thing was his enemy, he hated it. So it must be a vampire.

All this time we had tried to feed Bella, and by feeding her we would naturally have been feeding the creature, too, in a way suitable for Bella. If the monster was a vampire more than it was human, than human food and the nutritive substances it contained would do very little to satisfy its needs, considering our bodies weren't able to process any human food.

I felt a little spark of excitement building up inside me as I realized that this might be a possibility to improve Bella's condition. If the creature was a vampire, than Jacob was right, it might be in need of something it has not been getting, blood.

In a rush of motivation I quickly raised from the bed as Bella watched me in bewilderment.

"I'll be right back, Bella. I want to speak with Carlisle for a moment. Actually, Rosalie, would you mind accompanying me?"

"What is it, Edward?" Bella whispered in a raspy voice, alarmed by my sudden intention to leave her.

"Nothing you need to worry about, love. It will just take a second. Please, Rose?"

Rosalie was unsure whether she should go with me or not. She suspected every one of my actions to be a threat. But I needed her to go with me since she was far more involved in the decision making process than I was. And I thought that we needed to discuss this without Bella before we even decided to let her in on Jacob's idea.

"Esme?" Rose called. "Can you mind Bella for me?"

Esme was standing next to us in the fraction of a second.

"Of course," she answered.

As soon as Rose and I were outside I closed the door behind us. I didn't want Bella to overhear our conversation.

"Carlisle," I started.

"What is it, Edward?" He looked confused but in his mind I saw that he detected a change in me. He noticed the excitement that was driving me right now.

"Perhaps we've been going about this the wrong way. I was listening to you and Jacob just now, and when you were speaking of what the … fetus wants, Jacob had an interesting thought."

 _Me? What had_ I _thought? Besides my obvious hatred for the thing? At least I'm not alone in that. Edward has a problem using a term as mild as fetus as well._

"We haven't actually addressed _that_ angle," I continued. "We've been trying to get Bella what she needs. And her body is accepting it about as well as one of ours would. Perhaps we should address the needs of the … fetus first. Maybe if we can satisfy it, we'll be able to help her more effectively."

"I'm not following you, Edward." Carlisle's confusion deepened.

"Think about it, Carlisle. If that creature is more vampire than human, can't you guess what it craves – what it's not getting? Jacob did."

_I did? What did I think?_

_Blood._ The word popped up in Jacob's thoughts at the same time as it occurred to Carlisle.

"Oh," Carlisle said surprised. "You think it's … thirsty?"

I heard a hiss from Rosalie. All the suspicion she had been harboring had vanished. Suddenly she shared my excitement.

"Of course," she murmured. "Carlisle, we have all that type O negative laid aside for Bella. It's a good idea." She avoided looking at me.

"Hmm." Carlisle rubbed his chin in thought. "I wonder … And then, what would be the best way to administer … "

Rosalie cut in shaking her head, "We don't have time to be creative. I'd say we should start with the traditional way."

"Wait a minute," Jacob whispered. "Just hold on. Are you – are you talking about making Bella drink _blood_?"

Jacob was absolutely disgusted at the thought. To be honest, I wasn't sure myself if we could really expect her to do a thing as strange to a human as that.

"It was your idea, dog." Rosalie was glowering at Jacob although otherwise she tried hard to ignore him completely.

I read in Carlisle's thoughts that he felt the same little spark of hope that had gotten hold of me since I had heard Jacob's idea.

"That's just … " Jacob was struggling to find the right words to express his irritation.

"Monstrous?" I offered. "Repulsive?"

"Pretty much."

"But what if it helps her?" I was afraid to utter what little hope I had out loud, too exhausted to muster the right amount of enthusiasm and too fearful I could jinx it.

Jacob shook his head furiously. "What are you gonna do, shove a tube down her throat?"

"I plan to ask her what she thinks. I just wanted to run it past Carlisle first." I couldn't be angry at Jacob for his all too natural reaction.

"If you tell her it might help the baby, she'll be willing to do anything. Even if we do have to feed them through a tube," Rosalie chimed in.

_She'd do anything to help the little life-sucking monster. Is that's what's going on? Is Rosalie after the baby?_

I nodded ever so slightly to have only Jacob notice it. Everyone else was oblivious of our non-verbal conversation.

_Huh, I didn't think the ice-cold Barbie had a maternal side. So much for protecting Bella – Rosalie'd probably jam the tube down Bella's throat herself._

My lips set into a tight line at the truth in Jacob's thoughts.

"Well, we don't have time to sit around discussing this," Rosalie pointed out impatiently. "What do you think, Carlisle? Can we try?"

 _Huh, it can't hurt._ Carlisle inhaled deeply then jumped to his feet. "We'll ask Bella."

Rosalie's thoughts were disgustingly smug. She refused to think about what an ordeal this would be for Bella even for a second.

The three of us rushed back into the house again followed by Jacob.

_I don't know why I'm doing this. Morbid curiosity, I guess. This is like a horror movie. Monsters and blood all over the place. Maybe I just need another hit of my dwindling drug supply._

As we entered the living room the three of us positioned ourselves around the bed while Jacob slowly trotted into the room.

Bella looked from one of us to the other in confusion. "What's going on?" she asked in her hoarse whispering voice. Again her hand protectively moved to her belly.

"Jacob had an idea that might help you," Carlisle began.

_I wish they'd leave me out of this. I didn't suggest anything. Give the credit to her bloodsucking husband, where it belongs._

"It won't be … pleasant, but – " he went on.

"But it will help the baby," Rosalie cut in to speed things up. "We've thought of a better way to feed him. Maybe."

I held back a snarl that was directed at Rose. How could she ignore everything besides the creature?

Bella's eyelids fluttered before she chuckled weakly. "Not pleasant?" she murmured watching the IV in her arm. "Gosh, that'll be such a change." She began to chuckle roughly again after the last word.

Rose laughed with her. It became harder for me to hold back the growl.

_She looks like she only has hours left, and she must be in pain, but she's joking. So Bella. Trying to ease the tension, make it better for everyone else._

Jacob couldn't know how right he was with his estimation of Bella's expectancy of life if this wouldn't work.

I walked around Rosalie who was standing closest to Bella and took the hand, that was not holding her stomach, in mine. I was concentrating hard on finding the right words to get her to agree to what we had thought up.

_At least he's suffering worse than I am. Helps a bit._

"Bella, love, we're going to ask you to do something monstrous, repulsive." I realized my choice of words was the same as I had offered Jacob on the porch but I considered them to be fitting the situation best.

_At least he's giving it to her straight._

Bella inhaled shallowly before she dared to ask, "How bad?"

Carlisle chimed in since he was supposed to be the authority on every medical question. "We think the fetus might have an appetite closer to ours than to yours. We think it's thirsty."

She blinked once processing the information. "Oh. _Oh._ "

"Your condition – both your conditions – are deteriorating rapidly. We don't have much time to waste, to come up with more palatable ways to do this. The fastest way to test the theory – "

"I've got to drink it." Bella nodded weakly but didn't seem to be disgusted at all. "I can do that. Practice for the future, right?" She tried to flash me a smile but there was no humor left in me to smile back at her.

_Could we speed this up a little? What are we waiting for? Everything's been said._

Rosalie's thoughts were accompanied by an impatient tapping of her toe.

 _I wonder what she would do if I threw her through a wall right now,_ Jacob thought.

"So, who's going to catch me a grizzly bear?" Bella attempted to make another joke.

 _She still doesn't really know what we mean,_ Carlisle and I realized at the same time.

Rose's impatient noise stopped.

"What?" Bella asked bewildered.

"It will be a more effective test if we don't cut corners, Bella," Carlisle tried to explain.

" _If_ the fetus is craving blood, it's not craving animal blood." I looked into her eyes intently, willing her to understand and agree.

"It won't make a difference to you, Bella. Don't think about it," Rose tried to be helpful without understanding Bella's reservations about human blood.

Bella's eyes widened in disbelieve. "Who?" she whispered as her eyes moved to Jacob.

"I'm not here as a donor, Bells," Jacob muttered. "'Sides, it's human blood that thing's after, and I don't think mine applies – "

"We have blood on hand," Rosalie cut him off rudely. "For you – just in case. Don't worry about anything at all. It's going to be fine. I have a good feeling about this, Bella. I think the baby will be so much better."

Bella stroked her stomach tenderly before she answered. "Well," her voice was hoarse and almost inaudible. "I'm starving, so I'll bet he is, too." She took another shallow breath before she tried to make another joke. "Let's go for it. My first vampire act."


	14. Chapter 13 - Stronger

**Chapter 13 - Stronger**

 

A second later Carlisle and Rosalie were upstairs to get the blood.

“Maybe we should warm it up a little,” Rosalie suggested. As long as it might be helping the creature she did her best to be helpful.

“I don't think we should. Just because we prefer it at 96.8° doesn't mean she does, too. If it's cold it might taste less disgusting to a human.” Carlisle answered. “And, by the way, this will be faster if we don't waist the time it would take to warming it up carefully.”

_What other house-of-horror stuff are they keeping around here? Fridge full of blood, check. What else? Torture chamber? Coffin room?_

While I listened to the discussion upstairs and Jacob's thoughts as well, the little bit of excitement that had resurrected me before was gone again. I felt tired, tired of hoping and having my hopes shattered. It had happened too often. I would go to pieces if another chance at saving Bella would turn out to be in vain.

Bella's eyes were locked with mine. Neither of us had the strength to say anything and yet we were assuring each other of the love we felt. Right now we didn't need any words.

After a few seconds Rosalie rushed down the stairs and vanished into the kitchen. Through the medium of her mind I watched her open a cupboard and take out a glass to pour the blood into. As usual Rose didn't think things through. We needed to make Bella feel as comfortable as possible while she had to do something that was entirely abnormal for her whole species. We should try to make her forget about what it really was she was drinking.

“Not _clear,_ Rosalie,” I whispered, rolling my eyes.

Bella looked at me curiously but I just shook my head.

_Why does he always have to complicate things? Okay, she's human, so maybe he's right for once._

Rose rushed past us once more to get a container more convenient for our particular purpose.

“This was your idea?” Bella whispered strained. It took her a lot of effort to make her voice reach Jacob, forgetting that his hearing was about as good as mine.

_I like how she seems to forget that I'm not completely human._

Jacob approached the bed Bella was lying in so that Bella didn't have to stress herself further to make her words heard.

“Don't blame me for this one. Your vampire was just picking snide comments out of my head.”

She smiled at him a little insecurely. “I didn't expect to see you again.”

“Yeah, me, either,” he answered while grimacing a little.

_It feels weird just standing here. They've shoved all the furniture out of the way for the medical stuff. Doesn't seem to bother them. Sitting or standing, what's the difference if you're stone. Wouldn't bother me either if I wasn't that tired._

“Edward told me what you had to do. I'm sorry.”

“S'okay. It was only a matter of time till I snapped over something Sam wanted me to do,” he said. I knew he was lying to ease the guilt Bella felt.

“And Seth,” she murmured.

“He's actually happy to help.”

“I hate causing you trouble.”

Jacob snorted a laugh at her words.

Bella sighed weakly. “I guess that's nothing new, is it?”

“No, not really.”

“You don't have to stay and watch this,” she breathed, seeming to notice Jacob's feeling of discomfort at what was about to happen.

_I could leave. That's a good idea for sure. But if I do, with the way Bella looks right now, I could be missing the last fifteen minutes of her life._

Jacob was right. She really looked closer to death than to life. Although I didn't want to harbor any hope, I did pray that the blood would at least have a small positive effect on her condition.

“I don't really have anywhere else to go,” he said, trying to keep his tone light. “The wolf thing is a lot less appealing since Leah joined up.”

“Leah?” Bella choked out.

“You didn't tell her?” Jacob asked me.

I shrugged not taking my eyes off Bella's face.

_I can see, it's not exciting news to you. Not something worth sharing with the more important events going down._

Bella seemed to be really upset about the new piece of information. Actually I didn't know why but I had kept it from her guided by some instinct warning me that it might stress her.

“Why?” she wanted to know.

“To keep an eye on Seth.” In Jacob's mind flashed some other reasons Leah might have for joining his pack but neither were they clear enough to understand nor did I really care at the moment.

“But Leah hates us,” Bella whispered.

_Us. Nice. She's really afraid, though._

“Leah's not going to bug anyone.” _But me._ “She's in my pack” – Jacob's face was a little distorted at his words – “so she follows my lead.” _Ugh._

He really wasn't happy with the way things were going in his pack. But he was trying to do the right thing.

Bella didn't seem to be convinced by his statement.

“You're scared of _Leah_ , but you're best buds with the psychopath blonde?”

Rosalie answered him with a menacing hiss from the upper floor.

_Cool, she heard me._

Bella made a face at him. “Don't. Rose … understands.”

“Yeah,” he snorted. “She understands that you're gonna die and she doesn't care, s'long as she gets her mutant spawn out of the deal.”

“Stop being a jerk, Jacob,” she breathed.

He forced a smile on his face as he said, “You say that like it's possible.”

Bella tried to hold back the answering smile that was forming on her lips but couldn't fight it.

A moment later Carlisle and Rosalie were with us again. In his hand was a white plastic cup with a lid and a straw. I was relieved to see that they had found a container to disguise the blood so that Bella would not have to think too much about what she was about to do.

Everyone in the room, apart from Bella probably, was exposed to the smell of the the cup's content. Jacob was disgusted while Carlisle was indifferent about it. Although Rosalie, just like me, had not been hunting for the last two weeks, she willed herself to ignore the appetizing scent.

As for me, I didn't even notice how delicious it smelled. I was holding my breath in anticipation of Bella's reaction.

Carlisle half-extended the hand holding the cup toward Bella, his face apologetic, but he halted as he noticed her scared expression.

“We could try another method,” he offered quietly. Afraid that we were expecting too much of her, that we were finding ourselves at yet another dead-end.

“No,” Bella murmured determinedly. “No, I'll try this first. We don't have time … “.

Every hope that she might finally be concerned about her life was destroyed when her hand protectively stroked her stomach again.

She reached to take the cup from Carlisle. As she held it, her hand started to shake a little, whether it was because of her weakness or because she was afraid of what was laying ahead, I couldn't tell. The blood in the cup was making a sloshing noise.

Bella tried to raise herself enough to be able to drink but, like the last time she tried, she wasn't strong enough to do it on her own. Rosalie rushed to her side at once, putting her arm under Bella's shoulders and held her head up, too.

“Thanks,” she murmured as she glanced around to look at the rest of us. She felt embarrassed by her inability to take care of herself. It was hard for her that she wasn't capable of disguising her weakness.

“Don't mind them,” Rose whispered.

Jacob was feeling uncomfortable knowing what would happen next.

 _I should've left when Bella offered the chance. I don't belong here, being part of this. But if I leave now, Bella will think I'm too disgusted and that would make things worse._ _I'm not going to jinx this._

Bella lifted the cup and brought it closer to her face. When she took a smell at the straw, she winced and grimaced.

“Bella, sweetheart, we can find an easier way,” I said soothingly, feeling guilty for yet another ordeal I was forcing her to live through. I was about to take the cup out of her hand when Rose cut me off.

“Plug your nose,” she suggested. _You won't ruin this chance of helping the baby._

She glowered at my stretched out hand.

 _I wish she would really snap at him. I bet he wouldn't take_ that _sitting down. I'd love to see Blondie lose a limb._

Jacob's thoughts weren't far off. I was very close to losing my temper and directing all my anger at my sister. But I was holding myself together for now, even though I was close to snapping.

“No, that's not it. It's just that it – “ Bella took a quick deep breath. “It smells good.” She seemed to be a little embarrassed about that discovery.

“That's a good thing,” Rosalie answered her avidly. “That means we're on the right track. Give it a try.” Rose was rejoicing that we finally seemed to have a chance to make a change.

I was holding my breath, hoping against hope that this positive reaction could actually mean that this was the key to saving her.

Bella took the straw between her lips, closed her eyes and wrinkled her nose. Her hand started to shake worse than it had before. Then she sipped and the second she swallowed she moaned in a way that indicated pleasure.

I stepped towards her at the same time Jacob did. Worriedly I touched her face.

“Bella, love – “ Before I could even form a coherent question she cut me off.

“I'm okay,” she breathed as she opened her eyes again and looked at me with an expression that didn't make sense to me. She seemed to be sorry, pleading and afraid at the same time. “It _tastes_ good, too.”

That was it then. She was confused and frightened because of this inhuman sentiment. I felt as if a heavy burden had been lifted from my shoulders. The fact that Bella seemed to like the flavor of the blood, which was contrary to standard human preferences, just had to be an indication that it was what her body needed right now.

I felt nausea rising in Jacob.

“That's good,” Rosalie pointed out again. “A good sign.”

I laid my hand on her cheek once more, caressing her fragile face.

Bella sighed and started to sip again. She pulled at the straw harder than I would have imagined her to be capable of in her weak state of health. It seemed like her body was on a mission to get itself what it was in desperate need of.

“How's your stomach? Do you feel nauseated?” Carlisle needed to know.

She shook her head as she answered in a whisper, “No, I don't feel sick. There's a first, eh?”

Rosalie grinned smugly. “Excellent.”

“I think it's a bit early for that, Rose,” Carlisle tried to curb her enthusiasm.

Bella took another mouthful of blood before she let her eyes meet mine. “Does this screw my total?” she mumbled. “Or do we start counting _after_ I'm a vampire?” Was she really concerned about something as irrelevant as that? If it would save her life I would let her slaughter the whole state or I'd rather do it _for_ her without turning a hair.

“No one is counting, Bella. In any case, no one died for this. Your record is still clean.” I tried to flash her a reassuring smile but only managed a strained half-grin. I was still afraid that this, no matter how effective it seemed to be right now, would just turn out to be another disappointment.

_You've lost me._

“I'll explain later,” I answered Jacob's thought under my breath.

“What?” Bella whispered although I had intended my words to be too quiet for her to hear.

“Just talking to myself,” I lied, too stressed to explain anything that didn't really need to be said.

_If you succeed with this, if Bella lives, you won't get away with so much when her senses are as sharp as yours. You'll have to work on the honesty thing._

I had to fight a smile that was forming on my lips, realizing that Jacob was right. I would have to get used to a lot of things when Bell was a vampire. But if it meant that she would live, I would never ever lie to her again.

Absentmindedly Bella went on drinking from her plastic cup.

_She's probably pretending we're not here. Or maybe just me. No one else here will be disgusted by what she's doing. Just the opposite – they're probably having a tough time not ripping the cup away from her._

I rolled my eyes. How wrong he was. No one here was begrudging her the blood. We were all way too concerned about Bella's condition to even acknowledge our feelings of thirst.

_Jeez, how can anyone stand living with you. It's really too bad you can't hear Bella's thoughts. Then you'd annoy the crap out of her, too, and she'd get tired of you._

I had to chuckle at Jacob's comment. His mind was extremely entertaining when he wasn't being mean. Bella instantly stared at me and in her eyes I could see a bit of humor that was mirroring mine. Something neither of us had seen in a long time.

“Something funny?” she whispered, her brows raised in curiosity.

“Jacob,” I replied.

She looked over to Jacob, still smiling. “Jake's a crack-up.”

 _Great, now I'm the court jester._ “Bada _bing_ ,” he mumbled.

Bella smiled again as she finished her cup of blood. Jacob winced at the noise that came from the straw pulling at empty air.

“I did it,” she said, pleased with herself. Inexplicably, her voice already sounded stronger and less hoarse. “If I keep this down, Carlisle, will you take the needles out of me?”

“As soon as possible,” he assured her. “Honestly, they aren't doing that much good where they are.”

Rose and Bella exchanged a hopeful glance as Rose patted her forehead. It would have been a picture of friendship if Rose's thoughts hadn't betrayed the fact that she was only thinking about the creature and not about Bella.

I didn't know how it had happened but Bella was looking much stronger and healthier after the one cup of blood. Her heartbeat sounded stronger, her breathing seemed to take less effort and her complexion was back to a very pale rose. She even seemed strong enough to carry some of her weight herself, although Rosalie was still helping her sitting up.

It didn't make any sense considering she had only drunken the blood a few minutes ago. But as the process of deterioration had been accelerated, so seemed the process of getting better.

I felt the small spark of hope I had denied the whole time turn into a little fire. We hadn't lost yet, after all.

“Would you like more?” Rosalie was overindulging again.

Bella dropped her shoulders in what seemed like despair.

I glowered at Rose before I turned back to Bella. “You don't have to drink more right away.”

“Yeah, I know. But … I _want_ to,” she admitted shyly.

Rosalie combed Bella's hair with her fingers as she said, “You don't need to be embarrassed about that, Bella. Your body has cravings. We all understand that.” She had been talking in a mild comforting voice until she added, “Anyone who doesn't understand shouldn't be here.” The words came out sharp and were clearly directed towards Jacob.

But he was determined not to let Rose's words get to him. He was as relieved as the rest of us were that Bella seemed to be better. And just like me, he didn't mind the means it took.

“I'll be back,” Carlisle said as he took the cup and vanished upstairs to get Bella a refill.

“Jake, you look awful,” she stated, still a bit hoarse as her eyes scrutinized him.

“Look who's talking.”

“Seriously – when's the last time you slept?”

He really looked extremely tired. I supposed he hadn't been sleeping for at least twenty-four hours. “Huh, I'm not actually sure.” He tried to remember when he had been resting the last time and didn't seem to know. It must have been longer than one day then.

“Aw, Jake. Now I'm messing with your health, too. Don't be stupid.”

_She's allowed to kill herself for a monster, but I'm not allowed to miss a few nights' sleep to watch her do it?_

“Get some rest, please,” she continued. “There's a few beds upstairs – you're welcome to any of them.”

Rose's thoughts were making clear that he wasn't welcome to anything in this house, least of all her bed. She was trying to kill him with the look she was shooting him. Jacob was well aware of the hostility he was confronted with.

_What does Sleepless Beauty need a bed for, anyway? That possessive of her props?_

“Thanks, Bells, but I'd rather sleep on the ground. Away from the stench, you know.”

She made a face at him. “Right.”

As Carlisle was back that moment, Bella reached for the cup again, without giving it a conscious thought, as it seemed. Looking at something that was far away she began drinking again.

She was sitting up straight all by herself now. Although Rosalie was right by her side, ready to assist, Bella didn't need her help. Her breath as well wasn't as shallow anymore. She inhaled deeply in between swallows. The second cup was empty even quicker than the first.

“How do you feel now?” Carlisle asked her again.

“Not sick. Sort of hungry … only I'm not sure if I'm hungry or _thirsty_ , you know?”

“Carlisle, just look at her. This is obviously what her body wants. She should drink more.” Rosalie sounded disgustingly smug. Her smile was genuine but still, this was all about the thing and only about Bella as long as she was essential for the thing to live.

“She's still human, Rosalie. She needs food, too. Let's give her a little while to see how this affects her, and then maybe we can try some food again. Does anything sound particularly good to you, Bella?”

She didn't have to make up her mind before she answered, “Eggs.” She looked at me with a wistful smile on her face. I just had to smile back at her, for once knowing exactly that her thoughts were on Isle Esme when the two of us had been closer than ever.

In my peripheral vision I saw Jacob's eyes close to blink but it took him too long to open them again.

“Jacob,” I whispered. “You really should sleep. As Bella said, you're certainly welcome to the accommodations here, though you'd probably be more comfortable outside. Don't worry about anything – I promise I'll find you if there's a need.”

“Sure, sure,” he mumbled. Right now, as he seemed to be convinced that Bella would survive the next hours, he was willing to get some rest.

_I'll go curl up under a tree somewhere … Far enough away from the smell. The bloodsucker will wake me up if something goes wrong. He owes me._

“I do,” I agreed wholeheartedly.

He just nodded as he put his hand on top of hers. _Ice cold_.

“Feel better,” he told her.

“Thanks, Jacob.” She squeezed his hand lightly before he pulled away and turned to leave.

“Get her a blanket or something,” he mumbled as he left.

Before Jacob was even outside the house two howls rose from the forest. They sounded very desperate so Jacob, not willing to lose precious time, raced through the door and jumped off the porch phasing mid-air as his shorts were torn apart.

_Crap. Those were the only clothes I had._

He headed off into the woods before Bella had noticed that he had left the house.

“What happened?” Carlisle asked anxiously.

 _Incoming. At least three._ I heard Seth's thoughts in Jacob's head.

“Someone's coming. Three, Seth says.” I answered, continuing to focus on Jacob's mind.

“Are they coming for us?” Bella's eyes were full of fear, her heart was racing as her hands protectively clutched her middle.

“They don't know what's going on, yet.” Saying the words I sat down again and took Bella's hand in mine trying to make her feel safe.

While the thoughts in the pack's mind were speculating about the meaning of the other wolves' approach, I gradually lost my connection to Jacob. He was out of range.

“What's going on?” Rose asked. Everyone was looking at me in worried anticipation. Jasper, Emmett and Alice upstairs were on high alert, too.

“I lost him. He's too far away for me to hear. We'll have to wait.” My eyes locked with Bella's. The fear was clearly visible in hers. It hurt me to see her afraid like that. What wouldn't I have done to ease her mind. But right now I could do nothing other than wait and hope for the best. At least her physical condition had improved a lot since last night.

Minutes passed and nothing happened. No further howling, no one coming close and no thoughts for me to hear other than the confused and worried thoughts that were swirling around here in the house.

It was quiet enough to hear a pin drop. The only sounds piercing the silence were Bella's racing hart and her still mildly raspy breath.

Neither of us dared to say anything. The more time passed, the more we tried to listen to the low noises in the forest.

_Hey, Jared._

I sighed silently with relief when I heard Jacob's mind again.

“I hear him again. He's phased back. There's four of them. Jared is in human form and Paul, Quil and Collin are wolves.”

“What's happening? Are they coming here?” Bella choked out.

“It doesn't seem like it. They want to talk to Jacob, to convince him to rejoin Sam's pack.” I paused a moment to listen. “Sam wants all of them back. Jacob is refusing. He doesn't know how it could work now that he found the Alpha in him. And there can only be one Alpha in a pack.”

 _So are you all just going to hang out with the parasites for the rest or your lives?_ Jared asked.

“Jared says that they don't have a home here, that they're out of clothes. They can't stay wolf all the time. Seems like Leah doesn't like to eat that way.”

 _We can help with that. Edward, you should talk to Jacob. We have clothes, and food. Please, tell him we will provide them with everything necessary._ Esme's face showed real concern about the well-being of our allies. Her mother instinct always took over when someone was in need.

I nodded, too focused on the conversation going on out in the woods to say anything.

“Sam claims to be sorry for trying to make Jacob bow down to him. Jacob says he's not angry anymore but he's not going back either. He'll stay at our side until this is over. Seth agrees.”

I growled when I heard Jared's next words. Unfortunately it made Bella hold her breath.

“Now they're trying to make Seth and Leah feel guilty for abandoning their mother so shortly after their father died.” Bella's face twitched in compassion. I hurried to go on and ease her mind. “Jacob highly doubts Sue being lonely.”

I listened a little more before going on. “Now Jared is addressing Leah, saying that she doesn't want to be here but she seems to object to that sentiment. They want to persuade her to come back even though Seth stays with Jacob. Jared's pleading. Wow, that's pathetic. He tries to make her come back claiming Sam wants her there.”

“That's cruel,” Bella agreed.

“And not working. Leah seems to be furious.” Through Jacob's ears I could hear her growl. “Jacob is now trying to end the discussion by saying that they should stay on their land and Jacob and his pack will stay on ours.”

I kept the next part of their conversation to myself. Jacob was telling Jared that the situation we were in would be over pretty soon and we would certainly leave afterward. I didn't want Bella to hear that Jacob thought her time was almost up.

Also I didn't want her to know that her best friend was planning to live the rest of his life as a wolf because that way it will be easier to handle the pain of losing her. I didn't want to add to her already guilty conscience.

“Jacob tells them to stick to their land and to come and howl when they want to talk to him. Jared agrees.”

The rest of their conversation was about Jacob's friend Embry and the question why he wasn't with the negotiation party. Jacob asked Jared to give his father a message and Quil to greet Embry. Then they parted ways and Jacob phased again which broke my connection to him.

“They're leaving. The danger is over. No one's coming here.” I forced a smile on my face when I looked into Bella's eyes. She was slowly recovering from the strain she had been under for the last minutes.

“Good.” Carlisle took another look on the monitor then turned to smile at Bella. “I think we don't need the monitor anymore. Your vital functions are back to a tolerable state.”

Bella smiled back at him. “Can I go back to lying on the couch, please? I hate this bed. It's uncomfortable and I feel like a patient in a hospital as long as I'm in it.”

Of course, she wanted everything to be as normal as possible, again. Remove every sign indicating she could be sick.

“Sure, if you wish. I think I can also remove the IV with the nutritional solution. It doesn't seem to do any good. But I would like to keep the sodium solution for a while longer, if you don't mind.”

She grimaced slightly but answered, “Okay. If that's best for the baby.”

My eyes narrowed infinitesimally at the word. I would never get used to them calling the creature a baby. Even though Bella was obviously much better.

Carlisle freed her from all tubes and wires only leaving the sodium drip in place. Then Rosalie carried her over to the couch. Again I was jealous that she could be that close to Bella while I could not. But I swallowed my anger. At least I was able to cover her with on of the blankets to make sure she was warm.

In a few minutes we had removed the hospital bed and the rest of the medical setup and rearranged the furniture back to its normal arrangement.

“Bella, can I do anything else for you?” Carlisle asked after we were done.

Her gaze wandered to the empty plastic cup, shyly biting her lip.

“Of course, I'll get you a refill.” He quickly took the cup out of Bella's hands and vanished upstairs to get another portion of blood.

Esme had gone upstairs too, searching for old clothes of Emmett's to place outside for Jacob. He couldn't very well come in naked. They wouldn't really fit him. Though Emmett was tall Jacob still towered over him, but that didn't matter. At least he would have something to wear.

When Rose came back, she handed the cup to Bella who instantly started to sip. With every mouthful she swallowed her heartbeat became slightly more regular.

We all seemed to have relaxed since we realized that Bella was indeed safe for now. Rose switched the TV on, something that hadn't happened for days, and Carlisle opened the shutters on the back windows since, for the time being, we seemed to be in no danger of being attacked.

I sat down at the end of the couch and put Bella's blanket covered feet in my lap. Everything seemed to be normal again. If there hadn't been Bella's swollen stomach rising up as she lay flat on the couch. Now, once more, all we could do was wait.


	15. Chapter 14 - Fracture

**Chapter 13 - Stronger**

 

A second later Carlisle and Rosalie were upstairs to get the blood.

“Maybe we should warm it up a little,” Rosalie suggested. As long as it might be helping the creature she did her best to be helpful.

“I don't think we should. Just because we prefer it at 96.8° doesn't mean she does, too. If it's cold it might taste less disgusting to a human.” Carlisle answered. “And, by the way, this will be faster if we don't waist the time it would take to warming it up carefully.”

_What other house-of-horror stuff are they keeping around here? Fridge full of blood, check. What else? Torture chamber? Coffin room?_

While I listened to the discussion upstairs and Jacob's thoughts as well, the little bit of excitement that had resurrected me before was gone again. I felt tired, tired of hoping and having my hopes shattered. It had happened too often. I would go to pieces if another chance at saving Bella would turn out to be in vain.

Bella's eyes were locked with mine. Neither of us had the strength to say anything and yet we were assuring each other of the love we felt. Right now we didn't need any words.

After a few seconds Rosalie rushed down the stairs and vanished into the kitchen. Through the medium of her mind I watched her open a cupboard and take out a glass to pour the blood into. As usual Rose didn't think things through. We needed to make Bella feel as comfortable as possible while she had to do something that was entirely abnormal for her whole species. We should try to make her forget about what it really was she was drinking.

“Not _clear,_ Rosalie,” I whispered, rolling my eyes.

Bella looked at me curiously but I just shook my head.

_Why does he always have to complicate things? Okay, she's human, so maybe he's right for once._

Rose rushed past us once more to get a container more convenient for our particular purpose.

“This was your idea?” Bella whispered strained. It took her a lot of effort to make her voice reach Jacob, forgetting that his hearing was about as good as mine.

_I like how she seems to forget that I'm not completely human._

Jacob approached the bed Bella was lying in so that Bella didn't have to stress herself further to make her words heard.

“Don't blame me for this one. Your vampire was just picking snide comments out of my head.”

She smiled at him a little insecurely. “I didn't expect to see you again.”

“Yeah, me, either,” he answered while grimacing a little.

_It feels weird just standing here. They've shoved all the furniture out of the way for the medical stuff. Doesn't seem to bother them. Sitting or standing, what's the difference if you're stone. Wouldn't bother me either if I wasn't that tired._

“Edward told me what you had to do. I'm sorry.”

“S'okay. It was only a matter of time till I snapped over something Sam wanted me to do,” he said. I knew he was lying to ease the guilt Bella felt.

“And Seth,” she murmured.

“He's actually happy to help.”

“I hate causing you trouble.”

Jacob snorted a laugh at her words.

Bella sighed weakly. “I guess that's nothing new, is it?”

“No, not really.”

“You don't have to stay and watch this,” she breathed, seeming to notice Jacob's feeling of discomfort at what was about to happen.

_I could leave. That's a good idea for sure. But if I do, with the way Bella looks right now, I could be missing the last fifteen minutes of her life._

Jacob was right. She really looked closer to death than to life. Although I didn't want to harbor any hope, I did pray that the blood would at least have a small positive effect on her condition.

“I don't really have anywhere else to go,” he said, trying to keep his tone light. “The wolf thing is a lot less appealing since Leah joined up.”

“Leah?” Bella choked out.

“You didn't tell her?” Jacob asked me.

I shrugged not taking my eyes off Bella's face.

_I can see, it's not exciting news to you. Not something worth sharing with the more important events going down._

Bella seemed to be really upset about the new piece of information. Actually I didn't know why but I had kept it from her guided by some instinct warning me that it might stress her.

“Why?” she wanted to know.

“To keep an eye on Seth.” In Jacob's mind flashed some other reasons Leah might have for joining his pack but neither were they clear enough to understand nor did I really care at the moment.

“But Leah hates us,” Bella whispered.

_Us. Nice. She's really afraid, though._

“Leah's not going to bug anyone.” _But me._ “She's in my pack” – Jacob's face was a little distorted at his words – “so she follows my lead.” _Ugh._

He really wasn't happy with the way things were going in his pack. But he was trying to do the right thing.

Bella didn't seem to be convinced by his statement.

“You're scared of _Leah_ , but you're best buds with the psychopath blonde?”

Rosalie answered him with a menacing hiss from the upper floor.

_Cool, she heard me._

Bella made a face at him. “Don't. Rose … understands.”

“Yeah,” he snorted. “She understands that you're gonna die and she doesn't care, s'long as she gets her mutant spawn out of the deal.”

“Stop being a jerk, Jacob,” she breathed.

He forced a smile on his face as he said, “You say that like it's possible.”

Bella tried to hold back the answering smile that was forming on her lips but couldn't fight it.

A moment later Carlisle and Rosalie were with us again. In his hand was a white plastic cup with a lid and a straw. I was relieved to see that they had found a container to disguise the blood so that Bella would not have to think too much about what she was about to do.

Everyone in the room, apart from Bella probably, was exposed to the smell of the the cup's content. Jacob was disgusted while Carlisle was indifferent about it. Although Rosalie, just like me, had not been hunting for the last two weeks, she willed herself to ignore the appetizing scent.

As for me, I didn't even notice how delicious it smelled. I was holding my breath in anticipation of Bella's reaction.

Carlisle half-extended the hand holding the cup toward Bella, his face apologetic, but he halted as he noticed her scared expression.

“We could try another method,” he offered quietly. Afraid that we were expecting too much of her, that we were finding ourselves at yet another dead-end.

“No,” Bella murmured determinedly. “No, I'll try this first. We don't have time … “.

Every hope that she might finally be concerned about her life was destroyed when her hand protectively stroked her stomach again.

She reached to take the cup from Carlisle. As she held it, her hand started to shake a little, whether it was because of her weakness or because she was afraid of what was laying ahead, I couldn't tell. The blood in the cup was making a sloshing noise.

Bella tried to raise herself enough to be able to drink but, like the last time she tried, she wasn't strong enough to do it on her own. Rosalie rushed to her side at once, putting her arm under Bella's shoulders and held her head up, too.

“Thanks,” she murmured as she glanced around to look at the rest of us. She felt embarrassed by her inability to take care of herself. It was hard for her that she wasn't capable of disguising her weakness.

“Don't mind them,” Rose whispered.

Jacob was feeling uncomfortable knowing what would happen next.

 _I should've left when Bella offered the chance. I don't belong here, being part of this. But if I leave now, Bella will think I'm too disgusted and that would make things worse._ _I'm not going to jinx this._

Bella lifted the cup and brought it closer to her face. When she took a smell at the straw, she winced and grimaced.

“Bella, sweetheart, we can find an easier way,” I said soothingly, feeling guilty for yet another ordeal I was forcing her to live through. I was about to take the cup out of her hand when Rose cut me off.

“Plug your nose,” she suggested. _You won't ruin this chance of helping the baby._

She glowered at my stretched out hand.

 _I wish she would really snap at him. I bet he wouldn't take_ that _sitting down. I'd love to see Blondie lose a limb._

Jacob's thoughts weren't far off. I was very close to losing my temper and directing all my anger at my sister. But I was holding myself together for now, even though I was close to snapping.

“No, that's not it. It's just that it – “ Bella took a quick deep breath. “It smells good.” She seemed to be a little embarrassed about that discovery.

“That's a good thing,” Rosalie answered her avidly. “That means we're on the right track. Give it a try.” Rose was rejoicing that we finally seemed to have a chance to make a change.

I was holding my breath, hoping against hope that this positive reaction could actually mean that this was the key to saving her.

Bella took the straw between her lips, closed her eyes and wrinkled her nose. Her hand started to shake worse than it had before. Then she sipped and the second she swallowed she moaned in a way that indicated pleasure.

I stepped towards her at the same time Jacob did. Worriedly I touched her face.

“Bella, love – “ Before I could even form a coherent question she cut me off.

“I'm okay,” she breathed as she opened her eyes again and looked at me with an expression that didn't make sense to me. She seemed to be sorry, pleading and afraid at the same time. “It _tastes_ good, too.”

That was it then. She was confused and frightened because of this inhuman sentiment. I felt as if a heavy burden had been lifted from my shoulders. The fact that Bella seemed to like the flavor of the blood, which was contrary to standard human preferences, just had to be an indication that it was what her body needed right now.

I felt nausea rising in Jacob.

“That's good,” Rosalie pointed out again. “A good sign.”

I laid my hand on her cheek once more, caressing her fragile face.

Bella sighed and started to sip again. She pulled at the straw harder than I would have imagined her to be capable of in her weak state of health. It seemed like her body was on a mission to get itself what it was in desperate need of.

“How's your stomach? Do you feel nauseated?” Carlisle needed to know.

She shook her head as she answered in a whisper, “No, I don't feel sick. There's a first, eh?”

Rosalie grinned smugly. “Excellent.”

“I think it's a bit early for that, Rose,” Carlisle tried to curb her enthusiasm.

Bella took another mouthful of blood before she let her eyes meet mine. “Does this screw my total?” she mumbled. “Or do we start counting _after_ I'm a vampire?” Was she really concerned about something as irrelevant as that? If it would save her life I would let her slaughter the whole state or I'd rather do it _for_ her without turning a hair.

“No one is counting, Bella. In any case, no one died for this. Your record is still clean.” I tried to flash her a reassuring smile but only managed a strained half-grin. I was still afraid that this, no matter how effective it seemed to be right now, would just turn out to be another disappointment.

_You've lost me._

“I'll explain later,” I answered Jacob's thought under my breath.

“What?” Bella whispered although I had intended my words to be too quiet for her to hear.

“Just talking to myself,” I lied, too stressed to explain anything that didn't really need to be said.

_If you succeed with this, if Bella lives, you won't get away with so much when her senses are as sharp as yours. You'll have to work on the honesty thing._

I had to fight a smile that was forming on my lips, realizing that Jacob was right. I would have to get used to a lot of things when Bell was a vampire. But if it meant that she would live, I would never ever lie to her again.

Absentmindedly Bella went on drinking from her plastic cup.

_She's probably pretending we're not here. Or maybe just me. No one else here will be disgusted by what she's doing. Just the opposite – they're probably having a tough time not ripping the cup away from her._

I rolled my eyes. How wrong he was. No one here was begrudging her the blood. We were all way too concerned about Bella's condition to even acknowledge our feelings of thirst.

_Jeez, how can anyone stand living with you. It's really too bad you can't hear Bella's thoughts. Then you'd annoy the crap out of her, too, and she'd get tired of you._

I had to chuckle at Jacob's comment. His mind was extremely entertaining when he wasn't being mean. Bella instantly stared at me and in her eyes I could see a bit of humor that was mirroring mine. Something neither of us had seen in a long time.

“Something funny?” she whispered, her brows raised in curiosity.

“Jacob,” I replied.

She looked over to Jacob, still smiling. “Jake's a crack-up.”

 _Great, now I'm the court jester._ “Bada _bing_ ,” he mumbled.

Bella smiled again as she finished her cup of blood. Jacob winced at the noise that came from the straw pulling at empty air.

“I did it,” she said, pleased with herself. Inexplicably, her voice already sounded stronger and less hoarse. “If I keep this down, Carlisle, will you take the needles out of me?”

“As soon as possible,” he assured her. “Honestly, they aren't doing that much good where they are.”

Rose and Bella exchanged a hopeful glance as Rose patted her forehead. It would have been a picture of friendship if Rose's thoughts hadn't betrayed the fact that she was only thinking about the creature and not about Bella.

I didn't know how it had happened but Bella was looking much stronger and healthier after the one cup of blood. Her heartbeat sounded stronger, her breathing seemed to take less effort and her complexion was back to a very pale rose. She even seemed strong enough to carry some of her weight herself, although Rosalie was still helping her sitting up.

It didn't make any sense considering she had only drunken the blood a few minutes ago. But as the process of deterioration had been accelerated, so seemed the process of getting better.

I felt the small spark of hope I had denied the whole time turn into a little fire. We hadn't lost yet, after all.

“Would you like more?” Rosalie was overindulging again.

Bella dropped her shoulders in what seemed like despair.

I glowered at Rose before I turned back to Bella. “You don't have to drink more right away.”

“Yeah, I know. But … I _want_ to,” she admitted shyly.

Rosalie combed Bella's hair with her fingers as she said, “You don't need to be embarrassed about that, Bella. Your body has cravings. We all understand that.” She had been talking in a mild comforting voice until she added, “Anyone who doesn't understand shouldn't be here.” The words came out sharp and were clearly directed towards Jacob.

But he was determined not to let Rose's words get to him. He was as relieved as the rest of us were that Bella seemed to be better. And just like me, he didn't mind the means it took.

“I'll be back,” Carlisle said as he took the cup and vanished upstairs to get Bella a refill.

“Jake, you look awful,” she stated, still a bit hoarse as her eyes scrutinized him.

“Look who's talking.”

“Seriously – when's the last time you slept?”

He really looked extremely tired. I supposed he hadn't been sleeping for at least twenty-four hours. “Huh, I'm not actually sure.” He tried to remember when he had been resting the last time and didn't seem to know. It must have been longer than one day then.

“Aw, Jake. Now I'm messing with your health, too. Don't be stupid.”

_She's allowed to kill herself for a monster, but I'm not allowed to miss a few nights' sleep to watch her do it?_

“Get some rest, please,” she continued. “There's a few beds upstairs – you're welcome to any of them.”

Rose's thoughts were making clear that he wasn't welcome to anything in this house, least of all her bed. She was trying to kill him with the look she was shooting him. Jacob was well aware of the hostility he was confronted with.

_What does Sleepless Beauty need a bed for, anyway? That possessive of her props?_

“Thanks, Bells, but I'd rather sleep on the ground. Away from the stench, you know.”

She made a face at him. “Right.”

As Carlisle was back that moment, Bella reached for the cup again, without giving it a conscious thought, as it seemed. Looking at something that was far away she began drinking again.

She was sitting up straight all by herself now. Although Rosalie was right by her side, ready to assist, Bella didn't need her help. Her breath as well wasn't as shallow anymore. She inhaled deeply in between swallows. The second cup was empty even quicker than the first.

“How do you feel now?” Carlisle asked her again.

“Not sick. Sort of hungry … only I'm not sure if I'm hungry or _thirsty_ , you know?”

“Carlisle, just look at her. This is obviously what her body wants. She should drink more.” Rosalie sounded disgustingly smug. Her smile was genuine but still, this was all about the thing and only about Bella as long as she was essential for the thing to live.

“She's still human, Rosalie. She needs food, too. Let's give her a little while to see how this affects her, and then maybe we can try some food again. Does anything sound particularly good to you, Bella?”

She didn't have to make up her mind before she answered, “Eggs.” She looked at me with a wistful smile on her face. I just had to smile back at her, for once knowing exactly that her thoughts were on Isle Esme when the two of us had been closer than ever.

In my peripheral vision I saw Jacob's eyes close to blink but it took him too long to open them again.

“Jacob,” I whispered. “You really should sleep. As Bella said, you're certainly welcome to the accommodations here, though you'd probably be more comfortable outside. Don't worry about anything – I promise I'll find you if there's a need.”

“Sure, sure,” he mumbled. Right now, as he seemed to be convinced that Bella would survive the next hours, he was willing to get some rest.

_I'll go curl up under a tree somewhere … Far enough away from the smell. The bloodsucker will wake me up if something goes wrong. He owes me._

“I do,” I agreed wholeheartedly.

He just nodded as he put his hand on top of hers. _Ice cold_.

“Feel better,” he told her.

“Thanks, Jacob.” She squeezed his hand lightly before he pulled away and turned to leave.

“Get her a blanket or something,” he mumbled as he left.

Before Jacob was even outside the house two howls rose from the forest. They sounded very desperate so Jacob, not willing to lose precious time, raced through the door and jumped off the porch phasing mid-air as his shorts were torn apart.

_Crap. Those were the only clothes I had._

He headed off into the woods before Bella had noticed that he had left the house.

“What happened?” Carlisle asked anxiously.

 _Incoming. At least three._ I heard Seth's thoughts in Jacob's head.

“Someone's coming. Three, Seth says.” I answered, continuing to focus on Jacob's mind.

“Are they coming for us?” Bella's eyes were full of fear, her heart was racing as her hands protectively clutched her middle.

“They don't know what's going on, yet.” Saying the words I sat down again and took Bella's hand in mine trying to make her feel safe.

While the thoughts in the pack's mind were speculating about the meaning of the other wolves' approach, I gradually lost my connection to Jacob. He was out of range.

“What's going on?” Rose asked. Everyone was looking at me in worried anticipation. Jasper, Emmett and Alice upstairs were on high alert, too.

“I lost him. He's too far away for me to hear. We'll have to wait.” My eyes locked with Bella's. The fear was clearly visible in hers. It hurt me to see her afraid like that. What wouldn't I have done to ease her mind. But right now I could do nothing other than wait and hope for the best. At least her physical condition had improved a lot since last night.

Minutes passed and nothing happened. No further howling, no one coming close and no thoughts for me to hear other than the confused and worried thoughts that were swirling around here in the house.

It was quiet enough to hear a pin drop. The only sounds piercing the silence were Bella's racing hart and her still mildly raspy breath.

Neither of us dared to say anything. The more time passed, the more we tried to listen to the low noises in the forest.

_Hey, Jared._

I sighed silently with relief when I heard Jacob's mind again.

“I hear him again. He's phased back. There's four of them. Jared is in human form and Paul, Quil and Collin are wolves.”

“What's happening? Are they coming here?” Bella choked out.

“It doesn't seem like it. They want to talk to Jacob, to convince him to rejoin Sam's pack.” I paused a moment to listen. “Sam wants all of them back. Jacob is refusing. He doesn't know how it could work now that he found the Alpha in him. And there can only be one Alpha in a pack.”

 _So are you all just going to hang out with the parasites for the rest or your lives?_ Jared asked.

“Jared says that they don't have a home here, that they're out of clothes. They can't stay wolf all the time. Seems like Leah doesn't like to eat that way.”

 _We can help with that. Edward, you should talk to Jacob. We have clothes, and food. Please, tell him we will provide them with everything necessary._ Esme's face showed real concern about the well-being of our allies. Her mother instinct always took over when someone was in need.

I nodded, too focused on the conversation going on out in the woods to say anything.

“Sam claims to be sorry for trying to make Jacob bow down to him. Jacob says he's not angry anymore but he's not going back either. He'll stay at our side until this is over. Seth agrees.”

I growled when I heard Jared's next words. Unfortunately it made Bella hold her breath.

“Now they're trying to make Seth and Leah feel guilty for abandoning their mother so shortly after their father died.” Bella's face twitched in compassion. I hurried to go on and ease her mind. “Jacob highly doubts Sue being lonely.”

I listened a little more before going on. “Now Jared is addressing Leah, saying that she doesn't want to be here but she seems to object to that sentiment. They want to persuade her to come back even though Seth stays with Jacob. Jared's pleading. Wow, that's pathetic. He tries to make her come back claiming Sam wants her there.”

“That's cruel,” Bella agreed.

“And not working. Leah seems to be furious.” Through Jacob's ears I could hear her growl. “Jacob is now trying to end the discussion by saying that they should stay on their land and Jacob and his pack will stay on ours.”

I kept the next part of their conversation to myself. Jacob was telling Jared that the situation we were in would be over pretty soon and we would certainly leave afterward. I didn't want Bella to hear that Jacob thought her time was almost up.

Also I didn't want her to know that her best friend was planning to live the rest of his life as a wolf because that way it will be easier to handle the pain of losing her. I didn't want to add to her already guilty conscience.

“Jacob tells them to stick to their land and to come and howl when they want to talk to him. Jared agrees.”

The rest of their conversation was about Jacob's friend Embry and the question why he wasn't with the negotiation party. Jacob asked Jared to give his father a message and Quil to greet Embry. Then they parted ways and Jacob phased again which broke my connection to him.

“They're leaving. The danger is over. No one's coming here.” I forced a smile on my face when I looked into Bella's eyes. She was slowly recovering from the strain she had been under for the last minutes.

“Good.” Carlisle took another look on the monitor then turned to smile at Bella. “I think we don't need the monitor anymore. Your vital functions are back to a tolerable state.”

Bella smiled back at him. “Can I go back to lying on the couch, please? I hate this bed. It's uncomfortable and I feel like a patient in a hospital as long as I'm in it.”

Of course, she wanted everything to be as normal as possible, again. Remove every sign indicating she could be sick.

“Sure, if you wish. I think I can also remove the IV with the nutritional solution. It doesn't seem to do any good. But I would like to keep the sodium solution for a while longer, if you don't mind.”

She grimaced slightly but answered, “Okay. If that's best for the baby.”

My eyes narrowed infinitesimally at the word. I would never get used to them calling the creature a baby. Even though Bella was obviously much better.

Carlisle freed her from all tubes and wires only leaving the sodium drip in place. Then Rosalie carried her over to the couch. Again I was jealous that she could be that close to Bella while I could not. But I swallowed my anger. At least I was able to cover her with on of the blankets to make sure she was warm.

In a few minutes we had removed the hospital bed and the rest of the medical setup and rearranged the furniture back to its normal arrangement.

“Bella, can I do anything else for you?” Carlisle asked after we were done.

Her gaze wandered to the empty plastic cup, shyly biting her lip.

“Of course, I'll get you a refill.” He quickly took the cup out of Bella's hands and vanished upstairs to get another portion of blood.

Esme had gone upstairs too, searching for old clothes of Emmett's to place outside for Jacob. He couldn't very well come in naked. They wouldn't really fit him. Though Emmett was tall Jacob still towered over him, but that didn't matter. At least he would have something to wear.

When Rose came back, she handed the cup to Bella who instantly started to sip. With every mouthful she swallowed her heartbeat became slightly more regular.

We all seemed to have relaxed since we realized that Bella was indeed safe for now. Rose switched the TV on, something that hadn't happened for days, and Carlisle opened the shutters on the back windows since, for the time being, we seemed to be in no danger of being attacked.

I sat down at the end of the couch and put Bella's blanket covered feet in my lap. Everything seemed to be normal again. If there hadn't been Bella's swollen stomach rising up as she lay flat on the couch. Now, once more, all we could do was wait.


	16. Chapter 15 - Waiting

**Chapter 15 – Waiting**

 

“Hey Dad,” Bella greeted Charlie on the phone, her voice sounding quite cheerful.

Since he knew we had returned from Brazil he had called at least twice every day. Over the last two days Carlisle or Esme had talked to him because we didn't want to worry Bella. But her condition had improved considerably since yesterday morning and today she insisted on taking her father's call herself.

“Hi Bells. How are you? Carlisle said you weren't feeling good enough to talk to me yesterday.” Charlie's voice sounded worried but I could tell from his tone that he was relieved to hear his daughter sound much stronger and healthier than the last time he spoke to her.

It tore at my heart to feel his hopes rise. The last time he'd heard Bella's voice it must have been clear to him that she was very seriously if not terminally ill. Today she sounded so much more alive that he must be nearly certain that she's going to recover. But although Bella was actually much better it was still a fact that she wouldn't survive, not human, at least.

There were only two possibilities how this situation could turn out. Either Bella would die, now or giving birth to the monster. Although I'd had almost two weeks to get used to the thought, to even think the words and therewith acknowledge the possibility of a world without her in it made me feel like my whole body was on fire. The pain was unbearable but I couldn't let Bella see how I felt. Around her I had to keep up my calm facade.

And if the creature won't kill her with its rough movements and the plan we had made for the actual birth would work, then she'd be turned into a vampire in the process.

Whichever it will be, Bella will be dead to Charlie.

“I'm much better Dad. Don't worry. I'm on the mend,” she assured him. Her voice held the same conviction she always showed us when she tried to convince us that everything will turn out fine.

 _Do you think it's good to let Charlie think she's going to heal?_ Carlisle's eyes were on me.

I shook my head infinitesimally.

_But you're not going to stop her, are you?_

Again I moved my head slightly, telling him that I wouldn't. No, I wouldn't interfere. I knew that she had a plan, stupid and unrealistic as it may be, and I didn't want to upset her. It was hard for her to know that her father was worrying about her and she needed to ease his mind now that she really felt better. I wanted her to feel as good and comfortable as possible and reminding her that she would never see her father again wouldn't help.

“Oh Bells, that's so good to hear. I was really worried about you. Are they taking good care of you?” I could here that a load was being taken off Charlie's heart and that load only added to the tons I was already carrying around.

“Yes, Dad. Carlisle and Edward are around me all the time.” She smiled at every one of us.

“That must be getting on your nerves, huh? I know you like some time to yourself every once in a while. So, what are you doing over there all the time? Are they bothering you to play boardgames all the time or what?”

Bella chuckled heartily. “No, Dad. It's not like that. No one's bothering me. They just take care of me.”

“So, when can I see you?”

“Uhm, that won't be possible right now. I'm still contagious.” The smile vanished as she realized that she wouldn't be able to see her father any time soon.

“How long?” Charlie demanded to know.

“I don't know. I still have to recover. I'll let you know, I promise.” Her gaze dropped to her lap and I took her hand in mine to comfort her, showing her that I was here with her.

“Okay Bells. Rest now. I'll call again.” His disappointment was undeniable.

“Bye Dad. Talk to you tomorrow.” With that she hung up.

We were all silent for a while. The only sound in the room was Seth eating his third helping of omelet and cinnamon rolls.

I was surprised and glad that Seth seemed to feel so comfortable around us. He had been sitting here with us for at least two hours now, waiting for Jacob to wake up then having breakfast and warming Bella.

“Rose,” Bella cleared her throat. “Uhm, could you help me to the bathroom, please?”

A smile spread across Rosalie's face as she came over and very carefully picked Bella up from the couch. “No problem. It'll only take a minute.”

Bella smiled at me apologetically before the two of them left the room. Trying not to jostle Bella Rose carried her to the bathroom behind the staircase, leaving Seth, Carlisle, Alice and me in the living room.

“Man, this is really so good,” Seth repeated for about the hundredth time as he put the last bite of his breakfast in his mouth.

“Would you like some more?” I asked smiling at him.

“No, thanks. This time I'm really full.” He rubbed his stomach with his right hand.

“At least we can feed you with all the inconveniences we're causing you. Thank you for your help.” I looked at Seth to make sure he got how very grateful I was.

“We're just doing the right thing here. Sam's wrong when he thinks you're a danger.” Seth was quiet for a moment, looking down at his empty plate before he continued. “There's one thing I've been wondering about. Why are you still here? I mean, I get that you couldn't leave with Bella all weak and sick all the time. But now that she's better, haven't you thought about leaving? Going to Denali for example and let Sam and that danger behind?”

His eyes moved from me to Carlisle and back.

“Well, we deliberated it,” Carlisle started to explain. “As you said, there was no way of moving Bella in her bad condition. Now that she's stronger, she might actually be able to travel. But we would have to go far away which would mean a lot of stress for her. And more importantly we have a lot of medical equipment here that cannot be moved as easily and everything we don't have, we have access to here where I'm an established doctor. Our blood supply is getting low for example. Here I can call the blood bank and buy new blood which I have to do later today. I'm well known there and no one will ask questions. That wouldn't be possible anywhere else. So it'll be best if we stay here until Bella has delivered. But we'll have to leave after that.”

Seth was slowly nodding his head as he answered, “That makes sense.”

Rosalie carrying Bella in her arms came to the living room. Although Bella's rosy complexion had returned to some extent over the last twenty-four hours her face seemed to be too rosy right now. As Rose put Bella down on the couch next to me I felt heat radiating off of her.

“Carlisle, could you come over and check Bella's temperature, please?” I said as I carefully stroked her cheek with my hand.

Seth instantly got up and sat down on the other couch, far enough away to not let his warmth influence Bella.

“Bella, are you feeling well?” he asked taking her hand in his.

“I feel a little hot but other than that I'm okay, thirsty maybe.” Her gaze wandered to her cup that seemed to be empty.

“You definitely have a temperature. It's not very high but higher than normal. It won't hurt to cool you down a bit.” _Edward, I think it would be best if you took Seth's place for a while._

A little insecurely I looked at Bella asking, “Is it okay if I … “ I didn't know how to phrase my question. It felt so weird to ask my wife, the woman who had spent the last six months sleeping in my arms almost every night, if it was alright to put my arm around her. But that was the way our relationship was right now. To make up for my loss of words I lifted my arm, put it around her and lightly placed my hand on her shoulder.

Bella looked at me in bewilderment. “Why? I mean, of course it's okay.” To make clear that she didn't mind she rested her head against my shoulder. Rose was again thinking daggers at me but as most of the time I worked hard to tune her out.

“This is actually nice,” Bella whispered.

“What can the fever mean?” Rosalie asked addressing Carlisle.

“It's only low temperatures. It could be an infection. Her immune system is not the best due to pregnancy itself but her malnutrition and sleep deprivation add to that. We have to keep an eye on it, warm her when she's cold, cool her down when she's warm. And Bella, you have to tell us immediately if you feel that something's wrong. But it could be nothing. The body can experience some variations in temperature during pregnancy. It's important that we take every symptom seriously.”

“I will,” Bella promised.

After a while Carlisle left to give us some privacy. He had to prepare the errands he had to run after the hunting trip they would go on once Jacob decided that the coast was clear.

Seth had fallen asleep on the couch, Alice sitting on the floor next to him with her back turned to us. Rosalie reluctantly sat down on a chair close to the TV.

For the first time since we had left Isle Esme Bella and I were physically close to each other. All the time she had been afraid I could make a move to interfere with her pregnancy and I guessed she still was. Under Rose's constant surveillance I hadn't dared to make any more contact with my wife than holding her hand or touching her face.

I was savoring the feeling of Bella in my arms, close to me. Taking a deep breath I inhaled her wonderfully potent scent that, one way or another, would soon be neither torture nor pleasure to me. Her warm, soft body next to mine wouldn't feel warm and soft to me soon, her wonderful chocolate eyes would no longer be deep brown.

But I wouldn't mind if her eyes were red, her skin my temperature, white and hard and her tempting aroma turned into a strange new scent if she would only live.

As if to mock my thoughts, Bella hissed as she took in a sharp breath. My hand on her shoulder could feel her whole body shaking with intense movements in her stomach. She twitched a few times before, as suddenly as it had begun, her body relaxed again.

“Bella love, are you alright?” I hadn't heard anything breaking so I hoped nothing severe had happened.

“Yes, I'm alright. He just woke up.” Her hand caressed her stomach in the gesture I detested so much. Why couldn't she see the creature for what it was? It was beating her up from the inside, hurting her with every movement but still she acted like she was carrying a pretty little baby.

“Bella … “

“No,” she interrupted me. “I'm okay.”

Although it would have been much more comfortable for Bella to lie down on the couch she insisted on sitting up with my arm around her. It felt as if she was craving my touch as much as I was desiring to feel her but there was this wall of disagreement between us that seemed to be insurmountable. Right now was the only time we seemed to have to be together like that and we were both unwilling to end this moment.

Anyway, after we had been sitting like that in silence for a long time, Bella started to shiver.

“Are you cold?” I asked her pulling away from her slightly.

Instead of answering she bit her bottom lip.

“Lie down. I'll get you a blanket,” I said softly.

“But I don't want to. I want to stay like this,” she protested stubbornly.

I smiled involuntarily at this proof of her love for me. She would rather freeze than let go of me. What had I ever done to deserve this wonderful woman? And what had she ever done wrong to deserve to suffer the way she did right now, probably die because of me? The smile faded at the recurring awareness that I was the reason for her pain, for the danger she was in. I felt my chest constrict with the feeling of helplessness that threatened to overpower me. It was hard to breathe with the weight that was pressing down on me.

I closed my eyes for a second, working to regain my composure, not show Bella my pain. I forced the smile back on my face before I spoke again.

“Lie down. I'll sit on the floor right next to you.” I gently pushed her down and covered her with the blanket that was lying next to me.

I could tell that Bella was very tired. Last night she had slept more soundly then the days before but she still had to catch up on the sleep she missed. Many times I watched her eyelids close only to see them open again a few minutes later, her slumber interrupted by another rumble in her stomach.

The levels of pain each movement caused her varied but the creature was so strong now that even the slightest movement woke her.

Bella didn't really sleep and after a while she was hot under her blanket again. So we resumed our former position, sitting up with my arm around her.

Time went by slowly as we sat more or less quietly, enjoying each other's company. Her temperature changed a few times, always resulting in the two of us changing our positions. Bella emptied her cup of blood several times and Rose had to take her to the bathroom at least as often.

But at the same time, the day rushed by knowing that there were only a few days left until Bella would possibly leave me and my world would turn into an unbearably dark and painful place.

Hearing her stomach growl brought me back from my tormenting thoughts.

“Would you like me to cook you something for dinner?” She hadn't wanted to eat anything the whole day, claiming that the blood would keep her sated. But now she was obviously hungry.

“Yes, please.” She smiled at me shyly.

When I came back to the living room Bella was sitting in the middle of the couch, her face lighting up at the sight of the plate I was carrying.

“Hmm, steak, baked potato and carrots. Thank you. You shouldn't make so much of an effort. A sandwich would have sufficed,” she said as she seemingly enjoyed the first bite of steak.

“I want you to eat well and enjoy it.” I didn't go on but was surprised to hear that Bella had sensed what I didn't want to say out loud.

“You're right. It will be only days now before I won't be interested in food anymore.” She said it very nonchalantly and I wasn't sure if it was an act or if she was really that calm thinkng about the future.

“That's not that bad, you know,” Alice who had been silent all day turned around to talk to Bella. “You'll have so much more time for other things when you don't have to eat or sleep or go to the bathroom. You'll see.”

Alice was always able to see the good in every situation. I knew how hard it was for her to see her best friend in pain and she refused to think about the possible outcome. Partly she did it for me, not to upset me more than I was anyway but she couldn't stand to think about losing Bella herself. Since her condition had improved and it was clear that Bella wouldn't agree to end the pregnancy to save her life now that she was better, Alice hadn't said another word about the whole thing. Whenever she said anything at all she tried to be positive and keep our spirits up.

“That will be strange, I guess,” Bella answered with a half smile.

“Naw, you'll get used to it in no time. Just wait and see.” Alice assured her.

I really hoped that she'd live to see it. Even if she did, there was still so much ahead of her before she would open her then red eyes for the first time. Not only was the highly dangerous birth still to come but after that she would have to go through the most excruciating pain known to us. I had to suppress a shudder at the thought of having to sit by and watch her writhing in pain. In all our discussions and planning for her change prior to the pregnancy I had always tried to ignore that detail.

A few hours after the sun had set behind the trees to the west Seth started to stir, stretching his long limbs in the air as he woke.

“Hey guys, what did I miss?” he asked as he turned to look at us.

“Hey Seth. Nothing really. Are you hungry?” Bella said smiling brightly at him.

“What time is it?” Seth looked confused towards the dark windows.

“Around 9pm,” I told him.

“What? So late already? Jake told me to be back at dusk. Shit. I have to go.” He jumped off the couch and headed for the door.

“Wait. You can't leave without dinner. Now, you sit down and have something to eat,” Bella commanded and Seth froze. He turned around to look at her and a sheepish smile lit up his face.

“Yes, mom.”

I got up and went to the kitchen to get him a steak and baked potato as well. Just as I grabbed a set of silverware I heard Bella panting heavily. I rushed over to her at lightning speed, finding Rose and Alice already hovering over her. Her middle was twitching violently and this time she was not able to hold back screams of pain. As I knelt down in front of the couch feeling more helpless than ever there was a quiet snap that felt unbearably loud in my ears.

Bella's eyes that had been squeezed shut before popped wide open and beads of sweat formed on her forehead. Her arms clutched her stomach as the movements slowly died down.

“Bella love, what happened?” I asked unable to keep the fear out of my voice.

Her panting gradually shifted to shallow labored breathing as her body slowly relaxed.

“I think another rib cracked.” Her finger pointed to her left side where her ribcage was almost imperceptibly deformed.

“We have to take you upstairs to Carlisle.” I had placed the plate for Seth on the coffee table when I rushed here so that my hands would be free. Since I was closest to Bella right now I gently scooped her up in my arms, trying not to cause her any more pain.

“What do you think you're doing?” Rosalie who blocked my way asked in a menacing tone.

“I'm taking her to Carlisle to take an x-ray. What does it look like?” I said as calmly as possible.

“You're not supposed to come near her.” She was fuming.

“Rose, I really don't care right now. So, go out of my way. We have to get her upstairs.”

Reluctantly she moved to the side and I carried Bella up the stairs to Carlisle's study.

“I already set everything up,” he said as we entered.

Carefully I put Bella down on the examination table. She tried to smile at me through the pain.

Rose came in right after us trying to kill me with her gaze. Just like yesterday we positioned ourselves around the table while Carlisle took the picture and developed it.

“Another rib, just as we thought. And we're lucky, it's another clean break. I'll tape it and we're okay for now,” he explained.

The words _for now_ were ringing in my ears. But I knew better than to start the same discussion we'd had yesterday. Bella had made her choice and we'd have to go with it.

“Another rib?” Seth asked as we came back into the living room.

This time Rose was carrying Bella. She put her down on the couch and put the blanket back on her.

“Yes. But it's okay. I'm all taped up and the pain is bearable,” Bella informed him.

“What is that thing that it's capable of breaking bones like that?” Seth asked shocked.

“Even normal human babies have been known to break their mother's bones,” Rosalie told him in a conversational tone.

I had to summon up all my strength not to tear her to shreds at her downplaying our dangerous situation. My fingers were itching to be placed on Rose's cheeks and tear her head off. I had to concentrate on my breathing to calm down again.

“Huh, I've never heard of that before,” Seth said in response.

“Bella, you're hot again,” I noticed as I placed my hand on her cheek. I took the blanket away from her and very carefully lifted her upper body off the couch to sit down myself and place her in my lap. She should lie down and rest for a while.

“You'll cool down again. Tell me when you're feeling cold, will you?” I whispered stroking my hand up and down her arm.

“Well, I think I better go now. Jake's waiting for me.” Seth put the plate and utensils down on the table.

“Will he come by later?” Bella asked hopefully.

“I'll ask him to. I'm sure he will,” he promised. “Bye guys. See you.” And with that Seth was out the door and in the woods.

We sat in relative silence after Alice had gone upstairs, unable to stand her blurry visions in Bella's presence without a werewolf around. The only noises aside from Bella's heartbeat and breathing came from the flat screen Rosalie was looking at, but they were too low for Bella to hear.

My hands stroked up and down her arm as she was lying with her head in my lap. Her chocolate eyes were locked with mine. Without saying a word we stayed like this for I don't know how long.

“Bella love, you should sleep. It's late and you're tired,” I said as she yawned for the second time in about one minute.

“No, I'll stay awake just a bit longer.” Her eyes wandered over to the front door quickly and then back to mine. She was waiting for Jacob to come visit her again. “Do you think Jake will come?”

Although I couldn't understand what it was that made her need him so much, I knew that she wanted him to be here. And he wanted to be by her side too even though it hurt him a lot to see her like that.

“He'll come, don't worry, love.”

About half an hour went by and Bella yawned several times. When she emptied another cup of blood she put it aside and bit her lip.

“Rose, I need your help again,” she whispered almost embarrassed.

Rosalie shot out of her chair and rushed over to us. Carefully as always she picket Bella up and after a parting glance for me the two of them vanished behind the stairwell.

I was suddenly all alone. For the first time in two weeks I was really alone. The whole room smelled like Bella, everywhere was evidence of her living here in her weakness. Suddenly my mind played a trick on me, imagining this room looking exactly the same with Bella gone, forever gone. The flame of her life extinguished. How could I ever handle existing without her? With her scent lingering on everything she had touched and memories everywhere around? And I had killed her, just like I would have put a gun to her temple and pulled the trigger.

As if she would be a mind reader, too, knowing that I was in the deepest despair right now Esme suddenly sat beside me, her arm around my shoulder in a comforting gesture. I hadn't even heard her coming.

“Edward, stop beating yourself up. She has a good chance of surviving. She's strong although she doesn't look like that right now. She will make it. And it is not your fault. You couldn't know, “ she whispered into my ear as her hand stroked my cheek.

“How can it not be my fault? I should have stayed away from her from the start. I always feared I would kill her one way or another. But not like this. This is worse than everything I could ever have imagined.” I dropped my face in my hands as a wave of exhaustion seemed to push me down.

“Shhh, it's not your fault. She loves you as much as you love her. She would have fought for you if you had stayed away. You're meant to be together. So have a little faith.” Esme sounded as if she was consoling a child.

I wasn't able to answer her but her mere presence felt soothing right now.

I'd been hearing Jacob's thoughts for a few minutes before he came in the house through the front door without knocking.

_That'll piss Rosalie off._

As he looked around the room not finding either Bella or Rose I heard his heart speed up and his mind was suddenly filled with the worst fear imaginable.

“She's all right,” I whispered quickly to ease his fear. “Or, the same, I should say.”

“Hello, Jacob,” Esme greeted. “I'm so glad you came back.”

“Me, too,” Alice sighed before she danced down the stairs. _It was sure time._

“Uh, hey,” Jacob mumbled. _It's so weird to try to be polite._ “Where's Bella?”

“Bathroom,” Alice answered his question. “Mostly fluid diet, you know. Plus, the whole pregnancy thing does it to you, I hear.”

“Ah,” Jacob just said.

I could tell that he was feeling awkward and out of place without Bella here.

“Oh, wonderful,” Rose muttered as she came around the stairs with Bella in her arms. _The mutt is here._ “I knew I smelled something nasty.” _I wonder how they can live with themselves smelling like that._

The second Bella saw Jacob her face showed the brightest smile. It seemed like seeing him was the greatest gift anyone could ever have given her.

 _It's so unfair._ Jacob thought as he saw her expression.

“Jacob,” she whispered. “You came.”

“Hi, Bells.”

Esme and I rose from the couch to make room for Bella to lie on her back. When Rose put her down, although she was very careful, Bella's face contorted with pain although she refused to make a noise. I stroked my hand across her face and down her neck to examine her temperature.

“Are you cold,” I asked her in a murmur.

“I'm fine,” was her answer. According to her temperature she must have been freezing.

“Bella, you know what Carlisle told you,” Rose scolded friendly. “Don't downplay _anything_. It doesn't help us take care of either of you.”

“Okay,” she conceded. “I'm a little cold. Edward, can you hand me that blanket?” she asked pointing to the backrest of the couch.

Before I could even move to do what she asked Jacob stopped me.

“Isn't that sort of the point of me being here?”

“You just walked in,” Bella objected. “After running all day, I'd bet. Put your feet up for a minute. I'll probably warm up again in no time.”

Without acknowledging her words he walked over to the couch and sat down on the floor next to her head. For a moment he seemed to be unsure of how to touch her considering her fragile appearance. Then he decided to touch his arm to hers taking her hand while he rested his other hand against her cheek.

The jealousy I always felt whenever he touched her had anything but vanished but it had changed. I didn't begrudge them their friendly yet intimate touch. Right now what bothered me most was that he was the one who could keep her warm while I couldn't. Involuntarily my mind conjured up the memories of the night the three of us had spent on the mountain top in a tent during a snow storm. Bella had been freezing terribly and Jacob had been the one to warm her up.

I deliberately pushed the memory aside before my mind would start another round of self-accusations.

“Thanks, Jake,” Bella whispered while she shivered once.

“Yeah,” he answered curtly.

My eyes seemed to be locked on Bella's face. The relief she felt now that her friend was here was unmistakable. I didn't understand her strange need to have him around right now but I let her be. I wanted her to be as happy and comfortable as possible.

The room was completely quiet again except for the noises from the TV and the sounds of Bella's and Jacob's breathing and heartbeat. So everyone around, even Bella, heard his stomach growl.

“Rosalie, why don't you get Jacob something from the kitchen?” Alice suggested from her silent place behind the sofa.

Rose's answering stare was menacing. _You can't really think I would serve the mutt?_

“Thanks, anyway, Alice,” Jacob hurried to say before Rosalie might go for Alice's throat., “but I don't think I'd want to eat something Blondie's spit in. I'd bet my system wouldn't take too kindly to venom.”

“Rosalie would never embarrass Esme with displaying such a lack of hospitality,” Alice assured him confidently.

“Of _course_ not,” Rose agreed. She flashed him a big fake smile before she rushed out of the room.

A sigh escaped my throat at Rose's rambling thoughts about what she could do to upset Jacob.

“You'd tell me if she poisoned it, right?” he asked uneasily.

“Yes,” I assured him.

I was glad that he seemed to believe me. Although we had been rivals for Bella's love and enemies by nature he seemed to trust me and I trusted him, with Bella's life if necessary.

Rosalie made up her mind and at once loud noises came over from the kitchen. I had to smile involuntarily at Rose's idea. Leave it to her to find a subtle but obvious way to show someone what she thought of them.

She came back seconds later with a pleased grin and set the mixing bowl that was now shaped like a doggy bowl with the word _Fido_ scratched into it on the floor.

“Enjoy, mongrel,” she said with deep satisfaction in her voice.

 _Hmm, looks pretty good – steak, baked potato with all the fixings._ “Thanks, Blondie,” Jacob answered nonchalantly.

Rosalie's reaction was a snort.

“Hey, do you know what you call a blonde with a brain?” Jacob asked her and without waiting for her reaction he continued with the punchline. “A golden retriever.”

“I've heard that one, too,” Rose spat at him, smile vanished.

“I'll keep trying,” Jacob promised before he turned his attention to his food.

After making a face and rolling her eyes Rosalie sat down in one of the armchairs and started zapping through channels on the flat screen, two channels per second.

_Tastes good. Even with the vampire stink in the air. Seems like I'm getting used to that. Huh. Not something I'd been wanting to do, exactly..._

When he had finished he deliberated licking the bowl for a second, just to annoy Rosalie but he was distracted by Bella playing with his hair, pulling it down against his neck.

“Time for a haircut, huh?” he asked her.

“You're getting a little shaggy,” she smiled. “Maybe – “

“Let me guess, someone around here used to cut hair in a salon in Paris?”

Bella snickered humorously and hearing that sound lifted the load I was carrying for a moment. “Probably.”

“No thanks,” Jacob interrupted, afraid she could really offer. “I'm good for a few more weeks.”

 _Well, how long might_ you _be good for?_ “So … um … what's the, er, date? You know, the due date for the little monster,” he finally inquired after thinking about a polite way to ask.

Bella hit him in the head with all the force she had which resembled a caress.

“I'm serious,” he insisted after she didn't seem inclined to answer him. “I want to know how long I'm gonna have to be here.” _How long_ you're _gonna be here._

Bella's brows furrowed as she thought about what to answer him.

“I don't know,” she started whispering. “Not exactly. Obviously, we're not going with the nine-month model here, and we can't get an ultrasound, so Carlisle is guesstimating from how big I am. Normal people are supposed to be about forty centimeters here” - her finger traced a line from her ribs down the middle of her stomach - “when the baby is fully grown. One centimeter for every week. I was thirty this morning, and I've been gaining about two centimeters a day, sometimes more … “

My mind took me in the same direction Jacob's thoughts went, calculating the time she still had, realizing that we were talking merely days, less than the fingers on one hand. Although I had known or at least guessed as much for days, the knowledge hit me full force yet again.

“You okay?” she asked seeing his worried expression.

He just nodded, afraid his voice might break if he would say something.

With the pain of thinking about Bella's probable death came the guilt again. Just like so many times before I had to fight the urge to let all the feelings consume me, fall apart under the crushing weight of hurt and fear. I turned away to get a moment to compose my expression again.

_Funny how having a deadline makes it harder to think about leaving, or having her leave. I'm glad Seth brought that up, so I know they're staying here. I couldn't bare wondering if they're about to go, to take away one or two or three of those four days. My four days._

_Also funny how, even knowing that it was almost over, the hold she has on me only gets harder to break. Almost like it's related to her expanding belly – as if by getting bigger, she's gaining gravitational force._

Jacob made a conscious effort to distance himself from Bella thinking about what possible outcome this situation had.

I was still trying to swallow the pain that was constricting my chest as I could almost feel the time I had left with Bella running through my fingers like sand, no way to hold it back or slow it down. No way to ever hold her in my arms like before, to kiss her and be close to her. And all that because I had been careless and irresponsible.

Bella was caressing Jacob's face, wiping away the tears he hadn't noticed escaping his eyes.

“It's going to be okay,” she crooned, saying it as if to comfort a child that had awoken from a bad dream.

“Right,” he mumbled annoyed.

She pulled him closer to her, resting her head on his shoulder. “I didn't think you would come. Seth said you would, and so did Edward, but I didn't believe them.”

“Why not?” he asked irritatedly.

“You're not happy here. But you came anyway.” She still didn't seem to understand to what lengths he was willing to go for her, to be with her even though he knew she would never be his.

“You wanted me here.”

“I know. But you didn't have to come, because it's not fair for me to want you here. I would have understood,” she assured him in a low voice.

No one spoke for a minute and I had finally managed to push away the pain and self-loathing once again, to be there for Bella as long as it lasted. When I was sure my face had relaxed, I turned to look at the TV.

“Thank you for coming,” Bella breathed.

“Can I ask you something?” I knew what he needed to know and to be honest, I needed to know it too but I didn't have a right to ask.

“Of course.”

I kept my eyes on the screen, trying to give the two of them a semblance of privacy while I was highly concentrated on their conversation.

“Why _do_ you want me here? Seth could keep you warm, and he's probably easier to be around, happy little punk. But when _I_ walk in the door, you smile like I'm your favorite person in the world.” He was nervous but he definitely hoped she could provide a satisfactory explanation.

“You're one of them,” Bella answered with absolute conviction.

“That sucks, you know.”

“Yeah,” she sighed. “Sorry.”

“Why, though? You didn't answer that,” he insisted on getting an answer.

I turned my face away again, fearing her answer might rip open old wounds.

“It feels … _complete_ when you're here, Jacob. Like all my family is together. I mean, I guess that's what it's like – I've never had a big family before now. It's nice.” She smiled at him for a short second. “But it's just not whole unless you're here.”

“I'll never be part of your family, Bella.” Jacob sounded hurt. _I could have been. I would have been good there. But that was just a distant future that died long before it had a chance to live._

“You've always been a part of my family,” she insisted.

“That's a crap answer,” Jacob said through gritted teeth.

“What's a good one?” Bella countered.

“How about, 'Jacob, I get a kick out of your pain.'”

Bella flinched and even without being able to read her mind I knew she was deeply hurt by his allegation. She was causing him pain by asking him to be around and witness her slow death although she chose me. But she didn't seem to be able to do anything about her need for his company. It wasn't easy for her either.

“You'd like that better?” she sounded defeated.

“It's easier, at least. I could wrap my head around it. I could deal with it.”

“We got off track, Jake,” she started after a moment of silence. “Out of balance. You're supposed to be a part of my life – I can feel that, and so can you.” She stopped there waiting for Jacob to say something. When he didn't she continued. “But not like this. We did something wrong. No, I did. I did something wrong, and we got off track … “

She trailed off and her decelerating breath and heartbeat indicated that she was falling asleep. Jacob was still waiting for Bella to give him an explanation, probably hurting him more when she started to snore quietly.

“She's exhausted,” I told him in a whisper. “It's been a long day. A hard day. I think she would have gone to sleep earlier, but she was waiting for you.” Or course he hadn't said that but it had been obvious to me.

Jacob didn't look at me when he began, “Seth said it broke another of her ribs.”

“Yes. It's making it hard for her to breathe.” Although she didn't want us to know about it, every one could see and hear that she had trouble breathing.

“Great.”

“Let me know when she's hot again.”

“Yeah.”

Bella's skin was still white with cold. So I turned around and took the blanket from the couch and spread it over Bella the second Jacob thought about it.

 _Sometimes the mind-reading thing really saves time. For example, maybe I don't have to make a big production out of the accusation about what's going on with Charlie. That mess. Edward will just_ hear _exactly how furious –_

“Yes,” I agreed with his thoughts. “It's not a good idea.”

“Then, why?” _Why is Bella telling her father she's_ on the mend _when it will only make him more miserable?_

“She can't bear his anxiety.”

“So it's better – “

“No, it's not better,” I interrupted him maybe a bit too intensely. “But I'm not going to force her to do anything that makes her unhappy now. Whatever happens, this makes her feel better. I'll deal with the rest afterward.”

_That doesn't sound right. Bella wouldn't just shuffle Charlie's pain off to some later date, for someone else to face. Even dying. That's not her. If I know Bella, she has to have some other plan._

“She's very sure she's going to live,” I defended her.

“But not human,” Jacob protested.

“No, not human. But she hopes to see Charlie again, anyway.”

_Oh, this just gets better and better._

“See. Charlie.” He sounded appalled at the thought. “Afterwards. See Charlie when she's all sparkly white with the bright red eyes. I'm not a bloodsucker, so maybe I'm missing something, but, _Charlie_ seems like kind of a strange choice for her first meal.”

I sighed knowing Bella's plan was unrealistic but I had to explain it to him anyway. “She knows she won't be able to be near him for at least a year. She thinks she can stall. Tell Charlie she has to go to a special hospital on the other side of the world. Keep in contact through phone calls … “

“That's insane,” he blurted out.

“Yes,” I agreed truthfully.

“Charlie's not stupid. Even if she doesn't kill him, he's going to notice a difference.”

“She's kind of banking on that.”

Jacob just looked at me bewildered, waiting for me to elaborate.

“She wouldn't be aging, of course, so that would set a time limit, even if Charlie accepted whatever excuse she comes up with for the changes.” Unconsciously I pressed my lips together in a hard line at the thought of the discussion we'd had about this a few days ago. She had been in a really bad state then and I was surprised at how much thought she had put into her impossible plan. She was so sure about it that I didn't have the heart to tell her she was wrong, neither then nor now. “Do you remember when you tried to tell her about your transformation? How you made her guess?”

Jacob was suddenly very tense. “She told you about that?”

“Yes. She was explaining her … idea. You see, she's not allowed to tell Charlie the truth – it would be very dangerous for him. But he's a smart, practical man. She thinks he'll come up with his own explanation. She assumes he'll get it wrong.” I snorted at the memory of all the possible ideas he might come up with. “After all, we hardly adhere to vampire canon. He'll make some wrong assumption about us, like she did in the beginning, and we'll go along with it. She thinks she'll be able to see him … from time to time.”

“Insane,” Jacob said once again.

“Yes,” I agreed with him again.

_It's weak of him to let her get her way on this, just to keep her happy now. It won't turn out well. Oh, ... he's probably not expecting her to live to try out her crazy plan. Placating her, so that she can be happy for a little while longer. Like four more days._

Of course he was right. I wanted her to be as happy as possible for the time she still had. And because it was all my fault I would be the one to clean up the mess when the time came. “I'll deal with whatever comes.” Again the pain washing over me was unbearable. I had to turn away because I couldn't stand Jacob's gaze. “I won't cause her pain now.”

“Four days?” he asked, his voice husky with fear.

“Approximately,” I answered without looking at him.

“Then what?”

I didn't understand his question. “What do you mean, exactly?”

Jacob reminisced about what Bella had told him about the thing, picturing how it was covered in his amniotic sac made of something similar to vampire skin. _How does that work? How does it get out?_

Of course we all had discussed this at length, but it was still almost impossible for me to think about the actual act of birth, neither the _natural_ way nor the procedure we had planned.

“From the little research we've been able to do, it would appear the creatures use their own teeth to escape the womb,” I whispered lifelessly.

“Research?” he asked disgustedly.

“That's why you haven't seen Jasper and Emmett around. That's what Carlisle is doing now. Trying to decipher ancient stories and myths, as much as we can with what we have to work with here, looking for anything that might help us predict the creature's behavior.”

_Stories? If there are myths, then …_

“Then is this thing not the first or its kind?” I interrupted him. “Maybe. It's all very sketchy. The myths could easily be products of fear and imagination. Though … “ - I paused for a moment trying to handle my feelings. - “your myths are true, are they not? Perhaps these are, too. They do seem to be localized, linked … “

“How did you find … ?”

“There was a woman we encountered in South America. She'd been raised in the traditions of her people. She'd hear warnings about such creatures, old stories that had been passed down.”

“What were the warnings?”

“That the creature must be killed immediately. Before it could gain too much strength.”

_Just like Sam thinks. Is he right?_

“Of course, their legends say the same of us. That we must be destroyed. That we are soulless murderers.”

Before I could even think it myself I heard Jacob's thought. _Two for two._ I chuckled hard at his quick wit.

“What did their stories say about the … mothers?” It was hard for him to ask the question and I didn't want to think about it but he needed to know. My body went rigid and in Jacob's head I saw my face contort with pain as the image of a broken, ripped open, bled to death Bella flashed up in my mind. I wasn't able to either move or speak. The picture seemed to imprint itself into my head as Rosalie began to speak for the first time in a while.

“Of course there were no survivors.” Her voice was cold and calculated. She was sure of her path and had given the whole thing a lot of thought. “Giving birth in the middle of a disease-infected swamp with a medicine man smearing sloth spit across your face to drive out the evil spirits was never the safest method. Even the normal births went badly half the time. None of them had what this baby has – caregivers with an idea of what the baby needs, who try to meet those needs. A doctor with a totally unique knowledge of vampire nature. A plan in place to deliver the baby as safely as possible. Venom that will repair anything that goes wrong. The baby will be fine. And those other mothers would probably have survived it they'd had that – if they even existed in the first place. Something I am not convinced of.” She ended with a contemptuous sniff.

_The baby, the baby. Like that's all that matters. Bella's life is a minor detail to her – easy to blow off._

He was right. Rose's major concern was the creature. But I had to admit that she was really convinced that the plan would work. In her opinion there was no need to worry about Bella. But still, her nonchalance towards Bella's life made me furious.

Probably realizing my anger at her, Rosalie turned in her chair and watched TV again as I worked hard to get my rage under control. I closed my hands to fists to keep myself from tearing my sister apart. Without conscious command my body assumed a crouching position.

_Allow me._

Hearing Jacob's thought request a bit of my fury evaporated in favor of curiosity. Raising one brow I watched him taking the doggy bowl in his hand and with a quick movement he threw it into the back of Rosalie's head. I was glad that the big bang that filled the room at the impact didn't wake Bella. She twitched slightly but stayed soundly asleep.

“Dumb blonde,” Jacob murmured.

When Rose turned her head to look at him again her eyes were burning into his. “You. Got. Food. In. My. Hair.” she hissed through clenched teeth.

Very carefully Jacob pulled away from Bella and rose to his feet before he started laughing hard, so hard that tears rolled down his face. Alice who was still sitting hidden behind the couch joined in.

Although Rosalie looked as if she was one second short of killing him she stayed where she was when we realized that Jacob's laughter had woken Bella.

“What's so funny?” she whispered sleepily.

“I got food in her hair,” Jacob answered her between chuckles.

“I'm not going to forget this, dog,” she threatened him.

“S'not so hard to erase a blonde's memory,” he answered her. “Just blow in her ear.”

“Get some new jokes,” she spit at him.

“C'mon, Jake. Leave Rose alo – “ Bella started but stopped mid-sentence inhaling sharply.

A fraction of a second later I was hovering over her, ripping the blanket out of the way as there was once again wild twitching in her middle. This time the movements were so powerful that her back arched off the sofa.

“He's just,” she panted, “stretching.”

She pressed her lips together leaving them drained of blood while her teeth were clenched together, working hard to hold back any sign of pain.

I put my hands on her cheeks, trying in vain to ease her pain. “Carlisle,” I said at a normal volume.

“Right here,” Carlisle standing right behind me.

“Okay,” Bella choked out, trying to normalize her breathing. “Think it's over. Poor kid doesn't have enough room, that's all. He's getting so big.”

She said it in a tender voice, caressing her bulge with both hands. It was unbearable how she adored the thing that was about to kill her. The thing that only existed because I had made a fatal mistake.

Jacob was almost as angry with Bella as he before had been with Rosalie. Not noticing his mood Bella started to muse in a loving tone. “You know, he reminds me of you, Jake.” Her breathing was still irregular and shallow.

“Do _not_ compare me to that thing,” he snapped.

“I just meant your growth spurt,” she defended her last comment. “You shot right up. I could watch you getting taller by the minute. He's like that, too. Growing so fast.”

Jacob's mind was filled with impolite things he wanted to say to Bella but I was glad he didn't.

Slight relief washed over me as I watched Bella relax. It seemed like another inner attack had passed without any damage. But how long would we stay lucky?

“Hmm,” Carlisle started deep in thought his gaze fixed on Jacob.

“What?” he wanted to know.

_Maybe there really is something to Bella's theory._

I tilted my head to the side pondering Carlisle's idea.

“You know that I was wondering about the fetus' genetic makeup, Jacob. About his chromosome.”

“What of it?” he demanded sharply.

“Well, taking your similarities into consideration – “

“Similari _ties_?” he growled at the use of the plural.

“The accelerated growth, and the fact that Alice cannot see either of you.”

Jacob's mind blanked out as Carlisle continued his analysis.

“Well, I wonder if that means that we have an answer. If the similarities are gene-deep.”

“Twenty-four pairs,” I breathed out.

“You don't know that,” Jacob tried to deny the theory.

“No. But it's interesting to speculate,” Carlisle answered in an attempt to calm him down.

“Yeah. Just _fascinating_.” He didn't like the direction our thoughts went at all.

Bella had quietly gone back to sleep as Carlisle, Rosalie, Alice and I started a scientific discussion about alleles, recessive and dominant heredity and what that could mean for Bella and the thing.

I wasn't sure where this would lead us but I was definitely grateful to have something remotely useful to do. After all it couldn't hurt to know as much as possible about what was awaiting us. I was holding my breath hoping that some of our ideas would maybe help us save Bella's life.

 


	17. Chapter 16 - Epiphany

**Chapter 16 - Epiphany**

 

Jacob had fallen asleep with his back against the couch warming Bella while our scientific conversation went on for hours.

Although it had been a welcome distraction it didn't really lead to any new insights that could help us save Bella's life. So, after a while, each of us resumed their prior occupations. Carlisle went back upstairs, trying to expand the research including the new ideas. Rosalie sat down in front of the flat screen again while Alice hid behind the couch just like before. I went to sit on the sofa next to Bella's feet, careful not to be too close in fear of making her freeze.

The room was quiet despite the low noises from the TV, Bella's breathing and Jacob's light snoring. Bella's face seemed relaxed as she was in deep slumber. Every now and then she took in a sharp breath, her whole body going rigid, while her middle twitched. That state always lasted for about a minute before her body relaxed again. It was a mystery to me how Bella could sleep through the turmoil in her stomach and it only seemed to prove how exhausted she was.

Her eyes were closed, her hair in a messy bun and the blanket was pulled up to her chin. Although her complexion had become more rosy again over the last days, she was still heartbreakingly thin and her skin was waxy. As long as she was awake she still had an aura of strength around her while, now that she was sleeping, she seemed more fragile than ever before.

Through the blanket I could see that even unconscious her hands were holding her stomach protectively. Every now and then they moved over her bulge in a caressing gesture while the corners of her lips curled up. She hadn't been talking in her sleep since she had gotten pregnant and I was missing her nightly babble immensely. Listening in on her dream talk had always given me a direct look into her mind that was otherwise silent to me.

While my link to Bella's thoughts had been cut off, my own thoughts were once again screaming at me that I was the cause for the deteriorated state of the wonderful and one of a kind woman next to me.

Over the last days I had very often reminisced about the night before our wedding and the conversation the two of us had had in Bella's room. Back then I had told her that I wished from the bottom of my heart that I could give her children and a family. In what I had thought to be my weakest hours, even before she and I had started to become close, I had pictured the two of us human, having a baby. Even though I was sure it was impossible, I had rejoiced in the thought of Bella pregnant with my child, our love turning into new life. I had imagined her glowing with the bliss of carrying my baby under her heart.

The hardest part about this perverted version of my fantasy we were living right now was, that everything I had wished for Bella to feel and show when being pregnant was now there in her eyes, visible for everyone to see. She was proud, happy, full of love and very often I caught her looking at me with incredible gratitude in her gaze. It was all there but her body couldn't keep up with the dream because I was not human and the thing she was carrying was not a little baby. No matter how much I wished and Bella believed that the thing would not kill her, to the objective eye it very much looked like this was going to end badly.

In my dream of the future that was impossible for us we'd had a little girl with Bella's beautiful brown eyes, her lovely face and her pretty brown hair. She was a miniature version of the woman I loved. Although I had known from the start that it would never happen for us, the picture of the baby had imprinted itself into my mind and was now mocking me each passing day.

Slowly and gradually Bella's face turned from cold white to warm and flushed and in the early morning, still hours before the sun would rise, I could feel in the air that her temperature had turned towards a slight fever again.

Gently I woke Jacob, asking him to move away from Bella so that I could take his place to cool her again. Instead of lying down somewhere and going back to sleep he decided that he was rested enough and would run his rounds. I thanked him for everything he was doing for us and, if he would find the coast to be clear, then my family would go on their much needed hunting trip later today.

Bella hadn't noticed the change in the person trying to control her body temperature. I had carefully pulled down the blanket before sitting on the floor next to her head, my shoulder pressed against hers. My arm was resting on the couch, touching her side.

I reveled in the feeling of having her warm body close to mine, aware that I had to savor every moment I'd have with her like that. I was counting every breath and every heartbeat, knowing they were not only numbered but running out very shortly.

Each time the creature moved I had to hold my breath to keep my anger reigned in. I hated the thing to the point of physical pain for what it was doing to my Bella. Thinking about the fact that it was half me made me hate it even more, knowing about the monster in me it could only be as bad as I was.

After another two hours Bella's temperature was back to normal and as the sun started to rise in the east, Bella began to stir. She stretched carefully, trying not to wake the creature, before she turned to look at me with a smile on her face.

“Good morning, love. Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah, I actually did.” After looking deep into my eyes for a minute she started to scan the room, looking for something. When her gaze rested on the cup of blood that was standing on the coffee table I reached over and handed it to her.

“Thank you,” she whispered before emptying the cup at once.

“I'll get you a refill. Can I get you anything else?” I asked as I took it out of her hands and rose from the ground.

“No, thanks. I'm not hungry yet, just thirsty.” She smiled at me shyly. Although she had been drinking blood for two days now, she still wasn't entirely comfortable with her new craving.

When I opened the fridge in Carlisle's study I realized that, if he wouldn't be able to run his errands today, we would be out of conserves tomorrow at the latest. I was back in the living room less than a minute later with a new portion of blood.

“There you are,” I said handing Bella the full cup.

She tried to straighten herself up mouthing, “Thank you,” when, all of a sudden, her bulge started to sway and twitch wildly. At lightning speed I took the cup out of her hands as she bend over, holding her stomach with both her hands. Her breath was shallow and fast and for once she was unable to hold back her moans of pain.

While I was still contemplating the idea that the monster seemed to have gained even more strength over night I cringed when I thought I heard another one of the sickening noises that bones made when they were breaking. The sound was different from what I had heard when her ribs broke but gruesome non the less. It appeared to be a bigger, more massive bone that was broken now.

Rose had run over to us while Alice had risen from the floor and both of them were hovering over Bella the same way I was. After a minute the movements ceased and very slowly Bella resumed her normal breathing.

“Bella, where does it hurt? I heard a crack.” My horror must have been clearly visible on my face because her eyes popped open wide when she turned her head to look at me.

“Nothing hurts, at least not more than before.” She sounded composed and her answer was seemed honest.

“But I heard a crack coming from the pelvic area. We should look at it.” Maybe she was by now used to the pain to a degree that made her unaware of another broken bone.

“Edward, you're crazy. I didn't hear anything,” Rosalie snapped, looking at me incredulously.

“I'm sure I heard something. It doesn't hurt to check it out, does it?” I insisted on having Carlisle take an x-ray.

“I told you I'm not in pain.” Bella's eyes locked with mine while she tried to convince me that I was once again overreacting.

“But it doesn't hurt to make sure, does it?” Alice chimed in.

“Bella, please. It will only take a few minutes.” I didn't know if it was the sincerity in my eyes or the pleading tone of my voice but she pressed her lips together in a tight line for a moment before she finally nodded.

Rose didn't waste a second, not wanting to risk me being faster than her. She bent down and as carefully as possible lifted Bella from couch and carried her slowly up the stairs.

“I didn't hear anything either, Edward, but you're right. We shouldn't take any chances and just check for a break.” Carlisle had already warmed up the x-ray machine and everything was ready when Rosalie put Bella down on the examination table.

To be thorough he took pictures of her ribcage as well as the pelvic area.

“Nothing, thank God,” he sighed when he returned with the pictures.

“See, I _told_ you I didn't hear a crack. You need your ears checked, Edward,” Rose said smugly.

I couldn't believe that my ears had really played a trick on me but since Carlisle had made sure that everything was alright I tried to forget about it.

Ignoring Rosalie I carefully slid my arms under Bella's back and knees and lifted her up as gently as I could. In my peripheral vision I could see that Rose was fuming but I didn't care. Bella quickly grabbed the cup I had taken upstairs with us and I started to descend the stairs very slowly.

All my senses were on high alert as I tried to jostle Bella as little as possible, compensating for my every movement to avoid causing her any more pain.

When we came around the corner we were met by Jacob's and Alice's gazes. I had heard Jacob come in earlier but considering the worried state I had been in I hadn't paid any attention to him or his conversation with Alice.

As soon as Bella spotted her friend her white face that had shown her pain lit up with a heartfelt smile.

“Jake,” she whispered while he just continued to stare at her.

As gently as possible I laid her down at the couch again and took my former place, sitting on the floor by her head.

_Why don't they leave her upstairs? Hmm, must be Bella's idea. She sure wants to act like things are normal, avoid the hospital setup. And, of course, he's humoring her. Naturally._

Jacob was right. We all had argued with her for days about her decision to stay in the living room instead of residing in one of the upstairs bedrooms. But she wanted to feel normal, avoid causing any inconveniences. At one point I had decided that it wouldn't do any good to have the discussion over and over again when she only had a small number of days left. So I gave in and let her have it her way.

Carlisle hadn't said much while we had been upstairs but his thoughts weren't very confident anymore. Each sudden movement was a risk, threatening Bella's life. The more time passed and the stronger the little monster was getting the more dangerous the whole situation became. He was praying for some possibility to determine the creature's state of development to maybe be able to convince Bella to deliver the thing as soon as possible. The sooner she would be separated from the thing the bigger was the chance that, with enough venom, she could be saved.

“Carlisle,” Jacob started and interrupted my train of thought. “We went halfway to Seattle. There's no sign of the pack. You're good to go.”

“Thank you, Jacob. This is good timing. There's so much we need.” Carlisle' eyes darted towards Bella's cup for a short moment then back to Jacob.

“Honestly, I think you're safe to take more than three. I'm pretty positive that Sam is concentrating on La Push.” Jacob sounded very confident and was surprised at how much Carlisle trusted his assessment of the situation when he nodded in agreement.

“If you think so. Alice, Esme, Jasper, and I will go. Then Alice can take Emmett and Rosa – “ Carlisle started but was interrupted by Rosalie.

“Not a chance.” her words came as a sharp hiss. “Emmett can go with you now.”

“You should hunt,” Carlisle insisted in a mild but determined tone.

“I'll hunt when _he_ does,” she growled at me.

Carlisle sighed in resignation as Jasper and Emmett came running down the stairs. They halted by the back door where they were immediately joined by Alice, who was glad to finally be able to leave the house, and Esme.

“Thank you,” Carlisle addressed Jacob, putting his hand on his arm. Jacob was shocked by the uncomfortable contact but didn't pull back.

A moment later he joined the others by the back door and the five of them rushed across the lawn and into the woods.

When they were gone we stayed behind in silence. Jacob was internally debating to lay down and get some sleep somewhere when he noticed Rosalie glowering at him. Animated by the constant conflict between the two of them he decided to stay with us trying to annoy Rose as much as possible.

Slowly he strolled over to the armchair next to where Rose was sitting. He half lay down there, his head in Bella's direction, his foot close to Rosalie's face.

“Ew. Someone put the dog out,” Rose whispered with a wrinkled nose.

“Have you heard this one, Psycho? How do a blonde's brain cells die?”

Rose refused to answer.

“Well?” Jacob insisted. “Do you know the punch line or not?”

She turned her head towards the TV, ignoring him as best she could.

“Has she heard it?” he asked me.

Although my sister was constantly getting on my nerves and we were totally at odds about the whole pregnancy and its possible consequences I didn't see any humor in the bantering the two of them shared. My eyes remained fixed on Bella as I answered him, “No.”

“Awesome. So you'll enjoy this, bloodsucker – a blonde's brain cells die _alone_.”

Rosalie's eyes stayed glued to the flat screen but her thoughts were murderous. “I have killed a hundred times more often than you have, you disgusting beast. Don't forget that.”

“Someday, Beauty Queen, you're going to get tired of just threatening me. I'm really looking forward to that.” His amusement was gone and his comment was serious.

“Enough, Jacob,” Bella scolded with as much authority as possible. She was glaring directly at her best friend.

_Seems like yesterday's good mood is long gone._

“You want me to take off?” he offered in an attempt to calm Bella down.

He was hoping and fearing at once that she would order him from her side and in a way so was I hoping, too, but her anger disappeared as soon as it had flared up and her expression showed shock at his question.

“No! Of course not.”

Jacob sighed audibly, drowning out my own sigh of disappointment.

“You look tired,” she stated, looking at him with concern.

“Dead beat,” he admitted, holding her gaze.

“ _I'd_ like to beat you dead,” Rosalie mumbled under her breath.

Jacob changed his position, gliding further into an almost lying position, his foot moving even closer to Rose's face. She went rigid, thinking daggers at him but didn't do or say anything because she didn't want to upset Bella.

No one said anything for a while before Bella asked Rosalie to refill her cup again. Rose took the cup and left while Jacob slowly dosed off towards sleep.

I was looking at Bella whose eyes were gazing outside the window when, all of a sudden, I heard a noise. It sounded like a mental voice, very quiet though, and no one I could remember to ever have heard before. Jacob's mind was revolving around his patrols while Rose upstairs was internally cursing me. This strange voice was different, not using words like we did and somehow unclear, like a radio not receiving a station quite right.

“Did you say something?” I asked Bella. Although what I had heard didn't sound like Bella's voice, her thoughts were the only ones I had never heard before so she was my best guess.

Her eyes were fixed on mine, confusion was written all over her face.

“Me?” she asked. “I didn't say anything.”

The new voice was becoming gradually clearer and even though I couldn't believe what was happening, I was caught by a sudden feeling of excitement. I raised myself on my knees and bent towards Bella, concentrating on the little voice that was sounding in my head without really thinking any words.

“What are you thinking about right now?” I asked Bella, wondering if I was suddenly able to hear her thoughts.

She looked at me, not quite understanding my new intensity.

“Nothing. What's going on?”

“What were you thinking about a minute ago?”

“Just … Esme's island. And feathers.” Bella blushed adorably and for a split second I saw pictures of our wonderful honeymoon before my eyes but they disappeared as the little voice got louder again. Somehow it was less a sound than it was a feeling that became apparent when Bella spoke.

“Say something else,” I whispered, not daring to speak louder for fear the voice would disappear.

“Like what? Edward, what's going on?”

As she spoke the little voice suddenly came up with words. _So beautiful._

In shock and excitement I leaned closer, very carefully putting both of my hands on Bella's stomach to make some connection with the place I was now very sure the sound in my head was coming from. Everything around me faded away at once as I was focusing on Bella and the person living in her belly.

“The f – ,“ I swallowed. All of a sudden _fetus_ didn't seem to be the right word for the sentient little being that was right here with us. “It … the baby likes the sound of your voice.”

Totally baffled no one was able to say a word before Bella shrieked, “ _Holy crow, you can hear him!”_

As soon as she was finished she winced when the baby kicked her in a sudden shock at her high pitched scream. Understanding what had happened, I put one of my hands on the spot where the kick had hurt Bella in an attempt to calm the baby down.

“Shh,” I whispered, careful not to frighten it again. “You startled it … him.”

Her eyes flew wide open in amazement as her hand started to caress the side of her stomach.

“Sorry, baby.”

I moved my head even closer to the little being, trying to hear it better.

“What is he thinking now?” Bella asked eagerly.

“It … he or she, is … “ I couldn't believe it. What I heard was beyond words. It was a feeling of contentment and bliss that filled my mind. I turned to look into Bella's eyes as my feelings seemed to be on a roller coaster ride, jumping from happiness to shock to relief to fear but the overall sentiment was joy. “He's _happy_ ,” I told Bella almost unable to believe it.

Her breath hitched for a second as her eyes started to sparkle with wonder. Without being able to read her mind I for once knew exactly what she was thinking or rather feeling because, for the first time in what seemed like an eternity I shared her feelings. Her gaze was full of love and devotion as tears began to run down her cheeks and her smiling lips.

“Of course you're happy, pretty baby, of course you are,” she whispered to the child as she was stroking her middle lovingly. “How could you not be, all safe and warm and loved? I love you so much, little EJ, of course you're happy.”

“What did you call him?” I asked surprised.

Bella blushed and all of a sudden she looked as beautiful as she was the day we got married. “I sort of named him. I didn't think you would want … well, you know.”

She was right. I had been an awful husband over the last weeks. In a way I had left her alone in all of this. Suddenly I realized that I was not only her husband but I was the baby's father. The word had made me shudder with disgust since I'd known about Bella's pregnancy but, right now, it sounded like one of the most beautiful words I had ever heard. I was a father and, although I was still very aware of the danger Bella was in, I knew beyond any doubt that I would do anything I'd have to to protect my child as I had always tried to protect its mother.

“EJ?” I asked intrigued.

“Your father's name was Edward, too.”

“Yes, it was. What – ?” I paused because the little voice was in my head again, submitting a feeling of pleasance. “Hmm.” I hummed, amused.

“What?”

“He likes my voice, too.” A new feeling of contentment washed over me. My baby liked my voice. The knowledge made my dead heart swell.

“Of course he does.” Bella sounded as if the fact was self-evident. “You have the most beautiful voice in the universe. Who wouldn't love it?”

“Do you have a backup plan?” Rosalie asked and for the first time I realized that we were not the only people in the room. “What if he's a she?”

Bella wiped away her tears before she answered. “I kicked a few things around. Playing with Renée and Esme. I was thinking … Ruh- _nez_ -may.”

“Ruhmezmay?”

“R-e-n-e-s-m-e-e. Too weird?” she asked self-consciously.

“No, I like it.” Rosalie told her as she moved in closer to Bella. “It's beautiful. And one of a kind, so _that_ fits.”

“I still think he's an Edward,” Bella insisted.

The little voice spoke to me again, warming my heard and making me hold my breath in disbelief.

“What?” Bella needed to know. “What's he thinking now?”

I couldn't answer immediately, being too stunned by the feelings the little one was sending to me. It was like jolts of heat and bliss were ripping through me and I gasped a few times before I was finally able to answer.

“He loves you,” I whispered, overwhelmed by the intensity of the emotions coming from Bella's stomach. “He absolutely _adores_ you.”

Jacob had been a silent bystander for the last minutes. In my state of emotional uproar I had totally tuned out his thoughts that became louder every second now.

He was not only aghast by what he was witnessing, he was hurting physically. The fact that suddenly I was in on Bella's seemingly irrational love for the baby made him feel alone in his pain, a pain that was almost unbearable and right now I was feeling every ounce of it. It was the worst ache I'd ever felt apart from the pain of transformation. Once again he felt betrayed and abandoned by me, counting on me to hurt worse than he did.

“Ahh,” I choked with the pain that was radiating from his body.

Jacob was feeling like the skin was being cut from his body by thousands of sharp razors. His body was trembling, yearning for the only way out of his torture he could think of. But he knew that phasing would only dull the pain a little bit. He was desperate to get away from here, leave the woman he had hopelessly loved for so long and who now seemed to be dying for a creature he hated so much that it burned his soul behind him.

I could think of only one way to help him out. Without thinking about it for a split second I rushed over to the small table that held our car keys. Opening it, my eyes instantaneously spotted what I was looking for. I grabbed the key to my Aston Martin and threw them over to him.

“Go, Jacob. Get away from here.” I said it like an absolution, trying to convey my deepest gratitude as well as sympathy.

He opened his hand to see what it was that I had given him and after a last look at Bella he escaped out the door. About a minute later I heard the engine of my Vanquish howl before it sped up towards the highway at maximum speed.


	18. Bonus chapter - Family

**Family – BPOV**

 

It was quiet in the room after Rosalie had left to refill my cup. I had been drinking blood for a few days now but I still felt slightly embarrassed about my craving for the liquid, every other human being would feel disgusted just thinking about drinking.

Since I had made my decision to join Edward in his eternal existence, I had accepted the fact that blood would be a constant part of my life, from my change on. So the idea of drinking it now, while I was still human, wasn't as revolting as it would normally have been.

What I couldn't believe, was how good it tasted. It felt like a wave of satisfaction was flowing through my whole body when the dark red liquid made it's way from my mouth to my stomach. The only experience that had ever felt remotely as good was being with Edward, having him make love to me, our naked bodies pressed together tightly.

My thoughts wandered off to Isle Esme the morning I had woken covered in feathers with the deepest bliss I'd ever felt. The night before, Edward had made me his in every possible way. What we didn't know then, was that we had created little EJ that night.

Over the last weeks, I had craved Edward's touch even more than I was craving the blood right now. I missed feeling him close to me, his arms around me and most of all I missed him inside me, the two of us being one. But he'd been dead set on killing our baby to save me, and I couldn't risk him hurting our child. The disagreement had caused an almost insurmountable rift to expand between us, although I wished every day that we would find a way back to each other soon.

I could see Edward loathing himself and beating himself up about what he thought he had done to me, no matter how hard he tried to hide it. He wasn't able to see that he had given me the greatest gift of all, our child growing inside me. He was sure he'd lose me in the process, and there was nothing he feared more than eternity without me. I knew all that, and I felt constantly sorry for the way he suffered, but he wasn't able to see that I'd fight for our baby till the end. And I knew I'd make it. I was strong enough.

My thoughts returned to our honeymoon, replaying the wonderful time we'd spent in Brazil. My eyes were unfocused when I felt the warm sun on my skin that had woken me the morning after the first night we'd made love. I could feel the soft layer of feathers covering ...

“Did you say something?” Edward's voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

At first, I was sure he was talking to someone else. I had been kind of absent, so I didn't know if someone had said something. Then I noticed that he was, in fact, talking to me.

“Me?” I looked at him in bewilderment. “I didn't say anything.”

He raised himself onto his knees, bend over me and his thirsty black eyes bore into mine with immense concentration.

“What are you thinking about right now?”

He had asked me that question about a million times since we first got to know each other but never with the intensity he was showing right now. His tone and stance were kind of alarming.

“Nothing.” I answered his question. “What's going on?”

“What were you thinking about a minute ago?” he insisted without giving any explanations.

I felt my cheeks turn red with an embarrassed blush when I admitted what had been on my mind. “Just … Esme's island. And feathers.”

“Say something else,” Edward murmured, not commenting on my confession.

“Like what? Edward, what's going on?”

Then he did something he'd never done before. He put both his hands lightly on my belly, careful but it was still feeling like a caress. I didn't know what to make of his actions when he finally began to speak.

“The f – “ He interrupted himself, swallowing like he was somehow steeling himself for what he was about to say. “It … the baby likes the sound of your voice.”

Everyone in the room was quiet so it seemed even louder than it actually was when I shrieked, “ _Holy crow, you can hear him?_ ”

That moment I felt a strong kick in my stomach that made me take in a sharp breath. Again Edward reacted in a way that was completely new. He carefully moved his hand to the spot where the baby had kicked me and started to stroke it tenderly.

“Shh,” he whispered. “You startled it … him.”

My eyes popped wide open, amazed as well at the sudden way of understanding the baby and his needs as by Edward's new, almost loving tone when it came to talking about our child.

I fondled the side of my belly as if I was caressing little EJ himself, whispering, “Sorry, baby.”

Again, Edward's face showed intense concentration along with curiosity when he leaned his head towards my stomach, listening hard once again.

“What is he thinking now?” I couldn't hold back my excitement. I was totally captivated by the sudden possibility to connect with the baby.

“It … he or she, is … “ he stopped and his eyes locked with mine. They were filled with emotion the way I had only seen them on the day of our wedding. He seemed to be radiating adoration as well as something similar to jealousy. “He's _happy_ ,” he said in a wondering voice.

I almost choked at Edward's statement. In this moment, I knew more than ever before that I'd done everything right from the beginning. I had protected our child, and I had loved him from the start. Knowing him to be happy was the greatest reward I could imagine for my inconveniences.

My lips formed a bright smile while, in my eyes, happy tears brimmed over, running down my face, but I almost didn't notice. Through the blur I saw Edward looking at me with an expression I hadn't ever seen before. He had lost the look of pain that had been in his eyes since the day we found out about the pregnancy. The hurt he'd tried to hide from me but didn't quite manage had been replaced by joy and admiration. For the first time in weeks, we were on the same page, partners again.

“Of course you're happy, pretty baby, or course you are.” I said to our child, touching my stomach lovingly as the tears didn't seem to subside. “How could you not be, all safe and warm and loved? I love you so much, little EJ, or course you're happy.”

“What did you call him?” Edward asked me with this new excitement he just found minutes ago.

I felt the blood rush to my cheeks, realizing I had slipped and said the name I had given the baby in secret. “I sort of named him. I didn't thing you would want … well, you know.” Until now Edward hadn't shown the slightest interest in the future of our child. He had been too concerned with his fear of losing me. So I had taken it upon myself to choose a name.

“EJ?” he asked confused.

“Your father's name was Edward, too.”

“Yes, it was. What – ?” He paused, listening again. “Hmm.”

“What?”

“He likes my voice, too.”

“Of course he does. You have the most beautiful voice in the universe. Who wouldn't love it?”

“Do you have a backup plan?” For the first time Rose took part in the conversation. Until now, she had kept her distance, granting us this moment to ourselves. Her eyes were as happy and excited as Edward's. “What if he's a she?”

I tried to wipe the annoying tears away before I answered. I was a little insecure about the name I had chosen for the baby if she was a girl. “I kicked a few things around. Playing with Renée and Esme. I was thinking … Ruh- _nez_ -may.”

“Ruhnezmay?” I looked into three sets of confused eyes.

“R-e-n-e-s-m-e-e. Too weird?” At once, I was really insecure, although I had been thinking about this for at least a week now.

“No, I like it.” Rosalie was the first to be on my side again, like she had been over the last fourteen days, and I was very grateful for her constant support. “It's beautiful. And one of a kind, so _that_ fits.”

“I still think he's an Edward.” The image of the little green-eyed boy I had been dreaming about on Isle Esme was still so present with me that I was sure that he was the baby I was carrying.

Again Edward was listening intently, his eyes blank with concentration.

“What?” I needed to know everything there was to know about our child now that Edward could hear him. “What's he thinking now?”

Instead of answering, he gasped three times, astonishment written all over his face. I was sure that, if he had been able to cry, tears would be running down his cheeks right now. Very tenderly he leaned his head towards my stomach and gently placed his ear against it.

“He loves you,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. “He absolutely adores you.”

In that very moment I knew that, no matter what happened over the last days and despite all the discussions we'd had since our return from Brazil, we were on the same side again. Each of us would do whatever it would take to protect our baby. Finally, after those hard two weeks we had become a family.


	19. Chapter 17 - Permissions

**Chapter 17 – Permissions**

 

I walked back over to the couch Bella was lying on and sat down on the floor next to her stomach again. She still looked a little confused about what had happened between Jacob and me, but she didn't ask and I didn't explain. I'm sure, she knew her best friend well enough to see the unbearable pain that had been written all over his face before he made his much needed escape.

She just sighed extensively, before she resumed fondling her belly, smiling the most blissful smile. My lips formed a smile as well, when I heard that sweet, little voice again, submitting a wave of contentment at his mother's touch.

“What is it? You're hearing something again, aren't you? Tell me,” Bella asked, amazed.

“He feels your touch, and he likes it,” I told her, my whole body craving her touch as well. For weeks I hadn't felt her skin on mine more than during occasional, coincidental contacts. I longed for Bella to be in my arms, for her hands to touch my face, and for her lips on mine.

She reached out and took my hand, carefully placing it on her belly. Her eyes stayed locked with mine.

“He should feel his Daddy, too,” Bella's voice broke with the depth of her emotions as her eyes filled with tears. Her lips were showing a genuine smile.

I placed my other hand on the opposite side of her stomach, cautiously stroking over her shirt, when my heart made an attempt to beat again as I was feeling our baby's happiness.

“Bella, love, I'm so sorry for the way I acted over the last weeks. I didn't believe you when you insisted that our baby was worth all you had to go through and everything that still lies ahead.” My head sank until my forehead rested on her shoulder. “I was too afraid to lose you. I can't live without you. But now I know that you were right all along.” I lifted my head to look into her eyes again. “He's incredible and we have to fight for him. Bella, I love you so much. Can you forgive me for being an idiot? Please, I want to be here for you now and go through everything with you. Will you let me?”

Tears were streaming down her face as her hand moved up to cup my cheek. Instinctively, I leaned into her touch.

“Edward, of course I forgive you. I know that you did all of it because you love me, and to end the pregnancy was the only way you knew to keep me safe. But now you know what I knew all along. You have no idea how much I've missed you.”

She raised her other hand to my face and pulled my head down to hers until our lips touched. Very carefully, I moved my lips over hers, caressing her soft bottom lip.

It felt like an enormous weight had been lifted off my shoulders, now that we could be close to each other again. Although my senses were filled with Bella, her scent, her skin on mine, her lips, I still noticed that our baby was really happy and it made me smile against Bella's mouth.

“What now?” she asked, breaking our kiss to look into my eyes.

“He likes it, Mommy and Daddy being together like this.”

Spurred on by my statement Bella crushed her lips to mine again, instantly opening her mouth, and her tongue began to cautiously trace my lips. I hesitated for a moment, before I granted her access to my mouth. It was like heaven to feel her close like that again. I was reveling in the feelings her warm tongue incited in me, savoring and committing it to memory, knowing that it was only a matter of days until she would be changed.

I pulled away from her carefully, not really willing to break our kiss, but I didn't want to risk it becoming too heated. I smiled blissfully as I looked into Bella's eyes again. I was happy, filled with the baby's feeling of contentment and the relief I was feeling.

We were so lost in our moment that I hadn't noticed Leah approaching the house until she barged into the room, human, wearing cut-off jeans and a tank top.

“Bella, I need to talk to you. What did you do to Jacob? Why did he leave like that? Don't you know you're hurting him whenever you ask him to come here?” she screamed at Bella who hadn't even noticed here coming in.

“Leah, calm down. Everything is okay,” I said, trying to make her stop yelling.

“I won't, not before you tell me what happened. He was looking terrible.”

“He was hurting. He was feeling betrayed and alone, and he needed to get away.” Her thoughts were racing a mile a minute with her anger at us.

“Of course he did. I told him from the start not to trust you. Is it not enough that you didn't want him, that you messed with his feelings for so long before you finally told him that you don't love him? Now you make him watch this whole drama here, telling him to come to you all the time, acting like, I don't know, like you love him after all, only to make him lose you again in the end? That's heartless and cruel. Do you have any idea how much he loves you and how hard this is for him, standing by and watching you die? Don't you have a heart at all?”

If looks could kill, Leah would have murdered Bella by now. In the middle of Leah's tirade, Bella wasn't able to stand the glare anymore. Her eyes fell and she started to cry uncontrollably.

“I didn't want that. I don't want him to hurt,” she whispered in between sobs.

“You should have thought of that before you made him a part of this farce. Now it's too late.”

I got up and slowly walked toward Leah, glowering at her. “You better leave, Leah, _now_ , before I throw you out. This is not necessary. She knows he's hurting, and she feels bad enough about it. There's no need to make her feel any worse. Get out of here or I'll make you regret you ever came.” I was speaking too quietly for Bella to hear. I didn't want to upset her any more.

Leah started to say something but then thought again and instead turned around and ran out of the house.

“Bella, it's okay. Don't feel bad.” I tried to comfort her by cradling her face in my hands and moving my thumbs under her eyes to wipe away the tears that were still streaming down her face.

“It's not okay. I'm hurting him and I'm hurting you, and I don't even know why I'm doing it. I just _need_ him. I don't know why. I'm so sorry.” Her voice was low and raspy.

“Bella, he knows you're not intentionally hurting him and he wants to be with you, as well. He wouldn't come here if he didn't want to. He doesn't blame you for anything. Now, stop crying. You're making little EJ feel bad, too.”

At that, she smiled through her tears, stroking her belly again. “Sorry, baby. Mommy doesn't want to make you feel bad. Mommy loves you so much.”

My jaw dropped when I heard an answer to Bella's words. For a moment, my mind was blank as I tried to process the fact that the baby seemed to have understood.

“What is it, Edward? What happened?” Bella asked worriedly.

“I can't believe it. The baby answered you. Right after you said you love him, he thought that he loves you, too. That can't be right. He's way too young to understand things like that.” I was absolutely incredulous but I knew what I had heard, or rather felt.

“He's really special, our little EJ,” Bella grinned with conviction.

 

****STE****

 

Alice, Jasper and Emmett came back early in the afternoon, telling us that Carlisle and Esme would stay out until tomorrow, trying to get more blood. Carlisle hadn't been able to get as much as he wanted from the local blood bank, so he needed to try a few of his connections that were a little farther away.

They were very excited when they heard the news about my ability to hear the baby's thoughts. Each of them felt relieved, understanding that we now had a way of knowing what was going on.

After a complete retelling of what happened this morning, the three of them retreated upstairs, giving Bella and me a bit of privacy, again.

“Ouch,” Bella hissed quietly. For about the tenth time in the last two hours the baby had moved, and each time it caused her pain. The last five times she'd been hurt, the little one had actually felt kind of guilty about it.

“He's sorry,” I said as I carefully rubbed the spot where the kick had occurred.

The movements in Bella's stomach seemed to be less random as the baby learned that he was hurting her. He even tried to avoid moving at all, although that was impossible. The more I listened to his thoughts that were constantly getting louder and clearer, even kind of verbal by now, the more I came to the conclusion that he was far more developed than Carlisle had hoped. That was a good thing. The not so good part was that, although the baby knew he was causing his mother pain and tried to avoid that, he wasn't really capable of that. The bigger and the stronger he became, the more dangerous each of his movements were.

“Bella, Rose, we need to discuss something,” I said when Bella had relaxed from the last kick.

Bella looked at me curiously as Rose rushed down the stairs to join us. “What is it, Edward? Is everything okay with the baby?” Rose asked.

I had to keep myself from rolling my eyes when I, once again, realized that she was only interested in the baby.

“Everything is alright, even more than alright. That's why we have to make a decision.”

Rose sat down on the armrest of the couch, close to Bella's head while I was in my usual spot on the floor. “Shoot.”

“Well, I've been listening to the baby's thoughts for a while now and he's gradually becoming more coherent. His mental capacities seem to be far more developed than usual with a mature baby. That and the fact that he can't even make the slightest movement without hurting you, Bella, makes me think that it would be best to deliver him as soon as possible.” I let my statement hang in the air, waiting for one of them to answer me.

“But isn't it too early for him to be born?” Bella asked, her brows furrowed with concern.

“I don't think so. Carlisle has only been guessing so far that maybe in four days the baby will be developed enough to live outside of your womb. Now that I can hear him, I'm more than sure that he's ready. You know, when the mother is in danger, doctor's often have to make the decision to deliver a baby prematurely. I think, it's time to get him out. He's ready to be born. The longer we wait, the more time there is for him to unintentionally cause a mortal injury.” I was looking into Bella's eyes, seeing fear but also relief there.

“When?” was the only thing she asked. She didn't question my assessment of the situation or my motifs. She trusted me and I was glad about that.

“I was thinking, as soon as Carlisle will be back.”

Bella looked away from me, locking eyes with Rosalie.

“I can't believe I'm saying this, after everything that's happened over the last weeks, but I think he's right. We should talk to Carlisle and if he's okay with it, we should deliver the baby tomorrow.”

I could see a hint of fear in Bella's eyes when she looked at me again. And with all the conviction that I felt, I tried to assure her. “This will work. You will both be okay. We'll do it the way we planned it. We'll deliver him and after that your transformation will start. Are you afraid?”

“A little bit. But only for him. I've been thinking about this whole change for so long that it doesn't scare me anymore.”

Although I was sure that she wasn't completely honest, I was glad that she didn't seem to question the decision she had made a long time ago.

Now we had to wait and hope that nothing bad would happen before we would bring this pregnancy to a safe ending.

 

****STE****

 

When I heard my Vanquish approaching on the highway, I looked over at Bella, making sure that she was still sleeping soundly. After making me tell her what the baby was thinking over and over for hours, she had fallen asleep, completely exhausted.

I called for Rose to sit with Bella and made my way to the garage to meet Jacob there, because I had to talk to him in private before he would come in and Bella would witness our conversation.

 _Too bad – with all my brooding I forgot to wreck the car. Oh well. I probably wouldn't be able to stand hurting_ this _car, anyway. Maybe he guessed as much, and that's why he lend it to me in the first place._

“A few things, Jacob,” I addressed him the moment the engine died.

He was reluctant to leave the car, unwilling to have another discussion with me. After a few deep breaths he exited, throwing the keys at me.

“Thanks for the loan,” he grumbled. _Apparently, it has to be repaid._ “What do you want _now_?”

“Firstly … I know how averse you are to using your authority with your pack, but … “ I was interrupted by the lack of understanding in his thoughts.

“What?” He had no idea what I was getting at.

“If you can't or won't control Leah, then I—“

“Leah?” This time he interrupted me verbally, gritting his teeth while he was speaking. “What happened?”

I had to work hard to keep my calm, although I was still extremely upset with Leah's behavior toward Bella.

“She came up to see why you'd left so abruptly. I tried to explain. I suppose it might not have come out right.”

“What did she do?” Without knowing what happened, Jacob was very agitated.

“She phased to her human form and—“

“Really?” he cut me off again, incredulous of what I'd just told him.

“She wanted to … _speak_ to Bella.” It had been less speaking and more shouting but I was still working hard to stay composed.

“To _Bella_?”

Remembering her visit, fury overcame me, and my voice got hard. “I won't let Bella be upset like that again. I don't care how justified Leah thinks she is! I didn't hurt her – of course I wouldn't – but I'll throw her out of the house if it happens again. I'll launch her right across the river – “

“Hold _on._ What did she say?”

I realized that I still hadn't actually told him what happened. I inhaled deeply to calm myself again. “Leah was unnecessarily harsh. I'm not going to pretend that I understand why Bella is unable to let go of you, but I do know that she does not behave this way to hurt you. She suffers a great deal over the pain she's inflicting on you, and on me, by asking you to stay. What Leah said was uncalled for. Bella's been crying – “

“Wait – Leah was yelling at Bella about _me_?”

I nodded once. “You were quite vehemently championed.”

He was impressed. “I didn't ask her to do that.”

“I know.”

Jacob rolled his eyes. _Of course you know. You know everything. But that's really something about Leah. Who would have believed it? Leah walking into the bloodsuckers' place_ human _to complain about how_ I _was being treated._

“I can't promise you to control Leah. I won't do that. But I'll talk to her, okay? And I don't thing there'll be a repeat. Leah's not one to hold back, so she probably got it all off her chest today.”

“I would say so.”

“Anyway, I'll talk to Bella about it, too. She doesn't need to feel bad. This one's on me.”

“I already told her that.”

“Of course you did. Is she okay?”

“She's sleeping now. Rose is with her.”

_So the psycho is “Rose” now. He's completely crossed over to the dark side._

I didn't comment on his thoughts. Instead I decided to explain about Bella's condition. “She's … better in some ways. Aside from Leah's tirade and the resulting guilt.”

_Better. Because you're hearing the monster and everything's all lovey-dovey now. Fantastic._

“It's a bit more than that,” I said quietly. “Now that I can make out the child's thoughts, it's apparent that he or she has remarkably developed mental facilities. He can understand us, to an extend.”

His jaw dropped. “Are you _serious_?”

“Yes. He seems to have a vague sense of what hurts her now. He's trying to avoid that, as much as possible. He … _loves_ her. Already.”

Jacob's eyes were fixed on my face in disbelief. _So that's it. That's what changed you – the monster convinced you of his_ love _. You can't hate what loves Bella. That's probably why you can't hate me, either. There's a big difference, though. I'm not killing her._

Again, I ignored his thoughts and decided to rather tell him the facts. “The progress, I believe, is more than we'd judged. When Carlisle returns - “

“They're not back?” he interrupted me with an edge in his tone. His thoughts turned to Sam's pack he'd seen close to the road, worried about my family getting back safely.

“Alice and Jasper are. Carlisle sent all the blood he was able to acquire, but it wasn't as much as he was hoping for – Bella will use up this supply in another day the way her appetite has grown. Carlisle stayed to try another source. I don't think that's necessary now, but he wants to be covered for any eventuality.”

“Why isn't it necessary? If she needs more?” I could see the confusion in his face, and I knew it would turn into pain and fear as soon as I would explain.

“I'm going to persuade Carlisle to deliver the baby as soon as he is back.”

“ _What_?” he almost shrieked.

“The child seems to be attempting to avoid rough movements, bit it's difficult. He's become too big. It's madness to wait, when he's clearly developed beyond what Carlisle had guessed. Bella's too fragile to delay.”

I felt desperation and hurt wash over Jacob's body. It pained me to know how our situation was constantly hurting him, but there was no way around it, all the more now that there was a real chance of getting this all over with and Bella surviving it. I knew Jacob had been banking on the four days we had predicted it would take until the birth, but Bella was more important.

While he was trying to steady his breath, he studied my face, and he noticed a change there.

“You think she's going to make it,” he murmured. It was not a question but a statement.

“Yes. That was the other thing I wanted to talk to you about.” I was not convinced but very hopeful that Bella would survive the birth if we wouldn't wait too long, and it would go the way we had planned it.

When Jacob didn't say anything for a long minute, I continued. “Yes. Waiting, as we have been, for the child to be ready, that was insanely dangerous. At any moment it could have been too late. But if we're proactive about this, if we act quickly, I see no reason why it should not go well. Knowing the child's mind is unbelievably helpful. Thankfully, Bella and Rose agree with me. Now that I've convinced them it's safe for the child if we proceed, there's nothing to keep this from working.”

“When will Carlisle be back?” His voice was only a toneless whisper.

“By noon tomorrow.”

Jacob's knees gave out in shock, and he placed his hands on the car to keep himself up. Instinctively, I reached out to hold him, but decided against it, knowing he hated to touch one of us.

“I'm sorry,” I whispered, knowing that it didn't change anything, but I felt the need to say it, anyway. “I am truly sorry for the pain this causes you, Jacob. Though you hate me, I must admit that I don't feel the same about you. I think of you as … a brother in many ways. A comrade in arms, at the very least. I regret your suffering more than you realize. But Bella _is_ going to survive” - I said it loud and hard to convince myself as much as him - “and I know that's what really matters to you.”

His thoughts were too confused to let him be sure of what he wanted.

“So I hate to do this now, while you're already dealing with too much, but, clearly, there is little time. I have to ask you for something – to beg, if I must.”

Until now I thought I was doing this more or less for Bella, to give her the chance to maintain some kind of relationship with her best friend, even after she would be changed and become his natural enemy. But, as I said it out loud, I realized that I was doing this as much for myself as I was doing it for her. I didn't want Jacob or any of his brothers to be our enemies. And to ask him for this very big favor was the only way to keep our alliance intact.

“I don't have anything left,” he whispered in a broken, heart-shattering tone.

Again I lifted my hand, this time not to steady him but to give him some consolation but, again, I thought better of it and let it fall to my side.

“I know how much you have given. But this is something you _do_ have, and only you. I'm asking this of the true Alpha, Jacob. I'm asking this of Ephraim's heir.”

Right now, he was in no condition to answer me, so I just went on. “I want your permission to deviate from what we agreed to in our treaty with Ephraim. I want you to grant us an exception. I want your permission to save her life. You know I'll do it anyway, but I don't want to break faith with you if there is any way to avoid it. We never intended to go back on our word, and we don't do it lightly now. I want your understanding, Jacob, because you know exactly why we do this. I want the alliance between our families to survive when this is over.”

 _Sam, it's Sam you want._ His thoughts were like a scream for help, since he felt himself being in over his head.

“No. Sam's authority is assumed. It belongs to you. You'll never take it from him, but no one can rightfully agree to what I'm asking except for _you_.”

_It's not my decision._

“It is, Jacob, and you know it. Your word on this will condemn us or absolve us. Only you can give this to me.”

 _I can't think. I don't know._ His thoughts were spinning and he was overwhelmed with the responsibility he hadn't known about until now.

“We don't have much time.” I hated to rush him in his state of hurt and confusion but he needed to make a decision and soon. I looked over to the house, unsure how long Bella would be asleep.

_I don't know. Let me think. Just give me a minute here, okay?_

“Yes.”

Jacob started towards the house and I followed him. He was surprised by the fact that he didn't really mind turning his back to me. Although his thoughts were spinning around the favor I asked for, he was aware that he didn't fear me the way he was assumed to.

When we were halfway across the lawn, Seth emerged from the forest. I had been too focused on my conversation with Jacob to realize he was coming.

_Hey Jake._

“Hey, kid,” Jacob greeted him without enthusiasm.

The big wolf lowered his head and let Jacob pat his shoulder.

_Are you okay?_

“S'all cool,” he told him, although it was far from what he really felt. “I'll tell you about it later. Sorry to take off on you like that.”

_No problem, man._

“Hey, tell your sister to back off now, okay? Enough.”

Knowing what Jacob was referring to, Seth just nodded once.

“Get back to work. I'll spell you in a bit.” Jacob pushed against Seth's shoulder and, in response to that, Seth leaned against him, before he ran off into the woods again.

“He has one of the purest, sincerest, _kindest_ minds I've ever heard,” I whispered when Seth was out of earshot. “You're lucky to have his thoughts to share.”

“I know that,” he replied.

We continued our walk towards the house when we both lifted our heads at the sound of someone sucking on a straw. Realizing that Bella must have woken during my conversation with Jacob, I rushed up the stairs and into the house, unwilling to miss even one second of the time I had with her.

“Bella, love, I thought you were sleeping,” I said as I sat down on the floor next to her. “I'm sorry, I wouldn't have left.”

“Don't worry. I just got so thirsty – it woke me up. It's a good thing Carlisle is bringing more. This kid is going to need it when he gets out of me.” Her free hand was stroking her stomach lovingly. I smiled at her and joined her in her caress.

“True. That's a good point,” Rosalie agreed from across the room.

“I wonder if he'll want anything else.” She was speaking mostly to herself.

“I suppose we'll find out,” I answered her, anyway.

“Finally,” Alice sighed as soon as Jacob entered the house. Bella's gaze rushed to him and her face lit up the way it always did when she laid eyes on him. It didn't stay, though. Her smile turned into a frown as she seemed to think about Leah's words.

 _I want to punch Leah right in her stupid mouth._ Jacob thought when he saw that Bella was close to tears.

“Hey, Bells,” he started. “How ya doing?”

“I'm fine,” she answered in a small voice.

“Big day today, huh? Lots of new stuff.”

“You don't have to do that, Jacob,” she said with a pained expression on her face.

“Don't know what you're talking about.” He took a seat on the armrest of the couch right next to Bella's head.

“I'm _so s –_ “ she started to apologize; but Jacob held her mouth closed with his fingers to stop her.

“Jake,” she tried again, pulling on his hand to free her lips.

He just shook his head. “You can talk when you're not being stupid.”

“Fine, I won't say it,” she mumbled.

He removed his fingers and as soon as she could speak, she said, “Sorry!” and grinned smugly.

They stared into each others eyes for a moment and Jacob's thoughts began to wander.

_There's everything I've been looking for in the park. Tomorrow, she'll be someone else. But hopefully alive, and that's what counts, right? She'll look at me with the same eyes, sort of. Smile with the same lips, almost. She'll still know me better than anyone who doesn't have full access to the inside of my head._

_Leah might be an interesting companion, maybe even a true friend – someone who stands up for me. But she isn't my_ best friend _the way Bella is. Aside from the impossible love I feel for Bella, there is also that other bond, and it runs bone deep._

_Tomorrow, she'll be my enemy. Or she'll be my ally. And it seems, that distinction is up to me._

He sighed and his next thoughts were clearly directed at me.

_Fine! I'm giving up the very last thing I have to give. Go ahead. Save her. As Ephraim's heir, you have my permission, my word that this will not violate the treaty. The others will just have to blame me. You were right – they can't deny that it's my right to agree to this._

“Thank you,” I whispered wholeheartedly, too low for Bella to hear. I felt my sisters' eyes on me.

“So,” Bella started, apparently changing the subject. “How was your day?”

“Great. Went for a drive. Hung out in the park.”

I had already seen in his head that he had sped to Seattle in a futile attempt to imprint on someone.

“Sounds nice.”

“Sure, sure.”

Bella's expression changed suddenly, and she made a face that showed she was uncomfortable in a way. “Rose?”

Rosalie chuckled, knowing that Bella was about to ask her for another trip to the bathroom. “Again?”

“I think I've drunk two gallons in the last hour,” Bella tried to explain.

Jacob and I took a few steps away from the couch to let Rosalie pass.

“Can I walk?” Bella asked unexpectedly. “My legs are so stiff.”

“Are you sure?” I was worried about her walking on her own. Considering she was always clumsy, her walking to the bathroom in her current condition held more dangers than I could foresee.

“Rose'll catch me if I trip over my feet. Which could happen pretty easily, since I can't see them.”

Rosalie helped Bella stand up and kept her hands on her shoulders. Bella stretched her arms and winced.

“That feels good,” she sighed. “Ugh, but I'm huge.”

Her stomach was sticking out from her otherwise frighteningly thin body.

“One more day,” she murmured, caressing her belly again.

Jacob was overcome by pain once more, but he worked hard to keep it from showing on his face.

“All right, then. Whoops – oh, no!” As Bella stretched again, the cup she had set on the sofa, fell and the blood inside was spilling all over the pale fabric of the sofa.

We all watched as Bella bent over to catch the cup, while each of our hands was there before she could even reach it.

A quiet, muffled ripping sounded from the middle of her body and she gasped out in pain. “Oh!”

A fraction of a second later, her eyes closed and her body went completely limp, crashing toward the floor. Rosalie caught her before she hit the carpet, and I was with the two of them the same instant.

“Bella?” I choked out, hearing the fear in my voice. Then I was hit by a feeling of deadly terror. But it wasn't my fear I was experiencing, it was coming from the baby, and I shared his feeling of suffocation.

A moment later, Bella's scream filled the air. It was a panicked, agonized shriek that made my hairs stand on end. All of a sudden, the cry ended in a gurgle as her body started to twitch, caused by frantic movement in her stomach. Before we could react in any way, she started to spew a gush of blood.


	20. Chapter 18 - Fighting Death

**Chapter 18 – Fighting death**

 

The blood that had come like a fountain out of Bella's mouth had soaked her sweatshirt, leaving the front dark red. The scent of human blood was heavy in the air. Bella's face had gone blank with unconsciousness while her body didn't cease to twitch and spasm. Every convulsion was accompanied by the noises of bones breaking.

For the second time since discovering that Bella was pregnant, my body was rigid with shock. The thoughts of the people around me were a jumbled mess that I wasn't able to decipher in that situation. All I was seeing and hearing was Bella choking, while our baby was breaking her from the inside in a frantic fight for his life.

My paralysis lasted for a fraction of a second before I was finally able to move again.

“We have to get her upstairs. We need to deliver the baby. Now,” Rosalie shouted at me before she raced up the stairs with Bella in her arms and me and Jacob close on her heels.

We followed her into the study where she put Bella down on the examination table.

“Morphine!” I said in a harsh tone while Rose was busy keeping Bella from falling off the table in her spasms.

“Alice — get Carlisle on the phone!” Rosalie screamed.

While I was preparing the syringe to analgize Bella, Rose was pinning her down, ripping her clothes out of the way.

I was totally on edge, hearing my child's terror in my head while looking at Bella's unconscious form in front of my eyes. It was a good thing that my mind was spacious enough to work properly while all those other thoughts were running through it. I took Bella's arm and injected the morphine directly into the vein in its crook.

“What's _happening_ , Edward?” Jacob asked in a terrified voice.

“He's suffocating!” I answered curtly.

Having a degree in medicine just like me, Rosalie knew at once what had happened. “The placenta must have detached!”

All of a sudden, Bella seemed to come to. With her eyes blinking wildly, she looked at me panic-stricken.

“Get him OUT!” she demanded in a shrill scream. “He can't BREATHE! Do it NOW!”

I wanted nothing more than to comply but it was too soon. She would still feel the pain of being cut open.

“The morphine —,” I began to growl but her frantic voice cut me off.

“NO! NOW —!” She wasn't able to get another word out because another wave of blood spilled from her mouth.

I rushed to her head, lifting her upper body from the table to prevent her from choking. In my peripheral vision I noticed Alice rushing into the room, attaching something to Rosalie's ear. A second later, she retreated, walking backwards out of the door. _I'm so sorry. The smell … the sight … oh Bella, I'm so sorry, I can't._

I tuned her out again. If she couldn't handle the situation then it would be better to have her out of the way.

“Carlisle, the placenta has detached. We must deliver the baby now. What do we do?” Rosalie's word were spoken so fast that they were almost merged into one.

“Make a horizontal incision of about eight inches width on the level of her hipbones,” Carlisle instructed through the earpiece.

She grabbed a scalpel and touched the blade to Bella's abdomen, just above her pubic hair. She was about to press it down when I grabbed her hand to keep her from making a cut.

“Let the morphine spread!” I ordered her in a harsh tone.

“There's no time. He's dying!” she answered through clenched teeth.

I knew she was right but I didn't want to cause Bella such enormous pain. Without heeding my warning, Rosalie changed the angle of the scalpel a little, and the blade cut into Bella's skin. As soon as she had broken the surface, blood spurted from the little wound. Bella showed clear signs of pain but wasn't able to vocalize them as she was still choking on the blood she was vomiting.

My eyes were on Bella's deathly pale face, feeling the fear rise inside me, as I realized that Rosalie wasn't proceeding with the caesarean. I turned to look at my sister, who was frozen in place, her eyes locked with the blood-red scalpel in her hand, her gaze strangely unfocused.

I had to give it to her, the scent of the blood spilling from Bella's wound was much more potent than that from the conserves she had been drinking for the last days. And considering it was Bella's blood, it was delicious and tempting. Not nearly tempting enough for me to loose focus on my struggling wife and child, but Rosalie was fighting the urge to just drink Bella's blood. Her natural instincts made her take up an attacking stance, with her lips pulled back from her teeth and her eyes black with thirst. Her conscience was warring with her craving. Her thoughts started to lean towards giving into her nature, and I had to stop her.

“No, Rose!” I shouted, but I couldn't physically stop her as I was still lifting Bella's upper body to keep her from choking.

Jacob had noticed the change in Rose as well and reacted at once, throwing himself at her. He pushed her toward the door, and the two of them wrestled for a short time until Jacob knocked her into the door frame, breaking her earpiece in the process.

Alarmed by the noises, Alice appeared in the hall.

“Alice, get her out of here!” I ordered. “Take her to Jasper and _keep_ her there! Jacob, I need you!” Alice took a hold of Rosalie's throat and dragging her out of the room without Rose even putting up a fight. The last thoughts I heard before concentrating on Bella again, were those of relief that she couldn't hurt Bella or the baby anymore.

As I looked at Bella again, I noticed the first signs of oxygen deficiency. Her skin was turning blue, and she had lost consciousness once again. The fear inside me was strangling but thankfully my medical training started to kick in, enabling me take charge. We needed to provide her body with oxygen to keep her heart beating until I could get the baby out and get the venom into her system.

“CPR?” I commanded in Jacob's direction.

“Yes!” he answered, glad to be able to help.

“Get her breathing! I've got to get him out before — ” My words were cut off by a loud crack from inside Bella's body. A noise like that could only be produced by one of the big bones breaking. There was no reaction from Bella, and that moment I was grateful that she wasn't awake to feel the massive pain that had to go along with a fracture like that. Immediately after the noise, all movement in the lower part of her body ceased, only her bulge was still twitching with the frantically kicking baby.

“Her spine,” I commented, and my voice broke over the words. Again, I was frozen in shock.

“Get it _out_ of her!” Jacob growled, throwing the scalpel he had taken from Rosalie at me. “She won't feel anything now!”

As I noticed from the corner of my eyes that Jacob had started to ventilate Bella, I bent down, put the blade of the scalpel where Rose had already made the first cut, and holding my breath, I made an incision of about eight inches where her stomach met her loins.

Without wasting any time, I put the knife away and opened the wound, pulling the edges apart with my hands. I bent down further, and after taking a quick look at the stone-hard amniotic sac, I dove in, cutting the material with my razor-sharp teeth. I was so focused on saving my wife and child that I didn't even notice the sweet, mind-blowing taste of Bella's blood on my tongue. I had tasted it once before, but unlike then, I wasn't the least bit tempted to drink it. Right now, I was much too anxious for mundane desires like thirst.

My teeth on the vampire-skin-like material caused a screeching noise that made my hairs stand on end. As soon as the bubble was opened, a small hand, covered in red substance, grabbed my hand, holding onto it for dear life.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I noticed that Bella had started to breath again.

“You stay with _me_ now, Bella!” Jacob shouted at her. “Do you hear me? Stay! You're not leaving me. Keep your heart beating!”

I couldn't look up to see what was happening as I was working on freeing the baby from Bella's body. I stuck both my hands inside the opening and felt around until I was able to get a hold of the baby's head. Very carefully but quickly non the less, I freed first the head then the rest of the little body. Examining our child for a quick second, I saw that the small head was covered with quite long, dark hair, the eyes were the exact same color as Bella's and the little mouth was filled with a complete set of pearly white teeth. The baby's skin was pale but rosy and all ten fingers and toes were there — and she was a girl.

“Renesmee,” I whispered in awe at the realization that we had a daughter. So Bella had been wrong after all. She had been sure we were going to have a boy. It didn't matter. The baby seemed to be healthy, and Bella had survived the delivery.

“Let me …,” I heard Bella's hoarse murmur. “Give her to me.”

My eyes met hers, and I noticed that they were blood-shot and glassy. I didn't hesitate before I moved the few steps toward her, placing the baby in her weak arms. I knew that I should proceed with starting her transformation, but I knew as well that this was a moment that every mother deserved. She had fought for this little creature for the past weeks, against massive resistance, and she needed this moment to connect with the person she was already loving so much.

“Renes … mee. So … beautiful.” Her eyes that seemed unfocused before were now fixed on the little bundle in her arms. She was frighteningly weak, and I mustn't dare wait too long.

As I was allowing myself a moment to revel in the oh so natural picture in front of me, of my wife holding our baby, my marveling was interrupted by Bella's pained gasp.

Our daughter had put her little teeth to work, biting her mother. I quickly took the child away from Bella before she could cause any more harm.

“No, Renesmee,” I chided softly, knowing that she was able to understand what I was saying. Her thoughts were very clear and at least as developed as they would be in a two-year-old.

All of a sudden and without any warning, Bella's heart stopped. My breath caught in my chest as the fear of losing her after all washed over me like a tidal wave.

Jacob reacted at once, compressing her chest in a steady rhythm to keep her blood circulating. After fifteen compressions, he ventilated her, before going back to making her heart pump. I watched his actions in a strange fascination while I was rigid where I was standing, Renesmee still in my arms.

“What are you waiting for?” Jacob's voice broke my daze. I notices that his eyes were filled with tears.

“Take the baby,” I demanded. At once, I knew what I had to do, and I needed my hands free.

“Throw it out the window.” He didn't even look up, stoically continuing to pump Bella's heart for her.

“Give her to me,” Rose whispered from behind me.

I growled at her, in unison with Jacob, both of us remembering her reaction only minutes before.

“I've got it under control,” she insisted. “Give me the baby, Edward. I'll take care of her until Bella …” She couldn't even say the words, remembering her own transformation. As obnoxious as my sister might be, I knew she had fought for the life of Renesmee alongside Bella over the past weeks. She would never do anything that could hurt our daughter.

I handed the little girl over to Rosalie and turned around at once, focusing on what I had to do next. I grabbed the syringe that Carlisle and I had prepared for an emergency and ordered Jacob away from Bella's chest.

Now was not the time for pleasantries.

“What is that?” he asked, still keeping up the CPR as his eyes were fixed on the syringe.

I couldn't waste any more time, and since he didn't seem to be inclined to take his hands away, I knocked them out of the way. Not really paying attention to the force I was using, I heard one of his fingers break. Although I was sorry for hurting him, there was too much at stake to dwell on it. Without any hesitation, I stabbed the needle through her skin, right into her heart, and injected the content, answering Jacob's question about what it was.

“My venom.” Bella's heart reacted as if it had been electrocuted.

“Keep it moving,” I demanded. The venom had to circulate through her whole body to begin the healing process. I was glad that the concentration on doing everything in my power to save Bella, pushed all emotions to the back of my mind. That way, the fear of losing her couldn't hinder me.

When Jacob started the cardiac massage again, I could hear that the viscosity of Bella's blood had turned thicker. It took him more effort to keep the circulation going, but I knew he could manage it.

Without paying much attention to his ministrations, I started to further the spreading of venom. To achieve that, I had to bring the substance into her vessels in as many places as possible. I started at her neck, carefully cutting her delicate skin with my teeth.

It felt like a lifetime ago that I had dreamed of sinking my teeth into her throat. At the time it was a very sensual phantasy. Now that I was finally doing what I had been denying myself from the second I met Bella, it was so very different from the way I imagined it. Yes, there was the sweet taste of her blood on my tongue but there was no frenzy, no rush, no need to suck her dry. Instead of the kiss of death, intending to take her life, this was an attempt to give her a new life, a proof of my love for her.

When the venom had seeped into her jugular, I pulled my teeth out, swiping my tongue over the incision to close the wound again. Repeating the process over and over again, I brought the healing liquid into several places along her arms, her legs and her femoral artery.

My mind was blank, pushing back the fear to keep myself calm, when slowly, Jacob's thoughts made their way to my awareness.

_There's nothing here, just me, just him._

_Working over a corpse._

_That's what's left of the girl we both love. A broken, bled-out, mangled corpse. We can't put Bella together again._

Although his thoughts were completely hopeless, he didn't stop pumping her heart as I continued to bite and inject venom.

 _I know it's too late. I know she's dead. I know it because the pull is gone. I don't feel any reason to be here beside her._ She _isn't anymore. This body has no more draw to me. The senseless need to be near her has vanished._

 _Or maybe_ moved _is the better word. It feels like the pull is coming from the opposite direction now. From downstairs, out the door. I so long to get away from here and never, ever come back._

I didn't understand how he could not feel that Bella was still here. I knew she was still with me, she had to be. She couldn't leave me alone. This had to work. But I could sense Jacob's desperation, and if he didn't feel the need to be here, then he shouldn't be.

“Go, then,” I dismissed him in a harsh tone, roughly pushing his hands out of the way again, so I could take his place, keeping Bella's heart going. This time I heard at least two bones break, but I didn't care.

A bit of Jacob's despair got to me, and I knew that I was setting a faster rhythm than he had. Then again, the heart usually races during the transformation.

“She's not dead,” I growled. “She's going to be fine.”

I didn't pay attention to Jacob anymore. Eventually he left, leaving me alone with Bella in my frantic attempt to make the venom course through her body. It had to work out. As long as the blood was flowing through her veins, the healing could take place. If I had to, I'd pump her heart for the next three days until her transformation would be complete. If only she'd make it.

There were already slight changes taking place. Bella started to smell differently and very slowly the wound from the caesarean was beginning to close itself. To the human eye, these changes wouldn't even be recognizable. But still, the fact that her heart had stopped beating before I could bite her made the outcome uncertain.

I couldn't lose her. She had to survive. I needed her. Renesmee needed her. She couldn't just leave us like that.

“I love you so much, Bella. Come on. You have to help me out here.” I began to talk to her, plead with her. I wasn't sure how much she could hear or understand. But it didn't matter. I needed to say all this much more than I needed her to hear it.

“Our baby needs you. I need you. Don't leave me. Please, don't leave me.” I went on talking just to keep myself sane. Every thought in the house was drowned out by my overwhelming fear of losing what meant the most to me. Far in the back of my mind I noticed something going on downstairs but nothing mattered right now besides keeping the woman I loved alive.

I didn't know how much time had passed when, suddenly, with a few stuttering thuds, Bella's heart started to beat again. The irregular pumping quickly turned into a steady, racing rhythm. I had heard the sound before but never had it been like music in my ears, bringing back hope and assurance.

Exhausted and overwhelmed, I crashed down on a chair next to the examination table. Bella wouldn't leave me. Renesmee wouldn't lose her mother.

Now all it would take was time, a lot of pain on Bella's and a lot of strength on my part to see her through her transformation.

I listened to her frantically hammering heart, the most wonderful sound I had ever heard, that was making Bella change forever, to enable her to stay with me eternally.


End file.
